If I Break THE COMPLETE SERIES Bundle (85 page)

“You guys ready to go already?” Aidan asks, catching his breath.

“They’re going to close in a little while anyway,” I reply shortly. I’m not sure why I’m irritated with Aidan. Actually, I know why, but I don’t mean to sound like it.

“I told Chris that if you guys weren’t ready to go, you didn’t have to. For some reason Chris has Caylen confused with Lauren and thinks she needs a babysitter,” Jenna says, adding a laugh. The awkwardness sets in as soon as she says it. I see Lauren’s eyes narrow in on Jenna.

“Well, I think I’m a great babysitter,” Aidan jokes, throwing his arm around Lauren’s shoulder. She smiles at him.

She smiles at him!

She doesn’t inch away uncomfortably or shoot me a glance for help. She just smiles. I can feel my face heating up.

“I’m starving. You guys want to get something to eat?” Lisa interrupts.

“Is the food that bad here?” Lauren giggles.

“Terrible,” Aidan says, turning his body towards her.

“I didn’t know you couldn’t skate, Lauren,” I say and she shrugs.

He gets a wide smile but I get an indifferent shrug?

“Yeah, I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s night by saying anything.” She laughs. I can feel Jenna shift in her seat.

“Chris, are we leaving or do I need to need to call a cab?” she asks me sharply. I see Lauren let out a deep breath. I’m trying to hold in my own.

“Oh, Chris, I meant to ask you. Could you take a look at my car? It was making this weird ticking sound while I drove to your house,” Lisa asks abruptly.

“Yeah, sure Lisa,” I say wondering why she’d pick now of all times to ask me.

“Great. How about I just drive your car home? I can drop Jenna off, then come back tomorrow and pick it up.”

“Yeah that’d be cool,” I say trying to contain my smile. Lisa definitely wins best friend of the night award.

“Come on, Lauren. I’ll walk you up to turn in your skates,” Aidan stands up and takes Lauren’s hand to help her up. I think my eye literally twitches as they go to the counter together.

“See, everything works out,” Lisa says cheerfully. Jenna’s glaring at me like she wants to rip my head off. “I’m going to go turn in my skates.” Lisa leaves me at the table alone with Jenna.

“I don’t even know why I’m here, Chris,” she says quietly. I expect her tone to be deadly and spiteful, but it’s just quiet, and it makes me feel ashamed.

“Because I wanted you to come out and have fun. Things just don’t seem to be going my way. Nothing has been working out the way I’ve wanted it to, Jenna. I’m trying, if you could just meet me half way.” I take her hand in mine but she snatches it away.

“Goodnight, Chris,” she says, scooting her way to the other side of the table and leaving me alone to think about what a disaster this night turned out to be.

I never imagined things would have developed like this. This morning I was optimistic, confident that today was going to be a great day. It turned out to be anything but great. Lauren and I have barely said five words to each other. That’s thanks to Aidan who has been acting like a five year-old and Lauren’s his favorite toy, asking her questions, joking around with her, looking her in the eyes and not at her chest like he normally does with girls. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he actually liked her, but it’s Aidan. He doesn’t like girls. He likes what he can do to them and I’d kill him before he gets to do any of those things to Lauren.

I’ve been trying to keep my composure because he’s my best friend. He likes to play mind games. He’s probably doing this just to screw with me, and if he’s doing it just for that reason it pisses me off even more. He’s not involving Lauren in his little pissing contests.

We proceed to a burger joint after the rink and I may as well not even be here the way he’s been going on and on like he’s trying to impress her. She’s being polite, smiling, nodding, and laughing when he cracks jokes, but every so often I’ll see her glance at me. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think she was trying to make me jealous. Then again, I’m probably over reacting. It’s like my emotions are on edge. I wonder if this is how girls with PMS feel?

“Okay, I gotta go to the bathroom, but when I get back, I’ll tell you how this loser broke my wrist when we were kids,” Aidan says enthusiastically as he bounces out of his seat and heads to the bathroom, leaving Lauren and me alone at the table.

I’m picking at my food. I still have half a chicken sandwich and a handful of fries on my plate. I don’t want any of it.

“Aidan’s quite the character.” She giggles, and I do my best to muster up a smile. An awkward silence sets in, the first since the day we took Caylen to the zoo. Actually, this is different. It’s more like tension.

“He’s something alright,” I say.

I don’t mean to sound bitter, but…

“Are you okay?” she asks, tearing a French fry in half.

“Yeah, why do you ask?” I say dryly. It’s the first time she’s asked me anything since we got here.

“Well, you’ve barely eaten any of your food,” she gestures to my plate. I shrug. I know I’m acting like a six year-old but I can’t help it.

“It’s the first time we’ve ever eaten together that my plate has less food on it than yours.” She laughs and I ignore how her grin makes me not want to be mad at her anymore.

“Not in the eating mood, really,” I mutter, pushing my plate away and leaning back in my seat.

“Is Aidan single?”

I feel a wave of anger rush through me. Is she kidding? She seriously didn’t just ask me that.

“Why?” I snap at her. She looks shocked. I’ve shocked myself. “I just thought he and my best friend Hillary would get along really well,” she says apprehensively. As soon as she says it, my stomach unclenches and my chest feels lighter.

“Oh,” I feel like an idiot. She smirks, but then it turns into a full-fledged smile, and, just like that, the tension’s gone. Well
that
tension is gone. I take advantage of the chance to look at her, the shape of her lips, her big hazel eyes smiling at me, and it’s like something in the air has changed.

“You know. Cal and I had our first date at a place like this one,” she says, her eyes still on mine. I can feel my heart speed up.

“We had just gone bungee jumping, believe it or not.” She chuckles, looking around the restaurant.

“You know, when I first met him, I thought it was out of character for him to like places like this.” She continues to grin. “He seemed all five-star restaurants and private chefs, which he was, but every now and then, we’d go to places just like this,” she says, her eyes not leaving mine. “I remember it like it was yesterday. He sat across from me, sort of how you are now, and smiled at me like he could read my every thought. It seems like forever ago,” she says, shaking her head and then her eyes find mine again.

“We were at a table just like this.” She lets out a light breath and she lightly bites down on her lower lip. She stands up and now she’s sitting next to me, only a few inches between us, so close I can smell the hint of perfume she’s wearing. I can hear her unsteady breathing and my heart starts to race a thousand miles minute. It’s like everything around us has disappeared and it’s just us.

Me and her.

“I wanted him to kiss me,” she sounds breathless, like it took every ounce of air in her to say what she just did. Her eyes are on mine, big and bright, her lips slightly parted. She wants me to kiss her. It’s like she’s silently begging me to. She hasn’t said it, but she doesn’t have to, because I can feel it. I want to kiss her more than I have ever wanted to kiss anyone.

I need to kiss her.

I’ve never felt like I needed to do anything more in my life…but does she want
me
to kiss her? Is this urge I’m feeling my own or
his.
If I do this, there will be no going back. That line we have between us will be gone. It’ll change everything. After Cal possibly being out yesterday, everything is too murky. I can’t make a decision like this now. It’ll have too many consequences.

“Aidan will be back any minute,” I say, breaking our trance. I see her expression fall, the disappointment is palpable. Her face flushes scarlet, she’s embarrassed. She looks away from me and quickly gets up and goes back to her seat.

I feel like an idiot.

I probably am an idiot.

A fucking loser. A confused jerk-off.

Aidan comes back to the table, and goes into one of his crazy stories but notices no one is laughing. He frowns, looking at both of us.

“Did I miss something?” he asks, puzzled. Lauren’s not talking anymore, no more smiling, or laughing. She looks like she’s not even here.

This is what I wanted right?

“You didn’t miss anything. I’m just tired,” she says with a faint smile.

We leave. The car ride is quiet and awkward, even Aidan can’t lighten the mood. When we pull in front of my house she smiles at Aidan.

“Thanks for everything tonight. I had fun,” she says, attempting to appear cheerful. It looks like she’s on the verge of tears but none appear.

She’s strong.

You’re so fucking weak.

“No problem,” Aidan says. She doesn’t even glance at me.

“Here are the keys, Lauren,” I say to her. She’s in the backseat of her own car. I’m begging her to look at me, to let me know that she’s okay, that
we’ll
be okay. Whatever it is that we are.

But she doesn’t look at me. She hasn’t since that moment at the restaurant. She grabs the keys from my hand, keeping her eyes downcast, and quickly gets out of the car. When she’s in the house, Aidan looks at me with an angry glare.

“What the fuck did you do to her?”

“I don’t know,” I mutter. That’s a lie.

I think I just broke her.