Hopelessly Devoted to Holden Finn (9 page)

Jeanie laughed. ‘It was just a thought. You’ll be fine, and with budget airlines the journey out to me is quicker and cheaper than a train to London. You can come and visit as often as you like.’

‘It’ll be a bit of a bugger when Paige needs looking after during school holidays.’

‘Paige won’t want to come to me soon, and she’s old enough to fend for herself while you’re at work.’

‘I suppose it will be quite nice having somewhere to take holidays,’ Bonnie said. She tried to sound brave for her mum, but inside, she was cracking. Jeanie had been more than just her mum, she had been her rock, her best friend, someone who knew her better than anyone and kept her steady through life’s storms. How could she even contemplate a life without her living just around the corner?

‘Of course, and you’ll be welcome any time,’ Jeanie said, letting go of Bonnie’s hand.

Bonnie’s gaze dropped to the table and they fell silent for a moment, the sound of the kettle hissing as it boiled the only sound in the room. Then she swallowed and looked up.

‘So this Juan… he has a nice house?’

‘Gorgeous, a villa up in the mountains,’ Jeanie said warmly.

‘And he’s a good man?’

‘He’s fantastic.’

‘How did you meet him?’

‘I decided to catch a bus from the coast to this little village in the mountains to have a look around. I missed the last bus back to the hotel as I couldn’t work out where I went from and Juan found me sitting on a wall looking lost. At first I was just glad to come across someone who spoke good English, but he was so lovely and kind. He took me to a bar and sat me down while he checked on bus times, and when he realised that there wouldn’t be one until the next day, he offered to drive me back.’

‘And you went with him? He could have been a murderer or a rapist!’

‘He could have been,’ Jeanie conceded. ‘But there was something about him, like goodness shining from inside him. I knew I’d be safe, and he was a perfect gentleman.’ Jeanie’s gaze was faraway for a moment, as if she was looking into the past. ‘I sort of got the same feeling about him that I had with your dad when we first met. I haven’t felt that since he passed on. It just so happens that I found it in Spain.’

It was Bonnie’s turn to reach for her mum’s hand across the table. ‘Mum,’ she said softly, ‘if he makes you feel like that, then I can’t be anything but happy for you... even though,’ she added, ‘I will still worry about you.’

‘I’ll worry about you and Paige too,’ Jeanie replied. ‘But you’ll be fine and so will I.’

‘I suppose we will. But I feel all at sea whenever you’re not around.’

‘You have Linda… and perhaps if you found yourself a nice man…’

‘Don’t start that, Mum,’ Bonnie said wearily.

‘I’m just saying. It would be good for you to have someone properly around to rely on, not just me. I’m not getting any younger and I won’t always be here.’

‘You certainly won’t now,’ Bonnie replied, the merest hint of bitterness creeping into her tone. ‘Besides, I don’t get the chance to meet men.’

‘You don’t even try.’

‘If it means having to put myself on display in a nightclub like some going out-of-date meat then no thank you, I’d rather be single.’

‘Nobody is saying that. But when a man
is
interested in you, you push them away.’

‘I don’t.’

‘I’ve seen you do it, Bonnie. And I know why you do it, but you can’t let what Henri did to you ruin the rest of your life.’

‘It has nothing to do with Henri. We were never married, he has no claim over me and he can bugger off back to France whenever he wants. The reason I don’t have a
man is because there is no Mr Right for me. That soul mate that people talk of,
the one
, it’s all a load of crap. Me and Paige get along just fine by ourselves. Besides, Paige might have something to say about someone coming home with me and she’d have a right to.’

‘Paige wouldn’t want to see you lonely. She might have reservations at first, but she’d come round.’

‘Well, there’s no need to worry about it either way, because as far as I can see, there’s no Juan waiting to sweep me off my feet any time soon.’

Jeanie looked at her daughter sadly as she gulped down the last of her drink.

Five

At lunch Bonnie decided to forgo the usual trip to the Bounty and grab the opportunity for a quick look at the Debenham’s sale. The radio station visit was less than a week away, and if there was the slightest chance of her actually meeting Holden Finn, then she wanted to look her best. Despite the previous Christmas now being almost ten months ago, she still had the vouchers that Jeanie had given her and now seemed as good a time as any to spend them.

‘If you don’t mind, I’ll give it a miss,’ Linda said darkly.

Bonnie laughed and rushed out into the drizzle to see if she could get anything in her meagre half an hour lunch break. If she got back late, well… she would just have to try and make it up to Fred somehow.

***

Once in the store, Bonnie marched towards the escalators. She had no idea what she was looking for and was fairly certain that half an hour was never going to be enough time to find it, try it on and pay for it. And if by some miracle she did, what was the betting that once she got home, she’d try it on again and either decide that it wasn’t right after all, or Paige would make some sly comment that would put her off it for good?

Flicking through the clothing on the rails Bonnie frowned and muttered to herself.

Wrong colour… eeuuww colour… sequins ahoy!... too young… too tarty… too frumpy… too…. what the hell is that supposed to be?

She looked up in despair and caught sight of a familiar shaggy blond head on the escalators. Not only that, but Max had Sarah on his arm. Bonnie let out an involuntary groan. Casting around, she could see that there was no way to make an escape. The only thing was to stay put and try to look as inconspicuous as possible.

Just as she thought she might have got away with it, Bonnie heard her name being called. Max came over, scarf draped casually around his neck and his hair wind-tousled so that it dropped cheekily over one eye. He pushed it back from his face and gave Bonnie a huge smile. Sarah huddled into him, her arm linked with his, and looking for all the world like she’d fall over if she wasn’t leaning on him.

‘I just said to Max,’ Sarah squeaked excitedly, ‘we seem to be seeing you everywhere at the moment.’

‘Yes, you do, don’t you,’ Bonnie returned with as much enthusiasm as she could feign.

‘And your hair looks amazing, did you colour it?’ Sarah continued, almost without pausing for breath.

‘Yeah. Thanks,’ Bonnie replied.

‘What are you up to?’ Max asked with a good-natured smile. ‘Treating yourself to something nice?’

‘Hardly,’ Bonnie said. ‘You know Fred; he pays us in potatoes and time off for good behaviour.’

Sarah laughed. ‘Max is always telling me how funny you and Linda are,’ she said. ‘He tells me it’s his favourite stop in the morning.’

‘Yes, you mentioned that at least four times at Blossom Palace,’ Bonnie said tartly.

Max stared at her for a moment, a brief expression of surprise and annoyance crossing his genial features. But it quickly passed. Sarah didn’t seem to notice anything untoward. Her gaze went to the dresses arranged behind Bonnie.

‘Oooh, this one would suit you,’ she said, pulling out a forest-green dress with bell sleeves.

Bonnie smiled and fought the irrational urge to shove Sarah head-first into the dress rack. ‘Maybe I’ll go and try it on then,’ she said politely instead.

‘You totally should, that colour would be fabulous with your hair now.’ She stepped back for a moment and eyed Bonnie up. ‘You know,’ she said thoughtfully, ‘we’re about the same size. I have loads of dresses you could borrow if it’s just for a one-off event. You don’t want to pay the prices they charge in here.’

Bonnie smiled stiffly. ‘That’s very kind of you, but I couldn’t possibly.’ She decided there and then that she would rather go to the radio station wearing a bin bag (used and complete with bin juice) than wear anything of Sarah’s. ‘What are you two up to?’ she asked, steering the conversation away from a subject that might just see her insult Sarah in a way she wouldn’t be able to take back.

‘We’re window shopping for an hour,’ Max said. ‘We were going to the pictures but the film we wanted to see was sold out and we have to wait for the next showing.’

‘Oh, what were you going to see?’

‘
The Tempest
,’ Sarah said, ‘it’s that new version with the guy who plays the vampire on that thing on telly.’

‘Oh? I didn’t have you down as the Shakespeare type,’ Bonnie said to Max, barely keeping the conspiratorial smile from her face.

Max shrugged. ‘I don’t mind really. If I don’t like it I can always have a quick nap.’

Sarah nudged him in the ribs. ‘Don’t you dare,’ she laughed.

‘I get up early, don’t I?’ he pleaded jokingly, looking to Bonnie for support.

‘It’s a hard life for him,’ Bonnie said. ‘We always say he looks like death warmed up when he comes in the morning.’

‘Cheeky!’ Max chuckled, ‘I didn’t mean that.’

Bonnie did a dramatic examination of her watch. ‘Well, just look at that, lunchtime is nearly up so I really have to dash off.’

‘That’s a shame,’ Sarah said earnestly, ‘you could have grabbed a quick coffee with us.’

‘Oh yes,’ Bonnie said with as much fake sincerity as she could muster, ‘that is such a shame. Maybe next time, eh?’

Max put his arm around Sarah again. ‘See you tomorrow, Bon.’

‘See you again soon, maybe,’ Sarah said as she gave Bonnie the sweetest of smiles and a cheery wave.

Bonnie listened to Sarah’s excited chattering fade as they walked away. She was such a lovely, guileless girl, and Bonnie knew that there was no rational reason to dislike her so intensely. But, Bonnie reflected wryly as she made her way back up the escalators, when did she ever need a rational reason for anything that she did?

***

Dear Holden,

Tomorrow I get to see you. Maybe. Annabel’s mum and dad are away for the weekend and her older sister is at university. Annabel was supposed to come and stay with me and Paige anyway rather than be on her own so it seems that I’ll be bringing them to the radio station after all. I can’t believe that it’s happening, even if it is just for Paige. She’s a great kid, you’ll really like her. Her mum is ok too, lol.

Argh, I can’t believe I’m referring to myself in that way. I can’t be the mum to a fifteen-year-old girl, God, what’s attractive about that? You’d never look at me in a million years. And I can’t believe I just wrote lol.

Bonnie tore the page from the pad and shoved it into the kitchen bin. Her gaze flicked to the paper on the table. The pad looked a lot thinner than it had a couple of weeks ago and not one of the letters she had written had gone anywhere other than the bin. If she wasn’t careful, the whole lot would go that way. She sighed.

‘MUM!’ Paige’s voice roared out from her bedroom. ‘I can’t find my curling tongs!’

‘Have you looked in the drawer where they’re normally kept?’ Bonnie shouted back.

‘Yeah, they’re not in there.’

‘It looks like straight hair for you tomorrow then.’

‘Arrrggggghhhh!’

Bonnie pushed herself up from the table and made her way to the source of the commotion. She stood at the bedroom door with her arms folded.

‘Annabel…’ Bonnie began, cocking her head at Paige and sharing a knowing smile with her daughter’s friend – a pretty little doll of a girl now perched on the edge of Paige’s bed and watching Paige fling the contents of her drawers around the room with a series of frustrated grunts. ‘Is she this annoying and helpless all the time with you too?’

Annabel smiled politely. ‘Um…’

‘Don’t worry,’ Bonnie said, crossing the room and moving her daughter aside, ‘you don’t need to answer that.’ Bonnie rummaged for a second or two before yanking on an electric flex; a moment later the rest of the curling tongs emerged from the murky depths of the drawer. ‘Is this what you’re looking for?’ Bonnie handed them to Paige who gave a sheepish grin.

Bonnie’s gaze was drawn to a dress hanging over the wardrobe door. ‘Is that what you’re wearing tomorrow?’ she asked Paige.

Paige nodded.

‘I hope you’re wearing leggings or thick tights with it.’

‘Why?’ Paige frowned.

‘It’s a bit short.’

‘It’s not.’

‘Trust me, it is.’

‘Well I’m wearing it without anything and I don’t care what you think.’

‘That’s good, because I think you’ll look like a slapper.’

Paige folded her arms and fixed Bonnie with a confrontational stare.

Annabel watched the exchange, inching further down the bed in embarrassment. Bonnie threw her hands into the air.

‘Whatever, Paige. You’ve got to sit in front of Every Which Way tomorrow, the one and only time you’ll probably ever get the opportunity, and when you look back on that golden moment, you’re the one that has to remember that you looked like a chav.’

‘Don’t be stupid, Mum,’ Paige muttered, but she was blushing furiously and she glanced across at the dress, her expression now a little less resolute than it had been.

‘Wear what you want,’ Bonnie said as she marched out of the room.

As soon as she returned to the kitchen table, Bonnie regretted making a fool out of Paige in front of Annabel. What did it matter that her dress was a little on the short side? Bonnie would have been exactly the same at her age, wouldn’t she? Hell, if she thought she had the legs to pull it off, maybe she’d be tempted by a dress like that now. Paige would look fantastic in it, she had no doubt. Perhaps, she thought glumly, that was part of the problem.

A few minutes later, Bonnie was back at the door of Paige’s room holding two mugs of hot chocolate. Paige and Annabel were poring over a magazine, giggling at photos of the band members, a CD of them playing in the background.

‘I thought you might like a warm drink,’ Bonnie said in a tone that indicated she wanted to be friends again.