Honor Thy Thug (27 page)

“He ain’t talking about nothing,” I heard Kyron say.

I made it to the car already knowing what needed to be done.

I was trying my damndest to block out my time with Kyron. But I couldn’t. I remembered every detail vividly up to him laying me across the bed. Afterward everything faded to black. After that, I recall lying in a hospital bed, looking up at Trae and a nurse who started explaining to me what was in a rape kit.

I felt guilt. Betrayal. More guilt. More guilt. More guilt. I remembered fucking Kyron and enjoying it. I could have stopped him, but I didn’t.

“Tasha.” Kyra was right up in my face. We were in the waiting area at the private jail called CCA, waiting to get called in to see Trae.

“What?”

“You’re doing it again,” Kyra said to me in a sing-songy voice.

“Doing what?” I snapped

“Blacking out. Spacing out.”

I looked around, embarrassed, wondering if anyone else was watching me the way Kyra was.

“What’s the matter with you? You want to talk about it?”

“No, I don’t want to talk about it. But since you want to talk about something, what was the matter with you? You were going around toting your Bible, banging on doors, standing in front of shopping centers, preaching hellfire to anyone who would listen.”

“Bitch, please. You’re taking shit all out of proportion.”

“Ask Marva. I kid you not. You don’t recall any of that? Look at you now. One minute you’re calling me a bitch, the next you’re preaching to me from the good book.”

Kyra thought about it for a minute and then said, “I do, but not to that extreme. Having been in a coma, I know my head is a
little fucked up. I probably do a lot of shit that I don’t understand why I’m doing it.”

“Isn’t that scary?” I asked her.

“Scary? Yeah, it’s scary. But I guess it is even scarier watching me do that shit.”

“Very. I started to commit you to an institution.”

“You what?” She looked at me with squinted eyes and a wrinkled brow.

“You heard me. I was getting ready to put your ass away.”

“That’s fucked up, Tasha. I wouldn’t do you like that.” She shook her head, looking at me with disappointment. I started to say something, but before I could, we heard keys and laughter.

“Macklin!” the guard yelled out. I still couldn’t believe that Trae was in custody. Thank God we had money. Benny was able to get him moved from the county jail to a private holding facility in Santa Barbara. The only thing I didn’t like was the two-hour drive there and the two-hour drive back. That was too much driving for me. Especially taking the kids. They were talking about a speedy trial, but Benny was fighting hard and was trying to make sure it didn’t get that far.

“Come on, trick,” I said to Kyra. She wanted to come with me so she could talk to Trae. Ever since she seemed to be back to her old self, she was saying that she needed to talk to him.

We went through the usual searching procedures and then were led into the visiting area, which was outside. The weather was simply beautiful. Trae was standing there waiting for us, wearing a pair of jeans and a white tee. This was definitely a country club. I promised myself I would be strong and not break down and act like a spoiled brat.

“Babeee,” I cooed as I pulled him in for my hug. I missed him so much.

“I miss you,” he whispered.

“I miss you more.”

“Everybody all right? The kids? Marva?”

“Waiting on you to walk through the front door. How about you?”

“Missing y’all.” He hugged me tighter.

“I feel so bad that you’re in here.”

“Hey, stop that. You promised me, remember? We’re in this together. You felt that you had to do what you had to do, so did I, and now we have to deal with it. Am I right?”

I nodded, but my heart wasn’t in it. I wanted my husband and king home where he could rule his castle. But that was looking like it wasn’t going to happen.

This wasn’t a jail. It was a country club. We were seated right behind the tennis court. The grounds were neatly manicured, they had the grills going, a playground for the children. Hell, I was ready to kick off my sandals and take me a nice stroll.

I had to laugh when Tasha told me how weird I was acting. I laughed on the outside, but on the inside, I was crying. It was embarrassing and frightening. What if it happened again? What if when I was having one of my episodes and something happened to me? It was scary, because I didn’t even remember being in front of the supermarket with my Bible or going from door to door preaching. And preaching what? What the fuck? I didn’t want to tell my doctor; hell, she might commit me her
damn self. I couldn’t take the meds that she prescribed because of the baby. It was the baby, Aisha, and Rick who made me smile on the inside.

My attention went back to Trae and Tasha standing there hugging. Talking about a couple determined to weather the storm? No, fuck that, those two would survive a tsunami. I was convinced.

But shit was crazy in all of our lives. I was worried about Tasha. Tasha was worried about me. We were worried about Jaz. Angel was worried about all of us. What happened to our picture-perfect relationships? When we got involved with our men, we thought they were leaving all of their baggage in the streets and they were starting over with a clean slate, two kids, and a house with a white picket fence. That was simply not our reality. We were obviously looking through rose-colored glasses. Life was subject to change at any given moment. Obviously there was no such thing as perfection in life. We had to learn to enjoy and love our imperfect loves and lives while we had them. We couldn’t know how long it would all last.

“So what’s up with you, Kyra?” I was so lost in thought that I didn’t even know how long Trae was standing there in front of me. “What’s up? How are you doing?”

I smiled. “How are
you
doing? I miss you around the house, runnin’ thangs.”

He laughed. “I miss being there.”

“Can we take a walk?” I asked, and stood up.

“Sure. What’s up?” We started walking around the yard.

“I need to talk to you. Get some answers to some questions that won’t leave my mind. But . . . at the same time, I’m not sure if I want the answers.”

“Well, if you don’t want the answers, don’t ask,” he told me.

“Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t. But if I ask, promise me you will tell me the truth. Okay?”

“All right. What’s on your mind?”

“Is that a promise?”

“I promise.”

I took a deep breath.
Do I really want to know this?
Lately, I had been thinking about him a lot. A whole lot. “Marvin. Did you kill him?” There. I got it out. My eyes were glued to Trae’s facial expression. I was looking for any signs to confirm his answer. He didn’t look at me. He kept looking straight ahead.

“Does it matter?” he finally answered.

“Yes, Trae, it does.”

“Why?”

I thought about it. My
why
. But I couldn’t come up with an answer.

Sensing that I wasn’t going to say anything, Trae started talking. “It killed me to see how bad Tasha was hurting. We hadn’t heard from you or Aisha. And then, when we did hear from Aisha and she said that you were dead, I knew he had something to do with it. I went for him, but he was already got.”

Trae is lying.

We continued to walk in circles around the yard in silence. I was trying to figure out if I wanted to dig deeper by pressing the issue a little more or let it go. I didn’t know.

“You aiight?” Trae asked me.

“I guess so. But I do need to thank you, Trae, for being there for Aisha. I know that you and Tasha have been going through your own problems, but still, you provided her with a stable family. She is so happy, and I will always love y’all for that.” We stopped walking, and I gave him a big hug.

“No thanks needed. I would do it all over again,” he said, releasing me so we could continue our walk.

“Next question. What did you think about me when you found out I was pregnant?”

“Is that what you wanted?”

I laughed. “I wanted Rick.”

“Do you have him?”

“I don’t know. Not really. I hope so. I feel like I should be the one to have him. I do know that I’m not going to walk away without putting up a damned good fight.”

Trae was quiet. It made me wonder if I sounded stupid to him. My thoughts went back to Marvin. “Marvin. He loved me, Trae.”

“I know he did.”

“He loved his family.”

“There is no doubt in my mind.”

“But I was falling out of love with him, and that’s what started all of this madness between us.”

“You stopped loving him because of Rick? Or because of him being other than himself, on drugs?”

I didn’t want to answer that question. “He loved me, but he left me for dead. How did he die?” That question flew out of my mouth but I wasn’t sure if I really wanted the answer.

“Gunshot. I thought that you knew.”

“I don’t think I wanted to know.”

Trae nodded slightly and continued to walk.

“So . . . did you stop loving Marv because of Rick? Or because of him strung out on dope?”

“It was both.” The words left my mouth, and the reality of them sank into my heart. I began to feel like I had betrayed Marvin. My emotions were beginning to take over, so I figured I didn’t
need to say anything else about that subject. “Trae, it appears that we are all crumbling to pieces and at the same time. I don’t understand it. Why do things have to go downhill? Why can’t life keep getting better?”

He smiled. “Hard trials purify. It may appear that we are going downhill, but if we all stick it out, we will be all right. Only the strong survive. I know that sounds like bullshit, but it is what it is. We either hold up or fold up.”

“Simple as that?” I asked him.

“Simple as that.”

That was a much-needed visit, for all three of us. I was glad to see Trae, and he was ecstatic to see me. Kyra seemed totally revitalized. I didn’t know what all she and Trae talked about, but it was obviously what she needed. She seemed whole again and ready to be able to withstand anything. I just had to see how she’d hold up if Rick decided to stay with Nina. That would be the real test.

I had a doctor’s appointment the next day which I was not looking forward to. I took a home pregnancy test, and it was positive. I was petrified at the thought of having to tell Trae. I was with him the night before my trip to Vegas. And then with Kyron two days later. Whose baby was I carrying this time?

“Baby, it’s almost three thirty, are you ready yet?” I stuck my head into Kaylin’s office. We had been there in the studio since six thirty that morning, and I was ready to go home.

“Come in, I want you to listen to this.” I reluctantly went in and sat down in the chair in front of his desk. I was ready to go, not to listen to another guy trying to rap. He hit the speaker button, and it went into his voice mail. “Listen to this.”

“Dad, it’s me, Jahara. I got a proposition for you. Can you buy me the new iPhone 5? Ummm, you can cancel my piano lessons or my gymnastics lessons. Whichever one equals to the iPhone 5, but don’t answer right now. We can discuss it when we go to the mall this Saturday. Love you. And oh, Daddy, don’t tell Mommy about this. This is our business.”

Kaylin thought it was cute. I thought otherwise.

“I’ma beat her ass! What is she talking about, don’t tell Mommy?
And she’s not quitting piano or gymnastics! And an iPhone 5? She’s only six! What—oh, my God! She’s growing up so fast. She’s making me feel like I’m getting old.”

Kaylin burst out laughing. “You may be getting old, but not me, I’m getting younger and better.”

“Baby, our daughter is talking about an iPhone 5 and making propositions. Soon she’ll be asking to borrow the car. I was just changing her Pampers, Kaylin.”

“I know how to remedy that!”

“Don’t even think about it! I am not having another one anytime soon. So get that out of your big little head.”

“Think about it, Angel. Don’t you think you need to get it out of the way?”

“Oh, like Tasha?”
Damn
. I’d let that one slip. I had just spoken with her, and she told me she was pregnant again, and just her luck, she didn’t know who it belonged to.

“Really? She’s pregnant again? I think that you need to follow her example. She’s getting ’em all over and done with.”

“Don’t say anything, Kaylin! She is scared to death to tell Trae.”

“She hasn’t told him?”

“No, she hasn’t. She just found out. Plus, she doesn’t know if it’s Trae’s or Kyron’s. So can you blame her? Mentally, she has to be a total wreck. I can’t even imagine what’s going through her head right now. So you and me, we need to stay out of it. Let her and Trae deal with this the best way they can. This is too delicate for us to pry.”

“Damn,” Kaylin mumbled.

“That was really fucked up what Kyron did. What he slipped into her drink could have killed my girl.” I looked at Kaylin, waiting on a response. Lately, I’d noticed that whenever I
mentioned Kyron’s name, Kay would shut down. Which could only mean that he was up to something. I just didn’t know what. On the one hand, I wanted to know, but on the other, I didn’t, because I knew Kaylin, and brother or not, it was going to be ugly.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.” Kaylin stood up and grabbed his keys.

See what I mean? He shut down at the mention of Kyron’s name.

“I’ve been ready since noon. Let’s bounce. I haven’t been out of the building at all today.” I reminded him.

I followed Kaylin as he performed his end-of-the-day ritual, which was making his final rounds of the office, with the studio his last stop.

“Yo, Kay, I need to holla at you,” his new producer, Heart Throb, yelled out.

“I’m outta here, man, you should’ve hollered at me earlier. I’ve been here in the office since the break of dawn. How long you here for? I may swing through later on tonight.”

“I’m waiting on E. She’s on her way.”

Kaylin looked at his watch. “She’s late.”