How to Raise a Jewish Dog (15 page)
Read How to Raise a Jewish Dog Online
Authors: Rabbis of Boca Raton Theological Seminary,Barbara Davilman
Tags: #HUM007000
Listening to affirmations, dog visualizes actualizing the reality of his vision.
Encourage the dog to recite these affirmations to himself, and before too long he’ll feel much better—and so will you.
Occasionally a Jewish dog is subject to chronic depression, which even affirmations cannot alleviate. In such cases, we urge
owners to consult with a qualified dog therapist, whether a dog psychologist, a dog whisperer, or a dog acupuncturist. Each
offers specific areas of expertise and a range of techniques. For recommendations, ask your vet, other owners, or look online.
(Many clients ask us for referrals to a dog
psychiatrist
. When they do, we decline to offer any recommendations. Quite frankly, we don’t believe in psychiatrists for dogs. The notion
of a dog being subjected to Freudian analysis is, in our opinion, rather ludicrous. We don’t see the usefulness of having
the dog jump up on a couch and lie there for fifty minutes, when jumping on the couch is often one of the very problems the
owner wants to address!)
Sometimes a therapist will diagnose a chemical imbalance in the dog that has triggered this depression. In such cases, one
of several canine antidepressants may be prescribed. The most popular and trustworthy ones include:
•
Rexapro™: Primarily prescribed for dogs named Rex, this drug has lately also been proven effective with dogs named Rocky.
•
Spanielavil™: Prescribed mainly for sporting dogs, Spanielavil has side effects that include excessive friskiness, drooling,
and uncontrollable ear floppiness.
•
Boxil™: Originally developed for boxers, this drug has a user base that has expanded to include pugs, bulldogs, Boston terriers,
and other breeds with mashed-in faces.
•
Schnauzoloft™: Proven unusually effective with mixed breeds, or mutts, although during initial stages of use special care
should be taken to avoid accompanying owners driving or operating heavy machinery.
•
Welshbutrin™: Especially valued for its minimal sexual side effects, although many owners report an increased tendency for
their dogs to chase their own tails.
Other medications are available. Owners should be sure to consult a qualified canine psychopharmacologist for a proper diagnosis
and prescription, and not just order blindly from the many dog drug Web sites that, unfortunately, have begun to proliferate
online.
EMOTIONS, BEHAVIOR, AND YOU
No book written for the general public can possibly deal with all potential physical and emotional problems of every kind
of dog. Each breed has its own weaknesses and susceptibilities, and each dog-owner relationship has its own specific characteristics.
Therefore, the Q&A below is intended to discuss some general problem-solving approaches. All dogs referred to have been, or
currently are, raised Jewish.
Q: My dog is normally well behaved, but when my decorator Harriet comes to the house, she wears a bit more makeup than we’re
used to, and it scares the dog and he barks at her. What do I do?
A: This is not the dog’s fault. Too much makeup can indeed be frightening. Either start to wear a lot of makeup yourself,
to accustom the dog to it, or tell Harriet to wear a mask.
Q: Every day my dog, Peaches, barks at the mailman, both when he comes to our house and ten minutes later, when he crosses
from house to house on the other side of the street. Why is this, and can it be remedied?
A: Peaches may be reacting to a dim ancestral memory from her Jewish forebears who lived in New York, Chicago, Baltimore,
and other cities in the nineteen teens and twenties. She may believe that the mailman, with his distinctive cap, is a streetcar
conductor coming to ask you for money that, she somehow knows, you need not pay. So she chases the “conductor” away until
the next day. To remedy this situation, try inviting the mailman in for a cup of coffee or, preferably, for an overnight stay.
After a few visits the dog will regard the mailman as neither an intruder nor a streetcar conductor, but as a member of the
family. If this solution proves to be impractical, get a post office box.
Q: I am raising my dog, Cassie, to be a Reform Jew. Now she insists on sitting on my lap while I’m driving. No matter how
often I place her on the passenger seat, she eventually climbs into my lap and sits up, looking out the side window while
I have to work the steering wheel around her. What should I do?
A: This is a classic problem. When we first began addressing it in our teaching sessions at the Seminary, we advised hiring
a chauffeur.
Please note that we do not recommend this solution any longer
. Experience has taught us that the dog usually just sits in the chauffeur’s lap. Our current thinking on this matter leads
us to suggest that you teach her to drive. Naturally, you will have to work the pedals. But there is no reason she can’t learn
to turn the steering wheel, so long as you keep your hands on it as a precaution.
Q: My dog doesn’t like my new boyfriend. What should I do? And by the way, both my boyfriend and I are Jewish. So that’s not
the issue.
A: Is your boyfriend a mailman or a decorator who wears makeup? If so, see above. If not, talk to your boyfriend and find
out what he’s doing wrong. Is he teasing or tormenting the dog? Does he own a cat or other animal whose scent your dog might
find objectionable? These and similar complaints can be dealt with specifically. Otherwise, dump him.
Q: My Rhodesian ridgeback just sits, completely motionless, and stares at his bowl of dog biscuits. He does this for ten or
fifteen minutes at a time. Why? Is this healthy? Is he insane or what?
A: One theory concerning this kind of behavior holds that earlier generations of dogs were able, through the sheer force of
their mental emanations, to teleport small objects (sticks, bones, “cookies”) to themselves, but that this ability was bred
out over generations. What remains, therefore, is the outer behavior without the inner ability. However, if your dog is Jewish,
this hypothesis does not apply. Rather, your dog is simply waiting patiently for you to give him cookies, knowing that you
will do so because you just can’t help yourself.
Q: We live in a beautiful region of Southern California near some undeveloped areas where wildlife can still be found. As
a result, possums come and sit on our fence at night, and my dog barks at them nonstop. I drag her inside, but she stands
at the door to the backyard and barks anyway. What to do?
Rhodesian ridgeback attempting to transport “cookies” to himself via telekinesis. If he sits long enough, owner will arrive
and give him cookie, confirming to dog that he actually does possess psychic powers.
A: Purchase, legally and with appropriate registration, a rifle or handgun. Take lessons at a responsible shooting range.
Then simply keep killing the possums until they stop coming. If neighbors complain about the noise or the potential danger,
explain patiently that you’re killing possums because your dog barks at them.
Q: I spent $3,000 on a purebred Afghan and, after three years of my raising her Jewish, all she does is act like a mutt. She
lounges around and hangs out with other mutts at the dog park and shows no breeding or class whatsoever. I need this? What’s
the deal?
A: There is no mystery here. Your dog’s friends are all mutts, and she’s acting like one of them because your dog just wants
to be assimilated and to “fit in.” You’ve raised her as a German Jew as opposed to a Russian Jew. Don’t worry about it.
Q: I somehow feel that every aspect of my relationship with my dog is a power struggle. Is this normal?
A: Yes. All relationships are power struggles—or, at least, all relationships between Jewish dogs and their owners, who of
course love each other. You would think that any dog with half a brain would be grateful to have such a loving, caring owner.
But you know how some dogs are: They think they know everything. Whatever the owner says is automatically wrong. Their friends,
who are all dogs and have no experience out in the real world, are always ready to encourage your dog to do whatever the pack
is doing, no matter how dangerous or rude or self-destructive or embarrassing. If your dog’s friends all said, “Let’s jump
off a bridge,” would your dog jump off a bridge? Yes, he would, thank you. So that’s your struggle: to deal with such an ungrateful
dog while still loving him in spite of everything. Meanwhile, if you can’t live like this, get a cat. At least you know where
you stand with cats, who don’t even pretend to care about anyone except themselves.
Q: After all I’ve done for my dog, now he insists on digging up the tulip bulbs. Have you ever heard of such horrible behavior?
A: You wouldn’t believe the things we’ve heard. Still, one benefit of having a dog who digs up the tulip bulbs is, the more
you replant the bulbs, the more of a triumph it will be when they grow. You’ll then have the double satisfaction of knowing
that you raised the dog in spite of everything, and the tulips in spite of the dog—two loving, selfless accomplishments, each
full of heartache and sacrifice, stories and complaints, which you’ll be able to impress and entertain your friends with forever
and ever.
Traveling with (or without) Your Dog
There are many ways to travel, of course, but we’re going to limit our discussion to driving in your own car (as opposed to
taking public transportation) and flying. For all other kinds of travel, including hot-air balloons, cruises, and bullet trains,
simply apply the following principles.
Some dogs love riding in cars and some dogs can’t stand it. You may have learned which kind your dog is when you first brought
her home. Or you may have discovered her car preferences while driving her to and from the vet’s office many, many, many,
many, many times.
Such short trips can be relatively easy. What about longer car trips, like those taken for vacation, to visit relatives, to
attend special events, and so on?
The essential fact to remember when driving with a dog over an extended period is that
the dog’s experience in the car should resemble her normal experience at home as much as possible
.
There are several ways to accomplish this. We’ll deal with them in descending order of expense.
1. Transport Entire Home on Flatbed Truck
AVAILABLE TO:
Owners whose primary residence is a freestanding house
HOW:
Hire home-mover service to lift your entire house off its foundation, place it on a flatbed truck, and drive the house itself
to your destination.
PROS:
Dog’s environment never changes. Home-on-the-road
is
her normal home.
CONS:
Elaborate pretrip preparation, including disconnecting plumbing, gas, and electricity. Your home street may not accommodate
mover’s truck. Roads en route to destination may not accommodate truck with house on flatbed. Prohibitions of riding in house
while truck is moving—which means you and dog either must follow in separate car or ride in cab with driver. Driver may not
like dog. Dog may not like driver. Driver may not like you. You may not like driver. Truck with house on back must move much
more slowly than normal traffic, extending duration of trip. House and truck must wait at destination for your return trip,
requiring either driver to be paid to remain on call or a new driver to be hired for return. House must then be positioned,
reconnected to plumbing, gas, and electricity.
COST:
$$$$
RECOMMENDATION:
In a perfect world, we would all do this. Alas, our world is imperfect, and this option is impractical for most owners.
2. Buy or Rent Mobile Home/Recreational Vehicle (RV)
AVAILABLE TO:
Owners willing to drive large, cumbersome mobile home
PROS:
More room than conventional cars, wagons, or SUVs means increased capacity for dog’s toys, bowls, master bedroom bed, sofas,
and so forth, which can be simply transferred from primary residence.
CONS:
Mobile home must be rented, leased, or bought. Need special driver’s license to operate. Can be hard getting used to driving
and parking large vehicle. Poor mileage means appreciable gasoline costs. Parking at destination may be difficult or impossible.
COST:
$$$
RECOMMENDATION:
This option, while certainly providing luxury and a bit of “adventure,” involves astronomical gas prices and endless parking
aggravation. Besides, we’re not sure Jews “do” RVs. Forget it.
3. Acquire Minivan or Sport Utility Vehicle (SUV)
AVAILABLE TO:
Owner able to buy, lease, or rent large vehicle