Hopeless (20 page)

“No problem, I understand.” He pulled her
into his arms and kissed her forehead before getting out of bed and reaching
for the clothes he’d tossed on the floor last night. “Listen, don’t worry about
things at the studio. I’ve got it covered.”

She loved that about him. He was so
generous, so compassionate. He didn’t know Lena or her story, but he knew she
was in trouble, and he was willing to put his own needs aside so Victoria could
help her. “Thanks.” She wanted to say more, to tell him what an incredible man
he was, that last night had changed her life, but instead she just got up and
reached for the white terry robe hanging on the back of her door. “I guess I
should get in the shower.”

“Yeah, I gotta go home and get ready, too.
Hey, how about dinner tonight?”

She knew he was expecting their night
together to evolve into a normal relationship with dinner, drinks, movies, and
sex, lots and lots of sex. He probably expected her to spend the night at his
place tonight, but she knew she couldn’t. One night would lead to another and
before she knew it, she’d be leaving a toothbrush in his bathroom, and he’d be
clearing out a drawer so she could keep a change of clothes at his place.

“Can I let you know later? I’m not sure how
things are gonna go at the hospital. It may take a while.” She slipped into her
robe, trying to ignore the fact his eyes were tracking her every move.

“Sure, no worries.”

If only he wasn’t so damn understanding.
Why couldn’t there be a single thing she didn’t like about this man? “I’ll call
you later. I’ll really try to make it into the studio. I hate to leave you in
the lurch like this.”

He grinned. “Vic, this is the fourth time
I’ve done this. Trust me, I know what I’m doing.”

“Okay, well thanks.”

She knew she should reach out to him, hug
or kiss him, acknowledge the physical connection they’d forged last night in
some small way, but she was feeling so confused and vulnerable. She didn’t
trust herself not to haul him back to bed and beg him to make love to her so
she could shut the rest of the world out just a little while longer.

The phone call about Lena took her back to
a place she’d rather not go, when she’d been that scared little girl with
nowhere to run.

Victoria entered Lena’s hospital room
trying to prepare herself for the memories she knew would come flooding back.
She hadn’t been back to the hospital since her last treatment, and seeing
someone she cared about looking so pale and sickly in a hospital bed just
reminded her of all the friends she’d lost. She knew Lena’s life wasn’t in
jeopardy, but she couldn’t say the same for the little baby growing inside of
her.

“Hi,” she whispered when Lena opened her
eyes to look at her. “You mind if I come in?”

“No.” She tried to sit up.

“It’s okay, just relax.”

Victoria pulled a chair up to the side of
the bed and took Lena’s hand. It was small, cold, and the bones were protruding
through a thin layer of skin. It reminded her of her own hands when she’d been so
sick she almost let go, but she had to offer Lena her support the only way she
knew how, so she held on tight, hoping the young girl could feel the depth of
her concern in her gentle touch.

“I’m sorry about…”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about anything
right now.” Victoria could see the shame in her big, dark, expressive eyes, and
she knew Lena hadn’t intended to betray her. She was just trying to survive the
only way she knew how, and in their world, you often had to beg, borrow, or
steal just to live another day. “You just need to focus on getting better now.”

She squeezed Victoria’s hand. “What am I
gonna do? I’m only fifteen… a high school dropout… How the hell am I gonna raise
a kid?”

Victoria had never been in the position of
having to worry about anyone but herself, but she could imagine the fear Lena
must be feeling now. “If you don’t think you can handle it—”

She pulled her hand from Victoria’s and
crossed her arms over her chest. “I won’t put my kid into the system. I won’t
do it. I don’t care what anyone says.”

The thought of willingly putting another
innocent baby into a system that dangled the promise of happily ever after, but
rarely delivered broke Victoria’s heart, but she couldn’t offer another
solution.

Lena knew the system as well as Victoria
did. Her father left Lena and her mother when she was only a baby, and her
mother got hooked on crack, leaving her only daughter alone to fend for
herself. When a neighbor called CPS to report the situation, she was taken out
of the home and placed in foster care.

Victoria knew Lena spent the first few
years hoping her mother would get clean and come back for her. When it failed
to happen, Lena fell in with the wrong crowd and started drinking, which led to
drugs and skipping school. It was a downward spiral, and Victoria tried
everything to pull her out of it, but she was already too far gone to listen to
reason.

“You know I wouldn’t ask you to make that
choice, but if you can’t care for the baby, maybe we could arrange for a
private adoption. We could find a nice family who can’t have a family of their
own.”

Lena looked horrified. “You want me to give
my baby away to strangers? How is that better than putting her into the goddamn
system?”

“Honey, it’s not the same at all. You could
screen the parents, interview them and visit their home…”

She shook her head, looking every bit the
defiant teenager she was. “No way. Not gonna happen. I’m not givin’ my baby
away to strangers.”

Victoria sighed. She knew she wasn’t going
to be able to get through to Lena when she was so emotional. “Listen, why don’t
you rest for a bit, okay?” She stood up, but Lena clung to her hand, refusing
to let her go.

“You’re not gonna leave me, are you?”

“No, honey, I’m not going to leave you.”
She smiled as she brushed the stringy black hair off the teen’s forehead. “I’ll
be right outside. You just rest, okay?”

“Victoria, wait.” She chewed on her bottom
lip as she looked at their joined hands. “Will you come in when they do the
ultrasound? I’m scared.”

She leaned over and brushed a kiss across
her forehead. “Of course.” No matter how hard she tried to keep her out, this
little goth princess managed to worm her way into her heart every time.

Jay tried to keep his distance, to focus on
the buzz of excitement at his studio. He had some of the most famous and well-respected
martial artists in the world there to demonstrate for a room filled with eager
people, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Victoria.

He knew she wouldn’t appreciate his
interference, but by the time late afternoon rolled around and he still hadn’t
heard from her, he couldn’t sit still another second without finding out what
was going on.

Trying to control his anxiety, he walked up
to the main reception desk at the hospital and asked for Victoria. Since he
didn’t know her friend’s name or the reason for her visit, he couldn’t ask for
her. When the nurse said she couldn’t help him, he was turning to leave when a
pretty brunette approached him with a wary smile.

“Excuse me. Did I hear you say you were looking
for Victoria Pierce?”

“Yeah, you know where she is?”

She pointed to a closed hospital door.
“She’s in there with Lena. She should be out in a bit if you want to sit and
wait with me?”

“Sure, thanks.”

“I’m Lindsay, by the way.” She extended her
hand and smiled. “Victoria and I are volunteer crisis counselors at the
shelter.”

He shook her hand and returned her smile.
“It’s nice to meet you. I’m—”

“Jay Cooper, I know. I saw your picture in
a mixed martial arts magazine Victoria was reading at work.” She pointed to a
row of empty chairs. “Come, let’s sit down.”

Lindsay’s relaxed and friendly demeanor
helped to put Jay at ease. If there was a problem, she would seem as anxious as
he felt. “I know you can’t talk about the specifics of your friend’s case, but
she’s gonna be okay, isn’t she?”

They both sat down and Lindsay smiled. “I
think it’ll be a while before she feels fine, but at least she’s in good hands
now.”

“Sounds like she and Victoria have a pretty
special connection.” After last night, he’d hoped to be able to say the same,
but he’d texted and called to check on her several times throughout the day and
she apparently didn’t think she owed him the consideration of responding, so he
still had no idea where he stood with her.

Lindsay sat back and shifted in the seat so
she was facing him. “It’s tough for Victoria to get close to people, given her
upbringing, and then the cancer…”

Cancer. 
The word hit him like an avalanche. Victoria had
cancer? He thought back to her doctor’s appointment the other day. Oh God. He
felt sick.

Lindsay touched his forearm. “Oh no, you
didn’t know, did you? I just assumed… I mean, Victoria told me you went to the
doctor with her the other day.”

He leaned forward and dropped his head into
his hands. This could not be happening. The first woman he’d allowed himself to
fall for in years, and he could lose her to some insidious disease that was
beyond either of their control. “How bad is it?” His voice was barely above a
whisper when he finally found the words to voice the question.

Lindsay frowned. “How bad is what?”

Jay tried to hold his temper, but it wasn’t
easy. He needed answers. Now. “The cancer. What type, stage… Damn it, Lindsay,
I need details.”

She rested her hand on his back. “I’m
sorry; I didn’t mean to scare you. Victoria’s cancer has been in remission for
a long time, but…”

Remission.
She was in remission. Thank God. “Jesus,” he
whispered, scraping his hands over his face. “You scared the hell out of me.”

Lindsay tipped her head to look at him. “I
can see that. You really care about her, don’t you?”

The fear of losing Victoria brought all of
those feelings closer to the surface, and he didn’t even think about censoring
his thoughts when he said, “You have no idea.”

She smiled. “Victoria and I have been
friends for a long time. I kept hoping she’d meet someone like you. Someone
who’d be willing to see past the cancer and the fact that she can’t have a
family to the amazing person she is on the inside. She deserves someone who’s
going to love her...” Lindsay must have seen that look in his eye again.
“What’s wrong?”

Talk about a one-two punch. Jay was still
reeling from the news about the cancer, and she nonchalantly tells him Victoria
can never have a family. What the hell was he supposed to say? “She can’t have
children?”

Lindsay put her hand over her mouth,
wide-eyed with panic. “Oh God, I’m sorry. Oh, Victoria is gonna kill me for
telling you. Just forget I said anything.”

“Just tell me.”

She stared at the dark brown liquid in the
bottom of her Styrofoam cup. “I’ve come this far, I may as well fill you in on the
rest.” She sighed. “She was diagnosed with stage three ovarian cancer when she
was twenty. The prognosis wasn’t good.”

He tried to process the news that the
strong, vital woman he’d been making love to last night had almost lost her
life. “But she beat it?”

“She’s a fighter. Hell, she’s the strongest
woman I’ve ever known.”

Jay smiled. He would have described her the
same way, especially knowing what she’d been through. “She went through it all
alone?” He couldn’t even imagine what it must have been like for her, not
having anyone to lean on or share her fears with.

“Yeah.” She took a sip of her coffee. “She
never forged a relationship with any of her foster families. They all treated
her as a means to a monthly check, nothing more.”

Jay thought they all must have been blind
not to see the incredible woman he saw when he looked at her. “It’s their
loss,” he muttered.

Lindsay grinned. “That’s what I told
Victoria, but she had a hard time believing it. When your parents abandon you,
and you grow up in the system…” She shrugged. “You never really get over it,
you know?”

No, he didn’t know. He’d been blessed with
two loving parents who wouldn’t have thought twice about laying down their
lives for him or his brother. “You grew up in foster care, too?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “The system’s a fierce
bitch. Once it gets you in its clutches, it never lets go. You grow up, learn
to take care of yourself, but it’s always there, in the back of your mind.
Every day you look in the mirror and you have to face the fact no one loved
you, no one wanted you.”

He reached for Lindsay’s hand. “I’m so
sorry.”

She offered him a watery smile. “Thanks.”
She sighed. “Things changed for me when I met my fiancée. I was hoping the same
would happen for Victoria someday, that she’d find someone who’d help her move
beyond the cancer scare and—”