How to Ditch Your Fairy (11 page)

Days walking: 69

Demerits: 5-3 = 2

Conversations with Steffi: 9

Game suspensions: 1

Public service hours: 19

Hours spent enduring Fiorenze

Stupid-Name’s company: 3

Kidnappings thwarted: 1

Number of Steffi kisses: 2

Days Steffi not talking to me: 1

T
he next morning Steffi was not waiting on my front steps. Even though I was exhausted from Monday night’s public service, I’d gotten up early hoping we’d get to talk. He hadn’t said a word to me since our fight on Sunday. It was the longest we’d gone without speaking since I first met him. I hadn’t had a chance to talk to Rochele or Sandra about Fiorenze hating her fairy either.

Should I tel Steffi that Fiorenze didn’t like him? How would it feel to be drawn to someone who couldn’t stand you?

I had to get him talking to me again. I missed it. He so often said (and did) unexpected things. He looked at things so differently.

I also liked the kissing. Who’d have thought that mixing your saliva with someone else’s saliva wouldn’t be malodorous? I hoped we’d get to kiss again.

“Wha—,” I said.

Large hairless arms closed around me and lifted me off the ground. A huge hand was firmly over my mouth, holding my jaw shut so that I couldn’t bite or scream. The hand stank of chlorine.

I kicked hard, and swung my bag to thwack my assailant, but none of it prevented my being bundled into the front seat of Danders Anders’s car. A seat belt snapped into place around me. I pressed the release button, but nothing happened.

“Locked,” Danders Anders said, folding himself into the driver’s seat. “Door too.”

It was more like a tank than a car; even so, Danders dwarfed it.

The top of his head pressed up against the roof. His knees were in his chest and the steering wheel looked tiny beneath his ginormous hands.

“Liar,” he said. “Fairy not gone.”

I hugged my bag to my chest and thought about explaining how it was Fiorenze who was a liar, not me.

“Sorry,” said a voice from the backseat. I swiveled to see Bluey Salazar blinking at me. He did not look cheerful.

“Sorry?” I asked him.

“I kind of sort of accidentaly let slip something that led Andrew to make certain connections—”

“Danders doesn’t
make
connections!” I hissed. “His brain’s too smal.”

“Shh,” Bluey whispered. “He’s right there.”

I didn’t care.

“Park city,” Danders announced. “Emergency.” How was he capable of driving when speaking was such a chalenge? He hadn’t made any connections. Bluey must’ve flat out told him my parking fairy wasn’t gone.

“No!” I screamed. “No parking! I can’t be in a car! I can’t find parking spots! Don’t you understand? My parking fairy is almost gone! This wil make her come back!”

“Parking fairy good.”

“No! Parking fairy bad. Parking fairy benighted, malodorous, doxy, vile. There is nothing good about parking fairy. I can’t do this! I can’t feed the bad fairy! I can’t starve the good fairy! I can’t!”

My eyes were getting hot. I did not want to start crying, even though the odds of any teacher seeing were smal. But I was furious.

If Danders Anders had been considerably smaler, and I knew it wouldn’t get me expeled, I’d have kiled him.

“Give money. Not now. Later. Lots of money.”

“I don’t want your money! Not now or ever!”

“You see, Andrew?” Bluey said. “You’ve driven her insane. You should let her go.”

“Yes! Let me go!”

“She go,” Danders said, “you stay. Drive car round and round.”

“I have classes! I can’t be late! Sorry, Charlie,” Bluey said again.

“But he just picked me up and marched me off campus. He’s realy big.”

“I’m not angry with you, Bluey,” I said, though I was. I was angry with him and with Danders and with the parking fairy and my sister and Fiorenze and Steffi and the entire universe. I was bubbling with rage because I could smel al those vile car reeks that my nostrils had been free of for TWO WHOLE MONTHS. Vinyl and plastic and weird car carpet and gasoline underneath it al. The worst smels in the world.

“But you have to let me go, Andrew,” Bluey said. “You promised.”

“Have money?” Danders asked.

“No,” I said, though he could have been asking Bluey. “And if I did I wouldn’t give it to you.”

“Need gas money.”

“You don’t have enough money for gas, but you want me to get you parking spots? How are you going to pay me? Unbelievable!”

“Gas money?” he asked Bluey.

Bluey handed him twenty dolars.

“Pay back,” Danders said, pressing a button so that Bluey’s seat belt retracted and the back door swung open.

“Traitor,” I hissed.

“I’l make it up to you, Charlie,” Bluey said, stepping out of the car.

I realy wanted to smack him but instead I said, “You’d better.”

“No worries,” he said, shutting the door behind him. “No worries for him,” I thought.

“Park city now,” Danders Anders said.

He switched on the ignition, the engine turned over, he released the brake, put his foot on the accelerator, and for the first time in two months I was in a car that was in motion heading toward a perfect parking spot. I could feel my fairy getting healthier and heavier.

I closed my eyes, held my breath, and counted to twenty. Maybe by the time I opened them it would turn out this was a dream and I was stil in bed.

“Park city now,” Danders Anders said. “Emergency.”

“Fine then,” I said. “My life is over anyway.” I could see the school gates out the car window. Maybe if a teacher saw me, they would come to the rescue. Sadly, the car windows were tinted.

would come to the rescue. Sadly, the car windows were tinted.

Nineteen, twenty.
Streets zoomed by and then we stopped at the first traffic lights before the bridge leading into the city proper.

Not a dream.

It took more than twenty minutes to weave through al the traffic to a nondescript terrace house wedged between two skyscrapers.

There was a parking spot directly in front of it. Danders Anders squealed with joy. The most malodorous sound in the world.

It was a vastly big parking space. Danders is a terrible parker, but somehow the parking fairy knew that and gave him plenty of space. It stil took forever.

He finaly got out of the car and slammed the door behind him. I wiggled out of the seat belt and tried the door on his side. Locked.

Both doors in back as wel. There was no way to squeeze into the trunk from the backseat and anyway it would be locked too.

Nothing for it but to squeeze back into the seat belt and wait for Danders Anders to return.

This time I would dob, I decided. The school couldn’t mean us not to report something as big as kidnapping. It wasn’t right. I wondered if other schools were like that. I’d never asked Nettles if they dobbed or not. It hadn’t occurred to me. No curiosity, that’s what Steffi said. Was it true? I resolved to ask Nettles a whole bunch of questions the next time we got a chance to chat.

After fifteen of the longest minutes of my life, Danders returned.

“What were you doing in there?”

“Secret. School now.”

“Yes!” I said fervently. “If you hurry we might only miss one class.”

“Parking fairy good,” Danders said. “Get me park after school every day. Need good parks.”

“I can’t. I have public service! If I don’t go I get more demerits.”

“Need good parks,” Danders said.

I didn’t say anything. I was not going to cry in front of Danders Anders.

Days wasted walking: 69

Demerits: 5

Conversations with Steffi: 9

Game suspensions: 1

Public service hours: 19

Hours spent enduring Fiorenze

Stupid-Name’s company: 3

Kidnappings thwarted: 1

Number of Steffi kisses: 2

Days Steffi not talking to me: 1

Parking spots for Danders Anders: 2

Vows to kill Danders Anders: 7

Kidnappings unthwarted: 1

O
n account of the perfect parking spot my fairy got Danders Anders right in front of main campus I got to school in time to slide behind my desk in History a fraction of a second before the bel sounded. History: my second class of the day. I’d never missed a whole class before. An automatic three demerits, which brought my total up to five.

Every day after school, Danders had said. If I couldn’t escape, then I’d miss public service and then how was I going to get rid of my remaining demerits? Gah!

How was I going to get Danders off my back?

I would dob. There was no other way. Surely kidnapping was serious enough for me to report it?

But Danders Anders was going to be an Our of stelariffic proportions. The school needed him. Government funding was generous, but the school stil depended on donations, and the majority of those came from its most successful alumni. Danders promised to be vastly successful. Danders would probably wind up being worth milions, maybe even more, to New Avalon Sports High.

What would they say if I reported him? Maybe I should tel Ms.

Wilkinson, my counselor, first and see what she said?

I opened up the reading on the founding of New Avalon. Dry as dust, but at least it was familiar. We’d gone over every inch of New Avalon’s early years in middle school and four years before that in elementary. If there was one bit of history I knew, it was the founding of New Avalon. Going over old work might be torpid, but right now that was comforting. I wasn’t sure I could have focused on anything new.

I’d been so close to getting rid of my fairy. Two months of hard work, of endless demerits, of aching feet, of my parents, my sister, my teachers al mad at me. Al completely undone by a selfish, thick, spoiled, stupid, doxhead water polo player. It made me want to scream.

Sandra sat next to me and slid a note under my tablet.

Dana Chusan sprained her ankle. Rochele’s the starting center for tonight’s game. Wanna come watch?

That was wonderful news for Rochele and for me— surely there’d be a basketbal tryout soon. I should have been over the moon, but al I could think about was my fairy. I forced myself to grin and give Sandra the thumbs-up.

Sandra passed another note.

And Our Tui broke up with her girlfriend.

I did an exaggerated eye widen even though I didn’t care.

Sandra nodded and slid me another note.

What did they expect? Ours should only go out with other Ours. Never works when they don’t.

“Reckon,” I said just to say something.

“Charlotte Adele Donna Seto Steele,” said Mr. Lien, whose fairy had to be an ears-like-a-fox fairy. “I hope you are not conversing with Sandra Leigh Petaculo. I do not wish to start the morning off with a flurry of demerits.” He glanced at his tablet. “Even though it seems to be your intention to gather as many as possible. You’ve already earned three today. Do you realy want more?”

“No, sir.”

“You may read Chapter Three: The Founding of New Avalon for the class.”

“Yes, sir.” I read out loud and tried to keep my mind on what I was reading.

The parking fairy was going to ruin my life.

Demerits: 5

Conversations with Steffi: 9

Game suspensions: 1

Public service hours: 19

Hours spent enduring Fiorenze

Stupid-Name’s company: 3

Number of Steffi kisses: 2

Days Steffi not talking to me: 1

Parking spots for Danders Anders: 2

Vows to kill Danders Anders: 15

F
iorenze came into the library during first recess. Four boys trailed behind her. None of them was Steffi. She didn’t look happy. I was starting to understand that her fairy might be somewhat annoying.

Fiorenze saw me looking at her and came and sat opposite me. I wished she hadn’t. She seemed to think we were friends now. We weren’t.

“I can’t talk,” I told her. “I have a mountain of homework to catch up on. This has not been a good morning.”

“This won’t take long,” she said. “It’s important.” A boy I didn’t know sat down beside her.

“If you don’t go away,” Fiorenze hissed at him, “I’l report you.”

“I won’t say anything,” the boy said. “I just want to look at you.”

“I’m turning my tablet on,” she said. She started writing with her thumbnail. “I’m about to send a message to the head counselor.”

The boy stood up. “I love you, Fiorenze,” he said and walked away.

“You look tired,” she said.

A vastly original observation. Why would I possibly look tired?

Could it be my not having had more than two hours’ sleep a night in months? Doing public service every night? Walking everywhere? Or could it be because al of that had been completely useless? I’d done everything to get rid of the parking fairy and now Danders Anders had ruined it al. I started to say some of this and stopped.

What was the point?

I turned back to my assignment on the first cricket match played in New Avalon. The only sources were two contradictory diary entries and a dispatch back to the old country that had no points in common with either of them.

Sometimes the whole point of history seemed to be that everyone saw things completely differently. Stil, for one source to say that the Colonials won, and the other that the Squatters did, and the dispatch to say it was a draw, wel, that wasn’t seeing things differently, that was lying. But how did you tel who the liars were so many centuries later?

“Look,” Fiorenze said.

“Go away. I have to work.”

She held out her hand. In the middle of her palm was a tiny key.

“It’s a key. I’ve seen keys before, Fiorenze.”

“Yes. It’s the key to the box that holds
The Ultimate Fairy
Book.

“

“Your mother’s book?” I asked. “The one in the metal box?”

“Yes.”

“Why did she give you the key?”

“It’s a copy.”

“Why would she give you a copy of the key?”

“She wouldn’t.”

“Then how did you get it?”

Fiorenze didn’t say anything.

“You
stole
it! So you’re a liar
and
a thief. No wonder you have to do public service!”

Fiorenze put her finger on her lips. “Do you want to get us—”

“Indeed,” said Mr. Caswel, one of the librarians. “I am issuing you both with a demerit. See that your discussion remains quiet.

You are discussing homework?”

“Yes, Mr. Caswel. Of course. Sorry, sir.” Just what I needed—

another fragging demerit!

Caswel did a condescending eyebrow raise and walked away.

Most of the librarians weren’t fond of us students on account of we only ever borrowed books for doing homework, not to, you know, just read. Who had time? The librarians enjoyed giving us demerits.

Poxy librarians.

“Where’s Stefan when I actualy need him?” Fiorenze asked when Caswel was out of earshot.

“You realy don’t like Steffi?” I asked.

“No. I know there are much worse boys—Irwin Daniels for one.

But I just wanted my fairy to go away and then Stefan came along and ruined everything.”

“Just like Danders Anders,” I said. She nodded. “But maybe we
will
wind up with a fairy like Stefan’s,” she said. “Or a better one.”

“What could be better than Steffi’s?”

“Tamsin says there are lots of fairies we don’t know about. It could be anything.”

“And how’re we going to get these super-doos fairies?”

Fiorenze held the key up. “To night my mother leaves for a conference on the West Coast. She doesn’t get back til Sunday.

We’ve got heaps of time to go through the book and find out how to get rid of our fairies. Why don’t you come to my place after public service?”

“Why do you need me?” I asked. I was happy to help her get rid of her fairy, which was as much in my interests as hers, but it was stil weird. “You could read the book by yourself. If I had that key I’d have read the whole thing by now.” I wished I could steal the key from her, but then I’d have to break into her house to get to the book. Too complicated. I couldn’t even imagine how many demerits I’d get.

Why did Fiorenze think she needed me anyway? We didn’t even like each other.

“Tamsin hasn’t left yet. I can’t get near it until she’s gone.”

“Yes, but why do you want to share this with me? We’re not friends.”

“I don’t have any friends,” Fiorenze said. “Except boys. And Rochele. But she’s friends with everyone.”

“So why me?” I said again, to make her answer my question.

“Because you know what it’s like to have a fairy you hate.

You’re serious about getting rid of it. You’re the only one I can share this with.” She paused. “And because I don’t want to do it alone.”

“Why not?” I asked. She was so torpid!

“Because. Because what if I get rid of the fairy and then
no one
likes me? Not even the boys … You al hate me because of my fairy. But what if you stil hate me because of
me
?”

“Voice down. Caswel’s looking again,” I whispered. I didn’t know what to say to her, then I realized that it didn’t make any sense. “That stil doesn’t explain why you need me.”

“Okay,” Fiorenze said. “I’ve heard enough to know that some of the fairy- getting- rid- of methods need more than one person or they don’t work.”

“The true reason!”

“You want to get rid of your fairy, don’t you?” Fiorenze asked.

“Tamsin’s book has al the answers. Come to my place to night and it’l be gone!”

“That would be lovely,” I said. “But Danders Anders is kidnapping me after school like he kidnapped me this morning.”

“But we told him your fairy was gone!”

“
You
told him. You’re the liar, not me. Bluey Salazar told him I hadn’t gotten rid of my fairy because I was stil walking everywhere and being late for everything.”

“The traitor!” Fiorenze hissed.

“Not his fault,” I said, turning the page of my book to look more like I was studying. “He didn’t know that he was dobbing me in.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“That’s what Bluey said.”

“That makes it more urgent that we read the
Fairy Book
.”

“If you’ve never read it,” I asked, “how do you know it has al the answers?”

“Because Tamsin knows everything about fairies,” Fiorenze said firmly. “She’s a fairy genius.”

I realy hoped so. But what if her book was as unforthcoming and cryptic as she was? “What’s her fairy, then?” I asked.

“At the moment?”

“What do you mean ‘at the moment’?”

“Wel, Tamsin’s had at least six different fairies.”

“
Six
different fairies!?” When I’d met Tamsin I’d been impressed by the mirrors, but the rest of it had seemed, wel, almost torpid.

But six fairies? Maybe she wasn’t ful of fairy dung after al.

“Uh-huh. The current one is a never-being-late fairy. I think it suits her best. She’s very, um, OCD. It drives her insane when she’s late because of trains or planes or whatever. But now nothing keeps her from being on time.”

“And before that?” I asked.

“The first one I know of was a loose- change- finding fairy.”

“Hmmm, bog ordinary. I can see why you’d want a different one.

But not exactly a nightmare fairy.” A loosechange-finding fairy would suit me just fine.

Another of the librarians gave us the evil eye. “The second was a good- hair fairy,” Fiorenze said, lowering her voice even further and talking to the book in front of her.

talking to the book in front of her.

“She got rid of a good- hair fairy?” I squeaked at my homework as quietly as I could. “Why would you get rid of a good- hair fairy?”

“She said she didn’t always want to be wel-groomed.”

“That is the most torpid reason for getting rid of a fairy that I’ve ever heard of.”

“Then there was the—”

“Your mother changes fairies like Ro changes clothes and al she could tel me to do was keep walking?” I whispered, despite wanting to yel.

“Tamsin’s afraid people wil steal her research. She thinks
The
Ultimate Fairy Book
is going to change the entire world. But she’s scared of anyone else getting the credit. That’s why my parents don’t speak to each other. Tamsin thought Waverly was stealing from her. She does help people, though. Like she helped you. But not many and she’s always vague about it.”

“Vague! Al she did was stare and take notes. If she’s that paranoid what wil she do if she finds out that we’ve looked at her precious book?”

Fiorenze gulped. “We have to make sure she
doesn’t
find out.”