I See You (19 page)

‘T
hank you,’ he said, as he unlocked the passenger door of the car and waited for Hannah to slip into the front seat.

‘Are you OK?’ Hannah asked worriedly.

Adam just shook his head.

‘We’ll be home soon,’ she said.

Neither one of them spoke on the ride home. Hannah could not wait until they were in the safety, the shelter of their house. But when they were almost to her street, she remembered Sydney. They had to pick her up.

‘We have to stop and get Sydney,’ she said.

Adam nodded. ‘You’re right. I was so distracted …’ he said.

Hannah heaved a sigh, and Adam turned in the direction of Tiffany’s house.

Sydney was waiting by the front window when they arrived. She grabbed up her little pink backpack and rushed to meet them. Hannah scooped her up, and inhaled her pure, delicious scent. She told herself that Lisa had been stopped before she could carry out her plan. Sydney was still untouched and innocent. Please, God, she thought.

She carried the toddler out to the car. Adam got out of the car and opened the back door and extended his arms for her, ready to put her in the back seat. Then he hesitated, and looked at his wife.

Hannah shook her head. ‘Don’t,’ she said. ‘Don’t hesitate. Don’t ever wonder.’ She handed Sydney to her grandfather, who placed her tenderly in her car seat while Sydney insisted, ‘Sit with me, Pop-pop.’

Adam blinked away tears but he gave her a weary grin. ‘I love you, little bit.’

‘Wuv you,’ Sydney cried, blowing him a kiss.

Hannah put one of Sydney’s favorite CDs into the dashboard so they would not need to talk. Sydney sang along cheerfully, leaving her grandparents alone with their thoughts and their recollections of the dreadful meeting with Lisa.

Hannah felt as if it had been the longest evening of her life. They couldn’t really talk in front of Sydney but there was so much she wanted to say to Adam, so much information that she needed his help to process. Fortunately, Sydney seemed oblivious, banging around cheerfully among her toys, eating her dinner with gusto, taking her bath and crawling up on Adam’s lap for a story before bed. Hannah took her in to her room at last, and tucked her under her covers.

‘When is Mommy coming home?’ Sydney asked.

‘I don’t know,’ said Hannah.

‘Tomorrow?’ asked the child.

‘No,’ said Hannah grimly. ‘Not tomorrow.’

‘I’m gonna draw a picture for her when she comes home,’ said Sydney.

Hannah felt like her heart was being crushed in her chest. ‘Yes. That would be nice,’ she said. ‘We’ll talk about it tomorrow.’

Sydney threw her arms around Hannah’s neck. ‘I love you, Mom-mom,’ she said.

‘I love you too,’ said Hannah. ‘More than you will ever know.’

Hannah left Sydney’s room, pulling the door shut quietly behind her, and tiptoed down the hall back to the living room. Adam was sitting in his favorite chair from where he often watched TV, but tonight the screen was dark. He stared at it nonetheless. He looked up when Hannah came into the room.

‘Did you get her off to sleep?’ he asked.

Hannah nodded. ‘She was tired. She asked me when her mother was coming home. She wants to draw a picture for her.’

Adam sighed. ‘Poor little thing. She has no idea.’

‘Thankfully,’ said Hannah. ‘Are you OK, darling? You look terrible.’

‘I feel as if a bomb exploded inside me. It’s like my chest is filled with rubble.’

‘I know,’ said Hannah.

Adam looked over at his wife. His face was gray and haggard. ‘Hannah, I can’t believe what she is doing. I mean, I heard it with my own ears but … I still can’t believe it.’

Hannah shook her head. ‘It’s as if I don’t know her at all.’

‘How could she hate me so much? To say such a thing? Was I such a bad father, that she should hate me so much?’

She wanted to sit beside him and take his hand. She didn’t want to have to see the pain in his eyes. But she remained in the chair where she had sat down when she re-entered the room. They were going to have to be strong. Realistic. This was no time to break down. ‘You were a wonderful father,’ said Hannah staunchly. ‘From the day she was born.’

Adam looked at Hannah with narrowed eyes. He was gripping the arms of his chair so tightly that his knuckles were white. ‘I’m trying to imagine how you felt when you heard that … accusation she made. I mean, didn’t you … wonder if it was true? It would be only human to wonder,’ he said.

Hannah started to immediately deny it, and then she hesitated. She tried never to lie to him. Certainly not when it was this important. ‘All right. Sure. For a moment. Of course I did. For a minute.’

Adam winced, pierced by her words. But he had asked what she had been thinking, and Hannah knew him well enough to know that he would accept what she said stoically.

‘You know, in the course of my job I’ve seen families where this sort of thing has happened. Children preyed on by parents and grandparents. There’s no use pretending that this doesn’t occur. It does,’ Hannah admitted.

Adam took a deep breath and considered his wife’s honest response. ‘You thought it might be possible.’

‘Anything’s possible,’ said Hannah.

‘Look, Hannah,’ he said. ‘I’m trying to be calm about this. And fatalistic. No one could blame you for asking yourself … Look, if you want me to take a lie-detector test … Or a paternity test …’

Hannah raised her hands as if to ward off a blow. ‘Stop. Please. It was only the shock that rocked me for a moment. And then I came to my senses. I know you, Adam. A person’s world has to have some bedrock … truths. If there’s one thing in this world that I do know, it’s that you could never do what she said.’

‘Thank you,’ he said humbly.

‘No need,’ said Hannah.

Adam grimaced. ‘Listening to her, I swear, I almost thought she believed it.’

‘She may have convinced herself somehow. Obviously, there is something terribly wrong with Lisa.’

‘Parents are supposed to be their child’s most tireless advocates. No matter what,’ he said. ‘I always believed that. We’re supposed to support them and stay on their side.’

Hannah looked at him frankly. ‘With all that we know about her now? After seeing those letters?’ She shuddered as if she had tasted something bitter.

He waited for her to say more but at the same time the realization dawned in his eyes that there was nothing more she needed to say. She was saying that there was nothing he had to prove to her. He had already proved it, over the course of their long life together. That’s what she was telling him. ‘You don’t know what that means to me,’ he said.

She could feel a wave of love emanating from him, threatening to inundate her and make her weak. He wanted to come and sit beside her and pull her to him and hold her in his arms. He wanted to soak in her warmth, and share everything he felt without saying another word. Hannah shook her head in warning.

‘I know exactly what it means,’ she said. ‘Don’t think I don’t.’

Adam’s brief smile was like a shaft of sunlight breaking through an overcast sky. ‘You’re amazing. It was my lucky day when I married you,’ he said.

‘Mine too,’ said Hannah.

Adam sighed. He understood why she was resisting that desire to find comfort in one another’s arms. There was still too much that they urgently needed to say.

‘I just keep seeing her face,’ he said. ‘I keep asking myself, why did she attack me like that?’

Hannah shook her head. ‘I guess she will say anything to get what she wants. You know, what’s mine is mine, and you can’t have it unless I say so.’

‘That’s just it,’ said Adam. ‘Is it really Sydney that she wants? Sometimes, I don’t even think she cares that much about her child. She never has any time for her. I always tried to make excuses for Lisa. Her youth. Her schoolwork.’

‘So did I,’ said Hannah. ‘Maybe more than you. After all, I was Lisa’s model as a mother. For a long time now, I’ve tried to tell myself that there is more than one way to be a mother. It’s really stupid, isn’t it? I was trying to convince myself that she was just a bit distant. More like my own mother.’

‘Well, I hate to say it, darling, but your mother is nobody’s idea of maternal devotion,’ said Adam.

Hannah sighed. ‘She tried. She was just …’

‘Neglectful,’ he said.

‘Not neglectful, exactly,’ Hannah protested. ‘Just … preoccupied with herself. But that’s another excuse. Inadequate as Pamela’s mothering was, she never did anything to hurt me. Not like what Lisa was proposing for Sydney. Good God. Pamela would never dream of such a thing. Not on her worst day.’

‘That’s true,’ Adam admitted.

‘No, it’s different with Lisa. I didn’t want to see what was staring me in the face.’

‘So now you think you understand her?’ Adam asked.

Hannah shook her head. ‘I wouldn’t say that. I will never understand her. That much I know for certain. But I can see now how volatile Lisa is if she doesn’t get her way. How dangerous.’

‘That’s why she is doing this!’ Adam cried.

‘She’s doing it because she knows what it means. If she says these things about you, it will be impossible for us to gain custody of Sydney. Even though Lisa can’t prove her claims against you, the court would never risk putting Sydney in our care. Lisa knows that. One accusation like that from her, and any chance we might have of gaining custody goes out the window.’

‘Even if we can show the court what she was planning to do with Sydney?’ he asked. ‘We do have those letters. We don’t have to admit how we got them. We have them, and we can use them. The court will see what she was planning.

Hannah gazed at him dispassionately. ‘I didn’t say that they would give Sydney back to her. They probably wouldn’t. But they would never give her to us. Lisa’s counting on that. She figures that we won’t dare bring it up in court for that very reason. We would be taking a chance on losing Sydney forever.’

‘If we didn’t get her, what would happen to her?’ he asked. ‘To Sydney.’

‘Custodial care,’ said Hannah.

‘A foster home,’ said Adam.

‘Maybe more than one. These cases can drag on for years. In the meantime, Sydney could end up in a series of foster homes. With no one and nothing to call her own.’

Adam put his head in his hands and groaned. ‘Jesus. I can’t believe Lisa would risk that. That she would put her own defenseless, innocent child in the hands of strangers, just to spite us.’

‘There was a time I wouldn’t have believed it,’ said Hannah. ‘But not anymore.’

‘It’s a goddam catch-22,’ Adam cried. ‘If we keep quiet Lisa will be able to take her daughter wherever she wants. Do whatever she wants to her. And if we protest, if we try to block her, she can make these accusations against me, and we will lose our granddaughter.’

Hannah kneaded one hand with the other. ‘That’s pretty much it,’ she said.

They sat in silence for a few moments, contemplating the two grim scenarios.

‘Maybe …’ he said.

Hannah looked up at him. ‘What?’

‘Look, can we agree that the only thing that matters is Sydney?’ he said.

Hannah frowned. ‘Yes. That’s what’s important.’

‘More important than us. Or our lives. She’s an innocent child who deserves a chance in this world to be happy.’

‘Of course,’ said Hannah.

‘Then hear me out,’ he said. ‘I can hardly stand the thought of this but, Lisa’s got us in an impossible situation.’

‘The thought of what?’ Hannah asked, frowning. ‘What are you thinking?’

Adam took a deep breath and looked at her impassively. ‘Tell everyone that you believe her charges against me. Divorce me. I won’t contest it. We could make it quick. That way, with me gone, and out of the house, maybe they will give custody of Sydney to you.’

Hannah stared at him.

‘What?’ he said. ‘It’s better for her to have one of us at least to keep her safe from Lisa.’

‘That’s crazy …’

‘I know it sounds insane,’ he cried. ‘But I’m trying to think of some way …’

‘We would never be able to see each other!’ Hannah looked at him with wide, frightened eyes. ‘Are you serious?’

‘Dead serious. She would be safe with you,’ he said.

‘You would do that? You would take that … shame upon yourself? These lies? For Sydney’s sake?’

‘We have to protect Sydney,’ he said. ‘We are all she has. We owe it to her.’

‘I know,’ said Hannah. Tears rose to her eyes, and she wiped them away with a swipe of her hand. ‘I’m glad that you love her that much.’

‘I just don’t see what else we can do,’ he said.

Hannah was quiet for a moment. ‘I’ve been thinking too,’ she said.

‘Thinking what?’

Hannah looked around at the comfortable room that was her home. From the mantle, photos of Lisa and Sydney smiled out at her. Parchment shades on the blue porcelain table lamps softened the light against the jewel-toned drapes, and the pile of books on the end tables beside their chairs. Sydney’s toys were still scattered on the rug in front of the television. Outside, the street lights had come on, and the shadows of the tall trees in their yard dappled the street. The only sound was the whoosh of an occasional passing car and the chirping of crickets in the soft southern night.

She tore her gaze from the familiar, well-loved furnishings of her home, and looked up into her husband’s worried eyes. ‘We could run,’ she said.