Hopeless Vows (4 page)

“Well, I’m getting married in seven days,” I casually respond.

Her mouth hangs open and her eyes bug out. I’m sure she wasn’t expecting it to be so soon. “What?”

“I’ve been going through this process where a panel of experts try to match me with the perfect person. They’ve found that guy apparently, and I’ll get married to him a week from today.”

“A week! That’s crazy! Will you get to meet him before?”

“Nope. I’m going in completely blind.”

She shakes her head in disbelief. “You’re insane.”

“So you’ve told me,” I mutter before taking a drink of my wine.

“Are you nervous?” She’s taking on a more serious tone, and I know she’s worried this is all a huge mistake.

“Honestly, I’m terrified.” And I am. I usually strive for order and structure in my life, and this is the furthest thing from that. Everything about this experiment is out of my hands. The thought alone makes me twitch with the need to gain control over the situation.

“Why do it? You’re gorgeous, smart, and successful. You could find a guy on your own.”

I shake my head. “You know better than anyone how bad I am at finding a guy. I either don’t have time or attract douches. This feels . . . safer.” That sounds crazy, especially with how much I seek stability in my life, but I can’t explain it. “I just
believe
in it for some unexplainable reason.”

“What if you see him and aren’t attracted to him? What if he has a hairy back or something?” The horror on her face is enough to break the tension and make me laugh.

“I guess I’ll shave it for him then,” I say through my laughter.

“You’re a better woman than I am.” She picks up her glass and takes a drink, eyeing me over the rim of her glass the whole time. “So, what’s next?”

“Dress shopping. Wanna go with me?”

“Are you kidding? Hell yeah I wanna go!”

The next week goes by in a blur. It feels like one minute I’m sitting in my living room telling Janey I’m going on this show, and the next I’m getting my hair and makeup done for my wedding day. I keep trying to imagine how this day would go, and now that it’s here, I still don’t have a clue.

Will I look at him and know without a doubt he’s supposed to be my husband?

What if I’m not attracted to him?

What if I hate the way he eats or he snores too loud?

What am I going to do if there’s no connection or we have nothing in common?

My face falls.
Oh God, what if he expects me to sleep with him tonight?

The thought alone has the butterflies already residing in my stomach bouncing against my body like a pinball machine. I wipe my sweaty palms on my thighs and pace the room anxiously.

There are so many variables and uncertainties leading up to this moment. The only thing I know for sure is there is no turning back now. In a few hours, I’ll be married to this stranger in front of my friends, God, and millions of people sitting at home watching this on their television a few months from now.

“I just want to make sure we’re clear you are under contract and must go through with this,” Amanda, the producer reminds me for the one hundredth time.

“Yes, I’m aware.” It takes an extreme amount of effort not to roll my eyes at her. My attitude must not go unnoticed if her arched eyebrow is any indication. She leaves without another word.

I take a deep breath and look at myself in the mirror. My makeup is done in a way that accentuates my blue eyes and full lips. A few loose curls frame my face while the rest of my long, brown hair is pinned up in a low chignon. I’m wearing an ivory gown that hugs my body until it flairs out slightly at about mid-thigh. The lace overlay and sleeves give it a traditional feel while the completely open back adds some sex appeal. A long veil cascades down, trailing behind me as I walk. As I stare at my reflection, I’m happy with what I see. I look classic and elegant, which is exactly how I pictured I’d look on this day. Granted, I always envisioned I’d know who I’d be walking down the aisle toward.

“Okay, we’re ready for you to come down,” another crew member says as he pokes his head in through the door.

I exhale out in a rush. My feet carry me down to where I’m supposed to go and I’m trembling the whole way. My bouquet of purple and white calla lilies is sitting on a table right outside of two closed double doors. It was one of the few things I got to pick out for today. Most girls fantasize about their dream wedding and how it’ll look. It’s a good thing I didn’t because I had virtually no say in anything. I was able to pick out my dress, the flowers, and his wedding band.

That’s it.

But that’s not what’s important right now. My focus is on what waits for me on the other side of these doors. The groom. My future husband. The man whose last name I will take in mere minutes from now. I shift from one foot to the next, anxious to get started.

“We’re ready. Go ahead and send him in.” Looking behind me, I see one of the crewmembers talking into a walkie talkie. “In five minutes it’s go time.” This time she’s addressing me. I simply nod and face the door again.

I swear I can hear a clock somewhere in this building ticking. Each second feels like an hour, each minute feels like an eternity. I just want to get this over with because the anticipation is killing me. Right when I don’t think I can wait another moment, the same crewmember from before says, “Okay, he’s ready.” She gives me a reassuring smile when I glance at her. When I face forward, the doors slowly open and I feel like I could be sick.

Here we go.

No turning back now.

Music plays softly from inside, announcing my entrance. When the doors are completely open, I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face. For all the nerves I’m feeling, I’m also really excited. From this distance at the doorway, I can’t quite make out his face. He’s tall with a frame made to wear suits. His dark brown hair looks to be short on the sides and long on top from here. The only other feature I can make out is his beaming white smile. His smile gives me the encouragement I need to put one foot in front of the other and walk toward him.

My cheeks start to hurt from cheesing so big, but it’s quickly wiped off of my face as soon as I’m halfway down the aisle and can clearly see him. I freeze, unable to move.

No.

This can’t be happening.

The corners of his mouth slowly pull down as his eyebrows furrow in confusion when I refuse to continue toward him.

You’ll be in breach of contract.

This rolls through my mind on a loop.

I’m going to be sick.

Oh, God.

How is this even possible?

I can’t let them know why I’m freaking out. I’ve worked so hard to separate myself from my past. But the past is rearing its ugly head and sucking all the air from my body.

I know him.

Austin

WAITING FOR THE
go ahead to walk into the ceremony is pure agony. I pace back and forth at a side entrance to ensure I’m kept separate from my soon to be wife.

Wife.

Damn, that sounds weird. I’m going from a single guy to married in a matter of minutes.

“Austin, you can go through those doors now.”
Here goes nothing.

With a deep breath, I open the door and instantly see my close family and friends. They’re all smiling and showing their support. I expected them to be more reluctant to the idea, but they surprised me by welcoming it. Once I make it to the altar, I nervously glance across the center aisle to get my first glimpse into the life I’m going to marry into. At first, I’m a little surprised. There are only four guests seated on her side. She either has a really small family, or they weren’t supportive of her decision to go through with this.

“Hi, guys, I’m Austin,” I wave and introduce myself.
Real smooth. Way to make an ass of yourself in the first five seconds.
Everyone waves and smiles in response except for one.

“Good, God! She’s landed herself a hottie!” shouts a petite woman in the front row. I let out a chuckle. I can’t help it. While it’s slightly embarrassing to be put on the spot like that, I’m thankful she cut some of the tension and loosened everyone up in the room.

My palms are sweaty, my stomach is twisting into knots, and I must’ve pulled at my collar a hundred times by now. I wonder if she’s as nervous as I am. Is she having second thoughts? Suddenly, the music starts and the doors begin to open. Everyone stands and turns toward the back of the room.

Time stands still, and the air gets trapped in my lungs. As soon as I see her, a wide smile appears on my face. She looks like a vision, everything I could have imagined and more. The lighting from above casts a glow around her, giving her an angelic hue. Her perfect smile draws me in as her gorgeous eyes light up. Her dress perfectly outlines her body, accentuating her large breasts and tiny waist. I need to make sure I thank the experts. She’s hot as hell!

My heart beats faster and harder the closer she gets. This woman is about to be mine. But then it plummets to the pit of my stomach as she freezes halfway to me. Her mouth falls open and her eyes widen. She becomes pale and looks like she’s seen a ghost. I glance around as everyone starts to murmur, wondering why she stopped. Right when I’m about to make my way to her, she shakes her head slightly and keeps walking.

When she stands before me, she gives me a tight smile. Her shoulders are tense and her whole demeanor has changed since the doors opened. It makes me feel unsettled. I don’t want her to marry me if she thinks it’s a mistake, and everything about her body is telling me she wants to run. Not that she could if she wanted to. We’re both contractually obligated to go through with this. But contract be damned, I wouldn’t want to force anyone into this if they really didn’t want to do it.

“Jillian Taylor, meet Austin James. Austin James, I’d like to introduce to you Jillian Taylor,” the officiant says.

“Nice to meet you,” she replies from beneath her eyelashes. Her shyness makes me grin. She’s beautiful.

“You too,” I respond.

Jillian hands her flowers off to the outspoken girl in the front row and the ceremony begins. I reach out and grab her hand. I’m not really sure why since she’s a stranger, but I need this connection to her. I need to know she’s in this with me. That we’re really doing this together. I have every intention of seeing this through and my hope is she’ll be the woman I spend the rest of my life with.

There’s still awkward tension and I’m sure it doesn’t go unnoticed by anyone here. She never completely relaxes as we become man and wife. I keep staring into her stunning blue eyes and my thumb rubs the back of her hand, hoping to bring her reassurance.

“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

I don’t know what comes over me, especially since she’s so stiff, but I go for it. I kiss my wife for the first time, and I have to say it’s fucking amazing. At first she’s stunned, not responding at all. But soon enough, she molds her mouth to mine and kisses me back. As far as first kisses go, she knocks it out of the damn park. I pull back sooner than I’d like, but I don’t think getting a hard on in front of our friends and family at our wedding would be appropriate.