I Don't Want to Lose You (27 page)

             
He looked up at me. “Hi, babe.  I can take this one.”

             
I shook my head and took it from him.  I bent over and kissed him on the forehead.  “I got it.  How are you feeling today?”

             
“Not so hot.  What time is your appointment again?”

             
I looked at the clock.  “We will have to leave in another two hours.  Do you think you'll be up to it?”

             
“I'm going to try to be,” he replied.  It was going to be the first time we would get to see the baby.

             
I went to clean out the bucket and brought it back to the room. 

             
“Did you want some chicken soup and crackers?” I asked.

             
“I already had some and haven't been able to keep it down.”

             
“Sorry to hear that.  So far so good for me,” I said.  I sat propped up on the bed next to him and had him put his head on Holly and Dolly. 

             
“Do you think I would be a good dad?” he asked.

             
“Honestly, I haven't given it much thought.”  I never really had a chance to think about it because so much had happened that to be alone with my thoughts was nearly impossible.  “I think you would now that I think about it.  You're good with your brother.  Not to mention you did do stuff for him as a baby since you're twelve years older.  I'm just four years older than my sister so I didn't do much.  Do you think I would be a good mom?”

             
“Definitely.  No questions about it.”

             
“Well, I have questions about it.  I know that I probably need to get some books and take some classes.”

             
“Classes for what?”

             
“How to change a diaper properly,” I answered.  “Breastfeeding.”

             
“Breastfeeding?  But these are mine,” he said as he moved his head between the girls.

             
I chuckled.  “You may have to share.”  Then I thought about a recent trip to my parents' house and a comment that my mother had made that had kind of been bothering me like an annoying fly that won't be satisfied until it has had a chance to land on you.  “My mom said that I looked like I was getting a little chunky.  Do you think I am?”

             
He sat up to look at me and put his hand on my stomach.  “You are with child and weight gain is to be expected.  You don't look chunky at all.”

             
I glared at him.  “You are such a politician.”

             
He gave a toothy grin before quickly turning to grab the bucket to vomit.

             
Later we were feeling a bit better to make it to my doctor's appointment.  The heartbeat was strong and we got to see the baby.  I had never seen him so giddy before, but it made my heart glad to know that he was happy and it took the sting away from the thought that it could be the last time he would see his child.  The ultrasound pictures would have to do.

CHAPTER FORTY

              It was the middle of April and my parents were going on a week long cruise for their anniversary.  They needed an adult to keep an eye on my teenage sister, so Theo and I moved into my old room.  His mother was a little hesitant but succumbed since he was going to be with me and she knew I wouldn't let anything happen to him under my watch.  I had a daybed and used the mattress on the trundle to make a larger bed for us.  As I was making the bed up, I noticed him looking around at the stuff in my room.

             
I had two large bookcases.  He stopped at the first one to read all of the trophies that I had.  He then went through the titles of the books I had.  There were over two hundred books.

             
“Have you read all of these books?” he asked.

             
“Yep.”

             
“You don't read your books with me.”

             
“Theo, look at those books.  Not a single one of them are over three hundred pages.  With the spacing and font sizes, it takes me no time to get through them.  You have me over there reading a book that has more words than the Bible, so I won't have time to read my books until we're done with it.”

             
He reached into his bag and pulled out the book and put it on my desk.

             
“Yeah,” I started.  “Look at that and then look at those.”  I pointed to the books in my bookcase.  “No comparison, dude.”

             
He moved over to the other bookcase and looked over my CDs.  “The Beatles? Sgt. Pepper's?”

             
“What of it?”

             
“I would have never thought you liked The Beatles or that album.”

             
“I sure do.  To be honest, my love for the songs has nothing to do with The Beatles and their album.  It was the movie that I loved as a little girl that made me appreciate the album.”

             
“What movie?” he asked.

             
My jaw dropped as I pointed at him.  “That's sacrilegious.  What do you mean 'what movie'?  Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart Club Band with Peter Frampton and The Bee Gees.  It's the worst B movie musical ever! It was terribly awesome, man!”

             
He shook his head.  “Never heard of it, but I'm sure you're going to make sure I see it before we leave.”

             
“I wasn't thinking that, but we can definitely make it happen.  You know I have it.”             

             
“I figured.”  He continued looking at the bookcase and the three shelves filled with stuffed animals.  “You sure do have a lot of teddy bears.”

             
“They're not all teddy bears.  They're stuffed animals.  Those are my babies and then they can belong to my baby when it comes.”  I stood next to him and started telling him the names of each one.

             
“Wait,” he stopped me.  “You know the names of all of them?”

             
“Yes, sir.”  I continued on with the introductions.  I wondered what his reaction was going to be when I got to a light brown teddy bear with straight hair.  “This is Theo.  This monkey is Laslo.”

             
“Did you say this teddy bear's name was Theo?” he asked.

             
“I did,” I answered shyly.

             
“When did you get this bear?”

             
“In the eleventh grade,” I answered.

             
He picked it up and rubbed it.  “Is this what my hair felt like to you?” 

             
I nodded. “Except for when you had it spiky on top.”

             
“Before I take this as a compliment, is there one here named Nathaniel?”

             
“The thought of naming one of my treasured stuffed animals Nathaniel never crossed my mind.”

             
“Did you sleep with Theo or did he stay up here on the shelf with the rest of them?”

             
“I would be lying if I said that I never had.”  The truth was that after I had learned that he was sick, Theo the teddy bear was with me in bed often to run my fingers through his hair.

             
“Sorry it's not here anymore,” he said as if reading my mind.

             
“You can't be serious,” I said as I went over to him.  “I liked your hair.  Probably a bit more than I should have.  I can admit that now.  But you know that I love you, with or without it, right?”

             
He nodded.  “I know, but you named your teddy bear after me because it reminded you of my hair.”

             
“Do you want me to change his name?  Would that make you feel better?”

             
“No, don't do that.”  He huffed.  “I'm being ridiculous, aren't I?”

             
“I wouldn't say that.  I get where you're coming from, love, but you're just headed in the wrong direction.”

             
I was in the kitchen starting on an apple pie when he took a break from reading his book and came to check on me.  He was wearing a L.A. Kings cap backwards, a white wife-beater that allowed a little bit of the tattoo to be seen, long khaki shorts and his glasses.  I took one look at him looking like a nerdy cholo and my switch was turned on.  He came up behind me and put his arms around my waist and his head on my shoulder and kissed my neck.

             
“Can I help you, Mr. Cabrera?”

             
“Mmm hmm,” he said as he moved to the other side of my neck.

             
I tried to breathe and concentrate on peeling my apples, as I didn’t want to cut myself.  “I can't help you like that at the moment, but when I have a few minutes, you'll be the first to know.”

             
He stopped his affair with my neck to complain.  “Why?  This pie can wait.  We have a whole week to play house. I want to have fun.”

             
“Oh my goodness, are you whining?  Yes, we have a place to ourselves without parents but you're forgetting we also have a teenage girl we're looking after who should be walking through the door any minute.”  I put the peeler and apple that I was holding down and turned to face him.  “Believe me, I would love to be all over this right now.”

             
He smiled.  “All over this? I look that good?  I'm not even trying.”

             
I enjoyed boosting his ego about his image.  He did still look delicious in my eyes.  I started licking my fingers, which tasted like apples, and he chuckled.  “Imagine how I'd act if you were trying.  Please go put your shirt back on and take off the glasses.  I need to be able to concentrate.”