If I Break THE COMPLETE SERIES Bundle (122 page)

“Hey!” Aidan knocks on the door to my bedroom twice.

“What’s the occasion? Since when do you knock?” I laugh at him. He shrugs.

“What’s all this?” he asks, gesturing to the bags and boxes I have scattered around the room.

“Lauren’s going to Chicago and I’m going with her.”

“Dude, you’re taking enough stuff to move,” he chuckles and I grin at him.

“I am moving,” I tell him and his eyes widen in disbelief.

“Wait a minute, get the fuck out,” he laughs. I spend the next fifteen minutes catching him up on everything that’s happened between me and Lauren, Dexter and Jenna and my dad. Afterwards he lets out a deep breath.

“Whoa. I think I need a minute to process all of this,” he laughs. “I don’t know where to even start. Just to make sure I got all of this—you’re moving to Chicago because you ended it with Jenna and you can see your doctor whose husband is having people follow you around because your alter ego wants to kill your real dad because he thinks he killed your mom,” he asks, and I nod.

“Yeah you’ve kind of got it all down I think.” He shakes his head in disbelief.

“And your parents are cool with you moving?”

“They’re not thrilled. My mom doesn’t want me to go but she knows we can’t stay here with my dad acting like a jerk,” I say, sitting next to him.

“So as far as your murderous alter ego goes,” he says, covering up a laugh, “Lauren doesn’t know about this, or about you having people follow you?”

“She has enough to deal with,” I say, standing up and starting to pack my things.

“You think it’s better for her not to know?” he asks, frowning. I shrug.

“It’s not that I’m hiding things from her. It’s just…yeah, I think it’s better that she doesn’t know,” I admit.

“If the roles were reversed you wouldn’t want to know?”

“No. Sometimes ignorance is bliss,” I shrug and he begins to laugh.

“What?”

“I’m just surprised, you know, seeing how upset you were about your parents hiding everything from you,” he says sarcastically.

“That was different,” I say defensively.

“How was that different?” he says smugly. I have no defense. He’s right, I should tell her. She has every right to know but it’s all been so much on her. I wish we could get a day, just one day, without disaster rearing its ugly head. I sit down on my bed and pull a Snickers out my pocket to eat.

“I mean it could even give you an edge up on this thing,” Aidan shrugs.

“What do you mean?”

“I doubt she’d be hoping for Cal to come back if he wants to kill someone,” he laughs.

“I don’t want her to not want him back because of that. I want her to not want him back because she loves me, who I am. I don’t want to win by default.”

“Chris this isn’t a game man,” he lets out a frustrated groan and I’m caught off guard.

“This is your life. In all seriousness,you have got to stop looking at this as a competition,” he says, and it sounds like he’s scolding me.

“I’m sorry, when did you become my dad?” I ask, trying to hold in a laugh, but the expression on his face is anything but jovial.

“Do you really think Lauren just wants
Cal
back?”

“I-I don’t know,” I shrug.

“That girl wants all of you. Not just you or him. She wants her daughter to have a father, for her to have a possibility of a normal life. I have to tell you the worst thing in the world is not you having DID. Life comes with a shitload of problems and you really need to get yourself together because whenever something goes bad you guys can’t keep flipping the switch.

“What’s going on?” I ask him suspiciously.

“What do you mean? I’m giving you advice as your friend. As your best friend!” he exclaims. I stand up and look at him.

“What are you not telling me?” I ask him, crossing my arms. He looks caught off guard.

“Nothing. I’m just trying to help you!” he says defensively.

“You’ve never been a good liar, and you rarely take your head out of your own butt long enough to care about what’s going on around you. Something’s up, what’s going on?” I demand.

“So that’s what you really think of me? I’m a self-absorbed jerkoff who doesn’t care about the people I love. Real nice Chris,” he says angrily.

“No, don’t flip this. What the hell is going on?” I demand, and he looks down at the floor guiltily.

“When are you leaving for Chicago?” he asks quietly.

“What does that have to do with anything?” I ask him impatiently.

“It’s not for me to tell you man, but there’s some things you need to know before you leave,” he says, crossing his arms.

“What things?” I ask and he just looks down at the floor. “Oh, so you can bring it up but not say anything?!”

“I didn’t bring it up. You brought it up!”

“Okay, whatever it is just say it,” I urge him.

“I can’t!” he says throwing up his hands.

“You know what’s worse than knowing there’s a monster under your bed?”

“Knowing there’s one under your bed but not knowing what it looks like,” I laugh angrily.

“It doesn’t involve me. I told her to tell you, she needs time.”

“Who? Lauren?”

“No, Lisa,” he says. I remember her calling me, and Lauren mentioning it, but so much has happened it slipped my mind.

“What would something with Lisa have to do with me?” I say, feeling my anger cool some. There isn’t really anything Lisa can tell me that will knock my world off its axis. Now I’m more worried about her than anything. I grab my cellphone and dial her number.

“She hasn’t been answering, she left town…”

“Hello,” Lisa says.

“Hey,” I reply, and see Aidan’s stunned expression.

“Is there something you need?” she asks sheepishly and I look at my phone in disbelief.

“What do you mean is it something I need?” I laugh.

“It’s just been a really—I have a lot going on Chris” she stutters and I glance at Aidan whose gaze won’t leave his feet.

“Look, I’m going to Chicago with Lauren, and Aidan thinks there’s something important you have to tell me. I don’t want anything hanging over my head before I leave. My mom wants to have dinner tonight but since our record with those haven’t been great I’d rather not,” I chuckle. There’s a long pause.

“When are you leaving?” she asks quietly.

“Why does it matter? Are you home?” I ask, feeling my annoyance grow.

“Yeah, but I have…” she stutters.

“Cool, I’ll see you in about an hour,” I say before hanging up the phone.

“Are you coming with me?” I ask him and he only nods.

“You know what, you’re being really weird, maybe you should stay here,” I laugh, leaving him in my bedroom. I head down the stairs and see my dad standing there.

“Can I talk to you?” he asks and I let out a sigh.

“Did you think about what I said this morning?”

“I did,” he says quietly.

“I want to speak with both you and Lauren.”

H
e’s coming with me.

Chris and I are going back to Chicago. This time there isn’t a question of his motive. He’s told me that he loves me, that he wants to be with me and raise Caylen together. I should be ecstatic, everything is coming together—but on what type of foundation? Secrets and lies? This doesn’t feel right. I can’t shake Dexter Crestfield’s smarmy smile from my thoughts. I keep trying to get Lisa’s looming secret out of my mind. Helen’s instructions, which I basically threw out the window, are making me rethink everything. I keep thinking that going back to Chicago may not be the right move, but whenever I think about Chris’ dad I can’t imagine us staying here another day.

If we left we could avoid the entire Lisa ordeal until…I don’t know, until…If things somehow become perfect then she ruins it with whatever she has to tell Chris. It’s selfish and stupid but I really just wish she wouldn’t. If it’s not life and death and it will hurt him, I wish she’d just keep it to herself, but then again, whatever it is Aidan thinks it could be the cause of Chris creating Cal. What could Lisa have to do with something so big? But if she tells him, could that be the key to them integrating? I have to know that Chris is committed to that before doing a re-run of what I did last night with him.

“Hey,” I turn and see him standing there a nervous smile on his face and it instantly makes me feel better.

“How is the packing going?” I ask, letting out a pent up breath.

“It was good until Aidan interrupted me,” he sighs.

“Aidan’s here?”

“He just left,” he says, rubbing the back of his head.

“Did he want anything in particular?”

“Other than to irritate me,” he chuckles and I smile relieved. Aidan didn’t budge on telling me anything about what Lisa told him, but he’s a very straight forward guy and doesn’t seem like the type who’d be able to keep a secret in plain sight.

“We sort of had an argument, but he’s going to meet me at Lisa’s later,” he shrugs and my heart speeds up.

“Lisa’s,” I can’t help but repeat.

“Yeah. He said she has something important to tell me. I want to get it out of the way before we leave,” he says, sitting down on the bed I have been sharing with Caylen during this visit.

“Are you okay?” he asks concerned. I swallow the lump in my throat.

“Of course, why would you ask that?”

“Well you’ve folded that shirt over almost three times since I’ve been in here,” he chuckles. I toss the stupid shirt on the bed.

“I’ll admit my nerves are a little on edge,” I sigh, and he does the same.

“This probably isn’t going to help but my dad wants to talk to us.”

“Really? He hasn’t dished out enough verbal abuse before we leave?” I ask sarcastically, grabbing another shirt.

“He says he wants to apologize to you and doesn’t want us to leave on a bad note,” he adds. I look at Chris in disbelief.

“I know my dad’s been a real prick lately,” he laughs and I nod. He’s been more than a prick.

“But that’s not the man he usually is. That’s not the dad I know. It’s just I think this Cal thing…”

“If you want us to talk to him Chris, I can do that, but the moment he says anything negative or remotely insulting I’ll be exiting the conversation,” I shrug and he smiles relieved.