How To Get Your Heart Broken (3 page)

Some People Just Don’t Mesh

I jolted awake at the
sensation of being smacked. It was the sound that woke me rather than the
feeling, and as I peeked out from under my covers, I recognized the outline of
a pillow before I placed that it was Rachel standing above me holding it.

“There better be a
fire,” I said, squeezing out as much annoyance as my tired voice could muster.

“Rise and shine,”
Rachel sing-songed.

“What’s going on?” I
asked in confusion.

She moved away from
the bed, towards the door. I eagerly hoped she would leave and allow me to forget
all this. Then I felt the burn of the bedroom light.

“Rachel, what the
hell?” I asked, retreating back under my covers like an old-school vampire from
garlic.

I heard the sound of
my closet door open, and then she was throwing things at me. Clothes, I
assumed, based on their weight.

She pulled the covers
away from my face, and then threw them to the ground when I tried to get them
back.

“Get dressed, Elle.
The sun’s going to be up soon.”

“Let it get up first,
I’m not in the mood to compete,” I mumbled.

“Cute,” she replied
sarcastically. She stepped towards my closet again, “Do you even have
sneakers?”

“Not at 5 a.m., no.”

“Come on Eli, you’re
messing with my schedule.”

“Then go without me,”
I murmured, though I wasn’t even sure what she was talking about.

“No,” she said
plainly. She started yanking my arm. “You need to channel your energy into
something productive.”

“I thought that’s what
this bet was about,” I said, giving up.

I let her drag me
until I was at the edge of the bed, in danger of falling off of it.

“That’s part of it.
But so is exercising.”

I put on my best pouty
face, though I already knew it wouldn’t work. “Can we start tomorrow?” I asked
half-heartedly.

“No,” she said,
crossing her arms. “Trust me, you’ll feel better by the time we’re back. I’ll
meet you downstairs in five.”

I waited until I heard
her footsteps retreat down the stairs. Then I fell back into bed and tried to
block out the light with my arm.

“Eli!”

I jumped.

“Do
not
go back to sleep!”

I opened my eyes,
trying to find the voice. She was still downstairs, I realized, she just knew
me well enough to know I would try to go back to sleep.

I let out a long, low
groan and then pulled on the sports bra and leggings Rachel had laid out for
me.

--

I stared out the glass
doors of our living room in disbelief. They had been doing this little dance
all morning. Rachel was on the beach in a red bikini, doing cartwheels and all
kinds of obnoxious stuff to get his attention. Something about the way this scene
was playing out gave her an uncanny resemblance to Nikki. How did we even know
he was single?

“He is. A guy like
that is afraid to commit, and why would he? Just look at him, he can have any
girl he wants,” she’d said.

‘Accept for this one,’
I thought. His lack of appeal only increased when I saw
the way he lusted after Rachel. He had been sitting on his porch swing all
morning, pretending to read. The book might as well have been upside down, he
obviously wasn’t paying any attention to it. A part of me imagined him to be
illiterate.

I couldn’t even
understand how Rachel had enough energy for all this flirtation after our
horrendous run this morning. She’d been fairly gracious about the fact that I
couldn’t keep up with her, and it made me cringe to think that she normally ran
for longer and still managed to be a functioning human being.

I was grateful to her
for making me do
something
. And,
after we finished running we’d sat on the beach and watched the sunset in
silence. For the first time in days, I’d felt like a part of me was whole
again.

Still, my gratitude
didn’t make me any less annoyed with her at the moment. Every time her and
the boy
caught the other looking, they
would look away. Inevitably, one of them would eventually come up to the other,
but both refused to be first. Then Rachel did another flip thingy, and she
stumbled. This was his chance; he dropped his stupid book prop and ran to her.

And there,
‘Congrats, Rachel,’
I thought to myself.
Step One: complete. I rolled my eyes, of course she fell on purpose. After more
than a decade of ballet, a brief stint in gymnastics, and a handful of walks on
the runway, she was the most graceful person I knew. Besides, she could have
come up with something more original than the damsel in distress.

I watched them banter
until I couldn’t take it anymore. It was time for me to stop sulking and start
scheming. Luckily, I knew the perfect way to get his attention.

---

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“I’m, um, one of your
neighbors,” I said with a tight smile.

He was taller than I’d
realized and I had to take a step back to avoid the awkward angle my head had
to be at to look up at him. His hair was a deep brown and he had an
overconfident air that suggested he saw himself through the eyes of the sort of
girls for whom high school was the best it ever got, the ones with perfect tans
and teeth, with platinum cards and quarterback boyfriends. In their eyes, he
was a god.

“How many of you are
there?”

“Just three,” I
smiled.

I knew his type. I
hated his type. But I’d spent most of my high school career surrounded by them,
and I knew what got their attention.

“Oh cool…”

“So I was going to
watch the match today, but it turns out our cable wires are fried.”

“…Soccer?”

“Yeah, the US is
playing today.”

“Oh cool…yeah, come in
I’ll watch it with you. I wasn’t doing anything anyway.”

---

“So are you actually
interested in this game or were you just trying to get my attention?”

“What makes you think
that I’m desperate?” I said, thinking too late about how I was supposed to be
friendly.

He laughed, “I can’t
imagine you would be, but do you actually care about this match?”

“You’re saying I can’t
watch sports because I don’t have a penis?”

“Whoa,” he said with
wide eyes. “I’m just saying most of the time when girls watch sports they’re
just pretending to be interested to impress a guy,” he continued. His palms
were outstretched in surrender. But it was too late.

“Really? You think I
just spent two hours of my life watching that because I was trying to impress
you? Are you really that conceited?”

“You’re kind of rude,”
he said after a moment. For some reason he was smiling.

“You’re kind of dumb,”
I retorted.

“I’m just saying, if
you were trying to get my attention, it worked.”

“And I’m just saying
that I’d rather eat my own eye balls…I don’t even know why I’m having this
conversation with you, it’s a waste of my time.”

“So I’ll see you
tomorrow then?” I heard him say as I slammed his front door.

---

My plan didn't exactly
work out.

But the thing was, it
was really his fault. I hadn’t expected him to be
that
much of a jerk. Still, I couldn’t believe he had managed to
get under my skin so quickly.

Nevertheless, I could
move past it. Tomorrow I was going to do something that I rarely ever did; I
was going to apologize. Nevermind that no part of me believed he deserved it.

Some things, We Don’t Talk About

I came back from my
run with Rachel this morning feeling more awake than I’d felt in a while. I’d
already assessed that she intended on making this a routine. I hated it as much
as I loved it, but I cherished feeling like I’d already accomplished something
today while most of the world was still sleeping.

Still, running wasn’t
the miracle cure I suspected Rachel wanted it to be. Ever since the graduation
party, I’d been going back and forth between thinking I was better off without
he-who-shall-not-be-named
and wishing
that I’d never caught him with Nikki so I could continue to live in blissful
ignorance.

Today was one of the
days when I wished I could forget about the entire incident. I wished I were
beside him on the old, brown sofa in his living room, laughing at one of his
stupid jokes, waiting for his mom to come home so that we could band together
and tease him about whatever faux pas he’d made recently as she made us lunch.

So after rolling
around in bed for a while and trying to go back to sleep because it was still
fairly early, I decided that I needed to leave the house.
 
I settled on a place called
Our Town Café
on the pier after I’d gotten tired of walking. There
weren’t really that many options, especially not this early.

I
walked up to the counter to order tea, because I couldn’t imagine eating at
that moment. I looked around for a table while I waited for a number.

I
hadn’t noticed how crowded the place was when I walked in. Every table was
occupied, and I hardly felt like squeezing in beside the bar. I was prepared to
turn around and tell the cashier I would take my order to go, when I made eye
contact with
him
. Our neighbor, the
one Rachel had created did this whole bet around. He waved eagerly.

I’d
forgotten telling myself that I was going to apologize to him today. I don’t
think I was ever actually going to go through with it, but I wanted to be able
to say I tried when Rachel chastised me for not following her plan. That way, I
would be free to
spend the summer making voodoo dolls of Ryan and Nikki in
peace.

He motioned for me to come to his table. I stood still
for a good five seconds, contemplating my options. I walked towards his table
slowly, my order number in hand.

“Sit
with me,” he ordered when I finally reached him.

 
He seemed so sure that I would take him up on
his offer, and I was even more annoyed with him than I was before. I hesitated.
But
every
table was filled.

“Well,
I guess since there’s literally nowhere else to sit…” I sighed.

“It
was meant to be,” he said flirtatiously.
Flirty.
That was the best word to describe everything about his demeanor and,
overconfident
, of course.

Mercifully,
the server came to deliver my little tea and kettle before I had to respond.

“Looks
like an appetizing breakfast,” he said after the waiter left.

“You
know, I’m sure that old man would love my company,” I said, tilting my head
towards a sweet looking old man in a paper boy hat sitting at a table by
himself.

“I’m
sure he would.”

I
raised an eyebrow, gathering my things to leave.

“Oh
come on,” he said, putting his fork down to reach for one of my wrists, “Stay,
please. I’m just making conversation.”

I
hesitated again, and he smiled easily, confident that he’d convinced me.

“Fine,”
I sighed.

He
picked up his fork and dug back into his hash browns.

I
poured a packet of sugar into my tea, stirring slowly and trying not to get
lost in my own thoughts. I could feel his eyes on me. I’d noticed that he’d
started eating very slowly; probably trying not to finish before me so he could
hang around and bug me.

“It’s
not polite to stare,” I said without looking up.

He
cleared his throat. I could hear the smile in his voice, “I can’t help it.”

I
looked up. His embarrassment seemed genuine. I couldn’t deny that it was
flattering, especially considering the way I looked and felt lately.

“So…are
you here with your parents?” He asked, changing the subject.

I
shook my head, finally taking a sip of my tea. “Just the other girls, you’ve
met one of them. We’re definitely not related,” I snorted. I love them, but
thank God.

He
nodded. And when he realized I wasn’t going to return the question or pose
another one he continued talking.

“Cool.
I noticed your class ring,” he said, pointing at the ring on my right ring
finger. “Is this vacation a graduating present or something?”

“Something
like that,” I murmured. I almost felt bad about being so short when he was
struggling so much to make conversation. But it was easier this way.

“I
just graduated too,” he said half-heartedly. He seemed to be on the verge of
giving up.
 

“So
what’s your plan?” I cringed. I hadn’t meant to encourage him, the question had
just slipped out of me, a natural instinct to help an awkward situation.

His
face brightened, but he shook his head, “If I have to answer that question one
more time I’ll lose my mind.”

“I
actually know how you feel,” I said truthfully.

He
nodded. “So…what’s your plan?”

I
rolled my eyes, “Very funny.”

He
smiled. “People make you think they had it figured out when they were our age,
but I’m pretty sure the adults I know still haven’t figured it out.”

“But
we
are
the adults now,” I
protested.
 

He
shrugged, “Only technically. I think I’ll always be a kid at heart.”

“You?”
I asked, titling my head. “Hard to imagine.”

He
grinned. “Sarcasm. I like it.”

I
sighed. I always pitied people who felt the need to call out sarcasm in order
to process it. I gulped down the rest of my tea.

“As
much fun as this has been, I actually have to run now.”

I
pulled out my wallet, searching for a couple dollars to cover my tea.

“I’ve
got it,” he said quickly.

I
continued on as if I haven’t heard him, putting three dollars on the table.
“That’s okay, thanks.”

I
rose out of my seat and grabbed my purse from the back of the chair.

“I’ll
see you around,” I said before making a quick exit. If he did reply, I didn’t
hear it.

I
really did have a plan for today. It didn’t including running into the gift
shop next door and crying in the bathroom for half an hour over
he-who-shall-not-be-named
, but that’s
what I did.

--

“Anyone
wanna join me for a swim?”

I
looked up to see Ash standing in front of me in a Pokka-dotted one-piece.

It
was the middle of the afternoon. I’d been home for a few hours. I’d eventually
managed to pull myself together after this morning’s slip. I actually felt a
little better. Rachel and I were in the living room. Me on my laptop, her
mindlessly surfing channels.

I
heard her pause at the sound of Ash’s question. I sent a subtle glance her way,
trying to gage her reaction. A stranger wouldn’t have noticed the difference,
but I saw the way she tensed up.

“Maybe
later Ash,” I replied anxiously.

She
paused, “…Rachel?”

From
the corner of my eye, I could see Rachel turn to her with a surprised glance.

“Are
you that desperate for company?” She asked.

“I
was just trying to be nice,” Ash said. She sounded hurt.

“Rachel’s
not much of a swimmer,” I said, trying to ensure that Ash wouldn’t ask again.

She gasped, “Rachel, do you not know how to
swim?”

“I always knew you were a racist,” Rachel said
with narrowed eyes.

A part of me wanted to laugh. She’d obviously
been caught off guard if that was the best she could come up with. I knew that
she was diverting. And I knew she didn’t mean what she’d said, that she’d only
said it because she knew it would affect Ash and distract her. But Ash had
touched on a sensitive subject, and I was too worried about Rachel to be mad at
her.

“God! I…you know that’s not what I meant! I
was just saying that because I haven’t seen you get in the water!” Ash’s cheeks
turned crimson.

“Whatever,” Rachel mumbled. She rose up from
her seat and walked out of the living room.

I bit my lip as I watched her departing
figure. This
secret
was one thing we
never talked about. I didn’t know how to ask if she was okay.

The truth was I’d been too engrossed in my own
drama to think about what a whole summer at the beach would mean for Rachel. I
didn’t know what to do with the guilt.

Ash turned to me for support, “Eli, you know
I’m not.”

I shook my head, “Relax Ash, she didn’t mean
it. She’s mad about something else.”

She let out a slow breath, seemingly unsure of
whether or not to believe me.

“Does she really think I’m racist? Is that why
she doesn’t like me?”

“She doesn’t
not
like you. She just doesn’t understand you,” I said. It didn’t
sound very convincing, but I was distracted.

Ash stood quietly, biting her lip as if she
wanted to chew it off.

“Enjoy your swim Ash!” I added.

She sighed, grabbed her beach towel from the
back of the armchair, and then walked out. I got off the couch and ran up the
steps towards Rachel’s room. I didn’t bother knocking; I knew she wouldn’t give
me permission to enter if I asked.

“I’m fine Elle,” she said before I could open
my mouth.

I
hesitated; our relationship was built on knowing just how much we could push
each other’s boundaries. We both had our respective lists of taboo subjects and
I knew this one was at the top of Rachel’s.

I
opened my mouth and closed it again multiple times. Before this summer, Rachel
hadn’t even been to the beach since
the
incident.
I knew that just being here was a big step for her, even though
she didn’t mention it. I didn’t need to push her any more that she was already
pushing herself, I decided.

“Good
to know,” I said casually, plopping down on her bed.

What
I really meant was,
‘I know you’re not
fine and I’m here in case you want to talk about it. I’m even going to hang
around your room just in case.’

But
she knew that. At least I hoped she did.