I See You (9 page)

I haven’t seen her since she hugged me hard and sobbed that she loved me before I had climbed into my little car and left. I never returned, and to be honest, I never want to. Nina is gone, and the girl that remains in her place is a living corpse that holds the previous owners eyes; the only thing that remains of the old me. The me before my life ended in a single night.

The phone shrills in my hand as soon as I hang up. “What now?” I ask rolling my eyes, knowing she probably forgot to tell me about a conquest or something.

“Ma’am, this is Sheriff Logan.”

My heart thuds heavily in my chest. “How did you get this number?” I ask meekly.

“I’m the sheriff,” he states and I hear humor in his voice. “I’m calling to check in on you. I would drive over but you appeared to be in a hurry somewhere.”

“My cat needed to be fed.”

“Eh? Okay, well you should take care when driving Ma’am, I’m sure your . . . cat would prefer you made it home in one piece.”

“Okay,” I whisper.

“Are you sure you’re alright? I can come by if there’s something you need or want to tell me?”

“No, no, I don’t. I’m fine. Please don’t come here.”

“Okay, well stay safe and I hope you and your cat enjoy your dinner.”

I hang up the phone and cry. There’s no explanation for the tears other than my shame for being so freaking messed up.

I
WATCH MY NEIGHBOR AS
I sit at the window. It’s been two days since he’s moved in and this is the first time since the first encounter that I’ve seen him again. He’s up a ladder, painting the front of the house, his long legs having no trouble helping him reach the high areas.

“Nina?”

I turn back to the laptop perched on the table in the middle of the room. Heather’s soft features smile back at me via our Skype video chat. “I’m listening,” I lie.

She raises both brows then smirks at me. “I think there is something more entertaining outside than our chat.”

I shrug then drop back the drape and settle myself around, giving my therapist my full attention. “Tricia is visiting today.”

Her eyes widen but her grin tells me she’s pleased with this revelation. “Good.” She nods eagerly. “It will do you good to have some adult conversation.”

“You mean other than you.” I smirk.

She smiles softly. “How long has it been since you’ve seen your friend?”

“Since the day I came here.”

She nods but continues to smile at me. “Do you think you can be open with her?” She nods again when I shake my head. “But Tricia does know of the attack?”

“She knows,” I answer, the nosy woman who has become more a friend than therapist “But she doesn’t know the extent of it.” A shiver rages through my body and I wince.

“Maybe you’ll find it therapeutic to talk to her.”

I scoff. “I doubt that very much. But knowing Tricia, she’ll be more interested in the local gossip, and if there are any hot men around.”

Heather laughs. “Well, just try and enjoy her visit.”

A knock at the back door makes my throat suddenly ache. “She’s here,” I whisper to Heather as my nerves ramp my heart beat higher.

“Take a deep breath, Nina.” I try to smile at her attempt to calm me but then figure it’s her job to tell me everything will be okay when I know I will never be okay again. “She’s your friend. You need to tell your mind that. Our previous discussion would be helpful here. Not everyone is an enemy.”

“Aren’t they?” I choke out when another knock makes my skin chill.

“No, Nina. They’re not. Now go and let her in, but promise me you will at least try and be open with your friend. She’s your friend for a reason and I think you’ll find that she’s more concerned about you than you realize.”

I roll my eyes as I shut the laptop, ending our call abruptly. My palms are sweating as I take hold of the door handle and pull open the door. My legs tremble, and for a moment I can’t breathe when my neighbor stands smiling at me. But then my eyes drop to Steve in his arms. Well, I think it’s Steve. His grey fur is now dyed a severe bright white, his blue eyes the only thing left of him that’s original. “Steve!”

My neighbor cringes, causing me to lift my eyes back to him. “I’m so sorry. The can of paint fell from my ladder and I didn’t realize your cat was lying beneath it.”

I can’t talk as my mouth dries and my ears begin to hum. I’m staring at him while he waits for me to say something. He bites on his bottom lip and scrunches his nose. It’s placid and endearing, and for unknown reasons it calms my severed nerves.

“Are you okay?” he asks as his eyes soften with concern.

A shiver rages through me with the sound of his quiet voice. Something about it makes my heart beat faster and my gut clench. He looks at me quizzically and repeats his question.

I nod quickly and step backwards when he reaches out to me. “Sorry,” I choke out, coughing to clear my throat when he frowns at me. “I’d better get Steve bathed before the paint dries.”

He grimaces again and nods. “I’m so sorry.”

I shake my head as I take Steve from him and scowl at the damn feline. He’s always getting himself into trouble, even in the near vicinity of his home where there’s nothing but open fields and an old rundown windmill. But he keeps the field mice away, so he more than pays for his upkeep. “It’s no problem.”

He smiles and I blink when his features completely change. His eyes light, reflecting every single piece of his delight, and a small dimple appears in his chin, my eyes roving over his face until they settle on it. “I . . .” He pauses and I shift my gaze back up his eyes. I’m beginning to relax, even managing a small smile when he grins at me. “I noticed that you have a loose gutter. I can take a look at it if you want, while I’ve got my ladders out.”

“Uhh.” I scratch my head and swallow when another wave of nerves floors my heart rate. I’ve been asking my landlord for three months to fix it and I’m still waiting. When it rains hard the water drips through the rubbish sealant around the window frame and my drapes are always having to be washed.

“It’s not a problem,” he says when he senses my apprehension.

“Well, uhh, I’m not sure how I can pay.”

He tuts and shakes his head. “Don’t be silly. It’s the least I can do after what I’ve done to poor Ginger.”

I drop Steve to the floor and bile rises in my throat. My vision distorts and I hear a loud buzzing in my ears. “His name is Steve. Why did you call him Ginger?” Tears pool and leak down my cheek. I flinch and smack his hand away when he reaches out for me.

“Shh, calm down. It’s okay, it’s okay. Damn, you’re shaking. I can hear you rattling. It’s okay, I would never hurt you.”

“Why did you call him that?” I demand.

“You called him that,” he states with conviction. I feel shame and regret crawl through my veins.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, really. Please don’t feel frightened of me.”

“It’s my go-to response. I’m so sorry, I’m a freak, I know.” I half laugh with no humor.

This is getting ridiculous. Everyone will label me a weirdo and come for me with torches and pitchforks soon.

“You’re not a freak. I painted your cat and you no doubt inhaled some of the toxins. Again, I’m sorry for that, and please let me fix your guttering.”

I swallow and then nod. “Thank you.”

He beams at me, the white of his teeth attracting my attention. “No thanks needed . . .” He hesitates as he waits for my name.

“Sarah.” I whisper the first name that comes into my head.

He frowns slightly but then blinks, as if to shake himself out of his pondering. He thrusts his hand out, encouraging me to take it. I stare at it for a moment, and before I embarrass myself further, I brace myself and slip my hand into his, my bones vibrating at the connection to another human being after so long. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Sarah. My name’s Devon.”

Devon, I like that.

I smile at his happy tone. He genuinely seems nice and I push back the nerves, the constant reminder of my past now angering me. “And you, Devon.”

He gives me a wink as he drops my hand then walks away. “I’m sure we’ll be great friends as well as neighbors,” he shouts over his shoulder before he disappears around the corner of his house.

I don’t reply. I’m still smiling, proud of myself for biting my cowardice and braving out the confrontation with another, and even if I did go a little crazy on him, he doesn’t appear to mind. Maybe things are finally looking up.

And my mood improves when I hear Tricia’s Mustang convertible roar up the driveway. Life is suddenly that little bit better. And I pray it continues on that path.

“Are you serious?” I scoff, shaking my head and laughing at Tricia as we sit on the decking and enjoy a bottle of wine in the late afternoon sun.

She nods, smirking at me. “Oh yes.” Pinching her forefinger and thumb together, she squints at the tiny space between them. “Tiny. I’m telling you, the man needs surgery on that nugget.”

I smile and take another sip of wine. It’s good to be able to smile again. Blinking, I notice Tricia smiling back at me. “It’s so good to see you, Nee. I’ve missed you so much.”

“I know,” I whisper, unable to raise my voice any higher with the flux of emotion rushing through me as I look at me friend. “I’m sorry.”

She nods but still smiles. “You thought any more about coming home?”

Looking up to the sky, I sigh. “There’s something you need to know . . .”

“Oh my fucking God,” Tricia whispers. “Why didn’t you tell me how hot your neighbor is?” She narrows her eyes at me. “No wonder you don’t wanna come home, girl. You man hogging bitch!”

I peer at her in confusion for a second before I follow her line of sight. Devon is standing in his garden, the lack of fencing between our two houses showing off his topless body as he tends to some weeds. I turn away quickly, downing another large mouthful of wine. Tricia is openly ogling him and I feel my cheeks heat with her blatant gawping. “Trish!”

She ignores me, and when she calls out, I slide down the chair in sheer embarrassment.

“Well, hello there!”

Devon turns, but the lack of surprise on his face tells me he already knew we were there.

“Hi!” He looks our way and I blink at the timid smile. “Lovely day!” he calls as he shields his eyes from the sun and directs his gaze to me.

I smile and nod politely then shift round slightly. Tricia, in all her glorious bikini clad body, thrusts her boobs out as she lifts her glass of wine. “You look a little hot. Would you care for a glass?”

“TRISH!” I hiss under my breath, and pull my cardigan tighter around my body.

“What?” She gawps at me then shrugs when she sees my horror. “He’s your neighbor. I doubt he’s gonna surprise us with a samurai sword down his pants. Although, shit, looking at that bulge, he definitely has some sort of sword down there!” She squints at him. “He looks a little familiar. Maybe I’ve already dipped my toe in that pool.”

“How would you not remember? Damn how many men do you go through?”

She shrugs. “I’m trying to find the one.”

“One of many.”

“Damn straight! I’m single. No harm in sampling the many to find the right fit.”

“Gross, Trish. You’ve only been single for a few months. How many could you have possibly had?”

“Twelve.”

“Twelve men?”

“Twelve months. I’ve been single over twelve months, the same amount of time you’ve been hiding out here.”

I don’t have time to think about what she’s said because hot, half naked neighbor blocks out the sun.

“Oh dear God,” I mumble as he strolls across his garden, climbs over the small wall that is supposed to declare the point of separation between the two houses then lowers himself onto the top step of the decking and reaches out for the wine Tricia hands him. I can’t help but stare at the way his abs move, the sweat he’s worked up with gardening trickling down between his monstrous pecs. His right nipple is pierced and I swallow back the dryness in my mouth when my eyes land on his hip bones showing above the waistband of his low blue jeans.

“Steve seems to approve of my flowerbed.” Devon smirks at me. “He seems to think my roses need some more manure.”

My mouth falls open in embarrassment. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.” He laughs and waves my apology away.