If I Break THE COMPLETE SERIES Bundle (35 page)

I wake up to Caylen’s crying. I must have drifted off. Raven must not be back yet, because she’d never let the baby wake me up. I get out of bed and head toward Caylen’s room, but when I attempt to open my door, I can’t. A wave of panic washes over me, and I frantically twist and pull the knob, but it doesn’t budge. I can’t get out! I can’t get to my baby! I snatch my phone up to call Raven.

“Shh, no crying, sweetheart. Daddy doesn’t cry, and you’re just like Daddy.”

The voice through the monitor sends chills through my body. I hear the crying stop.

“I have something for you,” it says again.

My heart is racing, but I can’t move. I manage to put the monitor closer to my ear.

“I’ve missed you. No one could keep me from seeing you today.”

My chest is so tight, I have to remind myself to breathe. A few seconds pass, and Raven’s voice reaches me faintly from the earpiece of the phone I just dropped. I’m snapped back to reality—this is not a dream.

“It’s Cal!” I say in utter disbelief, losing my grip on the phone as I try to pick it up again.

“I’ve missed your mom too. I just don’t want to complicate things, and I don’t want to hurt her anymore,” he says.

Tears start to pour down my cheeks.

He laughs lightly. “You’re lucky you get to see her all the time. This probably wasn’t the smartest thing. I wish I could tear myself in half; it’d make things easier for everyone.”

A few more seconds pass, and I hear Caylen make the sound she makes when she’s fascinated by something and studying it intently.

“I’m not going to be able to see you for a while, and I don’t have much time…” His tone changes from regretful to having a sense of urgency.

Suddenly, my body is fully capable of taking action. “Cal!” I try my best to open the door. I can’t get to him. “Cal, wait!”

I don’t know how much time passes as I keep trying to open the door, but finally, I hear footsteps approaching. When I stop yelling and pounding on the door, the silence is palpable. I step back from the door, my heart seeking freedom from my chest. The knob turns, and I stop breathing, but when the door opens, Raven is the only one standing in front of me.

“Lauren, what’s wrong? You hung up on me, the front door was still open, you’re screaming at the top of your lungs…” Raven asks frantically.

“Cal.” I race past Raven into Caylen’s room.

She looks up from her crib and smiles at me. I open her closet and see no one is there.

Raven rushes into the room behind me. “Lauren, honey, what’s wrong? What happened?” She leads me over to the lounger and sits down, gathering me in her arms.

“He was here. He was here, Raven,” I stammer between sobs.

“Cal was here?” she asks frantically.

“He was here! He was in here with Caylen, talking to her,” I whimper, trying to catch my breath.

“You saw him?” Raven asks, confusion evident on her face.

“I-I heard him. On the baby monitor. I heard him talking to her.” I sniff.

Her expression changes. “Honey, did you actually see him?”

“No, Raven, but I heard him. I was locked in my room. He had to have locked the door!” I yell at her.

“Honey, are you sure you weren’t dreaming?” she asks, trying to hug me, and I pull away.

“No,” I tell her, beginning to cry harder.

She looks at me in disbelief.

“I wasn’t fucking dreaming!” I shout. She looks perplexed. I realize how harsh I sound and wipe my cheeks. “I’m sorry.” I begin to cry again. “But I wasn’t dreaming. I know I wasn’t, Raven!”

“How do you know you weren’t, sweetie?” Raven asks in a calm tone, as if speaking any louder will set me off.

“Because I wasn’t. I’ve dreamed before, and this wasn’t a dream!” I try to convince her, though my throat is sore.

“Maybe you imagined it.”

“I didn’t imagine anything. I’m not hallucinating!”

“I didn’t say you were,” she tells me quickly.

I walk over to the rocking chair I read to Caylen on and sink into it, my face in my hands. “Why now then, Raven? Why, after almost two years, would I just all of a sudden begin to imagine things?”

“Well, today is Caylen’s birthday; maybe this triggered something. Maybe you feel bad about admitting you have feelings for Steven. I don’t know!” Raven tries to reason.

I look at her face. She won’t believe me, no matter what I say.

“Lauren, come have a cup of tea. I’m worried about you,” she says, heading out of the bedroom.

I scowl at her, and she sighs, continuing into the hall. I pick Caylen up and take her back into my room, slamming the door behind me. Sitting on the bed, I hold her close, thankful she’s okay.

“You know Mommy’s not crazy, right?” I ask her.

She stretches and waves her little arms, hitting me in the face. I can’t help but laugh.

“Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I imagined it all,” I mumble.

Then I notice, on her tiny arm, a white gold bracelet I’ve never seen before. It’s engraved with the initials D.L.G. in cursive writing.

“Now I know I’m not crazy.” I sigh in relief and hug her again.

T
oday’s our two-month anniversary, and I’m ecstatic. Cal will be home from New York any minute, and the steamy calls and texts we’ve been exchanging have me ready to jump him the second he hits the door. But I won’t. Tonight is going to be special. I have it all planned. Cal’s favorite band is playing to a sold-out crowd at The Vault, but I scored tickets from Ryan. Afterward, we’ll have dinner on the rooftop, made by Luc, Helen’s chef, followed by Cal’s favorite dessert—me, any way he likes.

When I hear the door open, I rush to it and jump into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist.

“Gorgeous.” He smiles widely before I attack his lips. He holds me up easily with one arm and sets his bag down with the other.

“I missed you,” I purr, kissing his neck.

“You ready to show me?” he says, carrying me over to the couch.

He starts to unbutton my sweater, and I lean away from him. His face drops, and I laugh.

“Not until later, babe,” I say, climbing off him.

“Later?” he asks, the disappointment in his face like the pout of a five-year-old. He’s still following me, but I continue to back away from him.

“Yes. I have it all planned. Just be a little patient,” I say with secrecy.

“Just to welcome me home? It’s appreciated but not needed. I want it now,” he says, catching me and picking me up.

I laugh, but my face drops a little. “You don’t know what today is?” I’m a little disappointed—not too much though. I mean, he is a man.

“It’s not your birthday, is it?” he asks.

I frown at him, and he puts me down.

“No, it’s silly anyway,” I say, trying to sound indifferent. I go sit on our couch.

He frowns, squatting in front of me so we’re at eye level. “Babe, please don’t expect me to remember all of these stupid little milestones, because if you do, you’re going to be pissed at me a lot.”

“Seriously, Cal,” I say in disbelief.

“What?” he asks casually.

I brush past him. He’s pretty much told me not to expect anything exciting or memorable from him. I wonder if holidays count? Maybe you don’t celebrate an anniversary every month, and it’s only been two, but they’ve been the happiest two months of my life. Stupid me, wanting to celebrate with him. He’s definitely making me rethink it.

“You’re mad.” He sighs, going to pick up his luggage.

“No. Well, yeah, I am. I can give you a pass for forgetting our anniversary, even though we got married only two months ago, but if you think I’m going to give you a pass for every holiday because you think it’s cliché or arbitrary…” I trail off as he pulls out a beautifully wrapped box, all black with a red ribbon tied around it.

He sets it on my lap. I look up at him, and he’s smiling at me knowingly, arms folded. “You were saying, Mrs. Scott?”

A huge grin spreads across my face, and I roll my eyes at him. “You’re a jerk, you know that?” I say, embarrassed as I untie the red bow.

He sits beside me and kisses my neck as he watches me carefully remove the red ribbon. “Come on, babe, tear into it!” he urges me impatiently as he tickles my side.

“Okay, okay. It’s just so pretty.” I squeal, removing the paper, and when I see the golden-tan box that reads “Christian Louboutin,” I freeze.

He looks at me, and a wider smile spreads across his face.

“You didn’t!” I frantically open the box to see a pair of cherry-red daffodil-crystal-embellished suede pumps—the same pumps I remember fawning over after seeing Jessica Alba wearing them at some awards show I made him watch with me. “Oh my gosh! Cal!” I feel awful for being mad at him.

“Read the card,” he says with a smile, pointing at the tiny card lying between both shoes.

I open it and read the words out loud. “‘These shoes look like they’re straight out of
The Wizard of Oz
, but since sometimes I’m like the tornado that blew you into Oz, I guess you can wear Dorothy’s red slippers. And if I’m gone and seem lost, maybe you can do a little click and I’ll find my way home.’”

I look at him, and he looks down, a little embarrassed. “It’s corny, isn’t it?” he asks with a shy smile.

I nod and climb onto his lap. “As corny as you being my Prince Charming.” I cup his face and kiss him softly on the lips.

He wraps his arms around my waist, holding me on his lap. “Are you going to wear them for me?” he says, a lustful glint in his eye.

“I have the perfect white dress for them,” I say, running my hands through his hair.

“No dress. Just them.” He bites his lip with a playful smile, but I’ve known him long enough to know how serious he is.

“Later. I have to run and pick up your gift,” I say, hopping off his lap. I run to the console table and grab my purse.

“No, my gift can be you,” he says pleadingly, and I laugh at him.

“It will be. Tonight,” I promise again, reaching the door.

His expression looks like a sad puppy’s.

“Don’t look at me like that.” I giggle, and he comes toward me. “No. Five feet,” I say threateningly, my hand on the doorknob as I laugh. I know if he gets too close, I’ll be a goner.

“I hope you’ve gotten a lot of sleep since I’ve been gone. Because you’re going to be up all night,” he says, giving me a faux warning, and my body perks up at the thought.

“Plenty,” I say with a wink before slipping out the door.

As I walk back into the house, the television is on downstairs, but Cal is nowhere in sight. I grab the remote and turn it off. I start to call Cal’s name, but I hear him upstairs.

I make my way up and hear Cal yelling as though he’s in an argument. The intensity of his voice makes me pause, not knowing if I should go back downstairs and give him his privacy or if I should rush into the room. But I don’t hear anyone except for Cal. I make my way up the stairs and pause before I’m right next to the door.

“I’m fucking furious! I can’t stop taking it. What the hell am I going to do? You told me you were sure before I did this. This changes everything! I’m not going to stop—I might as well be, Dex! How the fuck am I supposed to explain this? I won’t. I can’t take her through that shit. Well, figure it out fast.”