Hope's Road (20 page)

Chapter 31

Travis lay on the edges of sleep, wondering three things. Why did his arm feel dead? Why there was a drum roll coming from somewhere? And why was there a bright light on in his bedroom? He opened one eye and spied a waterfall of dark brown hair cascading across his chest.

Then he remembered. And after he glanced at the clock radio, he realised why it was so bright in his bedroom. It was nine am. The only thing he couldn't work out was the drum roll which had metamorphosed into an insistent thump followed by a voice calling, ‘Trav. Oh,
Tra-av
?'

Then there was the sound of a sliding door opening, followed by the swish of drapes. A clicking of high heels on the wooden floor and –

‘
Travis
?'

He hadn't seen Jacinta since the night of the dance. Now she was at his bedroom door and the expression on her face was a sight to behold. Shock. Fleeting anger. Disappointment. Then, a bright and brittle smile.

‘Hi!' she said, waggling her fingers in the air. ‘It's a lovely morning out there!'

Only a woman like Cin could attempt to make this seem normal, thought Trav, as the woman beside him struggled to sit up. Then, realising she was naked, slunk back down just as fast.

‘Hi,' said Tammy weakly.

But Trav wasn't looking at Cin. He was looking at where the doona now only barely covered that glorious body. A body belonging to the woman he had thoroughly loved last night . . . and again in the wee hours of this morning. He felt himself harden at the thought of it.

‘Ahem, well. I guess I'll just go turn the kettle on, shall I?' said Cin. ‘Give you time to get up?'

Bugger the Jacintas of the world. He opened his mouth to demand she leave when her words came floating through from the kitchen . . .

‘I just called in to say I think there's something wrong with Billy.'

Both Trav and Tammy stared at one another in horror. The bed erupted into action. Within minutes both were dressed and colliding with each other as they tumbled through the doorjamb.

‘Oooo, be careful. One at a time!' called Cin, in her best school-marm voice. She was quailed by dagger looks from both parties. ‘Oh, well then,' she uttered, hesitating a moment before lifting the teapot in the air. ‘Cuppa anyone?'

‘What's wrong with Billy?' demanded Trav. ‘What's hap­pened? Where is he? Where's Joe?'

Cin looked across the bench in surprise. ‘Oh, I didn't mean he's hurt himself or anything. Did he spend the night with Joe? So you two could . . . ? Well, you know?' Cin waved her arms around and blushed a deep red.

Trav dropped onto a barstool and buried his face in his hands.

Tammy automatically placed a comforting palm on his shoulder. ‘And so, Cin, what
exactly
is
wrong with Billy?'

Cin looked hard at Tammy and then her gaze dropped to the hand sitting on Trav's flannelette shirt. Tammy quickly snatched it back and moved away.

Cin grimaced and then heaved a huge sigh. ‘We suspect he's hearing impaired.'

Trav's head reared. ‘He's
w
hat
?'

‘Hearing impaired. We suspect he's deaf.'

‘I heard what you said the first time!' Trav's voice verged on a yell.

Cin dropped her head, concentrated on making the tea.

Tammy could see the woman was chewing her bottom lip and about to cry. She pulled up a stool a respectable distance from Travis and dragged her cuppa across the bench, blowing across then slowly sipping the hot brew. ‘What makes you think Billy is deaf?'

‘Yeah. Why do you think my son isn't the full bottle?'

‘I didn't
say
he wasn't the full bottle.' Cin flushed and looked indignant. ‘In fact he's one of the most switched-on children in my class. What I said was, I think he's got a hearing problem.' The woman picked up her coffee and peered at Trav and Tammy through the stream rising from the mug. ‘Remember the note, Trav? The one about the school nurse coming to do a check-up on the children?'

Trav nodded reluctantly.

‘Well, she came yesterday and checked all sorts of things, eyes, ears and so on. Billy didn't pass the hearing test.'

Trav stood up, combed his fingers through his rumpled hair. ‘He's not deaf. He must have been having a bad day. Maybe he wasn't concentrating.' He turned to Tammy. ‘You know what he's like. If he's not focusing on you or what you're saying he doesn't hear a thing. Just goes off into his own little world . . .' His voice trailed off as he looked up at the ceiling. Tammy could see him replaying in his mind exactly what he'd just said.

The truth hit.

Trav couldn't think straight. No sleep, chasing wild dogs, finally making love to Tammy – and oh, how amazing was that – Cin bursting in on them and now this? Billy was deaf! It was all too much. He needed air.

He spun and walked out the door of the little house. Down the path. Out the garden gate. Through the bush, following a path barely visible to those who didn't know it was there. Manuka and dogwood bushes snatched at his sleeves, pulling at the material, trying to hold him back. But he ploughed on, leaving their branches to wave in lonely despair.

The words that had just turned his whole world upside down were hammering in his head. Billy was deaf.

His son, Billy, was
deaf
.

And it was all his fault. It couldn't have been Kat's. She was so perfect, so good.

She wasn't good. Look what she did to you and the kid.

His stride ate up the bush as his thoughts drove arrows through his head. She walked out on you both. Just left you to bring up the kid on your own. Hasn't even tried to contact you since. Thank goodness those solicitors handled the divorce or you could still be married to her. You don't even know if she's alive.

Course she's alive. I'd know if she was dead. I'd feel it, somewhere down deep inside.

Would you? You didn't know she was going to leave, did you? Did you . . . Did you . . . Did you?

Then suddenly Lake Grace was in front of him. The massive expanse of water that irrigated around fifty thousand hectares of prime pasture-land in the district of Narree.

From high upon his hill, he looked down on the weir. Sunlight was glinting off the ochre-coloured lake. A small section of his brain noted the fullness of the weir, a rare sea-eagle gliding the eddies to his south, swooping down every now and then to feast on a kill. The misty haze hung low over the looming blue-grey mountains to the north.

But otherwise all Travis could see in front of his eyes was an earnest little boy who looked so like his mother, with his red hair and a smattering of freckles. A spindly, funny little kid who every day reminded Trav of what he had lost and how he, Travis, was failing, even now.

Billy was deaf.

And it was all his fault.

By the time Trav made it back to the house, Cin was gone. Tammy was chopping kindling. He could hear her distinctive voice even as he came through the tall trees a way back from the house. She appeared to be having an angry one-sided conversation with his dog. ‘Billy's got a hearing problem. So what? It's fixable.'

The axe came down hard.
Smack!

‘What's his problem with that?'

Smack!

She stood up, stretched her back, looked at the dog like she was expecting him to say something. ‘That's right. There isn't a problem.'

She grabbed another block of wood and set it on the chopping block. ‘So why does he take . . .'

Smack!

‘. . . everything so personally . . .'

Smack!

‘. . . and just . . . just . . . walk right on off?'

Trav came up to stand behind her. ‘So what am I supposed to do? It's all my fault.'

Tammy jumped in the air, dropping the axe, which just missed her foot. ‘For crying out loud! Do you always have to move so quietly?'

‘The dog knew I was here.'

‘I wasn't looking at the dog, I was chopping wood.'

‘You were talking to the dog.'

‘I was not.'

‘You were too,' he said.

Tammy picked up the axe. What was she going to do with it? ‘I'm heading home.'

‘You're taking the axe?'

Tammy looked down at the implement then slammed it into the chopping block. ‘No. There's some kindling. Although you don't deserve it. Goodbye.' And she went to walk off, shoulders back, but Trav grabbed her by the elbow as she swung past. Spun her around to face him.

‘You're angry with me. Why?'

She took a deep breath. ‘Too right I'm angry with you, you self-involved, selfish, arrogant, surly . . .' She stopped, seemingly lost for more words, before adding, ‘. . . bastard.'

‘Would you care to explain exactly why I'm a bastard?'

‘That child adores you. Idolises you. And you don't give a jot about him. You don't care. You're told he's got a hearing problem and you just walk off? When was the last time you looked at him? Really
looked
at him and took notice?'

‘Not care? Not notice him? Of course I do – I'm his father, goddammit!'

‘Well, it's about time you started acting like it,' she yelled, before storming off towards her ute.

Trav couldn't believe it. Everything he
did
was for Billy. He called after her, ‘I put a roof over his head, feed him, clothe him, send him to school.'

Tammy spun back. ‘But you don't
show
him you love him, do you, Hunter? You don't show him you care.'

‘I do!'

‘When was the last time you hugged him? Kissed him? Ruffled his hair?'

Trav flung a hand up to scratch at his own head. ‘I don't kn –'

‘That's my point. You don't. That child is crying out for attention.
Your
attention.'

‘I do the best I can.'

‘Well, your best isn't good enough,' she said before walking towards her vehicle.

‘Tammy? Tammy! Don't go. Help me understand.' Trav started jogging after her, aiming to cut her off before she got into the ute. He made it just as she was opening the door. Over her shoulder he leaned in and shut it. She tried to open it again but he wouldn't let her. ‘Tammy?' he begged, not exactly sure why he was so desperate to stop her leaving but knew he needed her to stay. To explain why he was doing all this so wrong.

She paused with her head down, still facing the car. He held his breath. ‘Tammy, please?'

And still she didn't move. Trav stepped back. But instead of opening the door of the ute, she turned to look up into his face. He was shocked to see tears in her eyes. ‘That child needs you, Trav. Especially now. I know what it's like not to have real parents. I don't even know who my father
was
. But you . . .' She swallowed. ‘You
are
his father. And through you Billy has a chance to know he is loved.'

Trav stared down into the deep brown eyes. ‘Help me.' he said. ‘Help me to understand. Show me what I need to do.'

‘It's not rocket science. Show interest in the child. Do stuff with him, talk to him, kiss him, hug him, just show him you love him – try being a real dad.'

‘And the hearing? Did Jacinta say anything more about that?'

‘You have to make an appointment with the audiologist. Get a handle on what you're dealing with.'

Trav hung his head. The poor kid. He felt a small but firm hand come up and cradle him under the chin, lift his head up.

‘It's not that bad, Trav. Maybe just a pair of hearing aids? There are thousands of kids out there who are hearing impaired and they're all living full and happy lives.'

‘But it's my fault.'

‘How the hell do you know that? And who really cares anyway?' She ran her fingers over his cheek and gave him an encouraging little grin. ‘It'll be okay. Hearing aids and he'll be right as rain. You just have to learn to be a real dad.'