If Only (The Willowbrook Series Book 1) (8 page)

“A fire would be romantic,” he said.

Laughter shot out of her at the word romantic uttered from Rhys’s normally non-romantic mouth, but she faltered when an expression of hurt crossed his face.
Smooth, Asa
. She attempted a smile. “A fire would be nice.”

He nodded. “I know it’s only mid-afternoon, but with the snow and all . . .” He shrugged appearing very uncomfortable.

“I think it’s a great idea,” she said giving him another smile. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why were you out there chopping wood? I thought Jo had plenty of pieces ready to go.”

Walking over, he knelt in front of the fireplace and, with his back to her, said, “I had some thinking to do. I think best when I’m doing something.”

“Oh,” was her only response.

“How about you come over here and keep me company?” he said over his shoulder.

Ah-uh
. “I would but my stomach’s grumbling.”

The twinkle in his eyes as he turned to look at her blinded her. At the moment, she loved her grumbling stomach.

“Okay, Asa, how about we have lunch first and—”

“—a romantic fire later,” she finished and beamed as he laughed.

”Cheese quesadillas, okay?” he asked.

“You remembered.”

“Of course,” he said. “It was our staple during late nights of studying at my grandmother’s.”

She wanted to throw her arms around him for remembering, but instead she took the hand he offered as he yanked her off of the couch.

For the next hour, they ate, and afterwards, while Rhys cleaned up in the kitchen, she watched the news on the Pacific Northwest’s twenty-four hours regional channel. Apparently, the snow storm faded as it had traveled north to Ashton, giving Ashton only a dusting of snow.

“Looks like a warm front is moving in for folks southwest of Ashton,” the weatherman on the television said. “Expect the snow to melt rapidly as the temperature rises.”

At the mention of temperature rising, she glanced over her shoulder. Gotta love a man who didn’t mind doing the dishes.

“Did you hear that, Rhys?” she asked as she shifted in her seat to look toward the kitchen. Otherwise, she’d get a knot in her neck. With his brow furrowed, he ran his fingers over the fronts of the bottles on the spice racks.

“Rhys?”

He glanced up. “Huh?”

“The guy on the news said the snow’s gonna melt, a warm front’s coming.”

“Oh,” he said seeming distracted. “That’s good.” He directed his sight at the fireplace. “I should make that fire then.”

She didn’t argue when he marched past her and hunkered in front of the fireplace with a determined set to his shoulders. Within minutes, he had a fire going.

The flames flared, and Asa realized she liked the sight, sounds, and smell of a fire. Wanting to enjoy the moment with him, she stood and plopped herself next to Rhys with their backs rested against the couch.

He patted the side of him closest to the fire. When she shook her head, he reached over, grabbed her, and settled her in his lap. Tucked in his arms, she watched chunks of snow fall off tree branches through the picture window in the living room. The weatherman wasn’t joking when he’d said the snow would melt quickly.

“I forgot to mention the news guy said power should be back soon,” she said. “Good.”

They sat in silence, and though it was a comfortable quiet, she wished she had the guts to be the first to bring up the subject they weren’t willing to talk about—him leaving soon. What else would he do once the snow melted and his grandmother’s affairs were settled?

Thinking this might be the last time she’d see him, Asa leaned her shoulder closer into him. At first, his body tensed as though her nearness caused him pain. Then he relaxed before tightening his hold on her waist.

“We need to talk,” he said.

Ah, so he gathered his courage first. Why wouldn’t he? He was the brave one of the two of them. She shifted in his lap to get up, but he grabbed her arms and wound them around his neck.

“Asa—”

“If we talk about you leaving and not coming back, I’ll cry.”

She bit her bottom lip. Two people who kept their emotions hidden. It wouldn’t work, and Rhys wouldn’t change for her, nor did she expect him to. He’d continue to withhold his feelings, and if and when he decided to show them, he might say god-awful things, leaving her to wonder if what he had said was true or if he said the opposite of what he had meant.

“I won’t put you down for showing you care or become the opposite of the angel I know you to be.” He skimmed his finger down the side of her face. “It’s okay if you want to cry, sweetheart. I’ll accept your anger and sadness any time. You’re only human.”

He was right. Unprepared for the love in his voice, her tears started, and she couldn’t stop them. Oh, God, why did Rhys have to go and be the good guy she’d known him to always be? Why couldn’t he be a jerk? It would make ending their friendship easier.

But, Asa wouldn’t let his words sway her. He loved her because . . . because they were friends and nothing more.

“Finish what we started a year ago,” she said, her voice falling to a whisper. “Apologize for your hurtful words, and I’ll forgive you. Give me your forgiveness for blaming you for my father’s death, and I’ll forget how much you mean to me. I don’t want you in my life anymore, Rhys.”

His face hardened, and she scrambled off his lap. She’d never seen him this angry before, even after her accusation.

“Why, Asa? Is there another guy? Cuz, I’ve got it from a good source you’re not involved.

Was my source wrong?” He stood and backed her against the couch.

“I know what you’re trying to do.” She jabbed her finger into his chest. “You want me to say the words. Well, I won’t.” She shoved, and he stumbled back. “I might be human, but I won’t bare my heart and soul to you again only to have you reject me. And there is no other guy. It’s always been you. Only you.” She covered her face to hide her hurt.

He grabbed her hands and lifted them away. “Prove I’m the only one for you, the most important person to you. Come back with me to San Diego.”

She shook her head in confusion. Again, Rhys did a three-sixty. When had he started this? In their past conversations, he’d kept to the subject.

He gripped her waist, bringing her back to the present. “Look around you. Willowbrook is dying slowly with its empty businesses. A new city would be good for you.”

“I can’t. There’s the café, the senior center, Sandy’s son. They need me.”

“Maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe you need them more. Personally, I think they’ll survive a couple of months without you. Take a chance, Asa,” he said setting his forehead on hers. “We’ve been apart long enough. I miss you, and you missed me. Admit it.”

“I do miss you, missed you like crazy, but I can’t go back with you.”

“So, what then? Our weekly phone calls and text messages again? I want more than that. I want to hold you, touch you. Don’t you want the same?”

“What you’re asking is too much.”

He groaned. “Step away from the routine of your life. Live a little.”

For some reason, his words grated on her nerves. “Live a little?” Her voice rose. “I have. Every chance I get. Just because I’m not in front of a crowd or traveling from city to city doesn’t mean I live a dull life, Rhys.”

Not caring that she had no shoes on, she charged past him and out the door. “Get the hell back in the house, Asa,” he called after her.

Ignoring him, she hurried toward her place.
Breathe in, breathe out. Don’t cry, don’t show your anger.
That’s what her father would say to her if he were alive. Too bad she was faltering in following his teachings after less than forty-eight hours with Rhys.

She wanted to be with him, she really did. But if she left Willowbrook, Asa wouldn’t have a way to release her feelings, to get her natural high, and have the recharge she needed when she rode the track. Parties weren’t for her. Neither was the appeal of alcohol or drugs. And definitely no sleeping around.

Catching her by surprise, Rhys came from behind and snatched her by the waist. Blood roared in her ears, her heart thumped fast, and she couldn’t contain her anger. An angel she wasn’t, and if he was okay to see the real her, she’d show him her temper.

Pumping her legs and twisting, she tried to smack him upside the head, but he was twice her size and easily grabbed a hold of her wrist with one hand while securing her to him with the other. She elbowed him in the stomach. He grunted and released her.

She ran, and breathless, stopped in front of her shed. If Rhys loved her and she dared to show him her emotional side, how long would he put up with her before he got tired of it and left her?

Just now, he hadn’t been able to handle her temper, and she felt bad for jabbing at him. Yanking the door of the shed open, she snatched her riding boots from the corner, and jerking them on, she grabbed her helmet off the handlebar, and wheeled the dirt bike out. Before he could stop her, she hopped on the KTM, revved the engine, and sped to the dirt track.

The sun was high in the sky, its heat rapidly melting the snow. Slush covered the ground, and she could see patches of dirt.
Now or never
. She needed to ride like she needed her next breath of fresh air.

Why? Why did she have to move to San Diego? Why couldn’t Rhys live in Jo’s home? Why did she have to change for him? Dammit! She rode hard and braced for the whoop at the next corner.

She took the whoop and rode the next one and the next until she came to the one where she had free-styled in front of Rhys. Mentally preparing herself, Asa flexed her fingers over the handlebars as the tension in her body disappeared and contentment took its place.

Would she do another three-sixty, or was she satisfied to catch air, to suspend there as the sun shone on her? There wasn’t time to decide. Going with the flow, she caught air, and with a hard tug, yanked the handlebars back, and flipped until the sky disappeared, replaced by a view of dirt and snow.

God, she loved this part. On the way down, she kept her ass off the seat, ready for the landing. Unfortunately, she miscalculated the patch of dirt she’d front-wheeled on causing her tire to slam into slush. As the bike slid, she vaulted over the handlebars.

Shit! Asa twisted to land on her side. The impact knocked the wind out of her, but the pain dimmed in comparison to the tight grasp Rhys had on her arms. He wrenched her up, snatched off her helmet, and threw it on the ground. His KTM lay on its side by his feet.

His body shook, his face a solid mask of fear and anger.

“Rhys—”

“Dammit, Asa. When you went over—”

“I’m okay.” She shook her arms and moved her neck. “See, I’m fine. I’ve taken falls several times. Nothing to worry about.”

“How long?” She must’ve looked confused. He pointed at her bike. “How long have you been riding?”

“Um, since you graduated.”

“That was five fucking years ago.”

Asa backed up. He was really, really angry. “You were gone most of the time, and I snuck in rides when Jo wasn’t home. But, eventually, I’d tell you.”

“When?” He clenched his fists at his sides. She tipped her chin. He grabbed her arm. “I’m thinking never, Asa. If you decide to move down with me, I don’t want you riding again. I won’t let you risk your life by doing those stupid stunts.”

“You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do, and I’m not going with you. My life is here. The track gives me what I need—a release, my high, my recharge. Don’t you understand?”

“You want all of that?” Rhys pushed her to the ground and straddled her, his fingers fumbling with her zipper and his own. “Then let
me
give you those things and not the damn bike.”

She couldn’t think past the anger in his voice. All she saw was his fear and pain.

“You could have broken your neck, Asa girl. Then what would I have done without you?” His voice trembled. “I love you so much.”

He yanked his jacket off and threw it on the ground, leaving him in his t-shirt. Reaching up, she trailed her fingers down his arms. He grasped her hand and dropped desperate kisses over her knuckles. They lay in a blanket of untouched snow, and suddenly she realized what they both needed.
A second chance
.

“Make love to me, Rhys.”

His brow furrowed. “Here?”

“Live a little,” she said smoothing the creases on his forehead with her fingers. “Give me what will make me whole again.”

“And afterward?”

“We’ll talk,” she promised.

“I’ll live a little, but only if you’re on top.”

Moving off of her, he grabbed her by her hands, and tugged her up. They started to undress, he grabbing a condom from his wallet tucked into the back pocket of his jeans, before he stretched out on their makeshift bed of clothes. In the cold, she burned for him, and he obviously felt the same for her as her gaze darted to his erection.

Rolling the condom over his arousal, he raised a brow while his eyes twinkled. “Scared?”

Asa covered her laughter with her hand then settled herself over him. “No, I’m just ready.” Dipping her head, she licked and nipped at his shoulder and neck.

When his hands coasted over her back and down lower, she moaned and started to rub herself over him. For a few seconds, she swore she forgot to breathe, it felt so good.

“I love you, Rhys,” she whispered against the curve of his ear before pressing her lips to his.

Soon, she ignored the warmth of his hands at the small of her back or the feel of the angles of his face as she held him in place for her kiss. Only his mouth and tongue mattered. She sucked and tasted while he groaned his approval, his fingers slipping between them, and delving into the place where she wanted him to be. Asa rocked over his fingers and erection.

“Rhys—”

“Slow, sweetheart.”

She gritted her teeth. “No, not this time. I’ve waited too long for—”

The pressure built. She raised herself up, grabbed his erection, and slid his shaft inside her. The world stilled and minutes passed before he blew out a breath while she drew hers in.

“Shit, you feel good.” He spanned his hands across her waist.