Hope Chest (22 page)

Things went well for a while, but tables had been set up out in the barn for eating, and shortly after the noon meal was served, Rachel went back to the house. She planned to get another pot of coffee for the menfolk and carry out one of the pies she and Mom had baked the day before.

Much to Rachel’s surprise, she discovered Silas in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with his arms folded. “I was hoping you’d come in here,” he said, taking a few steps in her direction.

She moved quickly toward the stove and grabbed the pot of coffee.

“How about going for a walk with me, so we can talk?” he asked, following her across the room.

Rachel averted his gaze and headed for the door, forgetting about the apple pie she had planned to take back to the barn. “As you can probably see, I’m kind of busy right now.”

“You won’t be helping serve all day. How about after you’re done?”

“I don’t think we have anything to talk about, Silas.”

He stepped in front of her, blocking the door. “Please, Rachel ... just for a few minutes. I’ve wanted to talk to you for the last two weeks, but there never seemed to be a good time.” He smiled. “Besides, I had some stuff to pray about.”

Rachel nodded slowly. “Jah, me, too.”

“So can we meet out by the willow tree, say, in one hour?” She shrugged. “Okay.”

***

At the appointed time, Rachel donned a heavy sweater and stepped onto the front porch. The afternoon air had cooled considerably, and a chill shivered through her. She caught sight of Silas out in the yard, talking to his cousin Rudy. She started across the lawn but stopped just before she reached the weeping willow tree. Silas was saying something to Rudy, and her ears perked up. Rachel was sure he had mentioned her sister’s name, but she wondered why Silas would be talking to his cousin about Anna.

A group of children ran past, laughing and hollering so loud she couldn’t make out what either Silas or Rudy was saying.

David Yoder, a little boy with Down syndrome, waved to Rachel, and she waved back, hoping he wouldn’t call out her name. The last thing she needed was for Silas to catch her listening in on his conversation.

The children finally wandered off, and Rachel breathed a sigh of relief. She leaned heavily against the trunk of a tree and turned her attention back to Silas and his cousin.

“So you’re really in love with her, huh?” she heard Rudy ask.

“Afraid so,” Silas answered. “Don’t rightly think I’ll ever find anyone else I could love as much, and it’s tearing me apart.”

Rachel’s heart slammed into her chest. Even after all these months, Silas still wasn’t over Anna.
That’s probably why
he said he was sorry for kissing me. Most likely, he was wishing it had been Anna and not me in his courting buggy.

Tears burned the backs of Rachel’s eyes. She should have known better than to allow her emotions to get carried away. Silas cared nothing about her, and apparently he never had. He still loved Anna and probably always would, even though she was married and had left the Amish faith. She knew many people carried a torch for lost loves, and because of their pain, they never found love again. Mom had told her once that it almost happened to Rachel’s great-aunt Mim. She was jilted by her first love, and for many years she carried a torch for him. Finally, she set her feelings aside and learned to love again. But that was only because she had allowed the Lord to work on her bitter spirit. Rachel wasn’t so sure Silas wanted to find love again—especially not with her.

Tired of trying to analyze things, Rachel spun around. She was about to head back to the house, when she felt someone’s hand touch her shoulder. “Where are you heading? I thought we were going for a walk.”

Rachel shrugged Silas’s hand away. “I heard you talking to Rudy. If you’re still pining for Anna, then why bother taking a walk with a little kinner like me?”

Rudy, who was walking next to Silas, raised his eyebrows and moved away, but Silas kept pace beside Rachel. When she didn’t slow down, he grabbed hold of her hand and pulled her to his side. “We need to talk.”

Like a tightly coiled spring, Rachel released her fury on him. “Let go of me!” Her eyes burned like fire, and she almost choked on the huge knot that had lodged in her throat.

“Was is letz do?”

“Nothing’s wrong here. I guess everything’s just as it should be—or at least the way I figured it was.”

Silas opened his mouth as if to say something more, but Rachel darted away without a backward glance. She had been a fool to think she could make Silas forget about Anna and fall in love with her. She’d been stupid to get caught up in a dumb thing like this ... letting herself hope for the impossible. The one thing she had enjoyed most about her friendship with Silas was how comfortable they seemed with each other. Not anymore, though. That had ended when she’d heard him tell Rudy that he was still in love with Anna. If Silas wanted to pine his life away for a love he would never have, then that was
his
problem. Rachel planned to get on with her life, one way or another.

***

Silas groaned as he watched Rachel race up the steps and disappear into her house. One of the Beachys’ dogs howled, and the mournful sound echoed in his soul. Rachel had heard something he’d told Rudy, but she’d refused to let him explain. Now everything was ruined between them, and it was a bitter pill to swallow. He was sure there was no chance of a relationship with Rachel, because she obviously didn’t trust him. Maybe with good reason, too.

Truth of the matter, Silas hadn’t been so good at trusting lately, either. He’d said he never wanted to move away from God, but he felt himself slipping away and knew if he didn’t do something soon, he might sink into despair.

He moved slowly toward his horse and buggy, kicking at every stone in his path. No point in hanging around here anymore. Maybe he should accept things as they were and just get on with his life.

“Jah, that’s what I’ll do,” he mumbled as he gave one more rock a hefty kick with the toe of his boot. “I’ll forget I had ever considered courting Rachel Beachy!”

***

“Are you about ready for bed?”

Rebekah turned her wheelchair away from the fireplace and smiled at Daniel. “Soon. Just thought I’d stay up awhile longer and try to get some more mending done.”

He moved across the room to stand by her chair. “Are you sure you’re not looking for some excuse to wait up for our two oldest kinner?”

“Anna’s the oldest,” she reminded.

Daniel grunted. “I think it’s better if we don’t mention her name.”

Tears gathered in Rebekah’s eyes, and she was powerless to keep them from spilling over. “Why must you be so unforgiving?”

“I’m only thinking of what’s best for everyone concerned.”

“Everyone concerned?” Her voice rose a notch. “How can you say it’s best that we don’t talk about our own flesh-and-blood daughter—that we won’t welcome her home for a visit?”

Daniel crouched on his haunches and extended his hands toward the fire. “It’s gettin’ awful chilly at night now. Won’t be long until the snow flies.”

Rebekah released an exasperated groan. “Changing the subject won’t alter the fact that I don’t agree with you on something, husband.”

He shrugged.

“Neither will giving me the silent treatment.”

“I’m not doing that, Rebekah. I just don’t want to talk about our wayward daughter tonight.”

“When can we talk about her?”

He shrugged again.

“Anna may have gone English, and she may be under the ban, but she’s still our daughter, Daniel.”

“Don’t ya think I know that?” He sat a moment longer, then stood and reached for her hand. “Sorry for snapping. It just upsets me to think that she would join the church and make us think she and Silas had been courting and then sneak off and get married to Reuben Yutzy by a justice of the peace. Reuben’s the one with the hankering for modern things; I’m sure of it.”

“That may be, but Anna did marry him and agree to go English.”

“That’s what troubles me so.” He rose to his feet. “Guess I must have failed as her daed somehow.”

Rebekah shook her head. “You didn’t fail, Daniel, and neither did I. We’ve raised our kinner the best we can, so we mustn’t cast any blame on ourselves for the decisions they choose to make.” She paused a moment to gauge his reaction, but Daniel just stood shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“It’s not our place to judge,” she added. “Only God has that right, you know.”

He bent to kiss her forehead. “I’m heading to bed now. Don’t be too long, okay?”

She nodded and released a sigh. If Daniel didn’t want to talk about this, there wasn’t much she could do except pray. She had been doing a lot of that since Anna left home, and she would continue to do so until her prayers were answered.

CHAPTER 20

Rachel felt a sense of relief when Katie Swartley’s cast finally came off and she was able to stay home, even if it did mean spending more time helping Pauline in the greenhouse. Anything would be better than facing Silas every day. Knowing he was still in love with Anna and unable to quit loving him herself, Rachel felt a sense of hopelessness like never before. Everything looked different—the trees weren’t as green, the birdsong wasn’t as bright. She had nothing to praise God for anymore, and her times of prayer and Bible study happened less often.

That night, the young people were gathering at the Hostetlers’ place. Joseph had already made it clear that he was going, and it was obvious that he and Pauline were officially courting. Even though Rachel was happy for them, she couldn’t help feeling sorry for herself.

“Are you going to the singing?” her brother asked, as they met in the barn that morning before church.

She shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

“Why not? It could be the last one for a while, what with the weather turning colder.”

She shrugged. “I’d planned to work on my hope chest tonight.”

Joseph took hold of her arm as she started to walk away. “It’s Silas Swartley, isn’t it? You haven’t been acting right for the last few weeks, and I have a hunch it’s got something to do with your feelings for him.”

Rachel felt a familiar burning at the backs of her eyes, and she blinked rapidly, hoping to keep the tears from falling. “I’d rather not talk about Silas, if you don’t mind.” She shrugged Joseph’s hand away. “I need to feed the kittens, and if I’m not mistaken, you’ve got a few things to do before we leave for church.”

Joseph moved into the horse’s stall without another word, and Rachel released a sigh of relief. She and Joseph might not always see eye-to-eye, but at least he cared enough about her feelings to drop the subject of Silas.

As Rachel rounded the corner of the barn, she noticed Dad down on his knees beside the woodpile. His face was screwed up in obvious pain, and the deep moan he emitted confirmed that fact. Rachel rushed to his side and squatted beside him. “What’s wrong? You look like you’re hurting real bad.”

“I strained my back trying to lift a hunk of wood for your mamm’s cooking stove. Must have bent over wrong.” He groaned. “Don’t think I can get up on my own, Rachel. Can you go get Joseph?”

Rachel patted her father’s shoulder. “Jah, sure. Just hang on a few more minutes and try to relax.” She jumped up and bolted for the barn.

***

Joseph was busy getting one of their buggy horses ready, when Rachel rushed back into the barn with a worried expression. “You’d better come, Joseph.
Schnell
—quickly. Dad’s in need of your help.”

His eyebrows lifted in question. “I’m busy with the horse, Rachel. Can’t Dad get Perry to do whatever needs to be done?”

Rachel clutched his arm as he was about to lead the horse out of its stall. “Dad’s hurt his back and can’t even stand up. Perry isn’t strong enough to get him on his feet, much less help him into the house.”

Realizing the seriousness of the situation, Joseph closed the stall door, leaving the horse inside. “Where is he?”

“Out by the woodpile.”

Rachel raced from the barn, and Joseph was right behind her. They found Dad down on his knees, his forehead dripping with sweat.

Joseph grabbed Dad under one arm, and Rachel took hold of the other. “On the count of three,” Joseph instructed. “One ... two ... three!”

Dad moaned loudly when they pulled him to his feet. Walking slightly bent over, he allowed them to support most of his weight as they made their way slowly to the house.

They found Mom sitting in her wheelchair at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of tea. Elizabeth and Perry sat across from her, finishing their bowls of oatmeal.

“Ach, my!” Mom cried. “What’s wrong, Daniel? It appears you can barely walk.”

Dad grunted and placed his hands on the edge of the counter for support. “My fool back went out on me, Rebekah. Happened when I was getting more wood.” He swallowed hard, like he was having a difficult time talking. “Guess I’ll have to make a trip to town tomorrow and see Doc Landers for some poppin’ and crackin’. He’ll have me back on my feet in no time.”