I Am Forever (What Kills Me) (4 page)

“I survived,” I said.

Lucas approached me. He smelled of blood and earth and something woodsy that reminded me of his home. Dark red stripes streamed down his ropy arms, and his hands were grimy with dried blood.

“Everything was all right?” he said.

Instead of telling him about my fright, I said, “It’s fine. They hose you down and you come out smelling like a cupcake.”

Uther said, “We’ll take the swordsmith somewhere else to shower and, my lady, you may accompany us if you wish. In the meantime, we’ve brought you something to drink. I sampled it for you.”

A maid set a wine bottle and two glasses of blood on a table. My hunger took over and my mouth filled with saliva.

“You should feed,” Lucas said.

My hands trembled with excitement as I reached for the glass. Sighing, I tipped the liquid into my mouth and swallowed without tasting. The blood burned my throat and spread within me, setting my veins and arteries ablaze. My fingertips and toes tingling, I grabbed the second glass. And then the wine bottle.

For a moment I forgot everything and relished the ecstasy of feeding.

We had been walking for fifteen minutes through countless corridors and lobbies, some white, metal, and minimalist, others opulent, gold, and carpeted. A mix of new and old. Modern and traditional.

The palace, Uther explained, was simply the tip of a vast underground city. “I look forward to showing the empire to you,” he had said. “It is truly magnificent.”

While I gaped at the architecture, Lucas surveyed the place with suspicion. Showered and dressed in a black tunic and pants, he smelled of smoke and spice. I knew the scent well; it was that of the soldiers in the palace, and it disturbed me a little.

Muffled sounds traveled through the walls. Voices and footsteps echoed around corners. I listened for danger—the clink of swords, the squeak of leather from nervous soldiers—but I heard none.

“Here we are,” Uther said.

The maids led us through a set of cream doors into the most beautiful room I had ever seen. Everywhere was texture and shine. Crystal chandeliers dangled from an elaborate molded ceiling. Gold flecks speckled the caramel-tiled floors. Sofas and chaise longues upholstered in navy and yellow damask velvet were pushed against the walls. The room smelled of lilies from a huge bouquet on an ivory vanity.

“This will be your room temporarily,” Uther said, “while the Monarchy finds better living quarters.”

“Better?” I blurted. “I mean, it’ll do, I guess.”

I ran my fingers over the white bed frame, which had cherub faces and wreaths sculpted into the wood, and I petted the blue and mustard tassels on the cushions piled on the bed.

“You’ve been through so much.” Uther sounded deeply concerned. “We thought it might be good if you got some rest. When was the last time that you slept?”

I couldn’t remember. I couldn’t remember the last time that I was tired. I knew that vampires slept in the day. But underground, who knew what time it was?

“Zee, maybe he’s right,” Lucas said.

“I guess I could lie down for a while.”

“You deserve some peace and quiet. It will give your body and mind time to recuperate.” As Uther spoke, a maid set a glass of blood on a side table. “Shall I sample it for you, my lady?”

“Yes,” Lucas answered for me.

Uther obliged. “We have some for you as well, Swordsmith. It is waiting in your room.”

“Where, um, is Lucas’s room?”

“We’ve arranged a place for him down the hall, my lady. Not too far.”

“Okay.”

“Good, then we shall take our leave.” Uther extended his arm toward the door. But Lucas didn’t move.

“She will be fine. I swear it,” Uther said.

“It’s fine, Lucas. I’ll see you in a bit.” It wasn’t fine. I was afraid to be left alone. But I took Lucas in, his eyebrows pressing down on his tired eyes, his strong body sagging, and I wanted him to have peace and quiet. He needed to recuperate. He looked exhausted.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Zee,” he said.

“I know, but...”

Uther looked at Lucas. “Your room is a short distance away. Ten feet to the left.”

Ten feet too far.

Lucas frowned. “I don’t like it.”

“I will personally wait outside of the lady’s room while she rests,” Uther said.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Swordsmith, may I have a word with you in private? Please, step outside for a moment.”

Lucas was still frowning. “Zee, I’ll be back. If anything—”

“If anything happens, you know I’ll scream,” I said.

“I’ll be here in seconds.”

“And you know I’ll be kicking some butt until you show up.”

I watched them leave. Lucas kept pausing and looking back. When the doors closed behind them, I stood in silence for a few minutes, waiting. For what, I didn’t know. For almost two weeks I had known only terror. If I opened myself up, would this space be filled with peace? Or with dread? Did I believe the Empress and Uther, that we were finally safe, that there was nothing to fear?

All I had wanted was to be alive. And now I wasn’t sure how to do that. Was I supposed to live here? Forever? Why didn’t I feel comforted by anything?

I waited for an answer. When one didn’t come, I crawled into bed and closed my eyes.

Axelia.

It was a whisper. A hiss.

Ax-eee-liaaa.

Louder. Raspy. From the corner of the room.

I sat up and blinked but saw only black.

Lucas?

It called my name again, this time from the foot of my bed.
Oh my God.
I froze.

“Who’s there?”

In the darkness something reached out and grabbed my leg, nails piercing my flesh. The agony shocked me. I screamed and struggled like an animal crushed in a steel trap.

It was neither vampire nor human. It was slimy, oozing blood and some other rancid liquid. I choked on the putrid stink of rotting meat.

I shrieked and kicked it in the face. The jagged edges of its fangs sliced my heel. I rolled sideways, fell from the bed, and hit the floor. My bloody feet slipped as I tried to skid away. But the creature was on me, snarling, dragging me by my feet toward its mouth. Then I saw its eyes. Yellow. Filmy. Their black centers bleeding at the edges.

The creature snapped at my face.

“NO!”

I put my fingers in its mouth and it sank its teeth down to the bone. With a cry I tore its jaw off. It didn’t even scream, just reeled away. I scrambled back against a dresser, and a lamp smashed and fell to the ground. Still blind, I felt around until my hand closed around a shard of glass. I stood and the creature crashed into me, a storm of claws and teeth. As we slammed into the wall, it stabbed its talons into the back of my shoulders, the pain hot and intense. I drove the shard in between its ribs. We fell together.

Laughter. I heard a low, hoarse cackle and when I looked toward the sound, I saw eyes. Blood red. And then they were gone.

The monster was shaking me. It was talking. No. It had Lucas’s voice.

Lucas.

Suddenly, there was light. Lucas was crouched over me and I was twisted under him, mid-struggle.

What? What’s going on?

“Zee! Stop!” Lucas shouted. “Stop. You’re all right.”

“Where is it?” I cried. “Where did it go?”

“Calm down. You were dreaming.”

“No, th-there was something in my room. Where is it?”

“You were having a nightmare, my lady,” Uther said. He clutched the belt of his robe, eyes wide. A row of soldiers stood beside him, their gloved hands on the handles of their swords.

“What...?” I blinked to clear the fog in my head.

Lucas rose and helped me to my feet. Then he staggered back. He had blood on his hands.

“Lucas, you’re bleeding!”

“I’m fine.”

I rubbed my eyes. “What happened?”

Wincing, Lucas lifted his shirt and seemed to yank at the skin on his abdomen; he threw a piece of glass to the ground.

The shard of glass. I put that in the monster. The monster is Lucas? No, wait.

“Oh my God,” I whispered. “Did I do that to you?”

“Yes.”

“In my sleep?”

“Yes.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I swear, there was something in my room and then someone else who was watching. I heard them. I felt them.”

I reached around to rub my shoulder, searching for bloody punctures. No wound. I looked down at my rumpled dress, stained with sweat. I turned my hands over and searched for scratches. “There was something here. It was so real.”

A chunk of the bed frame had splintered off. Chairs and tables were overturned. One of the doors had come off its hinges. Water from the vase, now broken, dribbled from the table to the floor.

“Did I do all this?”

“You had some help,” Lucas said.

Uther nodded. “The swordsmith and the maids tried to wake you from your nightmare.”

Oh no.
“Did...did I hurt them?”

“They will be all right,” Uther replied.

Under the light the confusion dissipated and guilt swept in. “I’m sorry,” I said. “Lucas, are you okay?”

“I’ve healed already, so don’t give it another thought.”

I put my hands up as if I was facing a squadron of armed officers. “Sorry, everyone.”

“Please leave us,” Uther ordered. The Aramatta filed out without a second glance.

I plucked a few feathers stuck to my clothing. A cushion had been gutted and its fluffy innards were strewn all over the bed and floor. Lucas placed a hand on my still trembling shoulder. His fingers touched where the creature had pierced me with its nails.

“You were stuck in a very bad dream, my lady,” Uther said.

“I’ve never had a nightmare like that before,” I said. “Usually I dream that I’m horribly late for a final exam and I can’t find the classroom. But there were monsters. One was attacking me and biting me and I couldn’t get away. It was so real.”

The creature’s fetid blood still lingered in my nose. It made me nauseous. I sank down onto the once-beautiful bed.

“You’ve also never been through the kind of trauma that you’ve experienced,” Uther said. “Nightmares are normal. I’m going to arrange that you see Doctor Femi. You might really benefit from talking to her about what you’re going through.”

“Is Doctor Femi a therapist?”

“Yes. She’s wonderful.”

“Okay.”

“We should also have you pay a visit to Doctor Vosper for a quick medical checkup to make sure you are in good health.”

“Sure.”

“Good then. I will go and make arrangements and speak to the Empress’s staff.” Uther patted my back.

“I’m not making a good case for myself, am I? Being a house guest from hell.”

“My lady, the Monarchy is only concerned with your safety and well-being.”

“Thanks, Uther.”

“Try to get some rest, my lady.”

“Yeah, I’ve given up the whole sleeping thing. It’s overrated.”

“I will return shortly. If there is anything you need, just call for one of the maids.”

“I don’t know how eager they’ll be to come in here after what’s happened.”