How to Catch Butterflies (16 page)

She was greeted by the Pharmacist who politely asked her,
“how he could help
?”

Typical
she thought as she wished
she had been seen by a woman rather than an old man
.

“I’m,” she cleared her throat as she tried to steady her voice. “I’m a week late for my period and I need a pregnancy test please.” She asked feeling her face flush red with the embarrassment.

She couldn’t even look him in the eye as he recommend their leading brand and how to used it,
the shame of it
she thought
I’ve only been sleeping with Jason a month or so and this happens and the ex best friend of my ex to complicate matters more
.

She asked him if he would please bag it as she had to make other purchases, which he gladly did and she ended up walking up and down the same isle a few times.

Clearly her mind was on other things eventually she settled for; fillet steak, new baby potatoes and green beans. She headed for the self-service counter to pay. She was hoping Jason was still preoccupied with his call and wouldn’t notice how long she had been.

Oh what a mess she had got herself into
. She headed out the entrance of the store back to Jason’s car. She was thankful he
was
still on his call. He nodded to her when she sat down.

He smiled placing his hand on her knee, giving it a tender squeeze.
God he was so lovely
, now all she wanted to do was to take the tests and see if she was...PREGNANT?

As Jason pulled up outside her place she jumped out mouthing to him ‘
to take your time
” which he smiled, nodding in acknowledgement. He proceeded to park the car up and finish his conversation.

Rebecca couldn’t get her keys in the door quick enough. She was fumbling like a 13 year old boy with his first bra. She had dropped the keys twice yelling
‘shit’
on both occasions before actually opening both the flat doors.

She threw the grocery bag on the kitchen counter and made for the bathroom upstairs, nearly falling up the stairs, the pregnancy testing kit box grasped firmly in her hand.

She ran into the bathroom locking the door behind her. Rebecca hoisted her pencil skirt up, and pulled her panties down. She sat on the toilet and started to try to desperately open the wrapper of the plastic film surrounding the box.

“Fuck it,” she yelled.

The rip cord thingy broke as they always do so she put the box to her mouth tearing at it with her teeth franticly like a savage. She laughed to herself ‘God
if anyone saw me doing this, they’d think I was mental’,
I must look like a deranged nutter sitting here
.

By now she really wanted to pee. She had been drinking buckets at work for the task that was in hand.

“Oh shit, shit, shit” she cried as the box fell, narrowly missing the gap in the bowl made by her legs by millimeters before catching it with both hands. She was all fingers and thumbs with the nerves, she didn’t know when Jason would be finished with his call and back in the flat.

She quickly reread the instructions, placing the stick between her legs and peed. She had no sooner finished when she heard Jason put his key’s down on the sideboard downstairs.

She quickly placed the lid on the stick, flushed the loo and sat on the edge of the bath waiting for the test to develop while her eyes fixated to her watch.

The test still hadn’t developed when she heard Jason’s footsteps coming up the stairs.

“You OK?” he shouted.

Before she knew it, he was knocking on the still locked door. She sat there deep in thought remembering their first weekend together. They had talked very openly and honestly about what they wanted from life. He had said that he wanted to be 100% honest with her in every way.

He wanted to start as he meant to go on, she has said the same but when the conversation came up about children she avoided it like the plague. She knew it was a painful subject for him.

Jason had been seeing a girl for a year or so when he found out she had aborted his baby without him knowing. He had only found out when she drunkenly told him in an argument. It had been the straw that broke the camel’s back for him. They had finished, he was devastated but because of the abortion not the break-up.

Rebecca remembered that time very well. They had spoken many times about it. He did want kids, she knew that. But it was just too soon. They hadn’t even been seeing each other long although they had known each other years.

Rebecca was a career girl, hence the way she had escaped having no babies with David for all those seven years, thank God. At least she would never be tied to him due to a child. She had made sure she was on the pill and had been since after the first 8 months of dating him. She hadn’t stopped taking it.

No career all the way for her no babies for her or was it that she really knew David wasn’t the guy for her all along. Some of her friends had babies, was her subconscious screaming at her
not with him?

She had NEVER missed her pill, that’s why the no babies. She thought and thought
. She never over drank so that she would be drunk or sick so that the pill never worked and they used condoms quite often due to his infidelities so how could this happen ...and then it hit her. She had been sick the weekend of the break-up.

Rebecca checked the result...

“I’m coming,” she replied throwing the stick into the bottom of her bathroom bin after checking the result a dozen times.

‘Maybe I should do the other one just to make sure’
she deliberated...
Just to be sure
...

She washed her hands and opened the door; she was surprised and nearly jumped out of her skin to an awaiting Jason beaming at her.

Jason pulled her close to him; she could smell his after-shave. “Mmmmmm,” she moaned nuzzling into his neck.

Melting in his strong arms, she
had
missed him even though he was only gone for a night this time.

Jason hugged her tight.

“Missed you,” he said pulling her to his lips, with his hand stroking her hair behind her ear. “Missed you lots and lots,” he said gazing adoringly in her eyes.

“I have to start dinner,” she said trying to break the hold his gaze had on her.

He made her weak at the knees at the best of times, but when he was in a suit and she would be completely helpless as he was a ‘hunk and a half’ as Lucy would call him in a suit.

“I have to go,” she playfully fought him off with him still trying to kiss her as she tried to go down the stairs.

“You wait till I come down,” he joked and with that he went into the bathroom.

She was heading down the stairs when she suddenly remembered in horror...‘
The Bin!’

Consumed with fear, she made her way into the kitchen not knowing what to do with herself. She washed her hands again, before pulling herself together and turning on the meat grill. She was taking out the steaks readying them for the grill when she heard Jason coming down the stairs.

Rebecca threw the steaks on the hot plate and started to prepare the vegetables. She was so nervous and tried to hide it by busying herself,

God,
she couldn’t even look at him keeping her eyes focused on the grill. Jason had walked into the kitchen and was behind her kissing the back of her neck to her ear.

“Missed you so much,” he said wrapping his arm around her waist whilst snuggling her and giving her a gentle squeeze, “So missed you.”

He was kissing her, she could feel him pressing into her. Rebecca turned slowly into him to be met by a soft long passionate kiss.

Jason stepped back, smiling looking at her. She was distracted; she could see something in his hand. What was it? “OH
NO!”
She thought.

“Is this what I think it is?” He asked beaming holding the test in front of her with the result window facing the ground.

“Yes it is,” she cried as she fell into his arms sobbing.

“When did you do this?” He asked, stroking her back. He was glad she couldn’t see his face drop with the worry as the thought of ‘
what if it was David’s’
flooded his mind. Then he remembered her saying that ‘
her and David had not been close for some time’
and with that his handsome smile returned.

Jason hugged her gently, he could feel her heart racing and all he wanted to do was to reassure her. Her voice trembled with her reply
.
“Today...just now,” she responded through the sobs.

“I...I...I’m...it says…” She bumbled; she just couldn’t get the words out.

Jason looked like he was holding his breath. He had not seen the result, he just saw the test and grabbed it in excitement and his eagerness to get to Rebecca.

He stood there waiting for her to tell him...

“I only done the one maybe I should do the other one,” she continued. “Thank god...I’m not!”

Rebecca looked at Jason. “I know it was stupid I got myself into a right state as you can see. Well I don’t know why I was worrying, it’s not like we don’t use protection, is it? I mean we use condoms ALL the time so I don’t know why I was worrying,” she said, trying to convince herself.

And that’s when she saw the look on Jason’s face. She knew that look all too well. It was the look of guilt.

David had the same guilty face...

“What’s with the look?” She asked puzzled.

Yes, Jason had a guilty face. He remembered
the morning of the night after he and David had fought. He knew he shouldn’t have cum, or at least he should have withdrawn. But he hadn’t, he had let the moment overtake him and she had obviously been worried about the outcome of the test. He had to tell her
... And tell her he did.

She stood there starring in pure disbelief at the words she was hearing, she looked at him with disgust...

”How could you?” She shouted. “How could you? You made that choice without me knowing. What if I had been pregnant?” She roared.

“It’s not like that Becs,” he pleaded. “I was caught in the moment, you don’t understand.”

Jason turned to her. “Would it be such a bad thing?” His handsome face imploring her.