Homespun Bride (21 page)

Suddenly Matilda was at her side. Noelle startled. She had been too upset to hear her cousin's approach. Everything was wrong, everything was amiss, since Thad had asked her to marry him.

Since she'd had to say no to him.

It was for the best. She tied her hood snug beneath her chin and opened the door with determination. She'd done the only thing she could do, and it was the right thing.

But her life without him was dark. It was like being blind all over again.

Outside on the doorstep, the wind gusted with a spray of wet. Raindrops fell like striking lead, ricocheting off the earth, making it hard to hear the horse's progress up the road. Bleakness washed over her like the heart of the storm. She gripped the porch rail, letting the rain strike her. Would Thad be working in this gale anyway? Would he be working on that house of his? Or in the fields turning sod with his brothers?

Wherever he was, she hoped he was happy. She would gladly give all of her happiness through her lifetime to him.

Matilda joined her at the rail. “If you married Thad, I could help you. It's not far at all to his new place at the falls, and I can drive now.”

“Oh, Tilly. You're like a sister to me. I don't want that life for you, always having to help.”

Noelle hung her head, letting the rain batter her. Why wasn't Matilda's offer reassuring her? Why did it only make her feel more panicked?

Because your blindness isn't the only reason you can't marry Thad. She swiped the wet from her face with trembling fingers. She no longer felt safe, no longer sheltered. The storm turned angry, beating against her so hard, it was a surprise it didn't blow away her fears like last autumn's leaves.

“It looks as if it won't last long. It's starting to break up to the west.” Matilda moved away from the rail. “Oh, there's someone at the stables.”

“Mr. Sims, I hope, coming to bring Cora to visit.” The ache in her soul beat at her like the storm.

“I don't think it's the Sims. There's no buggy. Just one horse and his rider.”

Thad. With him came the sweetness of hope. She fought against it, but there was her great love for him and the slide of her heart forever falling. She steeled her spine and reminded herself she could not let herself love this man any more than she already did. She would not.

And then he said her name.

“N
oelle.”

When she held out her hand to him, wet from the rain, feelings came to life within his poor heart unlike anything he'd felt before. True devotion as soft and warm as a prayer lit him up until he felt as hopeful as a spring dawn. He wanted her. Just her.

Only her.

“Th-thad. What are you doing here?”

“It's your worst fears come true, darlin'.” He wasn't hurting anymore. He was no longer alone. He was sure beyond all doubt. Rain slanted beneath the porch roof, striking him, and he moved to shadow her from it. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the cousin slip into the house and close the door to leave them alone. “I've come to change your mind.”

“About m-marrying you?” Her heart showed on her face, all of her pure longing and sweet love for him so revealed to him. His heart wrenched with hope. Then she turned away, and sorrow crumpled her face. “Thad, you have to leave. I can't go through this again. I hurts t-too m-much.”

“I can see that.” He laid her hand over his heart. “I can feel how much it hurts you.”

“Then why are you here? You have to go.”

“No.” He stood resolute. “Your pain is my pain. That's the way it is. I'm not going to walk away from you this time.”

Her chin shot up, and there, revealed on her lovely face was the truth. He could see it, he could see the hurt and want and other precious emotions on her face. But she could not see his.

So he lifted her hand to his chin, her fingertips to his cheek. “I want you to feel what's on my face, since you won't look in my heart.”

“Thad, just leave this be. Please.” Tears stood in her eyes, as if refusing to fall. “I told you. You can't turn back time. Not even God can do that. It's too late.”

“That's where you're wrong, darlin'.” He pressed a brief kiss to her fingertips. Tenderness took him over, and it made him stronger. Better. “It's never too late for God's greatest blessing. So, you can't turn down my proposal over it. It's because I left you once, and you're afraid I'll do it again. Isn't it?”

“Why didn't you come to me instead?” Rain trickled down her forehead. “You didn't love me enough, that's why. You cared for me, I know that, but I loved you more.”

“Not a chance, darlin'. Everything has changed these past five years except one thing. My enduring love for you. That's something that will not end.”

Another drop of rain trailed down her forehead. The tears standing in her eyes still did not fall.

His heart was breaking for both of them, but this had to be said. So he said it. “I didn't realize why I left without a word, even with your father's threats, until years later. But you've gotta understand. I was young and down deep, I was afraid your father was right.”

“Right that you didn't love me enough?”

“No, darlin'.” Tenderness, unmistakable tenderness, made those words intimate and sincere. “I was afraid that one day down the road, the shining way you looked at me would dim. Life is tough, and hardship might rub off that shine. You might get tired of long days of working this hard land just to try to prosper.”

“You think I cared about those things?”

“No. Fear isn't rational. You just don't know what's up ahead in your life, or which way the weather will blow. Down deep, I was afraid things might not work out. That we'd be scraping by just like my parents had, running short and losing hope. And that would be the day you would look at me as a failure.”

“You think I would have stopped loving you?”

“Maybe. I didn't know. What if I was the reason you wound up losing all of your dreams? What if that day came and the comfort of your parents' fancy home and privileged lifestyle would lure you away from me.” He stopped, his voice raw with emotion. “I can see how the thought of losing you that way hurt more than leaving you for good before you had more of my heart. I don't know if you can understand that, darlin'.”

“A little.” Tears fell in a slow hot roll down her cheek. “A lot.”

“But I promise you this. I've matured. I've been out in the world. I've earned my experience the hard way, and I know my worth.” Truth rang in his voice, was granite-solid on his face. “I'll stand by you no matter what. I'll never stop trying for you, never let you down and never stop loving you. If only you will give me this chance. This one precious chance to marry you. Please, don't say no.”

“I h-have to.” She choked on a sob. “You look at the past when you see me. You're trying to fix what hurt you so much. I understand that. But look at me now, Thad. I can't be a rancher's wife. I can't be what you need.”

“You
are
what I need. Why can't you see that?”

His honest words tempted her. How they tempted her. Another sob wrenched up from her soul. His face was warm against her fingers. She could feel the faint rasp of his day's growth of beard along his jaw and the set of his jawbone. He meant what he said. At least, he
thought
he did.

If only she could make him understand. She struggled for air and still she could not speak the truth—she had to say the whole and terrible truth. “Can't you see I'm afraid now? Love just isn't enough. Can't you see that?”

“Real love is always enough, darlin'.”

“I'm not the woman I was. I can't do most of the work around a ranch house by myself. I'm not wh-ole. I don't want the day to come when you look at me and see a burden. You'll realize all that I've cost you. You'll stop loving me.”

A muscle jumped along his cheek. He breathed in air with one long inhale. She trembled in the cold and the uncertainty.

At last he broke the silence. “Fine. Let's say you're right. You say yes to me. We get married. Down the road, I'm working with a new horse and I get kicked hard, just like your uncle did. Let's say I don't wake up right away, but when I do, I can't move my legs. Are you going to stop loving me?”

Tears burned as they spilled down her face. A sob ripped up from her chest. There was only one truth. One bright shining truth. “No. Never. I would only love you more.”

“Well now, that's how I feel about you, darlin'.” His hands cupped her face tenderly, sweetly. “You are my dream. Marry me. Please. Don't make me live in the dark without you.”

She felt the heart of the girl she used to be, the young woman who believed in love and fairy-tale wishes. Her future stood before her, the man who was rubbing away her tears with the pads of his thumbs and pressing chaste kisses where her tears had been.

She felt whole, she felt healed, she felt renewed. She covered Thad's hands with her own, her precious Thad. She could feel the smile changing her face and his love changing her life. “You want me to marry you pretty badly, it seems. Perhaps I
could
be persuaded.”

“Maybe you'd best tell me what it'll take to persuade you fully.”

“A kiss.”

“Darlin', now that's something I'd be happy to do.”

When his lips touched hers, it was perfection. Her soul sighed. Her hopes lifted. Every dream within her was renewed.

The front door burst open with a clatter. “Young man! I do not permit such behavior unless you are engaged! Now unless you're—” Henrietta stopped. “Oh, you are! Noelle, I can tell by that smile on your face. My prayers are answered. You two come in. We've got celebrating to do.”

The rain chose that moment to stop. Noelle didn't need to ask Thad if the storm had broken. Warm, soft sunlight spilled over her like grace.

August

N
oelle felt a tug at the hem of her skirt as she passed by the corral fence and laughed. She'd been laughing a lot lately; she couldn't help it. She was blissfully happy. “Stormy, are you trying to eat my ruffle again?”

“Yep,” Thad answered at her side, always by her side. “That pretty green dress you're wearing obviously looks as tasty as grass to her.”

Noelle laughed again, letting her fingertips ruffle the growing filly's mane. Solitude nickered gently, patiently watching over her baby. Both had been a wedding gift from Robert.

“Let go, sweet thing.” Thad's low baritone rumbled with happiness and humor, too. “That's right. We'll come see you later, after our ride.”

“Yes, we don't want to be late. Henrietta likes supper at six o'clock sharp.”

“We'd best get a move on if we want to ride the trail along the river.” His hand cupping her elbow was gentle, guiding her down the aisle to where Sunny and Sky, a mustang Thad had bought for her, stood saddled and patiently waiting.

Sunshine kissed her warmly, and the fragrant breezes ruffled the sweet grasses at her feet. It was a beautiful day.

A beautiful life.

Sky nickered and sidled over to nudge Noelle's free hand. Warm breath puffed across her face. Fine whiskers tickled her palm. The mare gently leaned against her, pure affection. Her own horse. Noelle feared she might burst from joy.

Thad's arms slipped around her waist, drawing her against his chest. His voice rumbled cozily. “You're looking mighty happy, Mrs. McKaslin. Care to tell me why?”

“Well, let's see.” She let her fingertips trail up the placket of his muslin shirt. “I have a mustang that I love. A ranch I love. A house I love.”

“What about me?” There was only pure tenderness in his tone. Only devotion in his words. “What about the husband who adores you?”

She laid her hand on his chest over the beat of his heart. Deep, abiding love welled up from her soul. “My husband?”

“What? You're forgetting about me already?” He was chuckling. His kiss grazed her forehead. “What about your husband?”

“There are no words to say how endlessly I love him.” She lifted her face to his. “No number big enough to measure all the ways I love him.”

“What a coincidence.” His kiss brushed the very tip of her nose. “For that's exactly the way I love you, Noelle. Without condition. Without end.”

She knew. Her heart ached with happiness. The past was healed and now there was only the beauty of their lives together. After a shockingly short engagement, according to Henrietta, they had married in May. Three perfect months of marriage had passed, with each day better than the last.

And now there was a new dream to come true. Thad's hand slipped to her tummy, which was still flat, but that would change soon enough.

His lips slanted over hers in a tender, loving kiss. Sweetness filled her heart. Joy left her dizzy. Hope lived in her soul. Yes, theirs was a love that would last forever.

“Henrietta's gonna be mad at me now.” He stole one more kiss. “We're definitely going to be late for supper.”

“Perhaps she'll forgive us once we announce our good news.” It was her turn to steal one last kiss. “She'll be too ecstatic to be really mad at us.”

“I know how that feels. I'm ecstatic, too.”

She laid her hand on his, and it was the future she saw. Those four upstairs bedrooms full, the house pleasantly loud with children's footsteps and laughter and play. Ida would be watching over them all, sweet and loving. The evenings would be best of all. She would spend them on the front porch beside her husband, hand in hand, heart to heart.

Yes, it was easy to see her dreams these days. Thad was right. Love
was
enough. And when dreams came true, it was called happiness.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

She grabbed hold of the saddle horn and suddenly she was airborne, lifted by Thad's strong arms. She slipped into the saddle and she smoothed her skirts, while Sky stood patiently. The wind ruffled her hair, and she pulled at the strings of her hat, which was hanging down her back. The Stetson slid up into place and its wide brim shaded her face from the sun's heat.

“Are you settled okay?” Thad asked, handing her the reins.

She nodded, and while he mounted up with a creak of the saddle, her heart brimmed with gratitude for this wonderful life full of blessings. She knew that God had brought her and Thad together again. The good Lord had blessed her with the privilege of being Thad's wife.

She would be forever thankful to Him.

“Ready, darlin'?”

“Ready.” She gathered the sun-warmed reins.

They started out together. Side by side they rode into the rays of the sun and through green pastures.