I See You (12 page)

Devon smiles but shakes his head. “Nah, you can’t tell me Sarah is to blame for . . .”

“Sarah?” Tricia echoes as we both stare at Devon in confusion. “Who the hell is Sarah?”

He looks at us in bewilderment and amusement. “Don’t tell me you’re so drunk you can’t remember your name?”

Tricia gives him a weird look. “Of course not. I’m Tricia Bentley, and this is my best friend, Nina Drake.”

He blinks at me. “I thought your name was Sarah?”

Something filters into my mind but I can’t grab it. I shake my head. “Nooo, I’m definitely Nina.” I look down at myself. “Well I think so.”

Tricia snorts and slaps my arm. “But you wish you were Taylor Swift.”

“God, no!” I grumble, looking at her in disgust. “Taylor is sickly sweet and every boyfriend cheats on her, or leaves her, or . . .”

Tricia nods firmly. “Well then, you’re definitely not Taylor Swift. My best friend used to be the dirtiest tramp on the block.”

I’m sure she’s mistaking me for herself, unless I’m a slut when I’m drunk and can’t remember being one . . . huh?

“Used to be?” Devon questions as he quirks an eyebrow in amusement at his inebriated lunch dates.

Used to be.

My heart plummets and I close my eyes. I’d been having such a good time, my friends making me forget the past. As if sensing the shift in mine and Tricia’s moods, Devon becomes somber, his head tilted slightly to one side as he regards me softly. “What happened?”

My mouth opens but when my tongue moves to form words, my misery won’t let them loose. It’s like they’re glued to the inside of my mind, the cage they’re kept in keeping my life imprisoned in perpetual unhappiness. I’ve never opened up to anyone other than my therapist. Even Tricia doesn’t know the extent of my attack. She knows I was beaten and raped but she doesn’t know how dark and macabre it actually was. Truth be told, I’m ashamed. Ashamed to admit what
he
did to me. How messed up is that? Not only did the man rape my body, but he raped my life, took over my mind, and controlled my existence ever since. I know, deep down, that I’m allowing him to win, and as much as I’ve tried to move on, I can’t. The chains secured to me prevent me from escaping. I don’t know why he chose to come into my home that night. Why me? I may never get the answers, and that keeps me frightened and alone inside my own head.

“Just life,” I finally grate out.

Tricia sighs sadly and nods. “Life is grade A bullshit. You’re either eager to spread ’em and the man’s not interested, or you’re not interested and he forces you to spread ’em.”

“Trish, that’s a freaking shitty thing to say.”

Her mouth drops and then her face contorts into a pout. “I’m such a shitty friend,” she murmurs as a tear slips from her eyes and races down her face.

Her sorrow becomes mine and I reach out for her. “Hey,” I whisper as I take her hand and manage a soft smile. “You’re here to show me a good time, sister.”

She pulls her shoulders back and nods resolutely then picks up her glass. “And I am. Here’s to better times, long friendships, and happiness!”

We all clink glasses, yet I can’t help but cast a glimpse at Devon. His brow is furrowed from our odd exchange, but catching me looking, he smiles widely and tips his own glass as he repeats Tricia’s toast. “To long friendships and the family we choose.”

I smile, nodding to confirm his statement. It’s a strange feeling but I somehow know we will become friends. And as much as that makes me anxious, it also gives me hope that things are looking up.

I
’M STANDING IN THE MIDDLE
of my room. My heart rate is elevated so much it’s making me dizzy as my eyes flick from one dark corner to another, my body spinning in circles as my feet scramble around in the pile of the carpet.

I’m being watched.

My skin prickles with awareness as I take a small step backwards, until my back is pressing against the wall. My whole body is alight with recognition,
his
smell, the faint whisper of
his
breathing,
his
badness seeping into the marrow of my bones.

“What do you want?” I choke out, my voice small with terror. “What do you want?” I hate that he has this much control over me.

My head is turning left and right, my eyes trying to peer through the dark room to ascertain his whereabouts. But I can’t see him. I can’t see him; he lives in the shadows, taunting me.

“Please,” I whimper. My chest is heaving, my lungs trying to keep up with the frantic pulls of air as I start to hyperventilate. “Please.” My head is shaking so much that the action causes the muscles in my neck to lock and drive pain through my skull. I’m so frightened my bladder threatens to empty. I’m weak, and no one can save me from him.

I press as far back into the wall as I can, my huge eyes blurring as tears hinder my vision. I can’t see. I need to see. However, when I do see, I don’t want to.

The scream that rushes from me when he steps out from behind the drape makes the drumbeat of my heart the only thing my mind is able to concentrate on. His face is there.
He
is there. Inches from me.

“Oh, God,” I weep, my fingers scratching at the wall behind me as I try to dig my way through it. Terror controls my actions, the sheer imminence of him destroying what little courage I found to face him with.

His eyes scorch into me. I know he’s smiling even though I can’t see his whole face through the mask he’s wearing. But I
know
he’s smiling.

“Hello again, Nina.”

A whimper is all I can manage now as I start to sink down the wall, my sobbing uncontrollable as the fright starts to shock the beat of my heart. The room spins as he takes a step towards me.

“No,” I whine as I scramble across the floor.

My head is whipped back when his fist coils my long hair and I’m dragged across the room, my fingers clawing at the carpet as I try to get free from him.

“Please, God!” I cry through the tremble of my teeth. “NO!”

I’m flung onto the bed, and before I can escape, he’s on me, his heavy body holding me hostage as his hands grapple with my wrists. I’m tied to the bed, the coarse rope he’s using grazing my skin.

“Keep still,” he growls as his hand covers my mouth.

My terrified eyes stare up at him as he starts to yank at his belt. I daren’t move, not because of what he will do to me, but because I know the rampant tempo of my heart will surely push me into cardiac arrest should it shift into a higher gear.

He twists the belt around his hand until the leather strap presses against his palm, and the buckle swings freely from his tight hold. For the longest moment, neither of us moves, both of our eyes locking and saying so much, neither of us willing to break free from the other. The air shifts around me, the electric pulse in the air forcing every single hair on my body to stand on end as my blood shoots through my veins at a terrifying velocity.

Then, when the steel of his buckle connects with my face, the oxygen in the room seems to burst and I suck in a catastrophic amount of air, the effect causing my eyes to roll back when the pain registers.

He flips me over, the deep split in my cheek soaking the crisp white cotton of the pillow in a rush of crimson. My back arches when he brings his weapon back down, the metal tearing through the material of my tank top and rupturing my flesh so slickly that his black mask is sprayed with my blood. My flesh coats the walls as he brings down his belt time and time again, each of my screams fracturing the air.

“You fucking cunt of a whore!” he roars as his beating takes on a new level, each of his slashes now tearing into my spinal column as an overwhelming pain bursts out of me in a scream so fierce I can feel my throat rupture with the power of it.

“Nina!”

He’s going to kill me. I know it deep within my bones. My mind accepts his punishing cruelty as my heartbeat slows. The blood is too much, and it’s drowning me, swallowing me whole.

“Nina!”

Another scream is muted as blood drowns it out and my eyes droop. I don’t have the energy to breathe anymore. I gurgle as the room fills with my blood, coating us both, staining my soul.

“NINA!”

My eyes snap open. Tricia is shaking me, her frantic cries breaking into my mind as her sobbing matches my own. I stare at her, my brain not registering what is happening until I feel the upsurge in my throat and vomit sprays everywhere.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” she screeches, horror on her face. “Fuck, Nina! Are you okay?”

I can’t speak when my stomach reels off another round of sickness, my mouth unable to fully cope with the rush as it gushes from my nostrils.

“Fucking shit, Nina! I thought there was an intruder! I thought I was going to die,” Tricia cries as my bedroom door flies open and Devon barges in.

His eyes scan my bedroom as I stare in shock, his sudden entrance completely taking control of my mind and freeing me from the grip of my nightmare. His gaze finally lands on me and his eyes flow over me swiftly as if he’s checking every part of me.

“Are you okay?” he asks, out of breath. “I heard screaming.”

His chest is heaving, his face bright red. It’s only then that I notice he’s holding a gun.

“Oh my God!” I splutter.

He follows my stare to his hand then tucks the gun into the waistband of his pants. Walking across the carpet, he’s by my side in seconds.

“Are you okay?” he asks again, his eyes narrow and heated as they burn a trail down my body.

“Yes,” I whisper when my mouth dries further with his blatant perusal. I know he’s checking for any injuries but I still shiver under his viewing, knowing that my nightwear shows all the silver and red scars that mark my body. “I had a nightmare.”

His eyes widen. “Some nightmare. You woke up all the damn wildlife within a twelve mile radius. I thought someone was murdering you.” He stumbles on the last few words as if pained by them, and scans the room to make sure it really was only a nightmare.

Embarrassment heats my cheeks and I lower my eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

He shakes his head sternly. “Don’t apologize. I’m just a little hyped up.” He smiles sheepishly. “Hence the gun.”

“Knight in shining armor, huh?” Tricia chuckles as we all start to relax.

He looks down at himself, dressed in only dress pants, and he smirks. “Well, I don’t know about the armor.”

“I agree, it’s certainly penetrable, but you’re definitely Nina’s knight.” She rests her hand on his shoulder . . . his bare shoulder. It’s then that I fully realize his naked upper body, and the proximity of it. He’s hard everywhere, each of his muscles defined. A shiver rakes my body and I snap my eyes back to his face as he stands.

“Well, if you ladies are sure you’re okay, I’ll get back to my own bed.”

“Thank you,” I whisper, my voice still locked down in the depths of my terror.

He stills and studies me, his brow plunging with his deep scrutiny. “Are you sure you’re okay? You look very pale.”

“I’m fine,” I nod. “And once again, I apologize.” I blow out a breath. “It’s all I ever seem to do.”

“Then stop. No need for apologies. We all have bad dreams.”

“Just some more noisy than others,” Tricia mumbles. Gaining a glare from Devon, she shrugs. “More terrifying than others, I mean.” She looks at me with a deep question in her eyes.

I look away, lowering my eyes to the floor as I nod to both of them. “Goodnight, Devon. And thank you again.”

“Sure,” he murmurs, before he leaves as quickly as he came in.

Tricia is staring at me. I lick my lips and swallow. “I’m going to make coffee, then you, Nina Drake, are going to be honest with me once and for all.”

She doesn’t wait for my reply as she scuttles out of the room. I close my eyes and drag in a deep breath, my heart pounding with both what haunted my dreams and what is to haunt my talk with Tricia. But she has a right to know now. She’s my best friend and if I can’t open up to her, then who
can
I be honest with?

As I walk over to the window to pull the drapes back across, I catch Devon standing in his bedroom window, looking towards mine. For a moment we stare at each other, but then he steps close to his window and grasps the ledge, leaning his trim body towards me.

“I’m going to leave my window and drapes open, Nina. You ever need me then I’m there.”

I don’t reply. I can’t. The emotion that surges through me takes my ability to vocalize any words. He smiles softly, then nods his head and walks away. It’s strange, but I trust him. I can’t understand or even begin to work out why; I just know he will stand by his promise.

“Thank you,” I whisper into the night. I know he can’t hear it, and once again, I sigh as I am grateful for someone else’s help. Yet a part of me knows it’s time to start accepting that I need help.

So turning, I brace myself and wait for Tricia.