Ice Kissed (21 page)

“I’m not trying to upset you, Bryn,” Kasper said. “I admire your devotion—everyone does. It’s how you’ve gotten so far. All I’m saying is that it’s not good when you make your job your whole life, and it’s even more dangerous when you mistake the people who reign over you for your friends.”

I opened my mouth to argue but stopped myself when I realized I was being defensive. Because what he’d said was true. Every night when he went home to Tilda and their future child, I went home to an empty loft.

It was the life I’d chosen for myself. But was it really the life I wanted?

THIRTY-THREE

operations

Even a ride on Bloom couldn’t help me shake my unease. The horse tried his best, galloping along the wall that surrounded Doldastam as fast as he could, but when I took him back to the stable I still wasn’t feeling any better. He nuzzled me more than usual, his mane as soft as silk as it rubbed against me, and I fed him an extra apple before leaving.

The debriefing with the King had gone about as I’d thought it would—he’d already heard about Mikko’s arrest and mainly been interested in who would be ruling the Skojare in his absence. But Evert had seemed more distracted than normal, and he left the meeting within a few minutes with brusque congratulations on a job well done.

I wanted to work off the anxiety that Storvatten and Konstantin and even Kasper’s lecture had caused, but that required dealing with everything that went along with going to work. So that left me walking around town, trying to clear my head. My path took me by the tracker school, but I deliberately gave it a wide berth in case I spotted Ridley. I definitely wasn’t prepared to see to him yet.

As I walked by, I glanced over at the training yard behind the school. A split-rail wooden fence surrounded the yard, in an attempt to keep out the children who mistook it for a playground. Most of it was flat, level dirt with the snow shoveled away, but there was a climbing wall and a few other obstacles.

With the temperature just below freezing and the air still, it was a perfect day for the trackers to be out running a course. Instead, I only saw two people, and because of the distance between us it took me a few seconds longer than it should’ve to realize that it was Ember training with someone else.

Her dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and she wore a black thermal shirt and boots that went halfway up her calf. Her sparring partner was a guy, dressed similarly to her but with the addition of a thick winter cap. Even though he was taller and broader shouldered than her, Ember had no problem pushing him around.

Since no one else was outside, I decided to walk over and say hi. I’d just reached the fence when I finally recognized her combatant, and I realized with dismay that Ember had just thrown Markis Linus Berling to the ground.

“What are you doing?” I asked, but instead of a friendly greeting it sounded much more like a demand.

I’d never seen a Markis or Marksinna training before, in large part because a tracker was never, ever supposed to lay their hands on one, especially not the way Ember just had.

“Bryn!” Ember grinned at me, apparently not noticing the accusation in my tone. “I heard you were coming back today.”

“Hey, Bryn.” Linus smiled at me, and Ember extended her hand and helped pull him to his feet.

“What are you two doing?” I managed to sound less angry this time as I leaned on the fence.

“Since you’ve been gone, I’ve been working as Linus’s tracker, helping him acclimate and all that.” Ember started walking over to me, and Linus followed, brushing snow off his pants as he did.

“That’s great,” I said, and I meant it. Ember was a good tracker, and I was sure she’d be a great help to him. “But since when did acclimation include combat training?”

“I asked her to teach me.” Linus pushed the brim of his hat up so I could see his eyes better. Freckles dotted his cheeks, and there was something boyish in his face that made him seem younger than his seventeen years.

It’d been nearly a month since I first met Linus in Chicago, when I was tracking him and first ran into Konstantin Black, which set off this whole thing. Since that time, Linus seemed to be doing well at understanding his role in Kanin society as a high-ranking Markis, adjusting quicker than most, but he still hadn’t lost his friendly innocence.

“A lot of the younger Markis and Marksinna are requesting defensive training,” Ember explained as she leaned against the fence next to me. “Things have been crazy since you’ve been gone.”

I instinctively tensed up. “Crazy how?”

“You know how Ridley was training those scouts to go out and look for Viktor D
å
lig?” Ember asked.

My stomach dropped, fearing that something might have happened to him while I was gone, and it took me a moment to force myself to nod.

“Well, last week, one of the scouts reported that he thought he’d found Viktor,” Ember went on. “He managed to report back with Viktor’s whereabouts, but then all communication went silent. Ridley went with a rescue team to go after him. When they found the scout, he was dead.”

“But Ridley came back okay?” I asked, my stomach twisting painfully.

“Yeah, he’s fine,” Ember said, and relief washed over me. “But they found an abandoned campsite, where they’re assuming that Viktor, Konstantin, and at least twenty or so other people were hiding out. They were long gone by the time Ridley and the rescue team arrived, of course, but the scary part was that the campsite was only three hours away.”

My mind flashed back on Konstantin Black, telling me that I needed to get out of Storvatten because Viktor D
å
lig wanted me dead. But if Viktor was hiding out near Doldastam, it seemed like I would be an easier target for him here.

Admittedly, we had H
ö
gdragen gaurding at every door, and the Skojare had the worst security I’d ever seen. But it wasn’t like I could trust Konstantin either. He could have just been leading me down the wrong path. If I wasn’t dreaming the whole thing up in the first place.

“That’s when I decided I needed to be able to defend myself,” Linus said, and while I admired his effort, I’d seen firsthand how clumsy he could be. I hoped the training would work for him.

“Linus has even rallied some of the other Markis and Marksinna.” Ember looked at him with pride. “He’s been getting everybody to realize the importance of self-reliance.”

Linus shrugged and lowered his eyes, kicking at the snow absently with his foot. “I was just talking, and I thought that we should all do what we can to prepare. If you’re all going off to war, you can’t be wasting your time and energy on us.”

“Good job,” I told him. “I knew you’d be good for Doldastam.”

He smiled sheepishly. “Thanks. But it’s no big deal, really.”

“So along with Linus, I’ve been, uh, tutoring this other girl.” Ember tucked a stray hair behind her ear and looked down at the ground, so she wouldn’t have to look at me. “Marksinna Delilah Nylen. She’s my age, and she’s uh…” A weird smiled played on her lips, and her cheeks reddened slightly. “She’s good. She can handle herself in a fight.”

Ember smiled wider and laughed, almost nervously. I had seen this behavior before—Ember had a crush. I would’ve called her out on it if it weren’t for Linus standing right there. She was open about her love interests, and it wasn’t a big deal—except that Ember was a tracker and the object of her affection appeared to be royalty.

I gave her a look, trying to convey that we would talk about this more later. When she caught my eyes, Ember only blushed harder.

“So does anybody have any idea where Viktor and his band of merry men are headed?” I asked, changing the subject so Ember would stop grinning like a fool.

She shook her head. “Not at the moment. Scouts are looking into it, though.”

“Well, the good news is it doesn’t sound like Viktor has that many people behind him,” I said. “Twenty guys does not an army make.”

“That’s true, but Ridley is fairly certain it’s only a scouting mission, that Viktor and his men just want to scope out exactly what’s going on here,” Ember explained. “King Evert’s freaking out because Viktor’s coup fifteen years ago was only him working with a few other guys. And not only did he kill a member of the H
ö
gdragen, he got
really
close to killing the King.

“Imagine what he could do with twenty guys,” she went on. “And who knows how many more guys he has stashed somewhere else? Those were just the ones he had with him. He could have hundreds.”

I’d never been angrier with myself than I was in that moment. If I had just been able to stop Viktor in Storvatten, none of this would be happening. Everything would’ve been over before it started.

“It’s not your fault,” Ember said, reading my expression. “Viktor’s obviously been planning this for a long time, and I’m sure that even if you’d gotten him, somebody would’ve stepped in to take his place.”

“Maybe,” I allowed. “I just wish it had never come to this.”

“I know,” she agreed. “When this all started, I thought King Evert was overreacting. But now it looks like this war is shaping up to be a big deal.”

THIRTY-FOUR

polity

I had just stepped up to my parents’ house when my dad opened the door, as if he’d somehow been expecting my unannounced visit. His glasses were pushed up back on his head, holding back his thick black hair that had silvered at the temples.

Dad smiled at me in the way he did when he hadn’t seen me in a while—happiness with an edge of relief that I was still alive and well. Without saying anything, I came into the house and he closed the door behind me.

He pulled me into a rough hug, and it wasn’t until he did that I realized how much I needed it. I hugged him back harder than I normally did, resting my head in the crook of his shoulder.

“Is everything okay?” Dad asked. I finally released him, but he kept his hands on my shoulders and bent down to look me in the eye.

“Iver? Is someone here?” Mom asked, and she rounded the corner from the living room. “Bryn! You’re back!”

She hurried over to me, practically pushing my dad out of the way so she could hug me. She kissed the top of my head and touched my face. Whenever I came back, she seemed to almost pat me down, as if checking to make sure that I was real and in one piece.

“Oh, honey, what’s wrong?” Mom asked when she’d finished her inspection. “You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

“I heard your mission in Storvatten went well,” Dad said. As Chancellor for Doldastam, I assumed he’d already gotten the rundown on how things went. “Did something happen that you didn’t tell the King?”

“No.” I shook my head and let out a heavy sigh.

That wasn’t entirely true—I hadn’t told King Evert about Prince Kennet’s flirtation with me, or how guilty I had felt leaving Queen Linnea, and I definitely hadn’t been able to tell him about the lysa involving Konstantin Black.

But I didn’t want to tell my parents about any of that either. Well, at least not the Kennet and Konstantin parts. The thing with Konstantin would only frighten them.

“I did my job in Storvatten,” I said finally, looking up at my parents’ expectant faces. “But I don’t think I helped anybody.”

And then suddenly, the words came tumbling out of me—all the concerns I’d been trying to repress. How I wasn’t certain of Mikko’s guilt, and how Kasper and I might have inadvertently been complicit in his unjust arrest. How Linnea seemed more like a child than a Queen, and it didn’t feel right leaving her there like that, where she would be ostracized and unprotected if her husband was convicted, and how I knew if Marksinna Lisbet couldn’t deliver on her promise to change things, I would have to go back to help Linnea and Mikko. How I didn’t trust a single person in Storvatten when it came down to it—not even Marksinna Lisbet or Prince Kennet. How everyone seemed to have conflicted motives and acted cagey at times, like they were hiding something, and I could never be sure if it was because they didn’t trust me for being Kanin, or if they were up to no good.

Eventually, my mom interrupted my long rambling tale to suggest we move to the dining room. I sat at the table, across from my dad, while Mom poured large cups of tea for each us.

“You did the right thing,” Dad said when I’d finally finished, and Mom set a cup in front of me before taking a seat next to him.

“Then why doesn’t it feel that way?” I asked. “It doesn’t feel like I’ve done anything at all.”

“Of course you did,” he corrected me. “You helped get the Skojare’s security in shape, and you brought comfort to Linnea. That’s exactly what you set out to do.”

“But there’s so much left unfinished!” I insisted.

“That’s the problem with working for the kingdom, the way you and I do.” He motioned between us. “We can only do what we’re commanded to do. Too many times, my hands have been bound by the law, and I know how frustrating it can be. But sometimes that’s all you can do.”

“There are so many limitations to your job,” Mom said after taking a long sip of her tea. “That’s why I’ve never quite understood the appeal of it for you. You’ve always been so strong willed and independent. But you want a job that demands complete submission.”

“Runa,” Dad said softly. “Now isn’t the time for this kind of discussion.”

“No, it’s okay.” I slumped lower in my seat. “She’s right. All I’ve ever wanted to do was make this kingdom better. I wanted to do something good and honorable. And the only way I knew how was to be a tracker or on the H
ö
gdragen.” I sighed. “But lately I just feel no good at all. I feel like I’m often choosing the lesser of two evils.”

“Welcome to politics.” Dad lifted his glass in a sardonic cheer and gulped it down.

Mom shifted in her chair and leaned on the table. “You know how I feel about your job, and I’m not advocating for it. But I think you’re taking this mission too hard.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You were working with another tribe, and if we’re being honest, the Skojare are
weird,
” she told me knowingly. “I lived there for the first sixteen years of my life, and I was constantly surrounded by that ‘cagey’ feeling you described. King Rune Bi
â
else practically made it mandatory.