If I Break THE COMPLETE SERIES Bundle (88 page)

“What?” I ask her, walking closer to her. I just need her to say it. I look her in the eye, my heart beating rapidly, and she looks up at me like she’s contemplating. If she would just say it.

“Chris.” We turn to see my dad approaching us.

“Thank you for the skates. It was really nice of you,” Lauren says quietly before glancing at my Dad.

“Mr. Scott,” she says, acknowledging him before going into the house. Once she’s inside, my dad’s hard glare turns to me.

“What was that about?” he asks and I shrug.

“We went skating and Lauren didn’t know how so I thought I’d show her,” I say simply.

“You think that’s a good idea?” he asks sarcastically.

“I don’t see anything wrong with it and that’s what matters,” I say before heading up the stairs.

“Chris—”

My vision starts to blur again and I see myself storming down the stairs of my house. My face is red, there are tears in my eyes, and I look furious. My dad flies out of the house behind me.

“Chris. Just let me explain. Please,” he yells, trying to catch up with me.

“Don’t fucking talk to me. You stay the hell away from me!” I shout back at him.

“All these years, all lies. Your moral code, your rules and lectures, you’re a liar. A fucking hypocrite,” I continue to shout at him. My dad looks like he’s seen a ghost as I look at him.

“I hate you!” I growl at him.

“You don’t mean that, son. You’re angry. You’re upset,” my dad stutters, and I turn to walk away but stop and turn around. In a split second my anger dissipates and a smug grin spreads across my face.

“I should thank you.
Dad.
You’ve just created the biggest problem of your life,” I say with a wicked grin on my face.

It’s him.

My dad stares back at me, slack-jawed. He’s frozen in place. I don’t think he realizes I’ve jumped in his truck until I’ve pulled off. He’s calling after me, running behind the truck, and I flip him off outside the window.

“Christopher!” my dad says, and I realize I’m back to the present. I try to shake the memory from my thoughts. Judging by my haircut and the way my dad looked, that had to have been years ago, I must have been in high school. I think the beginning of the memory was me, but the end was Cal.

“What’s wrong, son?” he asks, looking at me carefully.

“I think I just remembered something about us. Do you remember us having a big fight out here?” I ask him. He flinches a bit, then frowns.

“We’ve had our share of disagreements,” he says flatly.

“This one was really bad and I took your truck,” I say, my tone sharpening.

“Was that it?” he asks, eyeing me suspiciously.

“I don’t know. I just remembered it. Standing right here. Do you remember that happening?” I ask him again.

“I don’t remember anything like that,” he says adamantly.

“You don’t?” I ask him again.

“No. Nothing like that with you,” he insists.

“I think we both need to get some sleep,” he says, patting me on the shoulder before turning to go in the house.

This is the first memory I’ve had that didn’t involve Lauren, and the one person who can confirm it, who I used to trust, has just flat out lied to me.

Why?

Secret number one. Think, think, think, dumb ass. Don’t take too long. There’s so much more to come…

I try to ignore the snide voice in my head and the condescending laugh that accompanies it.

I think things have just gotten a whole lot worse and a hell of a lot more complicated.

I
wanted to tell him that, as juvenile as it sounds, I like
him
. I felt like it needed to be said. If there was a time to do so, it would have been then, but obviously my gauging the right time with Chris has been completely off. His signals are so mixed, it drives me crazy. Sometimes I think he’s just as confused as I am but other times it’s as if he knows exactly what he wants.

The way he looks at me has changed but I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. When he used to look at me, he seemed curious, confused, and nervous. Now when he looks at me the nervousness is pretty much gone. The confusion is still there, but there’s an interest, and something else I can’t put my finger on.

I’m only going to be here another week and time has seemed to go by so quickly. Caylen has grown so close to Chris and his family. Sometimes I wonder what she’s going to do when she doesn’t wake up and see him and Mrs. Scott every day, even Mr. Scott, although he still hasn’t grown any warmer towards me. In fact, I think he may even be colder. I don’t know why he hates me so much. At first I thought he was just irritated and annoyed by me, that my presence reminded him that his family wasn’t perfect. But sometimes, when I catch him glaring at me, I think he hates me. The thing is, he’s not like that with anyone else. Not Aiden, not Lisa, or even the telemarketers that call the house, and if he hates me just because of my association with Cal, I can imagine how he treated him.

He’s one of the only reservations I’ve had about what I’ve been planning—or contemplating. Contemplating is probably a better word for it. Actually that’s a misstatement. Jenna’s the other. I haven’t had to deal with her since the disastrous skating rink night but she’s like a dormant virus you know will pop up at any time. I remind myself that my decisions can’t be based on what Jenna will think or how it will affect her. My job is to do what’s best for Caylen—for the health and well-being of my child. Jenna sure isn’t worried about that.

The thing is, if the shoe were on the other foot, and I were engaged to Cal all those years ago and she popped up saying she was in love with Chris and had a daughter with him, I would have stepped aside. I wouldn’t have hold on, asking him to abandon his child and keep the life we had. But if there were no child involved, maybe I would have played the same game she’s playing. Well, none of this is a game but sometimes I feel like everyone is on a chess board, moving pieces with their own agenda. We all have them, even Chris. I just can’t quite figure out what his is.

If this is a chess game, I guess the move I’m about to make would be big. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Thinking is all I’ve really had time to do here, which is good but can also drive a person crazy. It started just as a thought, how nice it would be to not have to drive back and forth every other weekend or month so Caylen can see her family. Especially with rent being so cheap here. Then I actually checked out a cute little two bedroom house for rent. Lisa’s parents are renting it out for less than $600 a month, and its only ten minutes from the Scotts. Turns out that the cute little two bedroom house could come with the option to buy and for less than $70K, which would make it way cheaper to buy. It just wouldn’t make sense not to. Especially with Lisa telling me that the school where she works would be looking to hire an art teacher next year.

The pay wouldn’t be extraordinary but the stock dividends from when Cal worked at Crestfield Corp keep my bank account padded. All I would need to do is complete a few teaching prerequisites and I could apply for my teaching license. Since I’ve had Caylen, the thought of teaching elementary students isn’t as scary as it used to be. But I’m jumping the gun. I haven’t signed anything or made a serious verbal offer. I’ve just expressed interest. I want to talk to Chris about it before going any further. Though I can’t see him being against the idea. I know Mrs. Scott would love it because she’d be ecstatic about anything that gives her more access to Caylen. Even Raven wouldn’t be too upset. She couldn’t be since I’d only be about an hour and a half away from her versus the four to five hour drives we do now. The only people who won’t be happy about this are my friends, Hillary and Angela. But, Hillary isn’t even talking to me now, and Angela’s about to complete her Masters which will mean she’s going to have so much going on… But, at the end of the day, I have to think about what’s best for Caylen, which is being closer to her dad. Besides, I’d still keep the apartment in Chicago. It’s paid for and I love it.

Or I could possibly rent it out. Space in our building is coveted and I could reach out to Helen to have her realtor put it on the market…even though she hasn’t answered any of my calls since this whole thing started. There I am, jumping the gun again. Tonight, though, I plan on talking to Chris about all this and hopefully, he’ll think it’s a great idea.

Everything is going to be great.

Oh shit!

I very nearly faint when I see the blue Kia parked next to Mr. Scott’s truck. I try to tell myself it can’t be hers until I get out and see the license plate MEB4U, and I know its Hillary’s. What the hell is she doing here? I feel my stomach knot up as I walk up the back porch to the kitchen entrance and hear chatter.

I walk in to see Hillary and Raven sitting next to each other right there at the Scotts’ kitchen table with Mrs. Scott pouring lemonade

“Look who’s here!” my aunt Raven exclaims, her eyes narrowed in on mine. Okay, let me explain a few things. I haven’t really been talking to Raven since I’ve been here. She was just so negative about everything, that after the first few days, I resorted to sending her daily text updates, so the look she’s giving me isn’t one of a loving aunt, and Hillary, well, that needs no explanation.

“What are you guys doing here?” I ask, trying to sound enthusiastic and not shocked out of my mind.

“Well you wouldn’t answer my phone calls, darling niece, and after so many texts, I had to come here and make sure you weren’t chopped up into a thousand little pieces,” she says playfully, but knowing Raven, that’s probably what she thought. She watches way too much Lifetime and
Forensic Files
.

“I told her you were in one piece,” Mrs. Scott smiles tightly.

“I’m just here to see Caylen,” Hillary says flatly. She’s still mad.

Great. This is going to be fun.

“Uhm...is Chris here?” I ask Mrs. Scott. God, please don’t let him have been here to walk into this disaster without a warning.

“No, not yet,” Mrs. Scott says, giving me a reassuring smile and guides me over to the table to sit down.

“It’s so nice to meet your family, Lauren. We’ve been getting along wonderfully,” she assures me, possibly reading my deer-caught-in-the-headlights look, especially when Lisa waltzes into the room.

“So how did it go?” she asks me excitedly. Oh God, no. Lisa, do not say anything.

“What go?” I say tensely trying to give her the hint this is NOT a subject I want brought up with Hillary and Raven sitting here.