If I Break THE COMPLETE SERIES Bundle (82 page)

“I’ll go get a jacket,” I say, turning to leave the room. I didn’t know he was going to want to talk to me by myself. I assumed he was waiting for Mrs. Scott. I peek over at Caylen, who’s still sleeping, and grab my jacket. As I approach the kitchen, I can hear Mrs. Scott saying something to him. I’m not quite sure what; she stops as soon as I approach.

“Shall we, Lauren?” He opens the door for me. I try to act as if I’m not about to walk into a lion’s den. Depending on how this conversation goes, this may very well be the last day I stay in this house because if he says anything inappropriate or disrespectful to me, I’m letting him have it. I smile at Mrs. Scott before leaving and she gives me a nervous smile.

There’s an awkward tension in the air as Mr. Scott walks behind me. Once we’re off the porch I begin to wonder where we’re going. My eyes quickly skim the lot. No extra cars so that means Jenna is gone. Chris’ car is gone too. That would make sense if he picked up an early class, nothing really out of the ordinary.

“So are you really giving me a tour or do you want to talk to me about Cal?” I ask him. He stops walking and lets out an exasperated sigh.

“Let’s head over here,” he says, pointing to the horse yard before answering my question. We start to walk towards it, the tension mounting with each step. When we reach the gate, he turns towards me and chuckles.

“I take it you heard Jenna and I talking this morning?” he asks and I nod.

“How much did you hear?” he asks

“Enough to know you think Cal is back.”

“I don’t think Cal is back. Jenna does but she’s not entirely sure,” he says, letting out a shallow breath.

“I think if Cal were back, all of you would be gone by now,” he states boldly. I shake my head. I don’t really know what this man thinks of me but it can’t be much if he believes that, knowing about Cal’s condition, I’d take off with him if he resurfaced, no questions asked. I roll my eyes.

“I told Gwen and Chris that I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to stay here,” he says.

Well that’s the news of the century.

“Ever since you showed up on this doorstep, everything that that was good for our family has started to unravel.” He’s speaking to me but not bothering to look in my direction.

“That’s because you chose to let your son live a lie,” I interject.

“I want what’s best for my son,” he says, now turning his attention to me.

“I think you want what’s best for
yourself,”
I state plainly and he laughs, as if I’m joking.

“Cal coming back, existing, resurfacing whatever you want to call it, will destroy our family.” I’ve heard all of this before. Mr. Scott considers Cal the anti-Christ.

“That might not matter to you, but eventually, he will destroy
your
family,” he says, stepping towards me. I keep my eyes on his. I want him to know his little speech only serves to piss me off. His words don’t affect me, scare me, or intimidate me.

“You do understand that in order for Chris to be well, he and Cal have to integrate. There is a reason he exists and he’s not going away!” I say boldly, even though I’m not entirely sure myself.

Mr. Scott scoffs. “Cal won’t integrate, he wants to take over! I’d have thought you would have figured that out. That’s the real problem. He’s Christopher’s rage, his impulsiveness, his bitterness and anger,” he states with derision.

I shake my head furiously “That’s not all Cal is!” I spit back.

“Oh, little girl, wake up! The goodness that you saw in Cal was Christopher. I thought you would have recognized that by now. If Cal comes back, it will be to take over, and the kindness and self-control he managed to exhibit, everything that was Chris will be gone! He’s going to be like a tornado, destroying everyone and everything in his path. He can’t help it, that’s his reason for existing,” he continues bitterly, and I start to think that Mr. Anti-psychology has spoken with Chris’ doctor more than Chris has.

“How do you know what his reason for existing is? Why do you hate him so much?” The suspicion and bitterness in my tone is patently obvious. There has to be more to it than what he’s revealing. Why would he think Cal would destroy his family? I know Cal stepped aside for Chris to come back when his mom was sick.

“Or maybe the better question is, why does Cal hate you?” I ask, and for a moment, he looks taken aback.

“Things are never black and white. Cal only sees in black and white. He doesn’t understand any grey areas,” he responds, and I look at him confused. I didn’t expect that type of answer from him

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“If Cal’s not back and Chris is starting to have these outbursts,” he starts.

“What do you mean, ‘outbursts’?” I interrupt him.

“Where he starts saying things that are completely out of character,” he says, talking over me.

“Just because he said something that might have pissed Jenna off doesn’t mean it’s Cal,” I say, laughing at how ridiculous that hypothesis sounds.

“If
he’s still Chris. I think it would be best for you to go stay at the Ritter Inn. I’ll pay for it,” he says, his tone a little less sharp but his words still cut. I shake my head.

“No,” I say as coldly as I can. He groans and folds his arms as if he’s thinking for a minute. He must not be able to come up with anything to say because he begins to walk away. He stops and turns back toward me.

“You’re not good for him, Lauren,” he says, his tone low, almost a growl before he starts to walk away again. I’m so angry. I want to hit something.

“Good for who?” I ask him sarcastically. The only person it seems I’m not good for is him and the delusion he wants his family to live in. He turns around again and gives me a stare that sends a chill down my spine.

“Either of them,” he declares before stomping angrily to his truck. He drives away, leaving me standing outside alone. I walk back to the house, replaying everything he said. Something isn’t right. I’m starting to think there’s another reason he doesn’t want Cal back. If he knows as much about this condition as I believe he does, based on this conversation, he has to know integration is the goal. Why doesn’t he want that? I try to shake my adrenaline, anger and confusion before going back in the house. We were far enough away that no one would know that we were yelling at each other. He didn’t bring Mrs. Scott out and I don’t know what his reasoning is, but I don’t want to worry her. She’s such a sweet woman. If she knew what just happened I know it would upset her. Regardless of what her husband seems to think, he won’t intimidate me or push me away.

I’m not going anywhere.

I
haven’t slept this well in weeks. For the first time in a long time I’m not up before my alarm. When it starts to ring I slam the snooze button. I know I was up late last night. After cooking with Lauren I went to Jenna’s and... I really don’t remember what happened after that. I should feel nervous or worried about it, but I don’t. I know I didn’t black out because I remember kissing her, driving home and going to bed. I sit up in my bed and think, I remember going to her house. We were on the verge of making out and we started arguing about something, but I’m not sure what. Everything else is almost a blur. I don’t know how the argument ended [we must have made up, because I feel good. No, I feel great. Not tired or stressed. Just good.

I reach for my phone, pull up Jenna’s name and text her.

Good morning, beautiful.

I grab my clothes, head to the bathroom, and jump in the shower. I only have one class today. The good thing about subbing is, whether you have one class or four, you still get paid the same daily rate. After I change clothes, I head down to the kitchen. I can already smell ham and eggs. When I walk in, I see Lauren and my mom at the table and Caylen in her high chair.

“Good morning, destructor,” I say, planting a kiss on Caylen’s forehead. It’s the nickname I’ve given her because she wrecks everything around the house. But she’s cute enough to get away with it. My mom sets a pitcher of orange juice on the table. I grab her and give her a hug and kiss.

“Someone is in a good mood,” she says happily.

“What’s up, Lauren? Did you help mom with breakfast this morning?” I say playfully before sitting in the chair across from her. I smile at her, looking at those big hazel eyes. I grab a plate and start to load it up with eggs. I’m starving.

Lauren is still looking at me and not the way she usually does when other people are around. No quick glances or shy smiles. Today it’s like she’s examining me. It makes me shift in my seat because it’s kind of awkward and she hasn’t answered my question. Do I still have shampoo in my hair or something? Nah, my mom would have said something. Maybe I look exceptionally good today since I feel exceptionally good.

“Lauren told me you were a great teacher,” my mom teases me as she joins us at the table. She bows her head. Lauren finally stops looking at me and does the same while my mom says her standard prayer. When she’s done, Lauren starts examining me again. Two can play that game so I start to look at her directly in the eyes. I expect her to look away but she doesn’t. If she wants to keep those beautiful eyes on me, she’s more than welcome to. My mom is talking about something but I don’t really listen. Lauren isn’t listening either. I think we’re having a staring contest.

“Is anyone listening?” My mom chuckles. I guess she’s noticed what’s going on. I laugh, but Lauren doesn’t. Her eyes narrow in on mine again before she turns to my mom and smiles. Is she mad at me or something?

“I said I was taking Caylen to the library for story time today,” my mom says.

“Oh, cool. I remember story time,” I say between mouthfuls of eggs.

“I do too. I know she’s a little young but I thought it’d be nice for the two of us to do something together,” my mom says cheerfully. I swear she’s fallen in love with Caylen.

“That’s cool, Mom,” I say, and she smiles proudly.

“So what are you doing today, Lauren?” I ask her, hoping whatever mood she’s in is going to change. I haven’t seen her like this since we met.

“I’m not sure,” she says hesitantly.

“Did you want to do something later on?” I ask, and her eyes widen in surprise. “Not like a date or anything. Just hang out,” I say with a chuckle.

“I think it’d be great for you to get out of the house, Lauren, and get to see some of Madison,” my mom says animatedly.

I love my mom.

“Uh, I. Yeah,” she finally manages to get out. I laugh. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think she was nervous. Nothing like she was yesterday.

I like that I make her nervous.

“Cool. Lisa’s working at Ardeby’s tonight. I’ll call Aidan, even drag Jenna out of her studying cave,” I say, downing my glass of orange juice.

“Are you going to play?” she asks, her gaze back on me. That catches me off guard. I shrug. Who knows?

“Maybe I’ll surprise you.” I wink and her voice catches. Maybe the wink was too much. Kind of flirty. Crossing the friend line. I’ve never been much of a winker anyway. I’m not even sure why I just did it.

“Lauren, are you okay?” my mom asks her. I notice her face is kind of devoid of color.

“Yeah, you kind of look pale,” I say, a little worried, and my phone alert goes off. It’s a text message from Jenna.

Are you fucking serious?

I start to text her back, asking what she means or what her problem is, but I don’t. I’m not letting anyone ruin my mood today. I’ll swing by her house after work and see what’s wrong with her. Maybe our fight didn’t end as well as I thought it did.

“I’m going to head out, ladies,” I tell them, standing up from the table. For some reason, Lauren stands up with me. I glance at my mom, who glances between us. Then my dad walks in. He gives me the same strange look that Lauren has been giving me all morning.

“Why are you guys looking at me like that?” I ask, unable to ignore their cryptic stares.

“Like what?” My dad asks hesitantly.

“Like I’m a science project.” Now I’m irritated.

“No one’s looking like that, son,” my mom interjects.

“You aren’t, but dad and Lauren are,” I say, glancing over at her.

“Do you see something you want to share, Lauren?” my dad asks her, and I wonder, since when did Lauren and my dad start talking?