How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (3 page)
In the New Testament, the Greek word
orge
originally meant any “natural impulse or desire,” but later came to signify “anger as the strongest of all passions.” It is often translated as “wrath” because of its powerful, lasting nature.
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“For those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger”
B. What Is the Magnitude of Anger?(R
OMANS
2:8).
Anger, like heat, can be measured in varying degrees. It ranges from mild, controlled irritations to hot, uncontrolled explosions. In fact, anger is a wide umbrella word that covers many levels of the emotion.
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“Simeon and Levi are brothers—their swords are weapons of violence. Let me not enter their council, let
me not join their assembly, for they have killed men in their anger and hamstrung oxen as they pleased. Cursed be their anger, so fierce, and their fury, so cruel! I will scatter them in Jacob and disperse them in Israel”
(G
ENESIS
49:5-7).
•
Indignation
is
simmering anger
provoked by something appearing unjust or unworthy and often perceived as justified. Jesus became “indignant” when the disciples prevented parents from bringing their children to Jesus so He might touch and bless them.
“When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these’”
(M
ARK
10:14).
•
Wrath
is
burning anger
accompanied by a desire to avenge. Wrath often moves from the
emotion
of anger to the outward
expression
of anger. In Romans 1:18, God expresses His wrath as divine judgment on those who commit willful sin.
“The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness”
(R
OMANS
1:18).
•
Fury
is
fiery anger
so fierce that it destroys common sense. The word
fury
suggests a powerful force compelled to harm or destroy. Some members of the Sanhedrin were so angry with Peter and the other apostles for proclaiming Jesus was God that “they were furious and wanted to put them to death” (Acts 5:33). That is why the Bible says,
“Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming”
(P
ROVERBS
27:4).
•
Rage
is
blazing anger
resulting in loss of self-control, often to the extreme of violence and temporary insanity. After an
outburst of rage, a cry of remorseful regret or disbelief is often expressed: “I can’t believe I did that!” Yet those who continue to vent their rage toward others, including God, find themselves defeated by their own destructive decisions and ruined relationships.
“A man’s own folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the L
ORD
”
(P
ROVERBS
19:3).
A Father and His Fury
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All the feuding between them fueled his fiery vengeance… and it exploded all over their little boy.
This six-year-old was caught in a tug-of-war between his divorced parents, who continually battled over visitation rights. Marie Rothenberg had custody of young David. However, angry words, slammed phones, and smashed doors characterized the relationship with her ex-husband, Charles, as they argued over drop-off and pick-up times, and who got to spend Christmas morning with David.
Every argument stoked the inner flames of fury in Charles— until one day his anger raged wildly for all the world to see. It was February 1983. Marie reported that David had not been returned at the proper time following a visit with his father. Not until several days later did Charles contact Marie, informing her that he had taken the boy to California.
Incensed by his unauthorized actions, Marie likened the illegal trip to a kidnapping and threatened to keep Charles from ever seeing David again. Uncontrollable rage consumed Charles. All the strain and struggle, the resentment and rage, became like two sticks rubbing together, ready to ignite at any moment. And in March 1983, they did.
Charles turned his eyes to his sleeping son in the small motel room. Vengeful fury warped his reasoning.
If I can’t have him, nobody’s going to have him!
Propelled by rage, Charles picked up
a can of kerosene and poured it over defenseless David, saturating his sheets and pajamas. Charles then struck a match, set the bed ablaze, and fled the scene.
The boy, the bed, and the motel room were all quickly engulfed in flames. Miraculously, David’s life was not snuffed out that night. Due to the heroic efforts of guests in nearby rooms, David was snatched from the flames. He was alive…but heartache would forever hover over the horrific scene.
Although David survived the inferno, severe burns covered 90 percent of his body, leaving him permanently disfigured. From head to toe he would become a lasting picture of how one hot-tempered moment can change a life forever.
Among the many repercussions of burning anger are the countless lives permanently scarred with pain—the pain of devastated hope—the pain of destroyed dreams. Psalm 37:8 tells us, “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.”
These words were certainly prophetic for Charles Rothenberg. That’s precisely where his wrath led. His rage led him to be a “baby burner”—his rage ruined his life.
Do you always view anger as negative and sinful? Do you seek to hide your anger from others, even from yourself? Misunderstandings about anger give this powerful emotion a less than positive reputation! If you are blind to God’s purposes for anger and you are afraid of revealing your true feelings, you may be in bondage to undefined or false guilt. The Bible says,
“Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place”
(P
SALM
51:6).
Question:
“Is it a sin for me to be angry?”
Answer:
No. The initial feeling of anger can be a God-given emotion. It is the way you
respond
and
express
this emotion that determines whether or not you allow your anger to become sin. The Bible says,
“In your anger do not sin”
(E
PHESIANS
4:26).
Question:
“How can I keep from feeling guilty when I’m angry?”
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Answer:
Your anger is a signal
something is wrong —
like the red warning light on the dashboard of a car. The purpose of the light is
to propel you to action—
to cause you to stop, to evaluate what is wrong, and then to take appropriate action. Jesus became angry at the hypocritical religious leaders who interpreted “resting on the Sabbath” to excess—even to the extent that, in their eyes, healing the sick on the Sabbath was an offense worthy of the death penalty. In sharp contrast, Jesus intentionally fully restored a man’s crippled hand on the Sabbath.
“He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, ‘Stretch out your hand.’ He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored”
(M
ARK
3:5).
Question:
“How can a God of love be a God of wrath at the same time?”
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Answer:
Because of God’s great love for you, He directs His anger toward anyone or anything that thwarts His perfect plan for you. God’s anger never operates independently of His love. He expresses anger on your behalf and for your ultimate good.
“His anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime”
(P
SALM
30:5).
Question:
“Can people be really angry even when they don’t look or sound angry?”
Answer:
Yes. Many have difficulty expressing or even recognizing their emotions. Instead, they have learned to deny, ignore, or repress their anger by burying it deep within their hearts. However, the anger is not hidden from God, who sees it and understands it.
“The L
ORD
said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The L
ORD
does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the L
ORD
looks at the heart’”
D. What Is the Misuse of Anger?(1 S
AMUEL
16:7).
Periodically, everyone feels the heat of anger, but how you handle the heat determines whether you are misusing it. The small flame that lights a cozy campfire, if left unchecked, can quickly become a fierce forest fire. Conversely, the initial spark of anger that can be used for good, if snuffed out, can keep anger from accomplishing its designated purpose. Evaluate whether you are mishandling your anger.
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“Mockers stir up a city, but wise men turn away anger”
(P
ROVERBS
29:8).
Prolonged anger—the “simmering stew”
This kind of anger is held in for a long time. This anger results from an unforgiving heart toward some past offense and offender. Unforgiveness eventually results in resentment and deep bitterness that harms other relationships.
Example: “I’ll never forgive the way he talked to me years ago.”
“See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many”
(H
EBREWS
12:15).
Pressed down anger—the “pressure cooker”
This is denied or hidden anger. Usually resulting from a fear of facing negative emotions, this kind of anger can create a deceitful heart and lead to untruthfulness with others. Failure to honestly confront and resolve angry feelings can result in self-pity, self-contempt, and self-doubt—ultimately sabotaging most relationships.
Example: “I never get angry…maybe just a little irritated at times.”
“Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech”
(1 P
ETER
3:10).
Provoked anger—the “short fuse”