Howl My Name (BBW Paranormal Shapeshifter Romance) (Grayslake Book 5) (12 page)

Her voice was teasing, but she had no idea how deep his feelings went. “I’ve never enjoyed comfort like this. Not just sex, but any of it.”

She stilled and he cursed himself, knowing those few words opened up a can of pain that he didn’t want to open.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s not important.” Today, anyway. Hopefully not ever. He didn’t want to go back there. To that time when his life was shaped and formed through blood and pain.

Evie wasn’t going to let him get away with it, though. “I think it is.” She lifted her head, turning it so she could prop her chin on his chest. Their gazes met, and he knew what she was gonna say before the words left her mouth. “Tell me.”

And because she was his mate, he couldn’t
not
tell her.

Reid closed his eyes, unwilling to see any disgust or hatred that might fill her expression. Why shouldn’t she be disgusted? Or why wouldn’t she hate him for what he’d done over the years?

“It’s hard to find one thing.” He sought his memories, ignoring the pain that came with ’em and instead separated himself from the emotional hurts. Him with emotions? Yeah. He had ’em. He just didn’t let them come out to play very often.

“Tell me anything.”

Anything. “You know, I…” God, was he going to admit his fears? His heartache? His pain? For Evie, he would. There had to be more to them than fucking. “The first time I saw my mom beaten I was three. Shit, I remember that day.”

He remembered it all right. He could still taste his mother’s blood on his tongue, the gashes that marred her skin.

Evie gave him time to gather his thoughts and he was thankful she did. “My parents were true mates, but there’s always been something different about my father when you compare him to others. He had that edge that made him just a little stronger, just a little meaner than everyone else. Which was what made him a good alpha.”

Reid watched more than one dominance fight that ended with death for his father’s opponent. “But the mean…” he sighed. “I can’t explain it. Saying my father was a mean sonofabitch just isn’t enough.” He flipped through his past, trying to find something other than the lesson he’d learned at three. He decided it’d been a mistake to start there. He should—

“Tell me what happened to your mom.”

It was a mistake. “I skinned my knee.” Out tumbling with the neighborhood kids. He hadn’t grown into his asshole genes yet. Still a kid having fun, running and tussling with the other wolves. “I didn’t cry, Bennetts don’t cry. We’re not pussy assed bitches.”
See, Pops, I remember.
“But one of the kids, boy destined to be our omega, he was so small and timid unless we were playing.” He wasn’t gonna think about what happened to Adam. “We got tangled and went down, both of us cut up. It was just a kid thing. Playing and falling, me landing on the bottom and Adam on top.”

Reid knew that’d been something else that enraged his father. The fact that Adam had appeared to dominate Reid. They’d been
three
, but already he was being groomed for the alpha position.

“Adam was crying which made me get teary and our mothers came running over to brush us off and offer us comfort. It was so stupid. It was what kids do.”

He closed his eyes, letting history creep forward. Letting himself remember the scent of the grass and the gravel that dug into his knees. It’d burned and cut his skin, but he wasn’t gonna cry because babies cried and Reid wasn’t a baby. He was an alpha.

So instead of being a baby, he told Adam it was all gonna be okay. He didn’t need to cry. And when Adam realized he’d hit the alpha’s son, he’d cried harder. It was the first time he’d smelled fear from another kid, or had one run from him. Adam crawled his momma like she was a tree and hid his face in her neck. He kept on crying and apologizing.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…

Reid didn’t care. He just hoped it’d scar. Scars were cool.

“My mother told him it was okay. That everything was fine. There was no reason to be upset.” He snorted. “God, with my father there was every reason.” He shook his head. “He came home after dark, bone tired from work and hungry. I’d already eaten so I was playing in the living room. Don’t even remember what was on the TV now.” It’d been important back then, though. “My parents were in the kitchen, talking about whatever adults discussed and then my father called for me. And when he called, you went. There was none of that begging some parents do. He said your name and your ass did whatever he said.”

He learned that by watching others in the pack, the way his dad reacted when they took their time.

“I scrambled into the kitchen, racing to get to the table and stared at him, waiting to see what he wanted. And he… just stared. Stared at me until I remembered I was supposed to look down.” He ran his fingers along Evie’s arm, reminding himself he had her by his side. “Even at three I didn’t feel like I needed to submit. It just never occurred to me. When I challenged him and won twenty years later, I knew why. I was stronger than him even then. Perhaps not in body, but heart.”

It wasn’t something he’d acknowledged until that moment and it shifted a few things inside him, altered his view just enough to make the world seem different. Just enough to…

“What happened next?”

“Right. Next.” Next he’d questioned Reid. Over and over. What happened? Who hit who? Did he cry? Are you sure that’s what happened? “He had me tell him what happened. I wanted to look to my mom, to see her smile and know that everything was okay because he smelled more than mad. It was rage, but then, I’d never scented it before.” Years later after his mother had been raped and beaten by a pack of hyenas, he’d experienced it again. “And when I was done he didn’t say a damned thing. Not one. And I was squirming because I wasn’t sure if I’d made my alpha happy or not so I stole a peek. I lifted my eyes and saw my father staring at my mother, and she had tears on her cheeks and then…”

You lying cunt.

“He backhanded her. One hit sent her sprawling across the floor and by the time she stopped sliding, blood poured from her split cheek.” He’d never scented his mother’s blood before. Never caught a hint of those flavors, but he’d never forget them. Not ever. “I ran to her. She was my mother and I was idealistic. No one hurt mothers. You just didn’t. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, crying for her, but I never made it. My father caught me with his boot. Sent me flying through the air and I didn’t stop until I slammed against the wall.” He brushed a kiss across her forehead. “It hurt like hell. I think that day was the most painful of my life and it had nothing to do with hitting a wall.”

And everything to do with watching his dad beat his mom until she was a broken, bloody heap.

“When he was done he came over to me. Told me it was my fault.”

“Reid…” her whisper tried to pull him from the past, but it was no use. He had to get it out.

“I let a pussy boy dominate me and if I’d been a stronger wolf he wouldn’t have had to listen to Adam’s dad boast about his kid beating me. Then my mom lied to protect me. I had to be a man—a better wolf—or I’d end up like her.” Bloody. Broken. Beaten.

“That’s…”

“Fucked up. But it meant that the next time I saw Adam, I put him down hard. That any time someone tried to disrespect me, I went after them. What I wanted, I took. You’re strong or you’re not. It’s yours or it’s not. He raised me in a world of black and white. Terrence and Clary are trying to teach me there are shades of gray, but it’s hard to break the cycle.”

Really hard.

“I can’t believe he did that to you. Where’s your mom now?”

“Gone.” It was hard to keep the agony out of his voice. “She’d lived through a lot of shit. So much… The hyenas kidnapped, raped, and beat her when I was six. When Dad found out she was pregnant from it, she was sent away and gave birth to my sister, Zoey. Then she came back alone.”

“Oh, God. He made her leave your sister behind?” Tears clogged his mate’s throat and he hated that his past brought her pain.

“Yeah.” Left her behind with a screwed up wolf pack. “Yeah, he did. And so, when I thought I could take him, when I was sure the time was right, I talked to my mom. Warned her. No one should have to learn that their mate is gonna die right before he takes his last breath. And I was gonna kill him. But he found out somehow.

“Someone overheard us talking and before I could challenge him, she was accused of betraying her mating to him and he had the right to kill her.” Reid had heard plenty of bones breaking over the years. His own during a shift or others when he killed them. But the snap of her neck… he’d never forget that. “He was dead within fifteen minutes.”

The best fifteen minutes of his life. He didn’t glory in the kill today, but then… he’d bathed in his father’s blood and loved every second of it.

A timid knock on the bedroom door came just before a voice called through the wood. “Reid?”

Reid sighed. It looked like their time alone was up.

“Reid?” Her voice was a soft whisper.

He looked down at her, eyebrow raised. “Yeah, baby?”

“It wasn’t your fault. What he did to your mom, it wasn’t.”

“Okay.” He didn’t believe that but he’d humor her.

“And I’m glad he’s dead. I’m glad you killed him. I hope you made it painful.”

“I did.” Reid’s fingers tingled and nails ached as his wolf remembered the way his father’s skin split so beautifully for his claws. “I did.”

They didn’t have any choice but to leave the privacy of Evie’s room. Their small cocoon gave them a reprieve from the drama outside the space, but it’d have to be faced at some point. There were plans to be made, digging to be done.

Carvrix in Brookfield? By accident or design?

Who knew. But he would before all was said and done.

He twined his fingers with Evie’s, drawing her down the hallway as he headed toward the living room. The low murmur of voices reached him, men and women softly talking in the center of the house. From what he heard, there were at least a dozen bears—men and women—waiting on them. Maybe more. He found the most tormented females tended to stay silent and he hoped they’d find their voice someday.

“Hey, Reid.” Owen called out to him, but for one more second he ignored the Grayslake bear. This was more important.

He kept moving through the den, letting his gaze touch on each shifter in the house. Shifters didn’t need to be touched or spoken to in order feel acknowledged. A look was all it took. A meeting of eyes.

I see you. You’re important to me. You’re mine.

And they all were important even if he got glares in return. Reid knew from experience that one stare could mean the difference between insurrection and peace. He’d taken out his father, hadn’t he? When his dad was busy beating—

“Hey, Reid.” He yanked his mind from that path and to the bear still trying to get his attention, to the hand now gripping Reid’s forearm.

Reid had played well with others for days. Days. Longer than he had in… forever. For some reason, this asshole—even if he was from Grayslake and knew Reid’s history—forgot who he was, where he came from, and how that’d shaped him. He spun, hand splayed and in one swift move he had his fingers wrapped around his throat and back against the wall. Could he hurt him? Yes. Had he? Not yet. It was all about surprise, intimidation. Based on his wide eyes and gaping mouth, Reid was successful.

“Never,” he purred and leaned close, “ever, disrespect me in front of the clan. I am the Itan. You want my notice, you ask for it and you wait. You don’t put your hands on me like I’m some child who can’t pay attention to the world around me. You are here at my request and mine alone. Your mother may have put you on this earth, but I will take you out of it.” The roll of their fear stroked his back, a hint of panic teasing the edge and he battled against his beast. It didn’t just hate disrespect, he loathed it. He tightened his grip, making Owen wheeze, and he leaned forward to whisper in the bear’s ear. “Do we have an understanding?”

“The,” Owen gasped, “the Southeast Itan sent me. You have no right—”

“I have every right. As I said, my request brought your here since—as a trained EMT—you’re the closest thing to a Healer we have.” Sure, Evie was trained, but he didn’t want her five feet from his side, let alone meeting with other bears. “You’re to meet with the clan and make yourself available to them at their convenience. You don’t chase them. You don’t hound them. You sit in your office and leave your door open. You show them respect and consideration while you listen and care for them. You tell me if there’s something I can do to make this shit better.”

“That violates patient-doctor—”

He squeezed a little harder, feeling the rage and adrenaline sink into his blood. Yeah, Owen had forgotten who he dealt with. Reid was better than he’d been when he joined the bears, but even after going through eight therapists, he was still a crazy fuck.

“We both understand that a smart bear—any shifter—has reason to be afraid of me. So you’re gonna be the closest thing they have to a doctor and clan member liaison in one until I get my inner-circle set.” He kept his hand in place and slowly turned his gaze on the cluster of women in the living room and then to some of the other bears who called Brookfield home. “None of you have come to me with shit, so I’m telling you to go to Owen. Despite his current idiocy, he’s a smart and caring bear. There will be no repercussions if you bring a grievance to Owen. He knows enough to bring shit to my door that needs to be addressed. You tell him not to say something, and he won’t.”

He focused on Katherine and then the female beside her. Then the one next to her. He kept going around the circle, telling them with his eyes that they should give him their trust.

I will protect you. I will care for you. You are mine.

Katherine was the first to nod, her expression clouded with fear and hope.

The others fell in line and their acceptance slowly traveled around the room.

“Good. We’re having a gathering tonight to rid the clan of the evil it’s harbored. You have any grievances between now and then, you go to Owen. You come to me.”