Horizons (10 page)

This whole situation was a mistake. He should never have offered to tutor him. The close physical contact was torturing them both, and unless someone broke the standoff it would only get worse.

“You’re playing with fire,” Lil kept telling him. “He’ll never cave, and you continue to suffer. Why do this to yourself?”

This was exactly what he didn’t want to hear. His thoughts, verbalized in such a cold and matter-of-fact way. He didn’t choose this! The last thing he needed in his life was a closet case. Falling for Clark wasn’t something he’d planned on doing. It just happened, and now that he was caught in his web, he was unable to find a way out. The more time he spent with him, the more he realized what a great guy he was.

He was so much more than an athlete. He was funny and thoughtful and a really good son, respectful to a father who had mentally abused him for years. He’d put him down at every turn, reinforcing Clark’s belief that he was dumb. The truth of the matter was that most people with ADD were mentally above average but were so insecure about their capabilities that they never even acknowledged having a brain. This was compounded by the fact that he was a jock and no one gave him any credence, assuming he only had sports on his mind. If his family had bothered to dig a little further, they’d have realized Clark was far greater than the sum of his parts.

Jody gave up trying to find any easy way out. He knew there was none. He had to trust in his instincts, to continue to tutor Clark and make sure he passed the class. Everything else would have to run its natural course. What that was, he had no idea. He turned away from the rosebushes and made his way into the house.

I’
D
DECIDED
to end my relationship with Jody and gamble on passing the English class on my own.

It was just too difficult to be around him, and I needed to let this go before I did something stupid. I wanted to tell him in person rather than leave a message. It was the least I could do, considering how much time and effort he’d invested in me.

I’d made that decision over the weekend while I was in the hospital looking at Robby and Linda’s new baby. The kid looked like E.T., all eyes and hands, but I was sure that eventually he’d grow up to be good-looking like the other members of the Stevens clan. I glanced around the room and saw them all: my four brothers and my mom and dad gathered around my sister-in-law’s bed, kidding with her about the kid’s future Little League scores.

I tried to imagine what it would be like being among them, an out-and-proud homo. It was an impossible thought, as alien to my world as football pads were to Jody’s. It was never going to happen. I wanted to be like everyone else in the room, comfortable in my skin, and the only way to do it would be to shed the layer that was creating the problem; to cut off all ties with anything that made me question my role in life.

I climbed into my car and made the trek across town over to Oakland, turning left on Ashby, and then climbing up toward the hills. I passed the Claremont Resort Hotel on my left and then turned right onto Jody’s street. I parked the car, moving in slow motion almost like a man going to the gallows or the electric chair. This was not how I envisioned our next encounter, but I was determined to do this. I rang the front doorbell and almost passed out when he opened it. Jody was naked, but for the white towel wrapped around his waist, and I stood there paralyzed, unable to move, let alone breathe. His body was everything I imagined and more.

“Hey, come in. I’m on the phone with my dad.” Jody smiled. “Sorry about this,” he whispered, pointing at the towel. “I was in the shower when the phone rang.”

“No worries.”

I was trying not to stare, passing by him and acting as nonchalant as possible. I went to the living room and threw myself on the sofa while he finished his phone call.

“Okay, Dad. The twenty-third it is, leaving to come back on the twenty-sixth. That should put me ahead of the holiday rush.”

He paused for a minute. “I’ll take a cab. Don’t worry about picking me up. Okay. Later, Dad.”

He hung up and smiled at me, the Jody combination of dimple and white teeth, knocking me on my metaphoric ass. “Hi.”

“Hi, yourself. Going someplace?”

“Home for Christmas.”

“Oh. I’d forgotten; it’s just weeks away.”

“Yeah—will you excuse me while I go and put some clothes on?”

“Umm, sure.”

“Do you want a beer while you’re waiting?”

“Okay.” I went over to him and watched him pull a beer out of the fridge. I was devouring him with my eyes, and I’m sure he could feel me staring at him, even with his back to me. He turned abruptly and caught me looking. I could feel the heat staining my cheeks and the blood rushing to my groin. My heart was hammering so hard I was sure he could hear it.

He came up to me slowly and handed me the beer, clutching the bottle as I reached for it. He wouldn’t let go, so I had to grab his hand and pull hard until he was pressed up against me. We were staring at each other again, just like we’d done so many times in the past few days, but this time something shifted. I don’t remember who made the first move, whether it was him or me. All I know is that I moaned out his name. He reached up and grabbed my neck to pull me toward his mouth, and he kissed me.

It wasn’t a girly kiss, not soft or tender or romantic. It was an open-mouthed, hungry kiss, possessive and forceful. His tongue swept the inside of my mouth, probing and meeting mine. We danced around each other’s taste while we groaned out our mutual need. I could feel his cock, rigid against my leg, easily discerned under the towel.

I closed my eyes and let him take charge, lost in the feel of his lips sucking on mine. This was something I’d dreamed of for almost my entire life, and now that it was finally happening, I was blown away. I wasn’t put off by all the maleness rubbing against me. The sensation of his lips on mine wasn’t repugnant or strange; on the contrary, it had never felt so good or so right. We couldn’t get enough of each other; our hands were all over the place, exploring roughly.

There was a small nagging, way at the back of my head, telling me to be cautious, to not take this any further, but I couldn’t stop. Hearing him moan my name was only egging me on. I pulled him closer and kissed him harder. His hands slid under my shirt, running rampant over my chest, and my heart almost stopped when he reached down and cupped my package outside of my jeans, kneading forcefully and coaxing another groan out of my mouth. Bypassing my zipper, he eased into my briefs through the slight gap in between my stomach and waistband, and that’s when I realized this had to stop or there would be no turning back. I pushed him away roughly.

“Jody, stop!”

“Why?” His lips were swollen from the kissing, and his pupils were blown with desire. I had never seen him look this good.

“I can’t do this.”

“You want me as much as I want you,” he accused.

I turned from him, too embarrassed to admit I was terrified.

“Clark, please.” His hand held my arm, and I shrugged it off, desperate to escape from him and the truth. I felt his hot breath on my neck, sending shockwaves throughout my system, my erection bulging against my pants. I couldn’t catch my breath; it felt like I was drowning. “I’m sorry. I have to go.”

I raced out the door and climbed into my car, fighting back the tears that always showed up during moments of high stress. I started the engine and the car careened down the hill. I kept hearing the desperation in Jody’s voice, and I was sick to my stomach, knowing I was the biggest coward in the world, because I was too afraid to admit I was gay. I pulled the car over to the side of the road, and I sat there with the engine running, fighting the same battle in my head that I’d been waging for years. I clutched the steering wheel so hard my knuckles faded to white. I kept telling myself to keep on driving, to get away from him and put this to rest, but my emotions were warring with my intellect, confusing me even more. I rested my head on my hands, waiting to see if I could get myself under control, but the only thing I could feel was a horrific sense of loss that kept pulling me in the direction of the house up the hill. I must have sat there for at least ten minutes, praying I’d come to my senses, but it wasn’t happening. The reality was that the battle was over, and it was time to surrender.

I lifted my head, backhanded my tears, and put the car in gear. The road was narrow, but clear of traffic at the moment, and I managed to turn the car and race up that hill in a squeal of burning rubber. The front door opened as soon as I killed the engine, and I ran up the walkway and saw him standing in the doorway, still wrapped in that damn towel. I grabbed him with both hands and slammed him hard against the closest wall, burying my face against the side of his neck.

“I had to come back.” I littered kisses all over him. “I’m sorry… so sorry, Jody.” I was moaning, running my hands up and down his back, pressing him tightly against me. “Please….”

He wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me impossibly close, and rested his forehead on mine. “Don’t think, Clark,” he whispered. “Just feel.” His breath was warm and sweet, and when he began sucking on my lips, I did exactly as I was told. Discarding my inhibitions, I embraced the experience and relished the tightness in my groin and the tingling in my arms and legs. I was trembling with need; I wanted to feel his mouth on my cock so badly I thought I’d die in the next few minutes if he didn’t touch me. Our bodies pushed against each other, his towel doing nothing to buffer the hardness against my leg. I let my hands wander over his back and down his tapered waist, finally resting on his ass, and I squeezed with both hands, hearing a moaning in the distance, not realizing it was coming out of my mouth. Jody stepped back and looked at me. “It’s your call,” he whispered, the fire in his eyes saying it all.

I tugged at the white towel and watched it fall to the floor, revealing a line of dark hair from under his belly button, down his stomach, stopping at the top of his groin where a perfect patch of curly hair framed an impressive cock that was thick with need.

“Jo,” I exhaled the breath I’d been holding, and I reached out for him and dragged him back up to me.

He kissed me again as he tugged at my T-shirt, pulling it up my torso and throwing it across the room. He ran his hands all over me, moaning out my name before he pressed his mouth to my nipple, flicking at the hard nub with his tongue, taking it between his teeth and biting softly, encouraged by the sighs that were escaping from my throat. I was pressed against the wall, trapped by his greedy mouth as he worked me, sending signals straight to my throbbing cock.

“You’re beautiful,” he hushed, as his fingers tangled in my chest hair. I pushed against him, whimpering and desperate for his touch. I remembered his plea to feel and stop overthinking, but I couldn’t say the words “suck me.” He must have read my mind as he looked into my eyes because his hands were moving down my body all while he gauged my reaction. I nodded approvingly. I was too far gone to stop now. He pulled my jeans and underwear down with both hands, leaving them to pool around my shoes. I heard his sharp intake of breath when he saw my cock stretched to the maximum.

“God,” he exclaimed, in a voice ragged with desire as he sank to his knees and buried his face in my crotch. He rubbed his cheek against my stomach and encircled my cock with a shaky hand. I watched him open his mouth and suck me in, closing his eyes and humming with pleasure as he engulfed me, whimpering in ways that made my skin erupt into miles of goose flesh. The sight of him on his knees with my cock sliding in and out of his mouth was the most erotic thing I’d ever seen in my life. I grabbed his head, running my fingers through the dark silk, just to hold onto something as he worked me over. He didn’t balk at my size, which I found unbelievable. None of the women I’d ever been with were up to the challenge of a blow job, and I never thought to ask anymore. Jody seemed unfazed, bestowing a degree of pleasure beyond anything I’d known in the past. My world shifted, reduced to a reality of heat and moisture, every sucking motion bringing me that much closer to the culmination of a fantasy that had teased me for years.

“Jo,” I huffed. “I’m close.”

He answered by pulling me tighter against him, kneading my balls while he continued to pump with his mouth, and I exploded in a river of hot cum, pulsating into his mouth much too soon, and he let me, gulping greedily as he milked my cock with strong, sucking motions. I watched from above, in shock that this was actually happening and the incredible man on his knees was swallowing every bit of me and enjoying it!

When the trembling in my legs stopped, he let me slip out of his mouth, and began licking up the residue, lapping at me joyously like a kitten around a puddle of milk. I wondered again how I ever thought I’d be strong enough to walk away from this when all my instincts kept telling me this was what I wanted.

I helped him up and we held each other for the longest time, listening to our combined heartbeats. Talking would have ruined the moment, so we stood in silence and sort of floated in our happy place. Eventually, Jody stirred, and I felt his soft lips caressing my neck. We shuffled across the room, never letting go of each other, and I let him steer me toward his bedroom. He kicked the door open and we were on his bed in seconds, our bodies pressed against each other, chest to chest, and cock to cock. My spent organ quickly recovered as Jody rutted against me. We shifted position, and he ended up underneath while I undulated against him. He was thrashing on the bed, jabbing his erection against my stomach in an attempt to get off.