Hush (9 page)

“So these guys kept pushing on the barricades, pushing and pushing,” Red explained dramatically, telling me about the events of his last assignment.  “And I shouted at them to back up.  I called for more assistance right before the barricades all toppled over and the people started rushing the lot.  I was about to grab this guy coming right at me when out of nowhere, Tony comes in and sweeps his legs right out from under him, lays him out, I mean like out cold.  He was seeing Tweety Bird, okay?  The rest of the crowd sees this, and then sees Tony looking like a fucking bull.  They all start backing up behind the barricade.  They were like, I don’t want to fuck around with that guy.  I don’t want to end up on my back like that idiot.  It was nuts.”

My cell phone rang, humming against my desk top.  I looked at it and silenced the call.

Red saw me ignore a call.  “Okay, that’s like the fifth call I’ve seen you ignore this week.  Who’s the stalkerazzi you’re trying to avoid?”

“Olivia,” I sighed.

“What’s the deal?  Didn’t you two had lunch together after the Chicago trip?  God, that was like a month ago, wasn’t it?  You’re not into it anymore or what?”

“I just can’t do it, man.  She’s great, really she is, but it’s just a bad idea all around to start getting caught up in that,” I explained, trying to play it off like it was easy for me to be so dismissive when in reality, it took a lot for me to shut her out.

There was a knock at my office door.  Tony popped his head in.  “Hey Tony, Red was just telling me about your night last night,” I said, smiling.

Tony smiled, knowing exactly what I was referring to.  “Yeah, it was, uh, quite the night I tell you, but hey, there’s someone here to see you.”

He pushed the door open all the way to reveal Olivia standing just behind him.  She moved into the office gracefully while Red and I stared silently, unsure what to say.  “Hi,” she said when Tony closed the door behind us.

“Hi,” I mumbled.  “Um, I don’t think you’ve met Red yet, have you?” I stammered.

Olivia’s wide eyes moved from me to Red.  “No, I haven’t.  Nice to meet you.  I’m Olivia.”

They shook hands and I could see by the expression on Red’s face that he too could see Camilla in the doctor’s features.   “Nice to meet you, too.  I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Olivia blushed slightly.  “Oh have you?”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t believe any of the bad stuff he said about you,” he said playfully with a cheesy wink, arousing a chorus of chuckles from the three of us.  “Well, I’ve got some things to do, if you’ll excuse me.  It was nice to finally meet you, Doctor.”

“Olivia is fine, thank you and it was nice to meet you, too,” she corrected, as usual, as Red headed for the door.  “I tried to call you to warn you I was here,” she started when it was just the two of us.  “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

I stood from my desk and moved around towards her.  “No, not at all,” I said.

She looked nervous, her eyes moving quickly around the room, almost avoiding mine.  It seemed to make her more nervous that I was closer to her.  “I just had to see you,” she started.  “Oh God, that sounds stupid.  What I meant was, I’ve been thinking a lot, mulling over some things and I think, well I really, I’m just assuming,” she stammered, looking at her fidgeting hands, “that you feel the same way I’m feeling.”

Her eyes took a deep drink of mine now, searching for a reaction to her inquisition.  I waited patiently for my turn.  I was curious where she was going with this.

“The truth is,” she urged on, “I’m terrified to find out that you think about me as much as I think about you.  Usually, I’m the kind of person who just lets sleeping dogs lie when it comes to this kind of stuff.  I usually don’t want to know the answer, so I remain in the dark about the matter, but with you, I have to know.  I just need to know one way or another.  I don’t even care if it’s not what I want to hear, as long as I know.  I just have to be sure.  I need to know if there’s something here or not.  Because I feel like there is and that’s the vibe I’ve gotten from you as of late, which could of course all be in my head.  I just feel like if there is something, we should take a chance on it to see if it’s worth our while or not, right?  I mean I don’t really know how this works.  I’m not sure if this is even the way to go about it, but I couldn’t help myself.  I just…” she rambled on adorably.

I moved towards her with purpose, putting an abrupt end to her confession.   I slid my hand between her loose hair and her cheek.  She didn’t flinch.  She didn’t pull away.  Like a woman under hypnotism, I moved my lips closer to hers without a second thought or a moment of hesitation.

The embrace was exactly how I’d imagined it since I first laid eyes on Olivia; something I’d envisioned many times and something I’d been dying to do.  Even though she held on longer than I anticipated, when we parted, I was left wanting more.

“I don’t ever want to get used to that,” Olivia said, exhaling deeply.

I smiled, still cupping her cheek with my hands.  “I hope that clears up lingering suspicions for you,” I said.

Olivia chuckled.  I could feel her cheek getting hot against my palm.  I leaned in and fulfilled my unsatisfied craving.

I knew I shouldn’t.  I knew I should have stopped myself before things got out of control.  With everything she said, I knew she was right.  What’s it going to hurt to try?

“Hey Erin,” I shouted into the quiet house as I let myself in.  I dropped my purse on the bench just inside the door, kicking my shoes off before stepping onto the carpet.  It had been nearly two weeks since I left Callem and I finally gave in to Erin’s pleas.  She promised to cook me a homemade supper and she wasn’t going to talk about Callem at all.

“Erin, where are you?”  I headed for the kitchen.  “I’m not staying long, I just want to--”

My words were smothered by the heart-stopping sight of Callem.  He stood ominously behind Erin who sat at the kitchen table, eyes wide with fear.  Red stood near the back door, arms crossed in front of him, holding a black pistol.  Callem had a matching firearm in his hand, resting at his side.

“Hey baby,” Callem said.  “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for a week now.  This was the only way I knew how.  Please, sit down.  We need to talk.”  He gestured to the chair in front of me with the gun.

“Callem, put the gun away, what the hell are you doing?” I moaned.  Erin looked at me with wide, fearful eyes.

“Please, Liv, we have a lot to talk about and I’m not leaving here without you,” Callem said.

“No, I’m not going anywhere with you.  I’ve got a lawyer, Cal.  You know that.  You can’t be here right now.  You need to leave.  You need to leave before--”

“Before what?” Callem snapped, taking the words from my mouth.  “Before you call the police?  That’s not a good idea, Livy, since I’ve got the police on my side.  I promise you.  They’re not going to help you.  The only thing that will help is if you sit down and talk to me; that’s all I want.  And if you refuse, well, I really hope you don’t.” His tone was mellow and smooth, contrary to the tension building in the small room.  “I only brought Red and the guns because I’m at the end of my rope here, Liv.  You’ve taken all my slack.  We can work this out.  This is fixable.  Please, I’m asking nicely.   Just sit down and listen to what I have to say.”

I shook my head as the tears emerged.  “No, I don’t want to hear excuses.  You can’t excuse what you’ve done.  You can’t explain it to me.  You can’t try to deceive me with more lies and sugar coat this.  You can’t just sweep it under the rug like it never happened.  It happened.  It’s happening.  It’s real.  It’s right in our faces and there’s nothing you can do to cover it up.  Now, you need to leave.”  I tried to sound firm.  “Get out, Callem.  Just get the hell out!” I shouted.

Callem lifted his gun and pointed it at Erin’s temple.  Erin cringed as she started to sob, squeezing her eyes shut.  “No! Callem, no, stop,” I screamed, holding my hands out.  Red didn’t flinch as he watched this scene unfold. 

“If you don’t sit down now, I’m going to do something you’ll regret,” Callem’s words were short and venomous.  “I am not leaving here without you.  Don’t make me prove that to you.”

Red took a step towards me.  I shuffled backward as he pulled the chair out in front of me and backed away again.  I begged him with my eyes, begged him to stop this; to help us.  He was too obedient to Callem.  He’d never think of it.  Reluctantly, I took a seat as Erin’s sobs subsided.  “Will you please take the gun away from her?” I pleaded with him.  As Callem moved the gun away from Erin’s head, I caught her gaze.  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

Callem pulled out the chair next to Erin and took a seat, dropping his weapon on the table in front of us with a macabre thud.  I sat uneasily as he shifted his weight, breathed in and out deeply, ran his fingers through his hair.  Erin’s eyes flicked from one gun to the other as she sat stiff as a board.  I’d seen Callem like this before.  I’ve seen the fear he could instill in people first hand.  He’d never used it on me, until now.

“What do you want, Cal?” I finally whispered.

He looked up at me for a long moment before answering.  “I just want you to come home.”

“I already told you that’s not happening.”

“What do I have to do to make it happen?”

I shook my head quickly.  “There’s nothing you can do.  What you could’ve done, that’s a different story and too far gone.  You should’ve done something seven years ago.”

Callem’s eyes moved to Erin.  “How much did you tell her?” he asked me.

“I haven’t told her anything.  She doesn’t know,” I mumbled firmly, growing tense.

“Are you sure?”  Callem’s hand twitched.  “I know you, Liv.  You tell her everything.  This is important.  You need to tell me what you told her.”  There was a professional air in his voice that rubbed me the wrong way.

“I swear.”  My throat was dry as I choked on my words.  “I just told her we were fighting.  I told her it wasn’t good.  She tried to get it out of me, but I knew it would just come back on her if she found out.  I’m not stupid.  I understand how these things work.”

“Is that true?” Callem turned to Erin now.  “Did she keep my secret from you?”  Erin’s chin quivered as she nodded.  A large tear trickled from her eye, breaking my heart.  Callem looked up at Red and sighed, leaning back in his chair.  “You have to understand something, Erin, my secret is very dangerous and things might happen to you, things out of my control, if you knew, if you talk.  I might not be able to help you if you decide one day to walk into a police station and tell to an investigator about me.”

“I don’t know anything!” Erin snapped through clenched teeth, slapping her hand on the table in frustration.   Her sobs swelled again as her shoulders shook.  Callem watched her cry heartlessly for a moment, studying her state for the validity of her words before turning back to me.

“Thank you for keeping this to yourself,” he mumbled to me.

“Fuck you,” I grunted.  “So now what?”

“Now we can go home.”

“I am not going to tell you again.  I am not going back to that house.”

“You know, there’s a problem with your determination, sweetheart.  You are coming with me.  You just don’t know it yet.  You don’t have a choice, you see, because I have the gun.  I have the men.  I have the power.  I didn’t want it to be like this.  I didn’t want to have to be the bad guy, but you haven’t made this easy on me.”

“You son of a bitch,” I said under my breath.  “Made this easy for you?  How dare you.  You don’t deserve easy and you don’t deserve me.  What makes you think I’m afraid of that gun?  You’ll never use it on me.  That much you can’t get by me.  So if getting me to go home with you by force of your gun is your big plan, maybe you should call my bluff because I’d rather get shot than go home with you.”

Callem scoffed.  “You’re right, I’d never shoot you,” he admitted easily, too easily.  “I didn’t bring the gun with intentions of threatening you with it.  I brought it to use on Erin.”

The words came out of his mouth as easily as a cordial greeting.  My heart stopped.  “Don’t,” I spat, cocking my head to the side.

“Do you want to call my bluff?” He grabbed the gun, pulling it closer to himself.

I had to force my head to shake.  The Callem I knew would never do this.  The Callem I knew loved Erin just as much as I did.  The Callem sitting in front of me was not that man.  “And what do you think is going to happen if I go home with you?  You think things are going to go back to the way they were?  You think I’ll just forget, act like nothing ever happened?”

“Oh no,” Callem said, shaking his head.  “It’ll take some adjusting, but eventually I think you’ll come around.”

“It’s that easy, huh?”

“Liv, I love you, even if you have a hard time understanding that.  I love you so much I can’t imagine the rest of my life without you in it.  I swear to you, we’ll work this out, for our sake.”

“What happens to your plan when I don’t love you anymore?  Why would you want someone who doesn’t want you?  I want a divorce, Cal.  I want to put this, and put you, behind me.  You will never get my love back, no matter how hard you try.”  He didn’t say anything.  “I will keep your secret.  I wouldn’t dream of telling anyone.  I just want to walk away from this, wash my hands of it.”

Callem’s lips were tight.  “There’s no walking away now.  You’re scarred and that doesn’t wash away.  If you leave me, I can’t protect you.  It’s in your best interest to stay.  Once you’re in it, there’s no getting out.  I’m sorry.”  My stomach turned.  His words were as sincere as I’d ever heard from him.  Truth was, he’s told me so many lies in the past using that same delivery that it could be completely twofaced and I wouldn’t know the difference.

“Are you?” I asked through clenched teeth.  “Are you really sorry?  What did you think would happen?  We could go on for the rest of our lives with me completely in the dark?  Seriously, did you think you’d get away with it?”

Callem shook his head.  “No, I wanted to tell you myself.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

“How could I?  What would you have done if I would have told you when we first met?”

“You and I wouldn’t be having this conversation right now if you had told me then.  It wouldn’t have gotten any further than that.”

“Exactly.  I couldn’t lose you.”

“Instead you tricked me.  You seduced me until my heart was yours.  You wanted me to be in so much love that I’d accept this secret life of yours.  You imagined I’d be so blinded and crazy in love with you that I’d be okay with it.”  Callem didn’t answer.  I knew him well enough to know that meant I was right.  “You’re delirious.  I am not a gold digger.  I’m not a dumb twenty-something with aspirations of being your trophy wife.  I don’t depend on you to live a certain lifestyle.  I can take care of myself.  That was your first mistake when you targeted young, innocent me.  I don’t need you.  I needed your love to make me feel complete, but I would have turned away from it if I knew what it came with.  I don’t want it anymore, any of it.”

“That’s too bad,” Callem said sourly.  “You can’t get out of it.  This is bigger than a marriage certificate and you may think you have a good understanding of what this is, but you don’t know the half of it.  You haven’t even begun to scratch the surface.  What I did to you was wrong and it was selfish and I don’t want to see you pay for my sins, which is exactly what will happen if you don’t stay.”

“You’re wrong,” I grumbled.  “I am paying for your sins with my guilt and disgust.  Now, I’m forced into a situation I don’t want to be a part of.  That won’t end.  I’ll forever be in pain because of what you’ve done to me.”

Callem sighed heavily, shaking his head.  “Look, let’s just go home and we’ll take it one step at a time.”

My eyes moved to the gun in his hand, still securely clutched in his grip.  I shook my head slowly.

“Please don’t make me force you,” Callem whined.  “Please.  I really, really don’t want to do that.  Don’t push me to that point.”

“You have a choice.  You don’t have to do it.”

“This is your last chance.  Are you coming home with me?”

The tension was so thick in the air I could feel the pressure pushing down on my chest.  I studied him.  He was desperate.  I could see that much.  With desperation comes unpredictability and that terrified me.  Callem shifted his grip on the gun, pulling it off  the table and dropping it down to his lap.  Strangely, I was able to think clearer with the gun out of sight, even though I knew it was even closer to Erin than before.

“What about Erin?  She still doesn’t know anything.  Do you promise me you won’t hurt her in any way?”

Callem nodded.  “I promise.”  There was a hint of hope in his voice.

Erin looked at me with a twisted expression, deducing my intentions.  “You can’t go with him,” she said through clenched teeth.  “Olivia, you can’t.”

“I have to protect you,” I whispered.  Erin’s mouth hung open.  “I’ll be fine.  He’s not going to hurt me.  This will work out.”  I was only saying these things for Erin and I hated that Callem had to hear this.  Was I filling him with a false sense of hope?  “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to you because of me.  You just have to trust me.  You trust me, don’t you?”

“I don’t trust them,” she replied.

“You have to.  You have to trust that I’ll be fine and so will you.”

“Look, I don’t give a fuck if you’re married.  This is illegal!  This is kidnapping.  You can’t seriously be thinking of going along with this.  This is crazy,” Erin pleaded with me.  I could see the frustration bubbly under skin.

“Erin,” I glanced at Callem before I continued.  It felt strange talking about him like he wasn’t right in front of us.  I had to keep my voice calm in an effort to calm Erin down a bit.  “You don’t understand and I can’t explain it to you.  It’d be useless to go to the police or try to get him in trouble for this.  I guarantee you.  There isn’t anything else we can do.”

Erin looked as cornered as I felt.  Her mouth became tight with anger as she stared aimlessly at the table top.  “If anything happens to her, I kill you,” she mumbled to Callem.

“If anything happens to her, you’re welcome to try,” he enticed Erin while staring at me.  “I know it may be hard for you to accept after what’s happened here tonight, but I will take care of her.  She’s the only reason things happened this way.  I just want her back.”

“How chivalrous of you,” Erin mocked.  “What am I supposed to do?” she asked me.

“I’ll call you every day.  We’ll get through this, okay?”  Erin didn’t seem pleased with my response.  What else could I say?

“Are we done here?” Callem asked impatiently.

I told my legs to move.  I tried to stand, but I was glued to the chair, staring into Erin’s troubled expression.  My mind was racing in those short seconds, looking for a loop hole in this plan; looking for a way out.  Finally, Red took a step closer to me.  I was afraid he’d grab my arm or pull me from where I sat.  I looked up at him as if setting a dare with my gaze.  Something in me was trying to provoke a confrontation, just to have a chance to throw a swing at either one of them.  I had to keep it together while we were still with Erin.

Using my hands, I pushed myself up from the table, rising slowly.  The seething anger heating my core vaporized my tears before they could break to the surface.  I moved to head for the door, escaping the final pleading gazes from Erin.  Callem stepped between Red and me.  He put his hand on my back, but I shook it off.  “Don’t touch me,” I mumbled as I slipped my shoes on and swept out of the front door.