Ice (17 page)

Since the moment she had seen Maggie in the airport, there had been a question nibbling at the back of Alex’s brain, and Maggie had just unknowingly opened the door to ask it. Halfway between wanting to know the answer, and dreading what it might be, Alex asked quietly, “So, is there a boyfriend or a husband crazy with worry back in London, too?”

“There was a boyfriend up until the day I met you at the airport, but I broke up with him that morning,” Maggie said. Thinking about all the time she wasted with Glenn, Maggie let out a sigh. “It was probably one of the worst mistakes I’ve ever made.”

Holding back a scowl, Alex offered halfheartedly, “I’m sure you can get him back if you want to.”

Maggie shook her head and grinned. “No, the mistake was asking him to move into my flat in the first place. I was trying to be a friend and got myself into a relationship that was never going to go anywhere.”

Although a smile didn’t appear on Alex’s face, a large one blossomed in her heart. Mustering up her most sympathetic tone, she said, “Oh, that’s too bad.”

Shrugging her shoulders, Maggie said, “You know how they say that women are attracted to men who remind them of their fathers?” When Alex’s only response came in the form of a raised eyebrow, Maggie realized what she had said. “Okay,
most
women,” Maggie said with a snort. “Anyway, Glenn seemed to be a lot like my father, unassuming and good-natured, but it wasn’t enough. I just didn’t love him.”

“Have you ever been in love?”

Without thinking, Maggie replied, “Not that I care to admit.”

“What do you mean?”

Inwardly, Maggie cringed. Truths, loosened by alcohol, were beginning to slip through her barriers. “Oh, um…what I meant to say was no, I’ve never been in love. I thought I was with Glenn. He’s very polite and attentive, but then I started feeling more like a servant and less like a girlfriend. I realized that what we had wasn’t love, it was just convenience. Someone to go out with, someone to hold my hand, someone to warm my bed…but love should be more than that. It should be passion and caring, a willingness to give your all to someone because they’re the reason you breathe…and Glenn wasn’t that person for me.” Focusing on the flames dancing in the hearth, Maggie took a sip of her drink. She didn’t want to talk about love anymore.

“What’s wrong?” Alex asked, noticing that Maggie had gone quiet.

Looking back at the woman whose eyes seemed filled with concern, Maggie said, “I’m thirty-two years old, and I have no idea where my life is going or
where
I want it to go. I have a good job, which I’m more than capable of doing, but I want to get my law degree, and that means spending lots of time studying. How can you start a relationship when you don’t have the time?”

“You should just stop worrying about it and let whatever happens, happen.”

“Is that what you do, or do you have a boy…um…
girl
friend back home?”

“Nope, just Sandy.”

“A dog doesn’t really qualify as a life partner, does it?”

“I don’t know. We normally sleep together, she eats from my plate when I allow her to, and she gives me lots of kisses.”

Chuckling, Maggie said, “And it sounds like you love her very much.”

“I do.”

“But no
real
girlfriend?”

“No, I swore off of them a few years back.”

“Can I ask why?”

Leaning back on the sofa, Alex propped her feet on the coffee table and took a drink of scotch. “I met a woman named Debra while I was attending a conference in Brighton. She was the concierge at the hotel where I was staying. She was tall, blonde, blue-eyed and gorgeous, totally my type, and eventually we hooked up. We were together for just over two years.”

“You were partners?”

“No, not exactly,” Alex said. “I offered to transfer down to Brighton a dozen times, but she kept telling that she didn’t want me to change my life for her, and every time I suggested that she move to London, she’d come up with some excuse. I didn’t understand why she was so against the idea until I decided to surprise her on Valentine’s Day with a visit. It was on a Friday, so I took the day off so that we’d have the entire weekend together.”

Stopping to light a cigarette, Alex slowly emptied her lungs of the smoke. Letting out a low, throaty chuckle, she shook her head. “It was a typical Hollywood scene. You know the one? I show up with candy and flowers, and find her in bed with someone else. I honestly think I could have handled it, except for the fact that it was a man. She told me that she loved being with me, but she didn’t love the life. She said that need she needed
normal
…and I was totally gutted. I can’t even remember driving back home that day, but later that night, sitting alone in my flat, I decided that I’d never allow myself to be hurt like that again. It just isn’t worth it.”

Pausing to take another drag of her cigarette, Alex let out a snort, remembering how completely boorish she had been during that time in her life. With a smirk, she said, “I walked around with a fairly large chip on my shoulder for weeks. My life consisted of nothing more than work, food and sleep. I even blew off my best friend for our weekly dinners out just so I could wallow in my self-pity. I was a complete mess, and it went on for months, until one day, Paige showed up at my flat with a gift.”

“Paige? She’s your best friend?”

“Yeah,” Alex said, nodding her head. “Paige knows me better than I know myself at times. Anyway, she walked in the door and placed a small paper sack in my hand, the kind you’d put a sandwich in – you know?”

“Yeah.”

“I had no idea what she was up to and when the bloody bag began to move, I almost dropped it. Inside was a little black and brown puppy no bigger than a tea cup, with the saddest brown eyes I had ever seen…and with one blink, she stole my heart.”

“Sandy, I presume?”

With a wide smile, Alex said, “Paige knew I needed something more to care about than just my work, because it would force me to live again, and Sandy did the trick. So, for the past few years, it’s just been Sandy and me, and I think I can speak for her in saying that we’re both quite happy with the arrangement.”

“Sounds a bit…um…lonely.”

Laughing out loud at Maggie’s assumption, Alex cheerfully corrected the error. “I’m not saying that I haven’t had sex since Debra, I just haven’t had it with anyone whom I wanted to have a relationship with beyond a night or two.”

The conversation was heading in a direction that Maggie did
not
want to travel. Finding the thought of Alex having sex with another woman somewhat annoying, Maggie quickly changed the subject. “Do you think someone will find us?”

“I’m sure they will, but not until the weather improves. I think you and I are in for a long winter’s nap in this place.”

Nodding, Maggie stood and stretched, and Alex took a second to admire the small amount of skin peeking out from under the woman’s shirt as her arms rose in the air.

“I think I’m going to get some sleep,” Maggie announced. “Are you…I mean, did you…” she stuttered as she motioned toward the bedroom.

“No,” Alex replied, “I think I’ll stay out here.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m fine, Maggie. Good night.”

“Good night, Alex.”

After a breakfast of freeze-dried eggs and sausage, they sat in the lounge sipping their tea as snow floated past the window panes.

“So, what about you?” Maggie asked.

“Huh?”

“Tell me about your family.”

A wide smile appeared on Alex’s face. “Well, let’s see. I have two brothers. James is the oldest. He’s married, has two children and teaches adult education. Kevin is four years younger than me. He’s single and manages a large book store in Soho. My mother is a book editor, and my father is an author.”

“An author?” Maggie asked, “What types of books does he write?”

Chuckling, Alex pointed to the shelf over the fireplace.

Following her eyes, Maggie saw the remains of a paperback book on the mantle. “Oh, you’re kidding!” she exclaimed, jumping up to grab the book. Scanning the cover, her eyes grew wide. “Your father is G. A. Blake?”

Nodding her head, Alex replied, “Yep. Mystery writer extraordinaire, that’s my dad.”

Realizing that Alex had used the book as kindling, Maggie blurted, “And you
burned
one of his books?”

Laughing out loud, Alex said, “I didn’t read the author’s name, Maggie. At the time, I was more worried about the frostbite forming on my tits!”

Giggling, Maggie sat down, holding the book in her hands. “Do they know? I mean, about you?”

“You mean do they know I’m gay? Yeah, I told them years back,” Alex said. “Just like most, I knew early on, but kept it a secret for years, but by the time I was twenty I was tired of living in the proverbial closet, so I told them. My father got really quiet. My mother started to cry. James was shocked and Kevin…well, Kevin thought it was cool.”

“So, what happened?”

“I went back to school, worried and confused, and I stayed away until spring break. I remember walking into the house that night, wondering if I was still welcome. It was quite late, so after a few unusually stiff hugs, we all went to bed. The next morning when I woke up my father was standing in the doorway of my bedroom staring back at me. He came in, sat down without saying a word, and then he took my hand and told me that he and my mum had done a lot of talking, and they realized the fact I was gay didn’t really bother them.”

“No?”

Shaking her head, Alex said, “No, he said that they were more worried about what other people would think of it…of me…and it wasn’t
my
problem, it was theirs. He told me that they loved me, and I was their daughter, and nothing would or
could
ever change that.”

Smiling, her voice soft and retrospective, Alex continued, “At the end of the week, we all went to dinner and there was this waitress, a very attractive girl, and I guess my father saw me checking her out. He proceeded to lean over and suggest that I get her number. Christ, I almost spit out my coffee! And if that wasn’t bad enough, every time I came home from school to spend a few days, my mother would try to arrange blind dates for me with the daughters of her best friends. It was
so
embarrassing.”

“I bet,” Maggie said with a laugh.

“Luckily, it didn’t take them long for them to realize that they had no clue how to be matchmakers for their lesbian daughter, thank God, and things went back to normal. They’re quite used to it now, and James is no longer shocked, and Kevin...” Stopping to let out a laugh, Alex finally said, “Kevin still thinks it’s cool.”

***

With nothing to occupy their time, it wasn’t long before Alex stretched out on the sofa and Maggie curled up in the chair. With their bellies full, sleep came easily for both, and it wasn’t until Maggie heard the sound of a log being dropped on the fire that she finally opened her eyes. Normally a person who preferred to ease themselves into consciousness, when she saw Alex standing in the firelight wearing only a flannel shirt and knickers, closing her eyes to catch a few more minutes of sleep was no longer on Maggie’s mind.

Alex had awoken with a dull pain in her thigh. Grimacing at the possibility that the infection had returned, she had crept to the bathroom and debated on whether to tell Maggie. Weighing her options, and coming to the conclusion that she didn’t have any, she found the medical kit and waited patiently for Maggie to wake up.

“Hiya,” Maggie mumbled softly as she stretched. “What are you doing?”

“Keeping us warm,” Alex said with a grin, looking over at the woman with rumpled hair and wrinkled clothes. “And once you’re awake, if you don’t mind looking at my leg again? It’s still a bit sore.”

“No, of course not,” Maggie said, getting to her feet and walking toward the bathroom. “Just let me get cleaned up, and I’ll take a look.”

When she came back a few minutes later, Maggie couldn’t help but smile at the sight of Alex lying on her belly across the sofa, being the perfect patient. Kneeling next to her, Maggie began to cut away the bandage, but noticing that the muscles in Alex’s legs had suddenly tightened, she stopped. Assuming that she was in pain, Maggie said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

The discomfort Alex was feeling had absolutely nothing to do with the wound on her leg. Maggie’s tender touch had flamed Alex’s passion, and stunned by the surge of desire between her legs, Alex had tensed against it. Wishing that she had more injuries for Maggie to attend to, Alex took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she regained control of her body. Thankful that Maggie couldn’t see her heated cheeks, Alex said, “You didn’t. It’s just a bit sore.”

“Oh, okay,” Maggie said as she removed the rest of the wrapping. Examining the cut, she said, “It looks all right, but it was fairly deep, so that’s probably why it still hurts. I think in another day or so, we won’t need to do this again.”

“That’s good to know.”

“Yeah, I guess it is,” Maggie said, somewhat disappointed that she would no longer be able to peruse Alex’s semi-naked form. Replacing the bandage, she sat back and announced, “All done.”

Rolling on her side, Alex smiled back. “Thanks. You’ve got a nice touch.”

Feeling her cheeks begin to redden, Maggie flashed Alex a quick smile. “Thanks…um…so do you.”

You have no idea
, Alex thought with an invisible leer. Seeing no need to move from the sofa just yet, she watched in silence as Maggie fluttered about the room, packing up the first-aid kit and gathering the morning coffee cups, seemingly unaware that she was being watched, or rather ogled.

Alex appreciated fine art. She appreciated good books, classical music and gourmet cuisine, but as her eyes followed Maggie around the room, her appreciation for natural beauty had never been so keen. Maggie was stunning, and Alex was in trouble.

Little by little, everything that had kept Alex’s mind off of her feelings for Maggie was disappearing. Maggie’s fever was gone, and the wound on her thigh was almost healed. The cabin was warm, and the woodpile still held enough firewood to last until spring. The larder had ample food, the pitcher-pumps now easily produced water, and although the clothes they wore were borrowed and baggy, they’d do. With no books to read, nor a radio or television to fill the silence of the cabin, Alex was left with only her thoughts, and her thoughts were becoming less and less pure. The nature of the beast called love.