I Am Behind You (55 page)

Mummy, Daddy and Emil watch the silver-coloured vehicles drive through the campsite and out onto the road, where they gradually disappear into the shadow of the pine trees.

‘Daddy?' Emil says, taking out his cuddly toys one by one. ‘Where are my lightsabers?'

*

The thing that used to be Isabelle is walking.

There has always been a hunger, an emptiness, and no one has been able to satisfy it. The hunger is still there. It is strong and it hurts, but it is
simple
. There is a track to follow. If you just follow the track, then the hunger will be sated, sooner or later. Across the field she walks, together with those who are like her. The song of hunger rises from their throats.

The thing that used to be Isabelle is no longer capable of thinking as humans do, but if she could, she would be thinking something along the lines of:
I am happy
.

*

Lennart and Olof are lying naked in bed, looking at one another. Benny and Maud are sitting on the floor, looking at Lennart and Olof. It is a moment of stillness. Four pairs of eyes, drinking in one another. Then Lennart sits up, scratches the back of his neck and says: ‘Well, it was worth a try.'

It didn't work. They had unfolded the bed, then undressed clumsily and with a certain amount of embarrassment. They had got into bed and lay there caressing one another, they kissed a little, but nothing happened.

Olof had put forward the hypothesis that perhaps it wasn't working because the dog and the cat were sitting there staring at them, but they both knew that wasn't the real problem.

They could agree on the fact that neither of them saw anything disgusting or shameful
in principle
in making love the way two men can. It was just that they couldn't do it, couldn't find the spark, so instead they lay there for a long time, naked before one another, reaching the level of intimacy that was possible for them right now, and that was good in its own way.

Lennart pulls on his pants and socks, clambers into his dungarees without bothering about a vest. He nods to Olof and strokes his foot before leaving the caravan, accompanied by Benny and Maud.

It's moving in.

A band of darkness has begun to rise in all directions, all the way along the line of the horizon, and as Lennart watches it grows a few more millimetres, like a sack that is slowly being pulled upwards. The world is shrinking, closing down.

Lennart goes back inside and fetches the gadgets. Olof is getting dressed.

‘It seems to be getting dark,' Lennart says. ‘Pretty quickly.'

‘I'm coming.'

They stand side by side, watching the approaching darkness as it closes in around them. Benny lets out a short, sharp bark. Olof pats him on the head and says, ‘Not much we can do about it, is there?'

‘No, I don't think so. Anyway, I'm ready for that lesson now.'

‘Lesson?'

Lennart crouches down on the grass where he has placed the iPod and speakers. He scrolls through the playlist; he doesn't know which song he is going to choose, but he finds exactly the right one and puts it on repeat. That means it will go on playing for as long as it is possible to play, which is only right.

Olof bursts out laughing when he hears which song Lennart has chosen: it is Abba, ‘Dance (While the Music Still Goes On)'. He opens his arms and Lennart moves into his embrace. It's not much of a lesson; they just move slowly in each other's arms, closing their eyes as what is going to happen happens, and the song begins over and over again.

They dance, while the music still goes on.

They dance.

I switch off the light.