How to Catch a (Rock) Star (The Dead Hour #1) (23 page)

CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR

Lillie looked at her newly blonde hair in the mirror and mourned her dark waves for the thousandth time. Still, it could have been worse. She could have gone for one of those fashionable 80s throwback hair cuts like Flock of Seagulls. Or done a Britney and shaved it all off. Maybe she just needed to get used to it. She could always dye it back.

After hearing Kate and Johnny on the phone, she had realised that she needed to get it together and they did say a change was as good as a rest. Hence the hair colour. It was a cliché, she knew, but she had felt brave and empowered as she sat in the salon, the smell of bleach filling her nose as she sipped on a latte and read gossip magazines.

When the stylist had blown her wavy hair straight and whipped the cape off her shoulders with obvious pride, it was all Lillie could do not to cry. She had fake smiled and gushed about how much she loved it, paid the small fortune the fancy salon charged, left a big tip and covered her hair with a hat as soon as she got round the corner.

Kate had tried to hide her horror but Lillie knew it was bad. She looked like a ghost. Pale skin, pale hair. Even her eyes seemed to have dulled to a murky grey instead of the bluish grey they usually were. This was one platinum blonde that was not going to have more fun.

Someone from the record company had called her a couple of days ago and left a message asking her to call them back regarding a solo artist contract. She bet that Johnny had something to do with that. Or maybe even that arsehole Steve. No, not Steve. How could he possibly feel guilty for taking advantage of her and ruining her life when he was completely without a soul? Definitely Johnny then.

Now she had to decide whether she was going to stay in the music industry or go back to shitty office work. A flashback to Felicity yapping orders at her was enough to convince her that, no matter how much being onstage terrified her and painfully reminded her of better times in equal measures, she would at least be doing something she loved. And Johnny had helped her get over the stage fright for the most part.

She spent a couple of days thinking about the pros and cons of life as a singer and, apart from sharing a record label with the band and the fear of maybe one day bumping into him and embarrassing herself beyond imagination by throwing herself at his feet or worse, the cons list was extremely short.

She had wanted to be a singer her whole life. She could do it on her own. She didn’t need him or the band to be a success. She just needed her confidence back and to believe in herself. Kate believed in her. So did Johnny. This morning, he had emailed her a very long list of reasons why she had to sign with the label and some of them even made sense.

Just because her mum hadn’t managed to make it didn’t mean Lilie couldn’t. She was going to do this. She was going to call them back right now and tell them she wanted to sign with them. She just needed a cup of tea first. Oh and maybe some lunch. And her room really needed sorting out.

Perhaps she’d just sleep on it tonight and give it the consideration it deserved tomorrow. Yeah, that sounded like a better idea. No need to rush into things, look at her hair. One rash decision and she looked like the living dead. Tomorrow she was going to take Kate out to lunch and see what she thought. No more mistakes.

CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE

Lillie closed the door behind Kate and let the smile slide off her face. She leaned against the hard wood and slid down to the floor, hugging her knees and cried. With Kate gone and her parents and Tess already on their cruise ship, she was alone for the first time in months.

When she finally stopped crying, she eased herself up on shaky legs and went into the kitchen, poured herself a large vodka and tonic and drank it down. Poured another and held it, staring at the fridge.

God, she was a shit friend. She could tell that Kate had been holding in her excitement, not wanting to upset Lillie. Lillie was really happy that Kate was getting to see Chris after all this time. She just wished she was going too.

She doubled over at the imagined feel of his arms, tears coming thick and fast. Dammit. She hadn’t cried like this for weeks. Kate had been her dam and now she was gone. Gone to New York. Gone to have fun and laugh and celebrate with Johnny and Chris. And him.

Lillie drained her glass and willed herself to get a grip. She leaned against the counter, swiped at her face with her sleeve and took some deep breaths. This was going to be harder than she thought. She exhaled hard and thought about what she was going to do for the rest of the day.

Beside her the phone rang, making her jump. She picked it up before she could even think about it.

‘Hello?’

‘Lillie?’

Her heart pounded and her head span. American accent, male voice. She couldn’t speak. Her legs gave way and she slumped to the floor in a painful heap.

‘Lil? Are you there?’ Johnny.

Lillie breathed again.

‘Yeah, I’m here. Hi.’ Lillie’s voice was flat, full of disappointment. She felt a pang of pity for Johnny and tried to pull herself together.

‘Hey, how you doing? I know Kate’s left already. I wanted to check you were doing okay. It’s been a while, babe.’ Lillie rubbed a hand over her forehead and closed her eyes.

‘Yeah, I know. I’m okay. How are you? How’s –’ she paused, ‘everyone?’ She crossed her legs beneath her and reached for her glass. Empty.

‘Yeah, yeah, I’m good. Tour’s over until February so, you know, we’re all just kicking back. Enjoying being in one place for more than two days, you know how it is.’ The happiness in his voice stabbed Lillie’s heart, the reminder that she had once been part of it all twisting painfully.

‘Yeah, I remember.’ Lillie’s voice was dull. She took a deep breath and tried to inject more life into her voice. ‘So, are you spending Christmas with your parents?’

‘Yeah. They say hi by the way. So does Sandra.’ Lillie flinched. ‘She says she emailed you but you never replied.’ The rebuke was clear in his voice but Lillie stayed silent. ‘You can’t cut us all out of your life, Lil. It doesn’t work that way. We care about you, sweetheart.’

His voice softened and Lillie fought back tears and swallowed hard. She took a shaky breath and asked him what his plans were for Christmas. She heard him sigh at her change of subject.

‘Get drunk, eat lots, the usual drill. How about you? I heard you were going to be alone.’

‘Yeah, well, it’s better that way I think. I don’t really feel like doing much, so –’ Lillie let her unfinished sentence float down the line.

‘Jed’s the same.’

Lillie winced at the sound of his name.

‘I don’t know where he’s going but he’s not spending it with us. Said he couldn’t handle people.’

Lillie nodded, she knew the feeling.

‘Anyway, babe, I heard you agreed to meet with the label.’

Lillie stood up and poured herself another drink.

‘I’m real proud of you, Lil. I know it can’t have been an easy decision but you can do this.’

Lillie closed her eyes.

‘It’ll be a great distraction from Jed, just don’t go getting bigger than us, hey?’

‘I highly doubt that’s going to happen,’ Lillie replied. ‘I’m not exactly exciting to watch onstage.’

‘Maybe not yet but you are beautiful to listen to. You don’t need to jump around the stage like Juliette Lewis doing crazy shit,’ he laughed and so did Lillie.

‘Anyway, I called ‘cos I want you to do something for me. Two things actually.’ ‘Really? Like what?’

‘First, put some damn weight on. Kate says you’ve lost way too much. Go to the grocery store and buy all the candy and cakes and ice cream they have, take a photo and send it to me. I want to see your kitchen covered in sugary snacks.’

‘Okay, I will. What’s the second thing?’

‘After you’ve eaten so much you have to vom, I want you to book a hair appointment and get rid of that God awful blonde shit.’

‘How do you – oh, Kate.’ She couldn’t believe Kate would have sent a photo of her new hair. When had she even taken one?

‘Babe, it sucks all the hotness right out of you. ‘Course, maybe that’s what you were trying to do –’

‘Okay, the blonde is gone. Monday, I’ll get it fixed. Do you want a photo of that too?’

‘Yes, I do. And if you could make it a naked –’

‘Johnny!’ Lillie exclaimed.

‘Can’t blame a guy for trying,’ Johnny laughed and Lillie smiled. ‘So, photo of fatty and sugary snacks and then a nudie shot of you with normal hair, okay?’

‘Yeah, right!’ Lillie giggled. ‘One of food, one of hair. Head hair,’ she clarified. Johnny laughed loudly.

‘That’s the spirit! I’ll call you Monday. You take care. And eat!’

‘I will, I promise. You take care too, say hi to everyone,’ Lillie felt the best she had in months. ‘And thank you, Johnny.’

‘Thanks for what? We’re buddies, Lil. Always, okay?’

‘Okay,’ Lillie said, a smile on her face that she couldn’t seem to get rid of.

‘Okay. Love you babe, speak to you on Monday.’

‘Monday. Love you too, Johnny.’ The dial tone sounded in Lillie’s ear and she hung up too. She stood for a while, still smiling. It felt strange, her face muscles hurt a bit.

While she was still feeling good from Johnny’s phone call, she decided to start on Johnny’s first request. She grabbed her coat, purse and keys and walked down to the corner shop.

Fifteen minutes later, she was back inside, kettle on and muffins in the toaster. Two cups of tea, a buttered muffin and half a packet of Cadbury’s dark chocolate fingers later, she was laid out on the sofa, feeling sick but oddly happy.

She had booked a hair appointment for Monday and had sent a photo of all her purchases to Johnny. He’d texted her back, telling her to send him a photo of a toilet full of vomit. She’d grimaced and told him that was gross and she wasn’t doing that, besides, if he wanted her to put on weight, she would need to keep all the food down. He’d replied that that was true and asked for a photo of her food packed belly instead. She’d relented and sent him one, telling him that was the closest to a naked photo of her that he was ever going to get.

Lillie woke up much later to a dark and cold apartment, her limbs stiff and cramped. The good feeling from her conversation with Johnny was still hanging on, so she decided to check her emails whilst she felt vaguely positive. She made a cup of tea whilst the computer was booting up and grabbed the rest of the chocolate fingers.

The familiar hopeful feeling coiled in her stomach as she opened her inbox. She scanned her new emails; nothing from him. The disappointment was as strong as ever. She shoved another biscuit in her mouth and took a big sip of hot tea. Ooh, there was one from the record company.

She sat back in her chair, staring at the screen in disbelief. Shit, they were going to be in the UK next week and they wanted to set up a meeting for Friday. Could she bring some songs with her? No. She could not. Were they serious? She didn’t have any songs. Well, she did but they were ones she had written with - well anyway, they weren’t suitable.

Fuck. She had been feeling so good. Had thought that she could do it, sign the contract, start working, get on with her life. She willed herself to focus. Painstakingly typed out the words, letter by letter, asking where, when and what time on Friday. She moved the cursor onto the send button. Paused for one very long minute before taking a deep breath and clicking send. Message sent.

Oh my God, she thought. I’ve really done it. Her heart was out of control. If she didn’t watch it, she was going to have a heart attack very soon; she didn’t think her heart could cope with all the rapid thudding it had been doing in the last few months. She sat and stared at the ‘message sent’ on the screen until the screensaver floated up and took it away.

Abruptly, she scraped her chair back, ran to the toilet and threw up. Well, she thought to herself, I guess Johnny can have his vomit photo after all.

CHAPTER THIRTY SIX

Jed looked around his parents’ Florida condo. It was too white, too spacious but the sunshine and heat almost fooled him into forgetting it was Christmas. He should have been spending it with Lillie and his family. It was snowing in New York. Perfect Christmas card weather.

At least he wasn’t anywhere near anything that could remind him of Lillie.

Who was he kidding? He couldn’t stop thinking about her, had thought about her every minute of every day they had been apart. Everything reminded him of her.

He’d lost count of the times he’d run after some girl with hair like Lillie’s only to find it wasn’t her. Of course, it wasn’t her. He’d packed her off to England. Sent Johnny to do his dirty work. God, he was a coward. And a shit friend. Johnny had been there for him, defending him to Chris and Eddie, making sure he turned up for gigs, covering him when he forgot songs. And he’d repaid him by punching him. Christ, he needed to sort himself out.

He was supposed to be taking time out to start writing new material for an album the label were expecting the band to record in the Spring. The two songs he had managed to write so far had been shit. All broken hearts and accusations. Way too Taylor Swift for a rock band. He didn’t even know if this was what he wanted anymore. It all seemed so pointless now.

God but he missed her. Her bad jokes, the way she poked the very tip of her tongue out when she was concentrating, the delicate bloom of pink in her cheeks when she blushed.

He wanted to be at his parents’ house with her, drinking eggnog and eating Christmas cookies. He could have taken her sledging and ice skating on the lake. He could have been doing a lot of things with her if he hadn’t been such a massive jerk.

If he had only told her about Sarah when they were lying on that hotel bed talking about her ex-boyfriend but he had freaked out instead. Holding back the one thing that would hurt the most if she found out from someone else.

He rolled his neck, satisfying cracks reverberating around the sparsely furnished room. Thank God for his parents’ well stocked bar. He picked out a bottle of Grey Goose vodka. He grabbed a heavy bottomed tumbler and filled it with vodka. He thought about sitting out on the balcony and enjoying the heat of the sun on his face. Downing the vodka, he decided to draw the curtains instead. He knew he was being melodramatic but he didn’t feel like he deserved the happy glow of the Florida sunshine. He wanted his surroundings to reflect his mood. Dark, gloomy, hopeless.

He poured another glass and slumped onto the brilliant white sofa, picking up his phone. No messages. No missed calls. Why hadn’t she tried to call him?

He took a big gulp of his drink. Oh yes, she hadn’t called because he had been such a complete and utter asshole. He’d lied to her and then tried to turn it around so that she was the one in the wrong.

He didn’t deserve someone like Lillie. Or, more to the point, she didn’t deserve a total jerk like him.