If I Told You (21 page)

“I know that, too.” She looks down for a minute. “I shouldn’t do stuff with him, but he’s so hot and sexy, and I just forget myself when he’s around. I was shocked the first time he let me, and I think it’s only because of you.”

“Because of me?”

“Yeah. You walked in with Rhys Camden and he looked crushed. I saw the tension and jealousy all over his face, and I took advantage of his weakness. I knew he just needed a minute to forget you were with someone else. I was right.”

“You’re wrong about that. Flynn and I… it’s not like that. He wasn’t jealous. He was stressed out about Rhys. That’s all.”

“Do you really believe that?” She steps closer to me. “He came in today and he had the same look. Tense, like something was really bothering him, but Rhys isn’t here.” She takes my hand in hers. “I know he’s probably thinking of you, but I don’t care. I just want a little piece of him until you decide you’re ready. I know as soon as the two of you get it in your heads that you’re meant to be together, then nothing and no one will ever matter again.”

I pull my hand away. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She smiles softly. “Maybe not.”

“I don’t care what you do with him. I don’t care if he lets you suck his dick. I don’t care who Flynn fucks.”

Melissa nods. “Okay, Brooklyn.”

“What’s going on here?” We both turn to see Flynn approaching. “Is there a problem?”

“Of course not.” Turning back to Melissa, I nod. “I gotta get going.”

Back outside, I take a deep breath. I do care. Dammit. I fucking care.

“What was that about?”

“Nothing.”

“Come on.”

Melissa folds a napkin, avoiding my gaze. “I apologized.”

“For?”

“For what she saw.”

“Why would you apologize? We weren’t doing anything wrong.”

“I know.” She glances up at me then down again. “I just didn’t want her to think badly of me.”

“What did she say?”

“The same thing you said. We can do what we want. Then she warned me.”

“About?”

“You. That you would never want more.” She looks up. “But I already know that.”

I stare out the window for a second. “I’m sorry, Mel. I wish I was different. I’m just not the kind of guy that dates and shit. This is how I am.”

“I know, Chef. I don’t expect more. I don’t think you’re magically gonna fall in love with me or take me out. I don’t think you’ll ever look at me the way you look at her.”

“Her?”

“Brooklyn.”

“What does that even mean?”

She sighs shaking her head. “How is it that everyone can see it but the two of you? It’s so obvious you two should be together. I don’t know why you’re not.”

“Because we’re friends.”

“Right.” She folds another napkin. “Well, in the meantime while she’s still with Rhys, and you’re still in denial, if you need to forget for just a little while, I’ll be that for you.” She looks up at me. “I want to be that for you.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“I know, but who wouldn’t want to be the one that makes you feel better for a little while? Any woman would take my place even knowing you don’t care. Even if you are thinking of someone else.”

I rub my head with my eyes closed. I’m done with this conversation. “I’ll be in my office. Let me know when our guests arrive.”

“Okay.”

Stomping to the back, I think of Melissa’s words. She’s right about all of it. I want to chase Brooklyn down the sidewalk, pull her into my arms, and beg for one more kiss from those sweet, soft lips. I want everything with her. I just don’t know what to do about it.

“Hey, Jill,” I say, walking inside the studio.

She looks up and smiles. “Hey, you! How ya feeling?”

“Pretty shitty, actually. I heard I got a little crazy after the third shot.”

Jill laughs. “It was fun.”

“I hope how you see me hasn’t changed.”

“Not at all.” She leans on the counter. “Honestly, I was more focused on Flynn than you, but he wasn’t biting.”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“That’s okay. If it’s not there, it’s just not.”

“True.” I lean on the counter across from her.

“Rhys is fun though, yeah?”

“Sure. He’s okay.”

“I think he was hoping for a little show.”

“I heard.” I sip my coffee. “It was nothing personal. I just don’t mess with girls anymore.”

Jill laughs. “That’s okay. I didn’t take it personally. At least you’re a great kisser.” I laugh as she continues. “I was up for it, mostly because I’ve never done it before, and I thought maybe it would lead to more with Flynn.”

“Probably would’ve. Most guys would be turned on by that.”

“For sure.” She shrugs. “Oh, well. Wasn’t meant to be.”

“No. It was a fun night though. At least until I passed out.”

Jill chuckles. “Same here. I woke up on your couch and went in search of the bathroom. That’s when I found you and Flynn.”

“Oh, yeah, he slept next to me.”

“He did.” She pats my arm. “I want to tell you something.”

“Sure.”

“When I saw him, he was cradling you like a small child, stroking your hair and gazing at your face like you were the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.”

I pull my head back. “What?”

“I felt kinda bad watching him look at you like that. I felt like I was invading a private moment even though you were asleep. It was really sweet.”

I nod my head slowly sipping my coffee. “He’s protective.”

“Maybe, but it was more than that.” She smiles. “Have you guys ever discussed a relationship between the two of you?”

“No,” I lie. “We’re just friends.” Maybe if I keep saying it, I’ll believe it.

“Yeah, I know. I just wondered because the way he looked at you this morning…” She smiles. “Let’s just say I’d love for a man to look at me like that.”

After considering her words for a minute, staring down at my coffee, I look up. “Can I be honest for a minute?”

“Of course.”

“I don’t have any other friends who I can confide in. Everything that’s really private I only tell Flynn.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t know what’s happening, but I feel like something’s changing between us. I’m having all these thoughts that I never had before.”

“Like?”

I hesitate. “This is awkward.”

“You can trust me, Brooklyn. You can tell me.”

I look into her kind eyes. “Okay. Thoughts like wanting to do stuff with him. Not wanting him to be with other women. Not wanting to be with other men. I’ve always seen him as a good friend, but lately, it’s like I’m finally seeing him as an option.”

“An option,” she repeats nodding. “Romantically?”

“Yeah.”

Jill smiles. “How does that make you feel?”

“Terrified. I only know how to take. I have no idea how to give. Flynn’s just like me. We go through life…” I pause, briefly. “We’re not good people.”

“Oh, Brooklyn, of course you are. You’re both great people. Just because you haven’t mastered relationships yet, doesn’t mean you’re bad.”

“You don’t understand. We use people. Both of us. We don’t know any different.”

“So you’re using Rhys?”

I shrug, staring at my hands. “I don’t really know anymore. I like hanging out with him. He’s nice and funny and sexy.”

“But?”

“I still don’t want to have sex with him, and I always want to have sex. I don’t know what’s missing.” I look up at her. “And every time I’m with him, a part of me hopes it’s making Flynn jealous. I don’t understand.”

“Okay, Brooklyn. You say all you and Flynn do is use people, but he didn’t use me. He could’ve taken me to bed last night. He knows I would’ve gone, but he didn’t. He kissed my forehead and said he had to take care of you. Your boyfriend was there and Flynn said
he
had to take care of you.” She smiles. “And Rhys let him. He threw a throw blanket on you and carried you to your room and Rhys let him.”

“He didn’t help?”

“No. We waited on the couch together and had another shot.”

I nod, wondering why Flynn told me otherwise.

“You don’t remember anything that happened, do you?”

“It’s blurry after you and I kissed.”

“You started dancing and pulling your dress off. Flynn was pissed and told Rhys to do something, but he just laughed and said it was fun or something. Flynn tried to cover you up, but you kept taking the blanket off and dancing around us, so he gave up and sat back down.”

I shake my head. “God.”

“Honestly, none of us could stop watching you.”

“Awesome,” I murmur.

“Then you sort of just passed out. Flynn immediately got between you and Rhys and said he would take you to bed. Rhys said he’d do it, but Flynn said no. He would take care of you. Rhys stayed with me and we chatted a bit.”

“I see.”

“Then when Flynn came back out, he said he was tired and was gonna lie down with you to make sure you were okay. Rhys offered to share a cab with me, but I declined, hoping me and Flynn would still hang out. He left and I slept on the couch by myself.”

I think about this for a minute. “So, Rhys knew Flynn was gonna lie down with me?”