I Saw Your Profile (15 page)

“Is that why his punk ass ain’t here?” Candace
asked, still reading the emails.

“I don’t know. He was gone when I got up. He claims
he sees a client on Saturdays. It’s probably one of his girlfriends. This is
the same computer I used to meet him and he’s been using it to find other
women.”

“So you think this Atlanta trip is really a pamper
party?”

“Who knows? He’s probably got some Internet date
down there.”

Candace logged off and shut down the computer. “Now
that you know the truth. What are you going to do?”

“Kick him out, of course,” Nicole said.

“What if he begs for your forgiveness and promises
never to do it again?”

“Girl, please. I’ve played the fool long enough.”

“That’s what I wanna hear.”

Candace had to go, so Nicole hugged her friend and
walked her to the door.

“Be
strong girl. You know men start crying and acting all emotional promising to
change when a sista gets hip to their shit. Don’t let him wear you down. When
he tells you he’s sorry, tell him he’s right and show his ass the door.”

“I hear
you,” Nicole said quietly.

“I want
you to do more than hear me. You heard me two years ago when I told you there
was something shady about his ass.”

Nicole
closed the front door and dragged herself to the fireplace in her living room
where photos decorated the mantle. Among the formal portraits of Jay, pictures
of her parent’s wedding and her college graduation, was a snapshot of her and
Chauncey taken a few weeks after he moved in.

 
She stared at the image of the happy
couple, lost in her own smile, remembering when ignorance was bliss.

Then her
eyes turned to Chauncey who was flexing his muscles in a string tank. She
noticed something mischievous about his smile.

A brew
of mixed emotions began to bubble inside Nicole as the last two years flashed
through her mind like a movie.

 
Guilt. Love. Anger. Lust. Shame.
Combined, they equaled pain.

Nicole
began to shake. The picture fell from her hands.

Why had
she been so blind?

Jay was
only a baby when she left his father. How would he handle Chauncey disappearing
from his life? How would she?

She
dropped to the floor, curled into a ball and released her pain in a torrent of
tears.

Chapter Sixteen

“Y’all
don’t hear me saints,” the reverend shouted,
seeking validation from his audience.

A chorus of “amens” rang from
the congregation. “Say a word,” shouted a heavy-set woman in the front pew
wearing a watermelon suit and matching hat. She was waving a paper fan, blowing
the tall feathers on her hat back and forth.

Nicole,
who was sitting with Jay in the pew behind her, could barely see.

But that
didn’t stop her from shouting praises. “Hallelujah. Thank You, Jesus,” Nicole
cried.
 

The
spirit in the church was high. The good reverend, trapped in a heavy, blue
velvet robe adorned with gold velour crosses on each side, had titled his
sermon, “Come Ye Out From Among Them.” He called on the saints to stop hanging
out with sinners.

He
jumped up and down in the pulpit, blowing saliva into the microphone with each
word and wheezing like an asthmatic.

 
At one point, he had been so excited; he
got wrapped up in the microphone cord and almost fell from the pulpit.

“Too
many of y’all saints dwell in unholy places where sin reigns supreme,” he
hollered. “You think you strong enough
–
mmmmmhmmmmm
 
–
to
withstand temptation
–
aha
–
but
you’re not. You come to church once a week
 
–
‘cause
I don’t see but a few of ya on Wednesday and Friday nights
–
so you
come on Sunday and get spiritual and then you go back out in the world and hang
out with sinners. You get your entertainment from the world! Your values, your
priorities from the world!”

The
“amens” and “hallelujahs” got louder.

“You
ain’t s’posed to dance to gospel music in the nightclub, saints. Lawd, help me.
If you don’t know, now you know. You can’t get the lyrics from the Bible and
the music from the world. It’s a contradiction!”

After
the sermon, Nicole found herself at the altar. She brought Jay with her and
held his hand as the preacher smeared consecrated, holy oil on their foreheads.

“What is
it that you want the Lord to do for you today, my sister?” he asked.

“I want
him to remove Satan from our lives,” Nicole whispered in his ear.

“Do you
mean you want the power to overcome Satan, because the devil is always going to
try and tempt you?”

“That
too. But I’ve been living with Satan and I want him out of my life.”

She
bowed her head and raised her free hand as the minister prayed for them. Black,
mascara-streaked tears rolled down her face as she let go and let God.

Nicole
put Donnie McClurklin’s “Live in London” in the CD player and turned to “We
Fall Down,” the sinner’s national anthem, as she pulled out of the church
parking lot, singing along and crying the tears of a woman redeemed.

She
planned to rid Lucifer from her life that night.

Chauncey
was supposed to be home around nine. He would be surprised to find that he
couldn’t get in because she had changed the locks.

 
She’d also obtained a restraining order
and told the neighbors to call the police if they saw him near the house.

Halfway
home, the cell rang.

“Miss
Harris?”

“Yes.”

“This is
Donna Blake, your neighbor from across the street. You gave me your number in
case of an emergency?”

“Yes,
Ms. Blake. Is there a problem?”

“Well,
I’m not sure. I just got back from church and I saw Mr. Cockfield’s truck in
your driveway. I didn’t see your car, so I assumed you weren’t home and I
thought you should know.”

“Thank
you, Ms. Blake. Thank you, very much. I appreciate your help.”

“Would
you like me to call the police?”

“No,
thank you. I can take it from here.”

Nicole
turned the car around and drove Jay to Candace’s house. She had planned to
bring him later that day, but Chauncey’s early arrival forced a change in
plans.

She had
told her son she was breaking up with Chauncey, explaining vaguely that,
“Things just didn’t work out.”

“I gotta
go home and deal with this now,” Nicole told a surprised Candace.

“You
shouldn’t go alone. I can get my sister to watch Jay and go with you.”

“Are you
sure?”

“Girl,
please. I can’t wait to see the look on that snake’s face when he finds out
he’s busted.”

     
Nicole was a
bundle of nerves, so Candace drove her Jeep.

When
they pulled in front of Nicole’s town house, Chauncey was sitting on the steps,
reading his Bible.

“Look at
that bastard,” Candace said. “Nikki, I don’t care what line of bull he gives
you, you are throwing him out. You hear me?”

 
They both got out of the Jeep. Nicole
stomped over to Chauncey, the heels of her pumps clicking hard against the
sidewalk. Her beige, satin pants made a swooshing sound from the friction of
her thighs rubbing against each other.

Candace
stood by the Jeep, one hand on her hip, the other in her pocket, holding a can
of mace.

“How was
church, daahling?” Chauncey put down the Bible and waved at Candace. She
ignored him.

He stood
up and reached out to hug Nicole. She stepped back, folding her arms across her
chest.

“Great.
How was Atlanta?”

He
sighed. “Things didn’t go well at all. We barely made enough to pay for our
expenses. Why are you pulling away from me sweetie? And what is wrong with
Candace. Cat got her tongue?”

“Why
aren’t you asking me why your keys don’t work, Chauncey? Aren’t you the least
bit worried about why you can’t get in the house?”

“I
figured you would explain.”

“You’re
unbelievable. You come home and find out I had the locks changed and you just
stand there cool, calm, and collected.”

“Would
you have me get upset and lose control? What purpose would that serve? I take
it this is about the household expenses again?”

She
unfolded her arms and began shouting.

“No,
Chauncey. This is about MrFun2Know, Mr. Good Body and Mr. Massage4U. It’s about
all your other girlfriends. Lisa, Nina, Brenda, Cynthia, Arianna.”

Chauncey’s
eyes bulged like a light bulb in a lamp socket.

“You’ve
been reading my email. How dare you invade my privacy like that!”

“Privacy!”
Nicole screamed, spraying liquid anger in Chauncey’s face. “That’s my damn
email account. You cheat on me and have the nerve to stand there acting like
I
did
something wrong!”

His
anger quickly turned to pacification.

“You’re
right, daahling. I’m sorry. But, you must believe that I love you. Those women
mean absolutely nothing to me.”

Candace
rushed to Nicole’s side. She pulled down eighty thousand a year as an
accountant, socialized with Maryland’s black elite and spoke fluent French.
Yet, she could flip the script on a dime.

“Love!
You love her?” she yelled. “Nigga you can’t spell the word ‘love.’ I smelled
your game from the get-go. Now Nicole is hip to it and it’s time for you to get
to steppin.”

“This is
none of your concern, Candace,” said Chauncey. “This is between myself and Lady
Nicole and I will thank you to mind your business.”

He
turned to Nicole. “Let’s go in the house and discuss this like reasonable
adults. We are making spectacles of ourselves out here.”

The
neighbors were watching the show. Some were peeking from their windows. Others
stood in their driveways pretending to do yard work. Donna Blake had a front
row seat on her porch, catching the drama from a rocking chair. There was no
shame in her nosy game. She had dialed 911 and had her thumb on the talk button
ready to press it at the first sign of violence.

Nicole
lowered her voice. “You’re not getting in
my
house ever again. Let me know where to send your shit.”

She
brushed past him and headed up the stairs.

Candace
followed, sneering at Chauncey.

He
ignored her, focusing his attention on Nicole.

“Just
like that? Daahling, we are to be married in a few months,” he said, sounding
defeated. “Are you just going to throw that all away?”

Nicole
was crying. “Married? You honestly think I would still marry you? It may have
taken me a while to wake up, but I’m wide-awake now. I don’t care where you go,
just get the hell out of my driveway and stay out of my life.”

Candace
waved at him. “You heard her. Buh bye.”

Chauncey
rolled his eyes. “Why are you letting this woman have so much influence over
you, Nicole? She doesn’t have a man so she wants you to be alone, too.”

Candace
scoffed. “Alone is better than what she’s got now.”

Nicole
stopped at the landing. “She’s right. I’d choose alone over you any day. I’m
sure you can charm your way into another place to live. By the way, I turned
off the cell phone and cancelled your email account. You’ll have to find
another way to stay in contact with your women. I have a restraining order,
too, so don’t show up here again. I’ll call the cops
and
tell them
you’re in this country illegally.”

Chauncey
opened his mouth to speak, but quickly closed it in surrender. He slunk toward
his truck, slowly opening the door as though he expected Nicole to change her
mind and stop him.

She
watched him through her screen door, her eyes filled with pain and
disappointment.

Chauncey
turned on the engine and slowly pulled out of the driveway.

Chapter Seventeen

Alicia
Cockfield didn’t have much use for her younger
brother and she had no problem telling him.

“I can’t believe it took her
this long to figure you out. These American women are so damned stupid. That or
your dick is made of gold. Either way, I don’t care. You’ve got two weeks,
Chauncey. Two. And you’re out of here. I don’t want anything to do with you and
your drama. The last time a woman kicked your ass out, you stayed here for two
years.”

His
charm was useless here. In this house, Chauncey Cockfield was naked, exposed
for the fraud he was.

“So what
are you complaining about?” he said. “I paid you rent and bought my own food.”

 
“Only because I don’t let you get away
with the shit your wives and girlfriends do.”

“They
get the pleasure of my company and I don’t take anything that they are not more
than happy to give. I’ve committed no crime. Stop talking to me like I’m some
sort of criminal.”

Alicia’s
criticism of her younger sibling was caustic. In her mind he was little more
than a cold, calculating manipulator who had the intelligence to be so much
more.

“You
went to London and got a degree and for what? So you could leech off women? Is
that what they taught you at that fancy college? You’ve had more than enough
time to get yourself together since you lost your computer business in London
and look at you. Right back where you started. Without a pot to piss in or a
window to throw it out of. Mother would kill you if she knew what you’ve really
been doing since you came to the states.”

Chauncey
sneered at his sister from his seat at the kitchen table of her Flatbush Avenue
apartment. She was standing at the counter with her back to him making her
lunch before heading to work. She was heavy, like their mother; dark like him.

“I’m a
grown man, Alicia,” he said. “Mother doesn’t scare me anymore. That witch will
never put her hands on me again.”

“Listen
to you. How can you talk about your own mother like that? She loves you. She
loves all of us.”

“Is that
what you call it? Love? I call it abuse.”

“Stop
exaggerating. We all got whipped. It’s called discipline. If more of these
American kids got beat once in a while, they would be better off.”

“There’s
a difference between being disciplined and getting a beat down. You and Patrick
were disciplined. I received the latter.”

Alicia
sighed. “All right. Maybe you got beat harder than we did. But you were badder
than we were.”

“No. I
looked just like our father. I see why he left her fat ass.”

“Whatever.
You have an excuse for everything. Your mother didn’t love you enough and
that’s why you treat women the way you do? That’s why you won’t get a job and
be a man?”

“I
am
a man. And you know I can’t get a job here without citizenship. You have
papers. You can do whatever you like.”

Alicia
finished packing her lunch and sat down at the table, facing her brother.

“Don’t
give me that shit. Thousands of illegals find jobs in this country every day
and so can you. Maybe not in computers, but you could make good money doing
that personal trainer massage therapy stuff if you kept your mind on work
instead of getting your dick wet.”

“Don’t
worry. I just need a few weeks to get on my feet and I’ll be heading back
south.”

Alicia rolled
back her head. “You think that girl is going to take you back? I said they were
stupid, not crazy. Give it up and get a real job, already. How long do think
you can play this game? The Internet is only so big. Keep it up and you’re
going to fuck over the wrong woman one day. Don’t make a mistake and run up on
a woman like me ‘cause I’ll cut a nigga’s balls off for doing the shit you do.”

 
Chauncey smiled and stood up. “That’s why
I don’t bother with women like your crazy ass. I’m careful about the ones I
choose. They’re educated. Mothers. Women with money in the bank who are not
looking for a sugar daddy. They have too much to lose to do anything other than
let me go. Reputations, children and jobs to protect. They are not these
around-the-way girls you are used to here in Brooklyn who carry knives. I give
them what they are looking for. Attention. Affection. Someone to love them and
make them feel special. I fulfill their fantasies. When they are with me, they
are happy.”

Clank!
Alicia slapped her heavy hands
on the table in frustration. She stood up, pointing her thick index finger in
Chauncey’s face.

 
“You are so full of yourself! You don’t
love
them. You use them. And you are
too greedy. You can’t be happy with one woman. You’ve got to have a damn harem.
If you weren’t such a ho, you wouldn’t be here right now. You are so stupid.
You could be legal if you treated your last wife right. You had another chance
with Nicole and you blew that too. She was a good woman.”

Chauncey
was smug, unmoved by his sister’s angry outburst.

“I have
a lot of love to give
–
too
much for just one woman to handle. Men weren’t meant to be monogamous. If you
read your Bible, you’d know that polygamy was the natural order of things and
back then women were fine with it. It wasn’t until the unrealistic idea of
monogamy was introduced that we got all this drama.”

Alicia
popped Chauncey on his head.

“Fine,
be polygamous. Only tell the truth about it. And stop thinking women are
supposed to provide for your needs. You’re supposed to provide for your own
damn needs. As long as you stay here, you will. You get a bed for two weeks and
that’s it. Don’t you eat a damn thing in this house you didn’t pay for and I
hope you have money to put gas in that big ass truck ‘cause you won’t get any
from me.”

“Where
did you learn to be so mean? They didn’t teach you that at Catholic school. How
can you be so cold to your own brother?”

“Save
it. You can’t manipulate me. Brother or no brother, when you’re wrong, you’re
wrong. And since you have memorized the Bible so well, remember what it says
about an eye for eye. I would hate to be you on Judgment Day.
Evah pig
got a Saturday.”

As
Alicia left for work, Chauncey followed her to the door and closed it behind
her. From the living room window, he watched her drive away. When she was out
of sight, he went to her computer.

He tried
to check his email, but Nicole had changed the password. He tried Jamal Jr.,
Nicole’s middle name, her mother’s name, nothing worked. He gave up. She
wouldn’t use anything he could figure out so easily. He couldn’t get to his
email address book, so he created a free email account and contacted the few
clients and lovers whose addresses he had memorized. He told them he would be
out of town for a while, but he’d be in touch soon.

He gave
Nicole one last try. He pulled a calling card he’d bought from a rest stop from
his wallet and used it to call what used to be home.

He was
pleased when she answered.

“Daahling.
It’s me, please don’t hang up.”

“What do
you want, Chauncey?”

“I want
to tell you how sorry I am for hurting you. I know I can’t make up for what
I’ve done, but I wanted you to know that I do love and care for you. I don’t
know why I did what I did. Believe me, those women meant absolutely nothing to
me. If they did, I would never have asked you to marry me.”

“You
must really take me for a fool. You asked so you could get citizenship. You
never loved me. I was your meal ticket. Nothing more. Nothing less. Get a life,
Chauncey, and stay out of mine.”
 

The next
sound he heard was a dial tone. He called back. No answer.

 
Chauncey stood up, slid a blue address
book from his pocket, opened it to the JKL section and dialed Virginia. That’s
where he would make his new home.

When yuh
en' got horse, ride cow.