Authors: Patricia MacDonald
I See You (19 page)
‘T
hank you,’ he said, as he unlocked the passenger door of the car and waited for Hannah to slip into the front seat.
‘Are you OK?’ Hannah asked worriedly.
Adam just shook his head.
‘We’ll be home soon,’ she said.
Neither one of them spoke on the ride home. Hannah could not wait until they were in the safety, the shelter of their house. But when they were almost to her street, she remembered Sydney. They had to pick her up.
‘We have to stop and get Sydney,’ she said.
Adam nodded. ‘You’re right. I was so distracted …’ he said.
Hannah heaved a sigh, and Adam turned in the direction of Tiffany’s house.
Sydney was waiting by the front window when they arrived. She grabbed up her little pink backpack and rushed to meet them. Hannah scooped her up, and inhaled her pure, delicious scent. She told herself that Lisa had been stopped before she could carry out her plan. Sydney was still untouched and innocent. Please, God, she thought.
She carried the toddler out to the car. Adam got out of the car and opened the back door and extended his arms for her, ready to put her in the back seat. Then he hesitated, and looked at his wife.
Hannah shook her head. ‘Don’t,’ she said. ‘Don’t hesitate. Don’t ever wonder.’ She handed Sydney to her grandfather, who placed her tenderly in her car seat while Sydney insisted, ‘Sit with me, Pop-pop.’
Adam blinked away tears but he gave her a weary grin. ‘I love you, little bit.’
‘Wuv you,’ Sydney cried, blowing him a kiss.
Hannah put one of Sydney’s favorite CDs into the dashboard so they would not need to talk. Sydney sang along cheerfully, leaving her grandparents alone with their thoughts and their recollections of the dreadful meeting with Lisa.
Hannah felt as if it had been the longest evening of her life. They couldn’t really talk in front of Sydney but there was so much she wanted to say to Adam, so much information that she needed his help to process. Fortunately, Sydney seemed oblivious, banging around cheerfully among her toys, eating her dinner with gusto, taking her bath and crawling up on Adam’s lap for a story before bed. Hannah took her in to her room at last, and tucked her under her covers.
‘When is Mommy coming home?’ Sydney asked.
‘I don’t know,’ said Hannah.
‘Tomorrow?’ asked the child.
‘No,’ said Hannah grimly. ‘Not tomorrow.’
‘I’m gonna draw a picture for her when she comes home,’ said Sydney.
Hannah felt like her heart was being crushed in her chest. ‘Yes. That would be nice,’ she said. ‘We’ll talk about it tomorrow.’
Sydney threw her arms around Hannah’s neck. ‘I love you, Mom-mom,’ she said.
‘I love you too,’ said Hannah. ‘More than you will ever know.’
Hannah left Sydney’s room, pulling the door shut quietly behind her, and tiptoed down the hall back to the living room. Adam was sitting in his favorite chair from where he often watched TV, but tonight the screen was dark. He stared at it nonetheless. He looked up when Hannah came into the room.
‘Did you get her off to sleep?’ he asked.
Hannah nodded. ‘She was tired. She asked me when her mother was coming home. She wants to draw a picture for her.’
Adam sighed. ‘Poor little thing. She has no idea.’
‘Thankfully,’ said Hannah. ‘Are you OK, darling? You look terrible.’
‘I feel as if a bomb exploded inside me. It’s like my chest is filled with rubble.’
‘I know,’ said Hannah.
Adam looked over at his wife. His face was gray and haggard. ‘Hannah, I can’t believe what she is doing. I mean, I heard it with my own ears but … I still can’t believe it.’
Hannah shook her head. ‘It’s as if I don’t know her at all.’
‘How could she hate me so much? To say such a thing? Was I such a bad father, that she should hate me so much?’
She wanted to sit beside him and take his hand. She didn’t want to have to see the pain in his eyes. But she remained in the chair where she had sat down when she re-entered the room. They were going to have to be strong. Realistic. This was no time to break down. ‘You were a wonderful father,’ said Hannah staunchly. ‘From the day she was born.’
Adam looked at Hannah with narrowed eyes. He was gripping the arms of his chair so tightly that his knuckles were white. ‘I’m trying to imagine how you felt when you heard that … accusation she made. I mean, didn’t you … wonder if it was true? It would be only human to wonder,’ he said.
Hannah started to immediately deny it, and then she hesitated. She tried never to lie to him. Certainly not when it was this important. ‘All right. Sure. For a moment. Of course I did. For a minute.’
Adam winced, pierced by her words. But he had asked what she had been thinking, and Hannah knew him well enough to know that he would accept what she said stoically.
‘You know, in the course of my job I’ve seen families where this sort of thing has happened. Children preyed on by parents and grandparents. There’s no use pretending that this doesn’t occur. It does,’ Hannah admitted.
Adam took a deep breath and considered his wife’s honest response. ‘You thought it might be possible.’
‘Anything’s possible,’ said Hannah.
‘Look, Hannah,’ he said. ‘I’m trying to be calm about this. And fatalistic. No one could blame you for asking yourself … Look, if you want me to take a lie-detector test … Or a paternity test …’
Hannah raised her hands as if to ward off a blow. ‘Stop. Please. It was only the shock that rocked me for a moment. And then I came to my senses. I know you, Adam. A person’s world has to have some bedrock … truths. If there’s one thing in this world that I do know, it’s that you could never do what she said.’
‘Thank you,’ he said humbly.
‘No need,’ said Hannah.
Adam grimaced. ‘Listening to her, I swear, I almost thought she believed it.’
‘She may have convinced herself somehow. Obviously, there is something terribly wrong with Lisa.’
‘Parents are supposed to be their child’s most tireless advocates. No matter what,’ he said. ‘I always believed that. We’re supposed to support them and stay on their side.’
Hannah looked at him frankly. ‘With all that we know about her now? After seeing those letters?’ She shuddered as if she had tasted something bitter.
He waited for her to say more but at the same time the realization dawned in his eyes that there was nothing more she needed to say. She was saying that there was nothing he had to prove to her. He had already proved it, over the course of their long life together. That’s what she was telling him. ‘You don’t know what that means to me,’ he said.
She could feel a wave of love emanating from him, threatening to inundate her and make her weak. He wanted to come and sit beside her and pull her to him and hold her in his arms. He wanted to soak in her warmth, and share everything he felt without saying another word. Hannah shook her head in warning.
‘I know exactly what it means,’ she said. ‘Don’t think I don’t.’
Adam’s brief smile was like a shaft of sunlight breaking through an overcast sky. ‘You’re amazing. It was my lucky day when I married you,’ he said.
‘Mine too,’ said Hannah.
Adam sighed. He understood why she was resisting that desire to find comfort in one another’s arms. There was still too much that they urgently needed to say.
‘I just keep seeing her face,’ he said. ‘I keep asking myself, why did she attack me like that?’
Hannah shook her head. ‘I guess she will say anything to get what she wants. You know, what’s mine is mine, and you can’t have it unless I say so.’
‘That’s just it,’ said Adam. ‘Is it really Sydney that she wants? Sometimes, I don’t even think she cares that much about her child. She never has any time for her. I always tried to make excuses for Lisa. Her youth. Her schoolwork.’
‘So did I,’ said Hannah. ‘Maybe more than you. After all, I was Lisa’s model as a mother. For a long time now, I’ve tried to tell myself that there is more than one way to be a mother. It’s really stupid, isn’t it? I was trying to convince myself that she was just a bit distant. More like my own mother.’
‘Well, I hate to say it, darling, but your mother is nobody’s idea of maternal devotion,’ said Adam.
Hannah sighed. ‘She tried. She was just …’
‘Neglectful,’ he said.
‘Not neglectful, exactly,’ Hannah protested. ‘Just … preoccupied with herself. But that’s another excuse. Inadequate as Pamela’s mothering was, she never did anything to hurt me. Not like what Lisa was proposing for Sydney. Good God. Pamela would never dream of such a thing. Not on her worst day.’
‘That’s true,’ Adam admitted.
‘No, it’s different with Lisa. I didn’t want to see what was staring me in the face.’
‘So now you think you understand her?’ Adam asked.
Hannah shook her head. ‘I wouldn’t say that. I will never understand her. That much I know for certain. But I can see now how volatile Lisa is if she doesn’t get her way. How dangerous.’
‘That’s why she is doing this!’ Adam cried.
‘She’s doing it because she knows what it means. If she says these things about you, it will be impossible for us to gain custody of Sydney. Even though Lisa can’t prove her claims against you, the court would never risk putting Sydney in our care. Lisa knows that. One accusation like that from her, and any chance we might have of gaining custody goes out the window.’
‘Even if we can show the court what she was planning to do with Sydney?’ he asked. ‘We do have those letters. We don’t have to admit how we got them. We have them, and we can use them. The court will see what she was planning.
Hannah gazed at him dispassionately. ‘I didn’t say that they would give Sydney back to her. They probably wouldn’t. But they would never give her to us. Lisa’s counting on that. She figures that we won’t dare bring it up in court for that very reason. We would be taking a chance on losing Sydney forever.’
‘If we didn’t get her, what would happen to her?’ he asked. ‘To Sydney.’
‘Custodial care,’ said Hannah.
‘A foster home,’ said Adam.
‘Maybe more than one. These cases can drag on for years. In the meantime, Sydney could end up in a series of foster homes. With no one and nothing to call her own.’
Adam put his head in his hands and groaned. ‘Jesus. I can’t believe Lisa would risk that. That she would put her own defenseless, innocent child in the hands of strangers, just to spite us.’
‘There was a time I wouldn’t have believed it,’ said Hannah. ‘But not anymore.’
‘It’s a goddam catch-22,’ Adam cried. ‘If we keep quiet Lisa will be able to take her daughter wherever she wants. Do whatever she wants to her. And if we protest, if we try to block her, she can make these accusations against me, and we will lose our granddaughter.’
Hannah kneaded one hand with the other. ‘That’s pretty much it,’ she said.
They sat in silence for a few moments, contemplating the two grim scenarios.
‘Maybe …’ he said.
Hannah looked up at him. ‘What?’
‘Look, can we agree that the only thing that matters is Sydney?’ he said.
Hannah frowned. ‘Yes. That’s what’s important.’
‘More important than us. Or our lives. She’s an innocent child who deserves a chance in this world to be happy.’
‘Of course,’ said Hannah.
‘Then hear me out,’ he said. ‘I can hardly stand the thought of this but, Lisa’s got us in an impossible situation.’
‘The thought of what?’ Hannah asked, frowning. ‘What are you thinking?’
Adam took a deep breath and looked at her impassively. ‘Tell everyone that you believe her charges against me. Divorce me. I won’t contest it. We could make it quick. That way, with me gone, and out of the house, maybe they will give custody of Sydney to you.’
Hannah stared at him.
‘What?’ he said. ‘It’s better for her to have one of us at least to keep her safe from Lisa.’
‘That’s crazy …’
‘I know it sounds insane,’ he cried. ‘But I’m trying to think of some way …’
‘We would never be able to see each other!’ Hannah looked at him with wide, frightened eyes. ‘Are you serious?’
‘Dead serious. She would be safe with you,’ he said.
‘You would do that? You would take that … shame upon yourself? These lies? For Sydney’s sake?’
‘We have to protect Sydney,’ he said. ‘We are all she has. We owe it to her.’
‘I know,’ said Hannah. Tears rose to her eyes, and she wiped them away with a swipe of her hand. ‘I’m glad that you love her that much.’
‘I just don’t see what else we can do,’ he said.
Hannah was quiet for a moment. ‘I’ve been thinking too,’ she said.
‘Thinking what?’
Hannah looked around at the comfortable room that was her home. From the mantle, photos of Lisa and Sydney smiled out at her. Parchment shades on the blue porcelain table lamps softened the light against the jewel-toned drapes, and the pile of books on the end tables beside their chairs. Sydney’s toys were still scattered on the rug in front of the television. Outside, the street lights had come on, and the shadows of the tall trees in their yard dappled the street. The only sound was the whoosh of an occasional passing car and the chirping of crickets in the soft southern night.
She tore her gaze from the familiar, well-loved furnishings of her home, and looked up into her husband’s worried eyes. ‘We could run,’ she said.
Present day
‘W
ill Miss Mamie be OK?’ Sydney asked.
Hannah and Sydney were lying side by side in Sydney’s narrow bed. The moon threw the angular shadow of the fire escape over the bedcovers. The few toys that Sydney had were piled into a cardboard box next to a dresser they had bought for her in the thrift shop and repainted. If Sydney longed for her spacious bedroom in Tennessee, she never said as much. It was as if that old life had never existed.
‘I’m sure she will be. We’ll know more tomorrow,’ said Hannah gently. She brushed the child’s hair off of her softly rounded cheek and gazed at her. Sydney’s large blue eyes were reddened from exhaustion, and the fearful tears she had shed. But her face was still as beautiful and fair as a rose in summer. Once upon a time Hannah had looked at Lisa’s face just this same way. She had marveled at the sight of that wondrous creature, her daughter, her only child. And now, Hannah’s life revolved around hiding Lisa’s child from her. Sometimes she wondered how they could have come to such a pass, and made such a drastic choice. But then she looked into Sydney’s eyes and knew that they had done the only thing they could.
‘I love Miss Mamie,’ Sydney murmured as she settled herself in the crook of Hannah’s arm. ‘She lets me help her.’
‘I know she does, sweet pea,’ said Hannah, kissing the fragrant crown of the child’s head. ‘You can see her as soon as she comes home.’
Sydney yawned. ‘I miss her.’
‘I know,’ said Hannah. After her traumatic night, the child had not been able to settle down to sleep until Hannah had sung all her favorite songs and read her half a dozen stories. By the time Sydney was sleepy, Hannah also felt herself drifting off. She could hear her granddaughter’s breathing become steady and slow. She’s almost asleep, Hannah thought. And then, before she knew it, Hannah too had fallen asleep with Sydney cradled beside her.
Hannah did not know how long she slept, but when she awoke her arm ached from the awkward position in which she had slept on it. She disengaged herself as gently as possible from Sydney, tiptoed out of the room and went down to the short hallway to the modest living room.
Adam was seated at the reconditioned PC, which they used for internet only. No email. No Twitter. No social networking whatsoever.
‘She’s finally asleep,’ said Hannah.
Adam turned on the swivel chair and looked at his wife bleakly. ‘We have to go,’ he said.
‘Go?’ Hannah asked, frowning.
‘We have to leave. This house. Philly. We have to move on.’
‘What? Why are you saying that?’
‘It’s already on YouTube. It happened hours ago, and it’s already had a thousand hits.’
Hannah walked over beside him, and waited as he summoned up the YouTube clip.
It was a short clip. Isaiah Revere was praising Dominga Flores for her quick thinking, and using the opportunity to make a point about how veterans were treated in this country. It was stirring in a way. And true. Even Hannah could see that. And there, at the edge of the frame was Hannah, holding Sydney. Telling the reporter that she felt grateful to Dominga. It was only a few seconds. Hannah’s face flamed at the sight of herself, speaking to the reporter, giving them away.
‘Maybe she won’t see it, Adam,’ Hannah said, trying to reassure herself as well as her husband. ‘There are thousands of clips every day on the internet. On YouTube. And it’s not as if she can tag us with our names. We have different names now. She’d have to watch every single clip that goes up on the internet.’
‘She doesn’t have to see it. What if somebody else sees it and tells her about it? Nope. This has ruined everything. We have to leave.’
‘I’m sorry. What was I supposed to do?’ Hannah cried. ‘Turn my back on the woman who rescued my child?’
‘I didn’t say it was your fault,’ Adam snapped. ‘I’m not accusing you.’
‘You might as well be,’ said Hannah.
‘Well, I tried to tell you that we had to leave. Why didn’t you listen to me?’ he cried.
Dial it back, Hannah reminded herself. She looked at her husband, and wondered how much longer he was going to be able to stand the strain of this hidden life. He had been a tower of strength from the beginning, but every so often Hannah saw signs of how this whole experience was wearing on him. Sometimes he looked as if he had had all of this runaway existence that he could stand.
‘I didn’t know what had happened to Sydney at that point,’ Hannah said, trying to keep her tone measured. ‘I couldn’t walk away. I’m sorry I didn’t realize why you were saying that until it was too late.’
‘I saw the news van arriving,’ he said.
‘I didn’t think they’d make anything of it,’ she said. ‘An old woman having a stroke. Not exactly newsworthy.’
‘Her son is a politician. This was red meat to him,’ said Adam.
Hannah sighed. ‘Yes, I know. I know that now. I just wasn’t thinking. All I was thinking about was Sydney. I thought the ambulance might be there for her. I was so relieved that she was all right.’
‘I know you were.’
‘I thought that distrusting everybody and being careful had become second nature. But when I saw that ambulance in front of the house I just lost it. I felt like here we’d sacrificed everything to try and keep her safe and now, we leave her side for a few hours – just a couple of hours – and all hell breaks loose …’
‘Hannah, I understood. I do. Really. But, I’m trying to be realistic. Like it or not, once you’re on the internet like this, there’s no escape. Someone is bound to see it. If not Lisa, then someone else. If we stay here, she can find us. Even if Lisa doesn’t see it herself, someone else might see it and mention it to her. And before you know it …’
‘She’ll bring the law down on us.’
‘We did kidnap her child,’ said Adam. ‘We committed a crime.’
‘I am aware,’ said Hannah in a brittle tone.
‘I’m sorry, but that’s not some small thing.’
‘I can’t move again,’ said Hannah wearily. ‘Not now. I can’t.’
Adam sat back in the rolling chair, his feet planted on the floor, and rubbed his hand over his face. ‘We have no choice,’ he said.
‘It’s just one little clip.’
Adam gave her a wry smile. ‘So was Gangnam style.’
Hannah laughed in spite of herself. ‘I don’t think we’re quite that fascinating.’
Adam gazed at his wife tenderly. ‘Look, I know you don’t want to move again. God knows, neither do I. It seems like we just got settled here. But I don’t see how we can stay.’
Hannah rested her chin in her hand. ‘Can’t we just sit tight a little while? Maybe it will all blow over.’
‘And if Lisa, or the police, turn up? We’ll have to run with the clothes on our back. Wouldn’t you rather have a little warning? Like we did the last time? At least we could make some arrangements.’
The last time. A little more than one year ago. Once they made up their minds, they had proceeded quickly but with extreme caution. They’d arranged their finances so that when Lisa was released from jail she would have money available. They’d arranged for their lawyer to have power of attorney over their funds. They’d taken very little with them. They’d amassed their paperwork. Sorted through their belongings. Kept only what they couldn’t live without.
They’d said goodbye to no one. Not to Rayanne and Chet. Not even to Pamela.
Surprisingly, for Hannah, leaving her mother had been the hardest thing. They were not close, as mothers and daughters went, but the prospect of never seeing her again had nearly undermined Hannah’s resolve. She felt responsible for her mother, even though Hannah knew that her mother would function just fine without her around. It seemed so cold and unfeeling to walk out the door without even a goodbye. That last visit had been torture. Hannah had tried to warn her without giving away their intentions. She’d wanted Pamela to be able to look back on their last conversation and understand why they had chosen this drastic course of action. Hannah had told her mother that she and Adam had begun to have doubts about Lisa’s fitness as a mother. She hadn’t breathed a word of what they intended to do.
Pamela had looked at her with that piercing, no-nonsense stare. ‘Why?’
‘Mother, I’d rather not say. Let’s just say that it’s … very disturbing, knowing what I now know about my daughter.’
‘Well, then you have to do something about it,’ Pamela had said.
Hannah had looked her mother directly in the eye, knowing it might be for the last time. ‘That’s exactly how we see it. We’re going to,’ she said.
They’d said no more about it, but Hannah had the definite sensation that her mother was bestowing her blessing. Or maybe she just needed to see it that way. Now she didn’t even know if her mother was still alive. They had cut themselves off completely. It had had to be that way. But it had not been easy.
‘What are you thinking about?’ Adam asked.
‘Just then, I was thinking about my mother.’
‘This will be less wrenching. We’ve made sure not to get to know anyone too well.’
‘Adam,’ she pleaded. ‘How can we …?’
‘We said we’d do anything to protect Sydney. We knew this could happen.’
‘But nothing has happened yet,’ she protested. ‘Maybe nothing will.’
‘Are you willing to take that chance?’
Hannah stared back at him. ‘You know I would do anything for that child. But can’t we wait and see? Sydney’s been through so much already. She’s making a few little friends. She loves Mamie, and her daycare. Her life is beginning to make sense here. At what point are we doing more harm than good, jerking her from one place to another? Look, I agree that we need to be ready. We can start making some plans. Plan how we would leave, what we would take, where we could go. Maybe even pack a couple of bags and stow them away so we would be prepared to just walk out.’
Adam gazed out the front window at the street lights, frowning. Somewhere in the next block there was a crash, like a beer bottle breaking. Out in the street motorcycles roared by. A woman’s raucous laugh was followed by a yelp of protest. It was a relatively quiet night in the neighborhood.
‘Adam, listen,’ Hannah went on. ‘We probably have been too complacent. We should have our plans in place anyway, so that we can be ready to leave immediately. If we regard this as a warning, the next time we’ll be ready to go at a moment’s notice.’
Adam looked at her and shook his head. ‘The next time,’ he said. ‘I hope we will have a moment’s notice.’