How To Walk In High Heels: The Girl's Guide To Everything (34 page)

DVDs are fast outstripping the VHS/video and soon they will have taken over, which is no bad thing as the DVD players are so much more streamlined and will look far better in your designer pad. When not playing, DVDs can double up as topical coasters, whereas VHSs aren’t even that effective as doorstops, not that a stylish girl would consider anything other than a Vivienne Westwood patent platform heel for this job.

Okay, so there is no point knowing that DVDs are the way forward, and that they can now record from the TV, as well as play, if you don’t know how to do any of this. So get ready to enjoy superior digital image quality.

Providing you are on the right channel, the TV should flash up a welcome, letting you know that you are tuned in to watch a DVD-style page.

Press Play on your DVD player. It will then display a screen saver related to the movie, scroll using the arrows on your remote, select Play Movie and you are off. This stage is crucial, unless you want to be looking at a screen saver all night.

You can also, as with CDs, jump to your favourite scenes with much more zippiness than a VHS. If you’re feeling pushed for time, with a DVD you can summarise a movie by watching just the best bits, you can leap from scene to scene with more accuracy than fast forwarding. A DVD player is not as complicated as you may think. You essentially need only five buttons to operate them: these buttons are play, fast-forward, rewind, record, stop/eject.

Extra feature buttons worth locating include:

Press this button for subtitles. Good for hard of hearing but also make understanding obscure art-house foreign flicks possible.

This can give you special extras, like the director’s voice-over explaining extra scenes. Great for the train-spotter enthusiast.

This is really clever, so don’t be too scared to find it and to press it. With this button you are in the driving seat. Say you are watching a concert, with this you can choose whether you watch the lead singer, the drummer, from the wings, or view the audience – can you see yourself? Cool!

How to curl up with something stylish

Once you have selected your DVD, and dimmed the lights, if you are alone you can softly slip off the stilettos and sink your toes into a shagpile rug, or curl them up under you. If you are entertaining, perhaps start in a negligee and a pair of sexy satin-and-marabou heeled slippers. Think Monroe, Bardot or indeed Agent Provocateur. Heeled mules are ideal to wear for DVD nights as you can easily slip them on and off. Complex buckles and bows are cumbersome on this occasion, as the lights will be low and you will not be able to see clearly how to slip them off. Think style and grace, rather than tripping into the mantelpiece as you fight with a shoe-horn.

How to preset the video/DVD player to record

Note: not all DVD players record. For this you need a DVD recorder. Check what type of machine you have.

It is absolutely inevitable that the one evening you get asked out on a really hot date, there is an unmissable programme on the telly.

Don’t for a moment consider cancelling; get smart with the preset button. Record the programme and you can watch it later. Dates cannot be replayed, however hard you try.

Both video and DVD players have the ability to record a programme and save or store it so that you can watch it later at your leisure. They are the TV’s babysitter, and they are there for your convenience, so make use of them.

Select the correct AV channel and then you will be asked what time you want to start recording, on what channel and what time you want to finish recording (be generous with the finish time, as there is nothing more annoying than missing the crucial last moment of a film). Press Select, leave the player on standby and you’re all set, the machine will be able to turn itself on when the programme is due to come on.

If you have cable or Sky, make sure you don’t have anyone tampering or flicking with the decoder once you have set it to record. The machine can recognise the instruction to record from the cable channel, but whilst recording you cannot flick around different channels on the system; this will make it completely confused, and most likely you will record the wrong channel – unless you leave it locked on the one you want.

Put in your video/DVD. Click onto the timer. Check the decoder is on the right channel.

Go paint the town red.

How to enjoy Sky Plus

Sky Plus is the latest offering which allows you to record from Sky, and is perfect for totally hectic lifestyles that still crave keeping up with their favourite shows. Sky Plus is able to record all your essential viewing and compile it for you to watch when you return.

Sounds too good to be true? Well listen up, as it gets even better when you understand it.

Imagine you are going away for a week and you don’t want to miss an episode of
EastEnders
, or you want to record every episode of
Friends
every week for future viewing. It is impossible to have a video that is long enough for this. But, with Sky Plus you can never run out of space because it records the transmission onto its hard drive and saves it for your viewing pleasure. It is even able to skip out the adverts, should you so wish, but most people will agree that they are very handy for tea, coffee and short breaks in viewing marathons.

TiVO is a rival to Sky Plus and can compile 140 hours of your personally loved viewing. But if you are seriously watching this much television you need to look at your life. Have you considered karaoke or playing poker?

How to book a pay-as-you-view film

Even for those who have cable/Sky there are still some evenings when, despite having a trillion channels, you can’t find anything you want to watch.

Before leaving the sofa, and heading out to the rental store, see what’s on offer for subscribers of pay-as-you-view movie specials. These films are usually slightly in advance of video/DVD rental release.

All systems vary slightly, but the general way is to go to the channel that advertises what movies you can pay to view and watch the options.

If any of these appeal, you now go to the checkout, so to speak. You have to phone and make your selection or, if you have an interactive TV (through cable), you can do this by clicking select buttons. Once you select the movie it should either start immediately or at the stated time. You can sit back and enjoy, just don’t scrimp on the popcorn.

How to make popcorn

Before you curl up in front of your favourite film it is important that all the right props surround you, and the most important of all is popcorn. You can usually purchase this at the same time as you rent your film, but if you are having a night in and you don’t want to take the slippers and face pack off to leave the house, you need to know how to make your own.

3 tablespoons of butter

2 tablespoons of oil

⅓
cup of popcorn kernels

⅓
cup of sugar

¼ teaspoon of salt

When you are next aisle gliding, pick up a packet of kernels in the supermarket, the rest you should have in the cupboard.

1
   Melt the butter in oil, stirring in a saucepan on a medium hob.

2
   Gently stir in a few popcorn kernels at a time. They won’t do anything too exciting straight away but make sure that you have the lid close to hand.

3
   Spread the kernels out so that they are lying in a single layer over the bottom of the pan.

4
   By now the popcorn will be starting to pop. Stir carefully so it doesn’t leap out of the pan.

5
   When the kernels are popping away merrily pour in the sugar and slam the lid on tightly and quickly.

6
   Turn up the heat to full and shake back and forth over the heat. You will now be listening to the equivalent of the ‘Charge of the Light Brigade’, as the firing and popping will be in full chorus now.

7
   Turn down the heat and shake with the sugar, and then after a minute or two remove from the heat altogether.

8
   Stir in an extra knob of butter and the salt, pour into a bowl, dim the lights and press Play.

TV trivia

Although there were only thirteen episodes made of
Bagpuss
, this children’s programme has been on repeat for over a quarter of a century, with no one tiring of the pink and white cat.

‘Here’s one I made earlier’ has been the catchphrase for all perky
Blue Peter
presenters since it went on air on 17 October 1958. Stars of the show included Valerie Singleton, John Noakes, Simon Groom, Janet Ellis, Anthea Turner, Katy Hill, plus memorable dogs Shep and Goldie.

Top of the Pops
first went on air on 1 January 1964, presented by Jimmy Savile (now Sir), who introduced the Rolling Stones playing ‘I Wanna be Your Man’.

The
Morecambe and Wise
1977 Christmas Special was watched by 27 million, half the UK’s population at the time.

In 1975 John Cleese filmed twelve visits to
Fawlty Towers
, after he and other Monty members had stayed at the Torquay hotel Gleneagles and been ‘inspired’. The series starred Cleese’s then wife/co-writer Connie Booth, while his on-screen wife, Sybil Fawlty, was immortalised by Prunella Scales.

‘Click your heels three times and say, “There’s no place like home”’

Dorothy, (Judy Garland), The Wizard of Oz

How to Buy a House

‘Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house’
Henry Youngman

How to understand the home-buying process at a glance

Buying your little nest will be one of the most important and stressful things you will do in your life. Regardless of your taste in shoes, fashion or fine art, buying a house is simply the most expensive thing you will ever do. But, before you move into your dream home and start drawing up the fantasy soirée invite lists there are a few bridges to cross.

Take a deep breath and prepare to get onto the property ladder. Not only is this very grown-up, it is far more sensible to pay off something that is yours for keeps than line the pockets of a landlord. Also, if it’s your own Aladdin’s cave, you can really let rip with the creative juices.

Before you charge into the property game and order the change of address cards know what you are letting yourself in for.

1
   Work out your price range. This will depend on your (or joint) income, your outgoings (and what you can cut down on), and finally the size of the deposit you can afford to make. You can now borrow between three to five times your salary, depending on how convincing a performance you give.

2
   Decide what type of mortgage you want. This is a bit boring, but at the same time quite important, as you need to get the right one for you, so get someone to explain the current benefits of fixed versus variable and so on, because you’ll be stuck paying it off for the foreseeable future.

3
   Before you start searching for that dream home you need to talk to the bank and Mr/Mrs Mortgage and get an ‘agreement in principle’. This means that when you make an offer you have already worked out with the bank how much you are able to borrow, how much you can put down, and have had a satisfactory credit check. This saves time and hassle when you want to slam down the best offer quickly.

4
   Now the good bit. Go shopping!!! Or, as the bank would put it, ‘start house hunting’. Look around and find what suits you and your budget best.

5
   Now it’s time to reach for the smelling salts. Make an offer. Only put
one
offer in on
one
property at a time, or else you will get in a horrid muddle – a bit like making two marriage proposals to two different people on the same day, only this is trickier to get out of. Get in quick, slap your offer down on the table, then, if you are accepted, appoint a solicitor. Your solicitor will then get in touch with the seller’s solicitor and begin the whole legal process of transferring ownership over to you. Now all you do is basically chase the solicitor, sign huge cheques, and take deep breaths. Pray you don’t get gazumped . . . you’re not home and dry until you exchange.

6
   Fill in your mortgage application form. This is a really dull yet necessary bit, so have a strong coffee and good nail varnish to hand. You can do this face to face and they’ll talk you through filling in the form, in which case skip the nail varnish. Alternatively, do it over the phone – the call will be long enough to do a thorough and non-joggly home French manicure and let it dry on both hands. If you are confident, you can also apply for your mortgage online. Hold your head up high as things move from hypothetical, and start getting scarily real. Say how much you want to borrow, give them all the details of the property, your details, credit history and so on. This is also a good time to think about insurance, so why not kill two birds with one stone: absorb and agree to this while painting a topcoat?