Honey Whiskey (A Bastards MC Novel) (32 page)

No. Not prepared at all, although
nothing could have gotten us ready for that. Young women and
teenaged girls, some as young as thirteen, being held in dog
kennels and used in the most horrific ways. If I closed my eyes, I
could still smell burning flesh, and see the fear in their eyes, as
well as the horrifying conditions. Tank told me that he still had
nightmares, too, and would spend hours replaying the scene in his
mind. Bear had just been a prospect, and he never talked about it.
It was as if he couldn’t tolerate what had happened, so he blocked
it. Could we have done more? Yes. I wished I could go back and redo
that day. But, we couldn’t, and I’d be damned if Scott Dyer took
one more thing from me.

I looked back at Jo, hoping she’d
understand what I was about to say. “I’m not ready to talk about it
yet. I may never be ready. I became someone else that night. We did
what we had to do. I push it away because I don't want to think
about it. I didn’t know evidence even existed, but the day I opened
that envelope, it all came flooding back.” I stopped, not sure what
else to say.

I'd been terrified, seeing the
proof all over my sunroom floor. Pictures that would not only put
me away for life, but would make anyone that mattered to me a
target. I'd found the packet the day after Ellie's attack, and with
those visuals fresh in my mind, the fact that someone had connected
me to Dyer and had also been watching and taking pictures of me and
Jo over the last few weeks was just too much. In that moment, I
thought someone was coming after me, and the only way to protect Jo
was to push her away. Wrong move. I'd panicked for nothing. We'd
never been able to link Ellie's attack to Providence.

Jo didn’t turn and jump out of the
car. Instead, her eyes glistened in understanding and she pulled my
hand back between both of hers and squeezed it. Tightly. "Ok."
Meeting my eyes, she gave me a small smile. “The names? Hawk, Bear,
Tiny, Tank. Rocker. Where did they come from?”

I took a deep breath. She was
changing the subject, turning to something light—for that I was
grateful. Leaning forward, I whispered, “Promise you won’t tell?”
She nodded. “They’re actually nicknames that just stuck. Dean, for
instance, is insane. He rides like a mad man and does total James
Dean shit. So, Dean. Ian’s the tamest guy in the room, unless you
fuck with him. Then, he’ll tear you to pieces. Like a grizzly bear.
Jeremy never misses his target, so I called him Hawk Eye. It became
Hawk over the years. Tiny’s Tiny, ‘cause, well, he is anything but.
Tank will plow through anything and seriously fuck shit up. Rob
always rocks the boat. Preach sees the good in others and prays for
our souls. Neo, if you see him fight, you’ll see has serious kick
ass reflexes. Watching him is like watching the matrix. And
me…”

“
Yeah, no.” A smile tugged on her
lips as she shook her head, interrupting. “I already know that
one.”

I smirked, trying to cover my laugh. “What’s
wrong? The fact that you’re engaged to God’s gift a little hard to
handle?”

Her smile faded instantly and the
grip lessened. I knew I’d said something wrong. “Why is Taylor
still wearing your engagement ring, Matty?”

Chapter 29

Jo

I immediately regretted opening my
mouth.

Matty had finally gotten his
signature smirk back and we were joking, and then I opened my big
fat mouth. Same problem I’d had all my life—open mouth, insert
foot. When we pulled into the park, I’d known he was going to
finally open up to me. God knows the talk was long overdue, and I’d
been mentally filing away questions I wanted to ask for the last
few weeks. Some had been in the back of my mind for
months.

When he’d started talking, all I
felt was relief. I’m not an idiot. I’d figured out the Bastards
were more than what I’d been told. There were signs, some blatantly
obvious like the ones hanging in the clubhouse saying that Bastards
didn’t forgive. And some were more subtle, like the fact that after
the boys went on their ride a few weeks ago, a woman that abused
her child just happened to walk up to a Sherriff and turn herself
in the day that they came home. Maybe I was playing connect the
dots with random events, but it all seemed to fit. Add in Rob
trying to get the best defense attorney in the state to take the
club on as a client, and it seemed like even the blind would see
the trail.

I wanted to
think that I’d overlooked all of it because I was so caught up in
my drama of Matty, but it was really so much more. The truth was
that Matty wasn’t the only Bastard I loved. Rob, even though he was
moody, gruff, and took his role as the president way too seriously,
had quickly become one of my favorite people, even with his
tendency to talk down to me. Ian was a great kid that I felt
connected to on various levels, and part of me wanted to hug him
and ruffle his hair the way a mom would. Tank made me laugh. Hawk
always greeted me with a hug and a sexually inappropriate
conversation that would make most people blush, but our banter
suited us. The men that made up this club were kind and loyal. And
good. The club’s thoughts about women annoyed me, but my feelings
about the members easily made me turn a blind eye to what I’d known
all along.

As Matty talked, I learned more
about each one of them, and my suspicions about the club became
fact. It’s one thing to think you know something. It’s a beast of
another color to actually know it. I didn’t want to have the image
of Matty hurting people, of him taking a life that wasn’t his to
take. I didn’t want to think about my friends being the judge,
jury, and executioner.

I’d spent the last decade of my
life doing casework. Matty was right. I’d seen the worst of the
worst. Kids that were destroyed because their parents were selfish
assholes. And yes, there were times I wished for a different sort
of justice for some parents. I had always believed in the system,
though. The one that teaches us that bad people do bad things and
that if you do something wrong, you go to jail.

Life is never black and white. Sometimes bad
things happen to good people. Child abuse is just one example of
that. So, to combat that, this group of burly men do what they can.
Sometimes good people do bad things for the right reason. If they'd
maimed or killed to help save or protect an innocent, I couldn't
blame them.

I felt the anguish rolling off
Matty as he talked. He wasn’t bragging about the things he’d done,
and he sure as hell wasn’t enjoying talking about it. It was
painful to watch, and I wanted to take all the hurt away from him.
When he was finally done, I asked him questions that I thought were
neutral.

When he’d started to talk about
the packet Will had given me, he’d bit his lip, run his hands
through his hair, and turned away from me. He’d whispered just one
word, and I don’t think he even knew he’d said anything.

“
Providence.” It
came out as a wistful breath. I’d heard the boys talk about it
before. Last summer Tiny had mentioned that Matty was angry,
'Providence angry.' Whatever happened in Rhode Island was horrible,
and I didn’t want Matty to think about it now. So, I tried to
change the subject again, asking about the road names. It worked,
and within seconds, my playful, fun loving man had returned.

Then, he’d made a comment about being engaged
and my mind worked in that annoying way it did. I immediately
thought about the woman wearing the giant diamond and throwing a
pretentious engagement party, and I asked about her without even
thinking. I wished I could take it back.

“
You’ve seen Taylor.”

It wasn’t a question but I nodded anyway. His
hand was still between mine and I held it tight. I wanted him to
tell me that it was all a misunderstanding, that they weren’t
really engaged, but deep down I knew that would be a lie. Right now
was the time for truths. “I did.”

He sighed a long, sad sound and looked around.
“That is a very long story. It’s getting late and we need to get
the kids back to Boston. Can we talk about this later?” My heart
had already been pounding, but now it felt like it was going to
jump out of my chest. I could only nod. He pulled his hand free and
cupped my cheek. “Hey. I promise it isn’t what you think. I love
you. You are the woman I want to marry.”

I nodded again and forced a smile. Turning and
putting both feet back on the floor, I buckled my seatbelt. We’d
just had the talk I’d been saying we needed to have for months and
he’d told me some of the darkest, scariest secrets I’d ever known.
He was a vigilante that had committed numerous crimes and could
potentially go to prison. Not jail, but prison, at any time. A ring
on another woman was hardly the biggest issue we were going to
have. So why did I feel like the worst was still to
come?

*****

The kids were ready to get on the road when we
got back to Becky's. They’d had a good supper and then played video
games with Uncle Dean, as even my kids were calling him now. They
all kissed Bex and climbed into the car, excited to be away on our
adventures.

Lily was the first to fall asleep.
After making us listen to the Frozen soundtrack on repeat numerous
times and helping Matty make fun of the fact that I couldn’t hit
the notes on “Let it Go,” she gave in and leaned on Dean’s
shoulder. We’d barely made it to Portsmouth before Sammy was
snoring away in the back seat while Ben tried to figure out how to
make him quiet down. Finally, he plugged in his headphones and
played his 3DS.

Matty’s hand barely left me. If we
weren’t holding hands, it was on my thigh, or his thumb was rubbing
circles on the side of my neck. A few times he’d grabbed my hand
and kissed it, before telling me he loved me. I knew he was
surprised that I was still sitting beside him after what he’d told
me, and was also trying to make up for the fact that Taylor was
still hanging over my head. So, I smiled, told him I loved him
back, and took every ounce of comfort he offered.

When we pulled into the garage,
Ben sat up, intrigued. Dean carried Lily, Matty lugged Sam, and Ben
and I grabbed the luggage as I tried to explain how close we were
to everything. “I’ll give you the tour of the house tomorrow,” I
promised as we stepped off the elevator. “And we’ll go explore the
city.”

Ben smiled as he stepped through
the walk-in closet into Sammy’s room. “Awesome! It’s like a secret
room with a hidden door and everything!” I nodded. I’d never
actually thought of it like that, but yeah, it was. “This week is
gonna be so much fun!” he insisted excitedly.

I rushed him out of the room
before he could wake up the others, showing him the bathroom across
the hall and pointing out that Matty and I were right next door.
That earned me two hands on his hips and an arched brow.

“
You’re sharing a
room?”

I groaned. It was too late at
night for this conversation, and I wanted to have it with him, his
sister, and Sam all at once. “We are. I wanted to tell you, Lily,
and Sam at the same time. Matty asked me to marry him, and I said
yes.”

Ben tipped his head back,
surveying me in a gesture that proved once again he was growing up
way too fast. He sighed. “Dad’s gonna have a shit fit.”

“
Benjamin Andrew Walker!” I
hissed, irritated at his words. “You watch your
language!”

Ben just shrugged, offering me a smirk. “What?
He is. And Nana is gonna freak”

I narrowed my eyes. “That is an
adult conversation. Your father can talk to me if he has a problem,
and you will stay out of it. The same goes for your grandmother. If
she has something to say, she can say it to me.”

“
Whatever.” He
shrugged again. “I love Uncle Matt. He makes you laugh.” Before I
could say another word, he walked into the bathroom and shut the
door. I waited for what seemed like forever for him to come back
out. Leaning against the wall on the other side of the hallway, I
smiled when Dean and Matty came out of the kid’s bedroom.

“
They’re both
still out cold,” Matty whispered as Dean nodded his goodnights and
headed for the stairs. “Do you wanna tuck Ben in and then go up to
the roof to finish our conversation?”

I shook my head. I didn’t want to
talk about Taylor on a normal day, and I sure as hell didn’t want
to even think about her as tired as I was. I’d learned more than
enough to make my head spin already “No, I’m exhausted. Can I take
a rain check? Tomorrow night maybe?”

Matt nodded, but I could see the
disappointment. I was too mentally wrecked to try to fix it
tonight. Blue eyes met mine and then he nodded again. “I’m gonna go
find Rob, ok?” Leaning in, he kissed my temple. “I’ll be down to
cuddle in a little bit.” I reached out and rubbed his arm as he
passed, not sure if I was trying to comfort him or
myself.

Ben came out a few minutes later,
teeth brushed, face washed, and all ready for bed. I followed him
back into his room, and just like I had almost every night for the
past ten years, I helped him say his prayers, told him I loved him,
tucked him in, and kissed him on the nose. I reached over to turn
out the light, making sure the nightlight was plugged in when he
called me back to his bunk.

Slim arms came out from under the
covers and snuck around my neck. “I love you, Mom. I missed you.”
Then he kissed my cheek and fell back onto his pillow.