Horrid Henry and the Abominable Snowman (7 page)

Horrid Henry woke up. He felt strange. He felt…happy. He felt…excited. But why?

Was it the weekend? No. Was it a day off school? No. Had Miss Battle-Axe been kidnapped by aliens and transported to another galaxy to slave in the salt mines? No (unfortunately).

So why was he feeling so excited on a school day?

And then Horrid Henry remembered.

Oh wow!! It was Book Week at Henry’s school, and his favorite author in the whole world, TJ Fizz, the writer of the stupendous Ghost Quest and Mad Machines and Skeleton Skunks, was coming to talk to his class. Henry had read every single one of TJ’s brilliant books, even after lights out. Rude Ralph thought they were almost as good as Mutant Max comics. Horrid Henry thought they were even better.

Perfect Peter bounced into his room.

“Isn’t it exciting, Henry?” said Perfect Peter. “Our class is going to meet a real live author! Milksop Miles is coming today. He’s the man who wrote The Happy Nappy. Do you think he’ll sign my copy?”

Horrid Henry snorted.

The Happy Nappy! Only the dumbest book ever. All those giant diapers with names like Rappy Nappy and Zappy Nappy and Tappy Nappy dancing and prancing around. And then the truly

horrible Gappy Nappy, who was always wailing, “I’m leaking!”

Horrid Henry shuddered. He was amazed that Milksop Miles dared to show his face after writing such a boring book.

“Only a wormy toad like you could like such a stupid story,” said Henry.

“It’s not stupid,” said Peter.

“Is too.”

“Is not. And he’s bringing his guitar. Miss Lovely said so.”

“Big deal,” said Horrid Henry. “We’ve got TJ Fizz.”

Perfect Peter shuddered.

“Her books are too scary,” said Peter.

“That’s ’cause you’re a baby.”

“Mom!” shrieked Peter. “Henry called me baby.”

“Tattletale,” hissed Henry.

“Don’t be horrid, Henry,” shouted Mom.

Horrid Henry sat in class with a huge tote bag filled with all his TJ Fizz books. Everyone in the class had drawn book covers for Ghost Quest and Ghouls’ Jewels, and written their own Skeleton Skunk story. Henry’s of course was the best: Skeleton Skunk Meets Terminator Gladiator: May the Smelliest Fighter Win! He would give it to TJ Fizz if she paid him a million dollars.

Ten minutes to go. How could he live until it was time for her to arrive?

Miss Battle-Axe cleared her throat.

“Class, we have a very important guest coming. I know you’re all very excited, but I will not tolerate anything but perfect behavior today. Anyone who misbehaves will be sent out. Is that clear?” She glared at Henry.

Henry scowled back. Of course he would be perfect. TJ Fizz was coming!

“Has everyone thought of a good question to ask her? I’ll write the best ones on the board,” continued Miss Battle-Axe.

“How much money do you make?” shouted Rude Ralph.

“How many TVs do you have?” shouted Horrid Henry.

“Do you like fudge?” shouted Greedy Graham.

“I said good questions,” snapped Miss Battle-Axe. “Bert, what’s your question for TJ Fizz?”

“I dunno,” said Beefy Bert.

Rumble.

Rumble.

Rumble.

Ooops. Henry’s tummy was telling him it was snack time.

It must be all the excitement. It was strictly forbidden to eat in class, but Henry was a master sneaker. He certainly wouldn’t want his tummy to gurgle while TJ Fizz was talking.

Miss Battle-Axe was writing down Clever Clare’s eight questions on the board.

Slowly, carefully, silently, Horrid Henry opened his lunch box under the table. Slowly, carefully, silently, he eased open the bag of chips.

Horrid Henry looked to the left.

Rude Ralph was waving his hand in the air.

Horrid Henry looked to the right.

Greedy Graham was drooling and opening a bag of candy.

The coast was clear. Henry popped some Super Spicy Hedgehog chips into his mouth.

MUNCH!

“C’mon Henry, give me some chips,” whispered Rude Ralph.

“No,” hissed Horrid Henry. “Eat your own.”

“I’m starving,” moaned Greedy Graham. “Gimme a chip.”

“No!” hissed Horrid Henry.

MUNCH

Huh?

Miss Battle-Axe towered over him, holding his bag of chips in the air. Her red eyes were like two icy daggers.

“What did I tell you, Henry?” said Miss Battle-Axe. “No bad behavior would be tolerated. Go to Miss Lovely’s class.”

“But…but…TJ Fizz is coming!” spluttered Horrid Henry. “I was just—”

Miss Battle-Axe pointed to the door.

“Out!”

“NOOOOOOOOOO!” howled Henry.