I Thee Wed (Wedding Dreams) (20 page)

We spend a few minutes discussing
what I have planned and agree to meet tomorrow to get everything ready. Sierra
promises not to say anything to Lily about it, but she agrees to try to get
Lily to call me if she hears from her. I leave Wedding Dreams hopeful we’ll
make this work and I’ll get Lily to see how much she means to me.

* * *

Lily

What the fuck was I thinking? How
did I not see this coming? Of course Drew would go back to that whore. I can’t
believe I was so stupid to think he might actually love me someday.

What am I going to do now? I
can’t go back to his house. I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t want to think
about him. Why can’t I stop crying?

I’m just driving with no
destination in mind. When I look up, I realize I’m at my apartment. Most of my
things are there, so I park in back where my car can’t be seen from the road. I
drag my sorry ass up the stairs and once I inside, I just lose it. I lie on my
bed and cry.

I don’t know how long I’ve been
laying here or when I fell asleep, but
it’s
dark when
I pry my swollen eyes open. This place seems so empty without
Nala
here, but I doubt she could even cheer me up right
now. How did I let this happen? How did I give up my heart to someone so
quickly?

I pull myself out of bed and head
to the shower. That’ll help, I hope. I get the water as hot as I can take it
and stand under the spray. My mind replays the scene at Callahan’s over and
over. I walked in to pick up lunch for Sierra and me. As I was going to the
counter, I saw Drew and that bitch, Brandy, in a booth. She had her hand on
Drew’s leg and was leaning in to kiss him. I saw her lips meet his and that’s
all I recall. I was so humiliated, I turned and ran out. I remember getting
back to the shop and Sierra asking what happened. I filled her in, picked up my
laptop and keys, and left. She tried to get me to stay and talk, but I just
wanted to get out of there.  

Now, normally I’m a level-headed
woman. I don’t get easily upset, which is an essential skill when planning
weddings. It’s important to keep a clear head and make decisions in a split
second to avoid a crisis. Even in my personal life, not much gets to me. I’m
not really sure what to do with the emotions I’m feeling right now. I want to
cry, but my eyes hurt so much I know that won’t help. I want to scream, but I
can’t seem to do that either. I’ve only known Drew for a couple weeks. He was
an asshole when I first met him, laughing at his friend’s misery. When did he
become so important in my life?

If I’m honest with myself, I know
the answers to all these questions. I don’t want to admit to myself that I’ve
thoroughly enjoyed having him take care of me. I like that someone worries
about my happiness and tries to help me be happy. I like living in his house,
which has started feeling like a home. I love the pool and the way it feels
when he’s around me in the kitchen. Mostly, I love not being alone. But, it’s
more than that, I love Drew.

Shit. I knew I was having
feelings for him but I didn’t want to call it love. Now I have to admit I’m in
love with that asshole. Fuck. What am I going to do now? I don’t think he feels
the same way about me, or he’d be trying to get me back. Did he even see me at
the restaurant? I think he did, but I’m not sure. He may not know I saw him
kissing that skanky bitch.

I turn off the shower and dry off.
I have to figure out what’s going on. Once I get dressed, I find my phone.
There are ten text messages and eight voice mails, all from Drew. That can only
mean he did see me at Callahan’s. I scan through the texts and find one from
Sierra asking me to call her because she’s worried about me. I text her back,
telling her I’m fine, and I’ll call her later. I delete all of the texts and
voice mails from Drew and I head to the kitchen for a glass of wine. There
isn’t much in the refrigerator to eat, but there’s a bottle of White Zinfandel.
It seems appropriate to drink a cheap wine when I’m feeling like this.

I sit down on the couch with my
wine and turn on the TV. I don’t want to think anymore, so I find a rerun of
Friends and zone out. It’s the one where Ross and Rachel fight about their
breakup. This one always makes me laugh, especially at the end. I settle in to
enjoy the episode when my phone rings. I check the display and it’s Sierra. I
answer just before it goes to voice mail.

“Hi, Sierra.
What’s up?” I
try to be casual and not sound as miserable as I feel.

“Oh, just worried about you after
you ran out of the shop earlier today. Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m okay. Sorry to have
worried you. I didn’t mean to do that.”

“It’s all right, Lily. Do you
want to talk about it? Where are you, by the way?”

“Thanks, but I don’t know what
there is to say. I saw Drew kissing Brandy at Callahan’s. I don’t know if he
saw me, though. I’m sorry I didn’t get your lunch.” I’m purposely avoiding
telling her where I am. I know she’ll come over, and I’m not ready for that.

“I don’t care about lunch. I care
about you. And he did see you, Lil. He came to the shop a few minutes after you
left. He looked devastated.”

“Good, he should be after he
stomped on my heart like that.” I can’t believe how much better I feel knowing
Drew knows I saw him, and that he feels bad. Not that it changes what he did.

“I know, Lily, but I don’t think
you got the whole picture. He said he pushed her away and he never wanted her
there. He’s looking for you, and he’s worried about you. Where are you?”
Sierra’s voice is getting squeaky, which happens when she gets nervous or
upset.

“I got the full picture; he was
kissing his ex in public! I didn’t see him pushing her away, I saw them
swapping spit. You weren’t there, Sierra, you didn’t see what I did.” I’m
getting hysterical again. I’ve got to get my emotions under control.

“Did you stay to watch them,
Lily, or did you turn and run out?” She’s got me there.

“I ran out. Sierra, I felt like
such a fool, I couldn’t do anything but leave. Part of me wanted to punch that
woman in the throat and tell her to get away from my man, but then that felt
stupid. I don’t have a claim on Drew. I’m only doing him a favor. He doesn’t
think of me as anything more than his pretend fiancée and fuck buddy. It really
shouldn’t matter who he’s with.” I sigh with that last statement because I want
to be his real fiancée and his real wife. I’m not going to admit that to
Sierra, though.

“How do you know that’s what he
thinks? Have you asked him? Have you talked to him about this at all?”

“You sound like you’re on his
side, Sierra. What’s going on?” I feel betrayed by her questions. She’s
supposed to be
my
partner, not Drew’s friend.

“I’m on your side, Lily. That’s
why I’m trying to get you to look at this rationally, which, honestly, is hard
for me. You’re usually the rational one and I’m the emotional mess. I’m not
used to being on this side of a crisis.” She laughs out loud and I laugh with
her. She’s right. I’m always the calm and rational one. What a role reversal.

“You’re right, and I’m sorry. I
just didn’t expect to be so upset. I have to tell you something, Sierra, but
you have to swear on your life you won’t breathe a word of it to anyone. Can
you promise me that?” I can’t believe I’m going to confide in her. But, I don’t
have any other friends and I need to get someone’s opinion.

“You know you can trust me. I
promise not to say anything to anyone, on my life.”

“Okay, here goes.” I pause and
take a deep breath. “I think I’m falling in love with Drew.” I let out the rest
of the breath and feel my shoulders relax. I feel better admitting it out loud.
Then I notice Sierra hasn’t said anything. “Are you still there?”

“Yes, I’m here,” she says,
sounding choked up. “Lily, I’m so happy for you. I know you’ve waited a long
time to find someone, and now you have. So, what are you going to do about it?”

“I have no idea. I know he knows
I saw him, I should probably return his texts and voicemails.” My head is
swimming with all the possibilities. Maybe he’s so pissed at me for running he
won’t take me back. I’m not sure I can handle that thought. It was bad enough
feeling mad at him but for him to be mad at me would be much worse.

“I think you should call him.
He’s worried about you, and he has no idea where you are.”

“I’m at my apartment. I didn’t
know where else to go. I parked in back so nobody would know I was here. I just
needed some time to calm down and get my thoughts in order.”

“I can understand that, but you really
need to let him know you’re all right. Take the rest of the night to get it
together. I’m sure he’ll understand. But you should probably hear him out. He
was really upset when I saw him.” I can’t imagine Drew being upset, but I
suppose it’s possible this relationship means something to him, too. 

“I’ll text him and tell him I’m
fine but I need some time.”

“That sounds good. Do you need me
to do anything?”

“No, I think I can handle it.
Tomorrow we’ll need to finalize everything for the bridal shower on Saturday,
and if Drew still wants to have the wedding on Sunday, we’ll need to get that
together, too.”

“Oh, I’m sure he still wants to
have the wedding. Talk to him, Lily. Give him a chance to explain his side of
everything. You guys are good for each other and I hate to see your
stubbornness come between you.”

I sigh loudly, knowing she’s
right. “I’ll talk to him. I promise. Thanks for being there for me, Sierra. It
means a lot.”

“Anything for you, partner.” I laugh
and so does she. We say our goodbyes and hang up.

I sit on the couch and look at my
phone. I’m not sure what to say. I don’t want to mess up the best thing that’s
ever happened to me, but I still don’t know what to think about what I saw. I
hope Sierra’s right and Drew is worried about me. Not that I want him to be
worried, I just want to know if he cares about me as much as I care about him.

I send him a text.

I’m fine. Just need some time to
think.

I hit send and put the phone
down. Lifting my wine glass, I head into the kitchen for a refill.

As I put the wine back in the
fridge, my phone starts ringing. I just know it’s Drew. I can’t keep avoiding
him, so I answer on the fourth ring.

“Hi,” I say quietly. I can feel
the tears welling up and I don’t want to cry again.

“Lily.
My God,
Lily.
I’ve been looking all over for you. Where the
fuck
are
you?” He does sound really worried. Now I feel bad for not answering
him earlier.

“I’m fine, Drew. I needed some
time to sort out my feelings. I didn’t expect you to be so worried about me.”
There, now he knows I don’t know how he feels.

“Of course I’m worried about you,
Lily. I’ve been going out of my mind trying to figure out where you are and how
to get you to talk to me. I want to explain what you saw. Will you let me?”

I take a deep breath before
answering. Do I want to hear his explanation? Will it matter? I remember what
Sierra said about being stubborn, so I relent. “Yes, Drew, I’ll let you
explain.” I hear him breathe a long sigh.

“I’m so glad you’ll listen. Where
are you? Can we talk in person? I want to be able to hold you and work this
out.” He wants to hold me?
Really?

“I’m at my apartment. I didn’t
know where else to go. You’re welcome to come over, if you want. I’ll warn you,
there isn’t much to eat or drink here, though.”

“I’ll bring Chinese food and
we’ll talk. Thank you for hearing me out, Lily. I’ll be there soon.” I can hear
the smile in his voice as I hang up the phone.

I run to the bathroom to make
sure I don’t look like a zombie or something. My eyes are still red from
crying, but the swelling has gone down. My cheeks are flushed from the wine. I
decide to change my clothes so I don’t look so dumpy. Yoga pants are probably
not that attractive to men, so I put on a casual skirt and top. When I look
back in the mirror, I think I look as good as I can, given the circumstances,
and I don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard.

I sit on the couch and flip
through the channels as I wait for Drew to show up.

*
* *

Drew

Thank God she’s willing to talk
to me. I’ve been going crazy trying to figure out how to make this up to her.
After pacing the house for hours, I finally got the text I was waiting for. Now
I just have to do this right so she knows how I feel. I can’t go through this
torture again.

I made sure to feed her cat and
then I ran out the door. After getting the takeout, I head straight to Lily’s
apartment. Why didn’t I think to check there? I completely forgot she still had
a lease on the place. That’s something we’re going to change when we get back
from Hawaii. I want this woman in my life, my home, and my bed for the rest of
my life. Now I have to make sure she feels the same way.

She wouldn’t have gotten so upset
if she didn’t want me too, right? I only hope that’s the case because I know
what I want and I’m not going to give up until I have her.