How We Fall (27 page)

“Dad’s probably in his office, and Mom will be watching the news in the living room.”

“Good.” He stepped closer.

“What are you doing?” I asked. “Marcus is right there. He can see us.”

“That’s the point,” he said. He took another step, and I leaned back against the car. “Get his attention, right? That’s what you want?”

I nodded. My heart sped up.

“Okay, then.” He put a hand on the car by my shoulder and leaned against me, pinning me to the car with his body. He rested his forehead on mine for a second. “How far can I go?”

I couldn’t stop the words before they came out of my mouth. “What, you want to have sex on the driveway?”

He laughed. “I mean, it’s your call.”

Now I laughed, but nervously. “That might be too much.”

“I just meant, I don’t think a sweet little first date kiss is going to get his attention as much as . . . maybe a third date kiss.”

205

How we Fall

Screw it. “Fine. Third date. Tenth date. Make him notice.”

Will moved closer, but he waited, watching me. I wondered why until I felt myself relax. My glance couldn’t help but fall to his lips. I breathed in, out. He slid a hand up to the nape of my neck, under my hair, and touched his lips to mine. I tipped my head back and he kissed me harder. My hands slid around his neck and I kissed him the way I used to kiss Marcus. Focusing on the heat and the closeness, letting it make me feel my whole body the way he did. I almost couldn’t breathe, but oh, it felt good. His hands slid into my back pockets and he pulled my body up against his. His whole body was warm and hard and kissing him this way did something to my confidence. He had to know that.

He stepped back, and I took a deep breath, not daring to look at the window.

“I’ll see you later,” he said, and winked at me.

“Bye,” I said quietly, as he got back in his car. He lifted a hand to wave before backing down the driveway. I walked up to the door. Another deep breath, and I opened it.

The television played the news in the living room. Someone was interviewing a neighbor of Ellie’s family. The family was planning a memorial, and a murder investigation was underway.

Marcus still sat at the table, finishing a plate of French toast.

There was no way he hadn’t seen me and Will.

“Hi,” I said.

His eyebrows went up. “What was that?”

“What was what?”

“The making out in the driveway. All the laughing and whispering.” His voice was flat, emotionless. He only sounded that way when he was trying to control his temper, which meant it did indeed get his attention.

“Oh. Will and I went bowling.” I walked over to the coffee pot.

I didn’t need more, but I wanted an excuse to stay in the kitchen.

206

Kate Brauning

“Looked like he wanted to do more than go bowling.”

Marcus pushed back his chair and brought his plate over to the sink.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I poured coffee into a mug.

“You know what it means.”

“Oh, whatever.” I went to the fridge and pulled out the half and half.

Marcus grabbed my arm. “You don’t have to do this, you know.”

His grip was so familiar. I shook myself free. “Do what?”

“Do you actually like him?” he demanded.

I wasn’t going to lie. I lowered my voice as I stirred my coffee. “All I did was kiss him. We did our share of kissing, if you remember.”

“Yes, I remember,” he snapped. “I’m going out to mow.” He banged the kitchen door on his way out.

I’d forgotten to put sugar in my coffee. I drank it bitter and barely noticed.

Marcus started the riding mower and worked through the front yard while I watched him out the window. The set of his shoulders and the tension in his arm as he turned the steering wheel told me just how upset he was.

It was a total double standard. He’d told me I had no right to be angry when I saw him and Sylvia making out, and here he was, pissed off about me kissing Will. I turned away from the window.

• • •

207

How we Fall

My Fair Lady
together. The references to
Rent
and
Brokeback
Mountain
worked, too.

I’d worked out some answers to my post from several weeks ago. It wasn’t selfish, because it wasn’t just about those people; it was about the people who came after them. Us.

Marcus was refusing to make eye contact with me when I closed my laptop. Awesome. Apparently a few other things weren’t going to change, either.

I stood up when Will knocked on the door. His one night off, and he wanted to come over. I opened the door and blocked the doorway. Dusk was falling, and the end of his cigarette glowed red. “You can’t bring that in here, pal. We have a healthy lungs household.”

He shoved his lighter in his pocket. “Come stand out here with me.”

I stepped barefoot onto the porch and he handed me a little white box. “What’s this?”

“Don’t sound so suspicious. Open it.”

I watched the wisp of smoke curling up from his cigarette and tried to keep from smiling. “You shouldn’t buy me things.”

“Just open it.” He leaned against the door.

I pushed the lid up, and then narrowed my eyes. “Fake boyfriends do not buy their fake girlfriends nice jewelry.”

He winked at me. “This one does.”

No guy had ever bought me jewelry before. I touched the fine silver chain, the delicate yin-and-yang symbol. “Thank you.

But why?”

“Because you deserve it. And I want you to have a reminder that we need opposites and weirdness and people who don’t think like we do.” He exhaled white smoke. “Don’t you like it?”

“I love it.” I lifted it from the box. The silver glinted in the dusk. If he knew nothing could happen with us, why was he buying me gifts?

208

Kate Brauning

“Here.” He put out his cigarette, then took the necklace and helped me clasp it behind my neck while I held up my hair. He nodded, looking so proud of himself. “I like it. Let’s go show it to Marcus.”

“You’re horrible.” He followed me inside, and Marcus was making hot chocolate in the kitchen. He’d been in the living room when I went outside, but from the kitchen, he would have been able to see us on the step.

Sylvia was leaning against the counter, chatting about how school was starting soon. She glanced at Will, and instantly blushed. I resisted the urge to glare at her. Of course she’d want both of my guys.

Marcus looked up at us, and Will stopped right behind me and whispered in my ear. His hand moving my hair aside, his breath on my neck, his voice lowered just for me—it was surprisingly intimate, and goosebumps chased down my neck.

“Touch your necklace, then let’s go to your room,” he whispered.

My hand automatically went to the silver symbol. Marcus’s eyes followed my hand. Oh. That was why. I lowered my hand when his face fell, and he turned back to the pan on the stove.

I suddenly wanted to tell him I wanted to work things out, with Sylvia and Will right there, with all of my cousins in the house. The words paused on my lips, but I couldn’t get them out.He’d said no, too. He’d said we couldn’t do that to our families. And it was half his decision.

I walked into the living room, Will following me. He shoved his hands in his back pockets when we got to my room.

“Hmm. Nice and tidy, as I suspected.”

“Not if you look in the closet.” I shut the bedroom door. My parents had never told me I had to leave my door open when I had guys over. Not that it had ever occurred to them, since the 209

How we Fall

only guys who’d ever been in my room were related to me.

And if Marcus misinterpreted my closed door, maybe he’d rethink how I felt about finding him making out with Sylvia.

Will eyed the door and spun the desk chair around to sit on it. “Should I be worried?”

“Why would you be worried?”

He slouched in the chair, feet stretched out in front of him, and clasped his hands behind his head. “I always heard if a girl takes you to her room and closes the door, she wants to take advantage of you.”

I laughed. “I’ll try to control myself.” I sat cross-legged on the edge of my bed and ran my finger along the chain around my neck. “Why did you really buy me this?”

“I told you.”

“But you know—as much I wish I did, I can’t—”

He pushed on the desk and rolled the chair over to the bed.

Our knees touched. “I didn’t give it to you as some sneaky way of making you like me. Promise. I gave it to you because I think you’re awesome and you said you didn’t have a ton of friends and I wouldn’t mind having an actual friend, either. Okay?”

I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading over my face. “You have lots of friends. You don’t need the girl who turned you down three times.”

He crossed his arms and leaned back. “I mean, I’m the beer dealer for Chris and his buddies. And I get along with the guys at work. But I work sixty hours a week. Doesn’t leave much time for other things.”

I had no idea how someone like Will could be lonely, but I was in no place to question that. “So, then, friends?” Without even noticing what was happening, I’d made a friend. One I really liked. And it hadn’t been that hard at all.

“Of course, friends. At least, until Marcus realizes what he’s missing.”

210

Kate Brauning

“What?” If I wasn’t dating Will, shouldn’t make a difference.

“If you two get back together, he won’t want me around.

Guaranteed.” His smile was big as ever, but it wasn’t quite convincing.

“Too bad for him. You’re stuck with me.” And we weren’t getting back together; I was just trying to make him miss me a little, make him realize he was rebounding and I had mattered to him.

The front door closed and Mom’s voice drifted back to me.

Will sighed. “Stuck with you, huh? Damn these women and their sneaky plans.”

If anyone had the sneaky plan, it was him. “I’m supposed to be babysitting,” I said. Marcus was out there, but I shouldn’t bail for too long.

“Then let’s do it,” he said, standing up. “I’ve never had siblings. Is it weird?”

I shook my head and opened the door. “I like it. Hectic, sometimes, but it’s really cool to watch them growing up.”

“I think I’d like it, but I’m not sure I want my step-mother to reproduce.”

I laughed again. To her credit, Mom didn’t even blink when I walked out of my room with boy in tow. Marcus, however, looked less than thrilled.

Sylvia had left, and he was putting away the twins’ toys while Mom herded Nate and Gage toward the bath.

Will sat next to me on the couch, and Marcus went upstairs.

“He won’t even look at me,” I whispered.

“He doesn’t seem like the jealous type.” Will matched my quiet tone leaned back against the cushion.

“He’s not.” I slumped back beside him. “He’s pretty quiet.

He’ll just deal with it.”

“What if.” He paused. “What if we go on a double date?”

“That will just make him mad.”

211

How we Fall

“We’ll go on a double date with him and Sylvia, and I’ll make sure it gets his attention.”

The idea was tempting. If we were out together, he’d have to look at me. Talk to me. He couldn’t keep going to the next room.

He might be done being careful, but so was I.

212

Once Will left, I intended to go right to bed, since everything about managing Will and Marcus in the same place was exhaust-ing. But instead I stood in my doorway, staring at the box on my desk. It hadn’t been there earlier, so she must have brought it in while I was saying goodnight to Will outside.

Condoms.

Subtle, Mom. I turned around and walked through the house to my parents’ room. The door was open, but I tapped on the doorframe anyway. Better safe than sorry.

She leaned around the corner of the master bath, washing her face. “Hello, there.”

I crossed my arms.

“You found my gift, I see.”

“I did.”

She lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “It can be embarrassing to buy them for yourself or to ask the guy if he has one, and I don’t want that to keep you from making smart choices.”

I rolled my eyes. “Ugh. Mom. Please.”

She pointed a finger at me. “It’s not a joke. You had your door shut.”

I knew that was a mistake. “We’re not that serious. At all.”

“He seems perfectly nice.” She pulled the tie off her braid and worked her hair loose with her fingers.

I didn’t want perfectly nice. I wanted Marcus. Standing there in my mother’s room felt so normal and safe I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “He is.”

213

How we Fall

She narrowed her eyes and looked me over. “Are you okay?

You’ve been so quiet lately. I heard you laughing in your room with Will, and I haven’t heard you doing that much lately.”

I wanted to tell her. My mother, of all people, was the one I wanted to talk to most about me and Marcus. But it was half his secret, and so I couldn’t. But there was something I could tell her. “Ellie. I miss her. And it makes me sick.”

“Oh, honey.” She crossed the room and hugged me.

I should have talked to her earlier about that. We sat on her bed and she listened while I said lot of things that didn’t mean very much and I played with the bracelet Ellie had given me.

When Dad came in, I slid off the bed. “I’ll be fine. I just hate seeing it on the news.” I hated it, but I also needed to know what was happening.

I headed back to my room, checking my email on my phone, and nearly ran right into Marcus. He stopped in front of me in the hall outside my room, his face pale. He shoved his hands in his pockets, pulled them out again, crossed his arms. His eyes were wide, and he looked like someone had just slapped him.

“I—I was going to—” he said. His voice broke, the silence stretched tight between us.

And then I knew why. As soon as I opened my mouth, he uncrossed his arms and pushed past me.