I Promise You (7 page)

Harder and
harder he went as I could feel the sweat coming off the two of us, the party
long forgotten.

I was on
the edge and just about to lose control when Jack cried out “come for me
Isabelle, come”

I jerked before
I started screaming, and screaming no, no you bastard my name is Autum not
Isabelle.

He came
harder and harder inside me as I tried to pull away.

“Stop, stop”
I shouted “I cannot take it”

I was now
being shaken, my shoulders going up and down, and I heard the muffled sound of
someone’s voice. Yes, it was definitely someone’s voice I could hear calling
out my name.

I opened my
eyes and saw Rebecca.

 Rage took
over me as I grabbed for my phone. “Who are you calling at this time of night;
it’s four in the morning?”

“I’m not
calling, I’m texting that bastard, and he’s not even noticed that I left my
case by the front door, which means they must still be fucking”

“Oh god Autum,
I’m sorry”

“For what? Who
knew that my fiancé and my best friend had been at it for god knows how long?”

But to do it
in my own fucking house, well that just takes the fucking biscuit.

I sent Jack a
text from my phone:

When you and that whore bitch stop fucking in my house
and in my bed I want you both to get the fuck out and don’t come back.

If you try to contact me or see me, so help me I will
cut that fucking dick off and shove it in your mouth.

Tell that bitch that if she dares to look in my
direction at work I will kill her, now FUCK OFF AND LEAVE MY KEYS.

Once I had hit
the send button I breathed, it’s over.

 I curled back
into Rebecca, close my eyes and drifted off to sleep again.

It’s
always the ones that we least think about that tend to be the most caring.

As I turned
over in the bed, I realised that Rebecca had left and it was indeed morning.

I started to
stir as I smelled the food wafting through the bedroom door and my belly
started to rumble in protest.

I got up and
headed for the kitchen.

“Smells good”

 “Thanks, you
hungry?”

“Famished”

“Sit down and
I will bring it over”

As we sat down
to eat, Rebecca brought over poached eggs, bacon, waffles, beans, sausages and
toast.

“Wow you
really have been busy”

“It’s just
nice to have someone around to cook for other than myself, now eat”

I looked up at
Rebecca, who was so happy about having an unexpected sleepover and all I could
say was “thanks”

Rebecca looked
up and smiled, which said it all.

As I went in
for bacon number three, my phone started to ring which made me jump.

My heart
started to pound and I started to get that sick feeling again.

I got up and
looked at the screen,
Jack
. I felt light headed. It was eight, thirty,
and he had just noticed either my text or my suitcase.

They had been
in my house all night, sleeping in my bed until morning.

I ran to the
bathroom to be sick, but all I could hear was the phone ringing then stopping,
texts being sent, and the process repeating itself over and over again.

I returned and
look at the screen. Eight missed calls and four texts. I held it in my hand as
it rang again and then just threw it straight into the kitchen units where it
shattered into pieces.

I looked up at
Rebecca who didn’t know where to look or what to say, so I just asked her
calmly if I could have some more food, to which she responded with a nod.

Now that my
belly was feeling fuller than it should have been, I asked Rebecca for a towel
and a change of clothes which she went to get.

I stepped into
the shower and let the hot water hit my face, with my head tilted up I stayed
there, as if that would wash away what happened.

I finished
washing my hair and came out of the shower.

Heading back
to my room, I towel dried my hair and took a good look at myself in the mirror.
You need to go back home, you may not think it right now but it will all
work out in the end just be strong.

Who was I
kidding? I needed to be strong.

Could I deal
with this? I didn’t know.

But I would
make damn sure that they never saw the state they had left me in.

I finished drying my hair, put on my borrowed clothes, thanked Rebecca
for everything and headed out the door. She tried to protest saying that I was
not in the right state of mind. Well she had got that part right but I did not
want to put it off any longer; I needed to claim back what was mine,
my
apartment
.

It was a mild
morning and it was nice to have the fresh air blowing in my face. As I walked I
went over a thousand different scenarios that would greet me when I got back
home.

Would
he
still be there? Would
she?

If he begged
me to take him back would I?

The questions
went on and on in my head and before I realised, I had hit my road.

Staring at the
front entrance of my block for what seemed like ages, I took a deep breath and
headed inside, pressing the lift to take me to the second floor.

 I struggled
for my legs to move. I could see my door, but today it felt a million miles
away. The more I tried to walk, the further away it seemed to get.

I was here,
outside my door seeing if I could hear any sound of life but nothing.

I took out my
keys but dropped them, my hands shaking like I’d been out on the piss the night
before.

I tried again
then turned the key. I heard the click of the lock and entered my hallway.

My apartment
that I called home seemed eerily quiet.

I saw my
suitcase where I had left it the night before.

As I walked I
saw my bedroom door closed
, cannot face that yet.

Walking into
my living room I looked around.
My
cushions splayed on the floor.

Were they
having sex on the floor?

Nothing else
seemed out of place, and then I walked into the kitchen.

Bottles of
wine and alcohol had been left on my units and there were dirty plates in the
sink.

They
couldn’t even tidy up, yet another reminder that they were here, did he hate me
that much to do this? He must have.

I spanned the
kitchen area and headed back into the living room. I tried to sit down on my
sofa but stopped myself half way down.

If the
cushions were on the floor, could they have been fucking on my sofa?

My heart
started to race and I could feel my emotions building up.

I was hurt,
heartbroken and upset. I needed to sit down to think but I couldn’t.

I felt that
they were still there.

I could smell
“sex” all over the room and it was making me feel sick.

I ran into the
kitchen and got a knife. Why? Because I was angry. I needed to take it out on
something rather than someone.

I saw the sofa
and lashed out, strike after strike, my inner demon had taken over, but it
wasn’t enough.

I then moved
to the cushions on the floor and one by one slashed and ripped them, the
insides going up in the air. You would have thought I was having a pillow fight
but nothing about this was fun.

Then as I
looked around my living room, I felt that everything in there was laughing at
me.

I picked up
the lamp shade and threw it into the telly, knocking off all the books and
smashing the ornaments on the floor. I was truly possessed.

I stopped only
to breathe and when I knew there was nothing else left to break, but it still
wasn’t enough.

I headed for
the kitchen where the bottles and plates were.

The plates
came out one by one from my sink and I let them hit the floor. The bottles took
the same route just via the kitchen cupboards.

“The Shining”
entered my mind where Jack Nicolson wielded the knife as he went on a rampage
in his house before cornering his wife in the bathroom. The only difference was
that Jack and the whore bitch were not in there at the time.

I casually
walked to my bedroom door, knife still wedged in my hand and kicked my door
open, and in that split second it hit me.

“The smell”

It was so
strong I was taken back, sex, sex and more sex. The bed,
my bed
, was
still a mess. Did they panic after he read my text and scarper? I would never
know.

My sheets were
strewn half on the bed and half on the floor.

My bed still
had that “sunken look” where there bodies had been.

There were two
empty wine glasses on the bedside table with yet another empty bottle beside
them.

I closed my
eyes and recapped what I saw then charged at my bed with the knife.

Everything
that was in my path my mind told me to
“destroy”
and that’s what I did.
By the time I had finished my adrenalin was on a high. It was then that I knew
something wasn’t right, I felt “funny”

I ignored the
thought in my head and the fact that the room had started to spin.

By then, I
realised my body was heading for the floor and I couldn’t stop it.

Then I blacked
out.

When I tried
to open my eyes, it hurt. I tried to speak but only muffled grumbles came from
within me.

I could hear
voices but was unsure whether or not it was in my head. I did not know how long
I had been trying to open my eyes for, but I fell back into my dark world
again.

Rebecca was
there in my dreams.

She was crying
and being consoled by some people in white uniforms.

I was trying
to tell her that I was ok, just a small knock to the head but she could not
hear me.

“Dear lord,
please tell me that I’m not dead, or in a mad house”.

Panic struck
me and I knew that I needed to open my eyes.

The more I
tried the harder it got, but I could see some light.

Yes it was
definitely light I could see.

I stretched
all my face muscles to get my eyes open and now I could see what looked like
shadows in the room.

I tried again
to speak and heard my own voice all crackled but definitely mine whilst the
shadows were getting closer and closer.

Yes they could
hear me.

My eyes slowly
opened wider, but my vision was still blurred. At least I could see amidst the
bright lights.

I heard
someone call my name and the word doctor.

I’m in
hospital, what the hell did I do? And how the hell did I get here?

It took a
while for my sight to really focus but once it did, I realised that I was indeed
in hospital.

As I turned my
head I could see Rebecca crying and saying “thank god she’s awake”. I then
looked over to my left, and I could see a nurse and a doctor and someone else,
Frank. I turned my head back to the centre as I felt the tears rolling down my
eyes, too tired to wipe them away.

Rebecca
grabbed my hand and told me that everything would be ok, and just to rest.

I garbled
“what is Frank doing here?”

She told me
that after I had left, she called Frank and Julian and told them what had happened
and that she was scared in case they may have still been in the flat when I had
got back, and that she was worried about me.

At this
present moment in time, as Rebecca was filling in the gaps on what had
happened, all I could think of was the way Frank looked at me in that split
second that I saw him.

It wasn’t pity
or disgust. He seemed genuinely concerned, probably with my state of mind!

Rebecca
continued, and I remembered the state of my apartment, the havoc and
destruction that I had left.

Did they
see all that?

How can I
look at them knowing they had seen what I was capable of, the destruction that
I had caused?

Would I
still have a job at the end of the day?

What would
Frank think of me now? Would he think that I needed a spell with the men in white
jackets?

I tried to sit
up but I noticed that my hand was bandaged up.

Oh god, did I
try and kill myself?

I asked
Rebecca what was up with my hand and she told me that I must have cut myself
with the knife as I fell that I had some deep gashes but nothing life
threatening.

I wanted the
world to swallow me up, the thought of my days events being retold by Rebecca
in front of the doctors and Frank. I could see them heading for that white
jacket sometime soon.

How long have
I been here?

“Just a night”

Dear god, was
I that bad?

“You gave
yourself a nasty bump when you fell; the doctors said it was just a precaution,
gave you something to sleep”.

That must have
been some serious drug?

I had to get
out, I needed to get home.

“Rebecca,
please help me up”

“You’re not
going anywhere” said Frank.

His voice was
sharp and to the point. I was taken aback.

“The doctors
said that you need someone to look after you and total rest for at least a week
and your place is not fit for the living”

I looked away,
the image of my apartment coming back at me in 3D, compliments of my mind,
another reminder of what I had done to my own apartment.

“Rebecca has
taken over your projects until you get back on your feet”