Hopeless For You (17 page)

Ash fished through the backpack for pemmican and we shared the last piece.

"You know," Ash said above the rain, wolfing her piece down. "I hated this stuff the first time but honestly, it tastes like filet mignon right now."

I grinned. "Certainly helps when you're starving."

I closed my eyes and though I didn't mean to, I fell asleep immediately.

When I woke up, the rain had calmed to a gentle drizzle. I guessed it was late evening, judging from the dimness in the tent.

"Thanks for what you did today," Ash said, lying with her back to me.

"What, do I snore in my sleep or something?"

She chuckled quietly. "Yup."

"I was wondering how you knew I was awake. Anyway, I should be the one thanking
you
."

She shifted slightly, as if she were going to look at me but then changed her mind. "Seriously, Kade, if you hadn't saved me, I'd be the one lying in a stretcher with a dislocated knee. Or worse."

"Okay. Well, you're welcome." I wasn't sure what else to say. "Did you have a good sleep?"

"I did, actually. It's going to take me a while to fall asleep again."

"Me too." The temperature was falling and I was looking for an excuse to share body heat again. "Your muscles must be sore from carrying me all day. Did I ever tell you I took a masseur course?" I managed to turn my upper body toward her without moving my injured knee and I touched her shoulders with my hands.

She tensed up but didn't say anything. Feeling a little emboldened, I began kneading her rigid muscles and watched in satisfaction as her head dropped forward.

"Oh, God, that feels good." She moaned and despite everything that had happened, I found myself getting turned on. Immensely.

I couldn't believe it. Did I actually want to have sex now, with my leg injured like this? Was I even capable? I squeezed my eyes shut tight.

I wanted so much more than mere sex from her. I wanted to be her man, there was no question about that. But she was still reeling from the death of her fiancé. This definitely wouldn't end well for me. Did I really want to be the rebound guy? Like I wasn't insecure enough already after what my ex did to me.

Come on, Kade, if you do this, there's no going back. She's not a bar bimbo. She's a coworker. An intern. You do this, you're fucked. Literally.

But there were her shoulders and neck in front of me, spurring me on. I couldn't help myself: I kneaded her back with barely restrained passion. I wanted her to be mine so badly. I knew I wasn't what she wanted long-term but right then I didn't care. My body was doing the talking now.

"It would probably feel better with your shirt off," I said.

I threw a glance over my shoulder at Kade. His voice had sounded innocent but I gave him an affronted look that told him I knew exactly what he was up to. To my surprise, though, and his own, I'm sure, I sat up, grabbed the hem of my sweater and pulled it from my body. The T-shirt still clung to my back and I hesitated only a moment before lifting that off, too, so that I was left wearing only my sports bra. Maybe I wasn't thinking clearly, maybe the exhaustion was getting to me, but it wasn't like we hadn't exchanged body heat this way before after all.

I lay down again, keeping my back to him. I felt him shift a little behind me and I heard a suppressed grunt of pain. I winced in sympathy.

His hands gently rested on my shoulders and felt so warm in the cold tent. He brushed my tangled braid forward over my right shoulder
—I liked how he did that—and he began to knead my sore muscles again.

His hands felt so good on me and caused little jolts of pleasure to travel up and down my body. He started off softly and then applied more pressure when I pushed against him. God, he was good. I was getting wet.

He worked his thumbs in slow circles toward my neck and then his fingers hesitated when he felt the thin chain of my necklace.

My necklace.

Oh my God. I'd forgotten about it entirely.

I reached up and touched the ring I always wore around my neck.

I pulled away from Kade. "I can't."

After an awkward pause, he spoke. "Why?"

"I just can't."

"Because of a dead man?"

I felt stung but I knew he didn't understand. I decided to change the subject. "What about your job, Kade?"

"What about it? I can't work now. Not with my leg like this. I'm officially retired."

His hands touched my back again. My body was on fire with runaway desire but my mind kept slamming on the brakes. My fingers tightened around the ring. "Kade. Please."

"I'll stop. On one condition. You tell me why you can't do this."

I closed my eyes. Could I really tell him? Would he laugh at me? "I... I..." Why was this so hard?

His fingers started to comb out my braid. "It's all right. You don't have to tell me. Forget about it."

I cleared my throat. "I just—well, it's the guilt. I don't know if I can live with myself. After what happened, being with anyone else feels like a betrayal."

Kade's palm cupped my face from behind. "Why not give someone else a chance? I mean, come on, when are you going to start living your life? Or do you want to spend the rest of your days
living in the shadow of your dead boyfriend?"

Those words irked me and I shoved his hand away roughly. "You don't know shit
about it."

He sighed. "I know what it's like to lose someone you love. Though in my case, she didn't die." He
paused. "Ash. My Ash. I haven't felt this way for someone in a long time."

My
Ash? I kind of liked the way he said that. The possessiveness, like I was his and no one else's.

I crossed my arms. "I'm not your Ash." I tried to sound angry but I don't think I was very convincing.

He had saved my life. Twice.

I owed him, didn't I?

I owed it to myself to give him a chance. Maybe he was right. Devon
was
dead. There was no escaping that fact. Maybe it was time to finally move on, time to escape the guilt. Time to give Kade a chance.

Besides, Kade was just giving me a massage. It wasn't like we were going to have sex or anything. He couldn't, anyway, not with his knee dislocated like that. I was blowing this way out of proportion.

I hesitated a moment longer, then I pulled the chain free, letting it pool in my hand around the ring. I tucked it into the pocket of my jeans. I hoped the symbolism wasn't lost on Kade.

There was quiet in the tent for a few moments. The only sound was the light patter of rain on the canopy. Then Kade's hands hesitantly returned to my shoulders. I leaned into him immediately, wanting him to know that I approved.

Unexpectedly, his head bent close and his lips brushed the back of my neck. He inhaled.

"You smell incredible," he said.

I didn't say a word but my whole neck was tingling and my breathing grew fast. I couldn't believe it. I was actually doing this. With Kade.
My
Kade.

He was so close that I smelled him, too, now. Underneath the tang of sweat and dirt, I sensed rain and something else, something
manly
. I couldn't help but tilt my head back toward him. Delicately, as if he were afraid to scare me off, he brushed his lips down the side of my neck and along the crest of my shoulder. I sighed and sank back against him.

He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. The gesture felt slightly desperate, as if he were scared of losing me or that I'd pull away. I turned my head toward him and he released me. I swung my body to face him fully. My lips parted and I stared at his in the dim light. So pink, so perfect. I lowered my head.

Our lips met.

Electricity seemed to surge between us, stopping my heart in my chest. I totally lost myself in his taste and the rough texture of his lips. My whole body arched as I met that kiss. I lifted one of my hands and tangled it in his hair, at this point just as desperate as Kade to stay connected
with him.

Compared to the cool air of the tent, his skin was almost feverishly hot. While we kissed, his hands roamed, stroking the small of my back. Gradually his caresses traveled higher, toward the front, brushing over my breasts
—which were still trapped beneath the sports bra. The smallest moan passed from my lips into his.

He gave a matching groan, eyes heated with desire. I melted beneath him. My
mind had completely shut down and my body had taken over, responding to his every touch, pressing into his every stroke, my lips soft and yielding beneath his. I parted my mouth, inviting him to deepen the kiss and I felt his warm tongue penetrate. I slid my own against his, relishing in the sensation.

He traced the backside of my sports bra delicately and I felt him hook his fingers under the elastic edge. I didn't protest as he slowly peeled the elastic up. I couldn't, not with our tongues enmeshed.

He unhooked the bra and it fell away. I broke the kiss and moved back, feeling bashful, afraid to meet his eyes, now that I was completely naked from the waist up. I wondered what he thought of my breasts. Did I measure up to all the other women he'd been with?

His callused hands answered for him, cupping my breasts, stroking and caressing. I kissed him again and inhaled, relaxing into the sensual caresses. I felt my nipples harden and when he rubbed the callused pad of his thumb over one, I whimpered softly and shuddered against him.

I wrapped my hands around his upper body but then I pulled away, giving him an accusatory glare. I saw a hint of worry cross his features and I could've laughed.

"Your shirt's still on," I said, surprised at how husky my voice sounded.

He chuckled softly and I sat up a little to give him room. He shoved his upper body upright, flinching slightly. I lifted the hem of his sweater, grabbing the shirt beneath, then pulled both over his head. I could barely see the outline of his tattoos in the dim light.

He lay back and I sank against him, carefully positioning myself so that only our
upper bodies touched. I pressed my breasts into his chest and the full contact of our bare skin was electric.

He buried his face against the side of my neck and peppered my skin with small kisses, running his hands up and down the length of my torso. I was doing the same with my own hands, admiring the feel of his broad shoulders, the shape of his muscular pecs, the stiffness of his nipples. It felt like I couldn't quite get my breath, like my heart was pounding too hard for my lungs to completely catch up.

My fingertips ran along his arms, tracing over the ink and the occasional scar etched into his skin.

He tried to shift beneath me and his breath hissed out between his teeth.

I knew right away he'd moved the wrong way because he tensed and the mood broke instantly.

I pulled back. "Kade? Are you all right?" I gently turned his head toward me. His features were locked in a pale grimace for a long moment before going slack.

"Never been better." He still felt tense beneath me and I couldn't tell if the rasp in his voice was from arousal or pain
.

"We can stop," I murmured softly, though I wanted nothing else in the world but to see this moment through.

He pulled me closer and kissed me. It was kind of a chaste press of the lips, as if he were waiting for me to respond. I did.

He pulled back. "I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with but don't stop on my account."

I sighed. It was barely audible but I know he felt my breath on his lips.

"Do you want to stop?" Kade said.

I kissed him in answer, slipping my tongue between his lips, testing, tasting. Kade ran his hands down my back, cupping my butt and squeezing hard. I groaned and arched my back, pressing my breasts against his chest while pushing my butt into his hands. I was aching for him.

He slid his hands along the waistband of my jeans, then fumbled with the buttons. Somehow he managed to ease my jeans open without breaking the kiss.

I was the one who ended it. I moved away and he just looked at me. Finally he eased himself onto his elbows. "What's wrong?"

We could still see each other in the dim light. It was getting darker, though, and it wouldn't be much longer until nightfall.

"My legs aren't shaved," I said.

"Ash, I don't care."

I eased back a bit, feeling the chill keenly. I stripped off my jeans in the tight confines of the tent, moving quickly, wanting to be back in his arms as soon as possible. I worried that my unshaved legs would be scratchy but when I ran a hand along my thigh, I discovered the hair had grown enough to cover me in a soft, blonde down.

Wearing only my white panties, I glanced at him uncertainly as I set the denim aside. His breathing had doubled. It was true, then. He would accept me for who I was
—how I was—unshaved legs and all. How sexy was that?

I left the panties on and straddled him coyly, forcing him to lie back. I set a hand against his chest for balance. A smile curled my lips. I was full of mischief. I lowered myself so that my lips were next to his ear. My panties just barely brushed over the warm
hardness in his pants. I could tell my feather-light touch was driving him crazy. I stopped, though, reining in my passion, and slid up to sit squarely on his stomach. I was worried if I kept teasing him, he'd try to buck his hips. I could only imagine the pain that might cause.

"We're only going to do this on one condition," I said. "If it hurts you, we stop." I had to keep myself from bending over and kissing his chest. I wanted him to know how serious I was about this.

"Fine," he said gruffly. Somehow, I suspected he was going to do this, no matter how much it hurt his knee. There was no disguising the hoarse need that scratched in the back of his throat, making his voice lower and rougher than normal. "Now come here." He wrapped his hands around me and pulled me down.

I launched myself at him, letting my teeth graze his earlobe. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes while I nibbled.

He ran his hands along my calves, over my knees, and up my thighs, to the apex between my legs. He rubbed his fingers slowly along it and I was sure he could feel the dampness. I shuddered involuntarily, my hands gripping his shoulders to brace myself. The rain continued to patter against the tent walls, providing quiet background music that scarcely registered with my overwhelmed senses.

He kept his eyes on my face as his finger teased me through the thin fabric of my panties, and he watched me as I twitched and moaned. Soon I was bucking against his hand. I saw him bite the inside of his lip, then he slid his entire hand underneath my panties
—right into the heart of my dampness. He kneaded the soft flesh of my butt with his other hand as he rolled my panties to the top of my thighs. I twisted away from his belly and peeled my panties the rest of the way off, tossing them to the side without even looking.