If I Break THE COMPLETE SERIES Bundle (23 page)

“How long have you known Cal?” I ask, still feeling a little uneasy.

“Let’s see, I think this year—about six years. Yeah, that’s about right.”

“So Dexter and Cal are really close?”

“Like brothers. It’s good for them, especially since Dex is an only child, and Cal doesn’t really have anyone.”

I can’t help but feel sad at the last part of what she says. I knew Cal was adopted, but I never really thought about him not having anyone. I know his parents have always been a sore subject. After my parents’ deaths, I felt alone, but really, I always had a great relationship with Raven. I just assumed he and his adopted parents were cordial, if not close.

“How did you and Dexter meet?” I ask, changing the subject.

She smiles softly. “He was at a benefit for Chicago General, where I used to work. I didn’t know who the hell he was, but he walks up to me and says, ‘I’ll donate a million dollars tonight if you go out with me.’ Now here I am, disgusted by this audacious man who, I assume, is a liar. So I told him, ‘If you donate a million dollars, I’ll run around this hotel naked,’ so he laughs and walks away. I didn’t think anything else of it. Ten minutes later, the superintendent of the hospital announces that Dexter Crestfield Jr. has just donated ten million dollars to the hospital, and when I see him walk up there, my heart just stops.” She laughs, and I join in with her.

“It gets better. After his speech—during which, by the way, he held eye contact with me the entire time—he walks right up to me, leans over, and whispers, ‘I’d prefer my house,’ and leaves me his number,” she finishes with a grin.

“Wow,” I say, shocked. “That’s a great story.”

“Yeah, he’s such a snide son of a bitch. But I like that about him, and he’s sweet when he wants to be. Well, you know what I mean. Cal is a cocky bastard himself.”

I’ve never thought of him as cocky as much as confident. He doesn’t care what anyone says or thinks about him because he knows that they all either want to be him or sleep with him, depending on their preferences. He does what he wants, when he wants. It’s just routine.

“Enough about us. What about you. Kids, marriage?” she asks, lighting up another cigarette.

“With Cal?” I ask, confused.

“Well, yes, or period,” she says, taking a drag.

“I—well, we haven’t known each other that long.” I stutter a little over the answer. She’s really getting to the point, isn’t she?

“Well, are you the type of girl who dreams about getting married or wants to put it off as long as possible?”

“I see myself married with a family one day. I’d love to travel abroad then come back and do something that really makes a difference, but I don’t know. Marriage at least is pretty far away.” I laugh.

“You never know.” She chuckles.

I look at the sunset.

“What I mean is that I was the same way. When I met Dex, I planned to just have fun with him and ended up falling in love. Two years later, he asked me to marry him, and no one says no to a Crestfield.” She laughs, putting out her cigarette. She then pulls out a pack of gum.

“For some reason, I don’t think Cal is the marrying type.” I laugh.

Helen walks to the ledge and sits on it. “Trust me, the worst thing you could do with Cal is assume.” She turns her attention away from me to the sky.

I wonder what she means, but I don’t question her any further. I almost feel as though I’d be going into territory Cal wouldn’t want me to. The sun settling on the horizon is amazing.

“Would you like a piece?” she says, offering up the pack of Winterfresh.

“Thanks.” I guess you have to keep gum when you smoke. I look up and see Helen staring at me, so I look away quickly.

“Lauren, I’m going to share something with you.”

My stomach drops at her sudden change of tone.

“I don’t know how you feel about Cal. From what I can tell, you really like him. From what Dexter tells me, he really cares about you. I’ve known Cal for so long—he’s like a brother to me. I’m going to tell you this, something I wish someone had told me so I didn’t have to learn it the hard way. Dexter is a very complicated person, and so is Cal. There are going to be times when you won’t know what his problem is, but for there to be any hope for you two to have a meaningful relationship, you need to fullly accept that. You’re going to have to accept him for who he is—all of him—even the part that you may never know…”

She breaks her serious expression, and the whimsical grin from earlier returns. “Who knows—maybe Cal isn’t like Dexter. Maybe he’ll be a lot more open with you than Dex is with me. It doesn’t bother me at all. Frankly, the less I know, the better, but some people can’t handle that.”

Her gaze is intense and makes me uncomfortable. Suddenly, I feel as if I’m on trial. I clear my throat.

“It’s getting chilly out here; I’m going to go inside.” She stands.

“I think I’m going to stay out here little while longer,” I tell her.

“Okay, I’m going downstairs. Luc should have arrived by now. I’m going to see how he’s doing. The kitchen is on the first floor, far left. You’ll see it as soon as you get there,” she explains.

I nod.

“Well, that’s where I’ll be. If you want a jacket, we have some in the closet in the room we went through to get here. Just grab one.”

“I’m fine. I just want to soak this all in, if you don’t mind.”

“I understand completely. Come down when you get ready, or wander wherever you want to go in the house. Make yourself at home—just don’t get lost.” She laughs before leaving.

The sun has fully set, and the sky is black with the stars and candles lighting my space. I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting out here. I’ve been trying to analyze and justify the words Helen so kindly shared with me. I want to make light of the heavy words hidden behind her whimsical, sarcastic demeanor.

They scare me, and I don’t know why. I’ve been with Cal for five months and my feelings have grown stronger every day I’m with him, but I haven’t thought about marriage. Sure, I’ve fantasized about it but not taken it seriously. I can’t see myself married to a man who has a world full of secrets. I’m just being silly. There’s no way I’d marry Cal if I felt as if I didn’t know him. That just wouldn’t happen. Besides, Dexter and Cal are two different people, even if what she said is true. Or maybe she’s looking for something that isn’t there or trying to scare me off.

I’m snapped out of my thoughts when I feel a warm hand slip up the back of my shirt. I turn to see Cal smiling at me. He sits beside me and pulls me onto his lap.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, searching my eyes.

“Nothing. Why?” His body heat surrounds me, and I realize how cold I am.

“Well, I come out here expecting some kind of welcome, and you sit here in a daze. You didn’t even realize I was here. I’m a little insulted.” He smirks.

“Just daydreaming…” I say, resting my head on his shoulder.

“Liar.” He laughs but drops the subject. “How long have you been out here?” He wraps his jacket over my shoulders.

I smile thankfully. “About half an hour.” Well, more like an hour and a half.

“How’d you like Helen?” he asks.

“She’s nice,” I say before kissing him softly.

“Nice? Helen isn’t nice; she intimidates, manipulates, and frustrates. And that’s when she likes you.” He laughs, amused.

I roll my eyes playfully. “Then why did you leave me with her?”

“I knew you could handle it.” He glides his lips across my neck then brushes them across my lips. “So what’d she say about me?” he mumbles. He’s such a tease sometimes.

“Other than you’re a ruthless playboy who breaks hundreds of girls’ hearts? Nothing much,” I kid before giving in to his teasing and entangling his lips with mine. I pull away to catch my breath and look into his eyes.

“What?” he asks.

Maybe Helen was just manipulating me, as he said earlier. Maybe she’s wrong; she has to be.

“Nothing.” I smile.

I
wonder if it’s too late to turn things around, if I’ve accepted the way things are for too long. Is it too late for him to break the hard mold he’s created around himself? He says he wants me to accept him for who he is, but how can I do that when I’d be settling for a person I can never fully know? Accepting him this way would turn me into a doormat. I-I can’t, can I?

I take a deep breath and finish placing the last item into my suitcase and grab my keys from the dresser. I glance in the mirror, assessing my appearance. My face is tired. Even after showering and applying a bit of makeup, my eyes are still puffy from crying all night. I don’t want to give up on him—on us—but he has to see that I’m serious. Yes, I told him to go, and I wanted him to go at that moment, but the root of the problem is that he’s so far away from me. Now he is, both literally and figuratively.

I slip on the pair of Chuck Taylors that are older than my marriage but are more comfortable than the five-inch heeled boots I wore here. These are more suited to the wide-legged jeans and T-shirt I’m wearing.

I grab my bag and the handle on my suitcase and drag it downstairs and into the kitchen, where Raven is sitting with a cup of tea in hand. She smiles as I enter, her eyes drifting to the bag on my shoulder.

“Let me get you some tea,” she says quickly.

I start to protest but realize it’s easier to just accept it.

“I thought you’d sleep later,” she says, pouring me a cup.

I set my bag on the floor and take a seat across from her. “No. I wanted to get an early start.” I take the cup as she offers.

“On what?” she asks before taking a seat next to me.

“I’m leaving.”

“You’re going back home?”

“No,” I say after taking a sip of tea. “I’m going to stay with a friend in Chicago for a while—until I decide what I’m going to do.”

“Lauren, I wish you’d stay here. I don’t—”

“I need to get away. Not away from you. I just need a change of scenery,” I interrupt. I see she doesn’t approve, but she doesn’t protest either.

“Are you going to be driving?”

“No. I’m leaving the car here. There won’t be anywhere to park. I called a cab to take me to the bus station, and I’ll take that the rest of the way.”

“I’ll drive you,” she offers.

“No, it wouldn’t make sense for you to drive me all the way to Chicago, then drive all the way back right after.”

“It’s fine. I don’t have much to do today anyway,” she says, pouring me some more tea, though my cup is far from empty.

“No, Raven, it’s not necessary, and the ride there will give me some time to clear my head,” I tell her, desperately not wanting to argue with her.

“Well, at least let me drop you off at the station,” she says in a pleading tone.

I sigh, feeling a small smile spread across my face. I give in. “Okay.”

“So who is this friend you’re going to be staying with?” she asks.

“Someone I used to work with,” I say, running my finger around the rim of the cup.

“This is a woman, right?” she asks nervously.

My eyes widen in surprise. “Of course.”

“I was just asking.” She smiles, clearly relieved.

I can’t help but giggle. If Cal found out I was staying with a man, I can’t even imagine what he’d do. He’s never been the jealous type. He never needed to be. I’ve only had eyes for him since we’ve been together. No other guy could stand a chance, and he knew that. But if he even thought it, I’d hate to see what he’d do. I’ve only seen his temper once, and it was like a lion was let out of the cage. He was furious; I’d never want to make him like that.