If You Don't Have Big Breasts, Put Ribbons on Your Pigtails (24 page)

Nobody's watching and nobody gives a damn.

4. Make a plan of action.

Failure is a state of mind, but success is a state of action.

BARBARA CORCORAN • II VOL DON'T HAVE Bl(. BREASTS

5. Mind your own business.

Stop comparing yourself to everybody around you. If you're minding someone else's business, who's minding yours?

6. Take a vacation.

Vacations are the best way to recharge your soul. Put aside the days for your next vacation now, and the one after that, too. Slumps never follow vacations.

Steps for Avoiding the Next Slump

/. Don't go to pity parties.

There can't be a pity party without two people. "Oh, poor me!" needs an "Oh, poor you." Stay away from complainers; they enable you to fail.

2. Stop watching the next guy.

You can't keep your eye on yourself and the next guy at the same time. It's just not true that everyone's making sales but you.

3. Don't try to sharp-shoot.

While you're being picky about what you're being picky about, your competitor is out with your customer. Sharp-shooting is the sales equivalent of throwing the dice and expecting to win every time.

4. Stop putting it off.

Procrastination is poisonous to success. Procrastination breeds guilt, guilt breeds depression, and depression breeds failure.

Best of luck

if

9/

4

W

Whatever Happened To . (in order of appearance)

* ... Mom & Dad?

Florence and Ed live retired in Florida and live in a new four bedroom, three bath beachfront condominium. Dad relaxes in his La-Z-Boy watching his big screen TV, while Mom washes beach towels for her visiting twenty-three grandchildren.

*k ... Ramone Simbne?

Ray and Tina remain happily married, have three children, and live in suburban New York. The Pogue-Simone Company closed in the early 1980s.

~k ... Gloria and the Fort Lee Diner?

Gloria bought herself a pink Cadillac Eldorado and retired with her two well-rounded friends to Virginia. The Fort Lee Diner is now the Magic Wok Chinese Restaurant.

7^ ... Palisade's Amusement Park?

Irvin Rosenthal sold his amusement park and his stretch limo in the 1960s. The Caterpillar, the Giant Cyclone, and the world's largest salt water pool were replaced by 1200 condominium apartments.

* ... Maggie O'Shay?

Until her death in 1992, Mrs. O'Shay continued to pace up and down Undercliff Avenue minding everyone else's business. People regularly report sightings of her still inspecting Edgewater's lovely front yards.

*k ... John Campagna?

My first landlord sold his apartment building and moved to Arizona. He e-mailed me after this book was published to say, "It wasn't my idea to evict you, it was the super's, Charlie CTRourke!"

* ... Sister Stella Marie?

Sister terrorized the Holy Rosary School until 1962 when she left Edgewater. She died in 1994 and is buried at Holy Cross Cemetery in North Arlington, New Jersey. May she rest in peace.

^k ... Esther Kaplan?

Esther retired as the president of The Corcoran Group in 2001. Esther is wealthy, lives in New York City with her husband and teaches adults how to read in her spare time. She still carries the most organized purse in town.

* . . . Bill Higgins?

After years of counseling, Bill and I are happily married. Bill dabbled with teaching math and science in a Bronx elementary school, causing his knees to be replaced. He's now coaching our son in Little League baseball.

* ... Dad's Blue Beauty?

Denise learned how to drive in Dads prized Chevy station wagon, slamming the back end into the window of the Hacken-sack Bridal Shop and forcing Dad to buy fourteen bridal gowns. Next, Eddie learned to drive in Dad's dented Chew station wagon, demolishing the front end by driving it through the plate glass window of Hiram's Hotdog Stand in Fort Lee.

"& ... Hon Rossi?

Ron skated his way to great sales success and landed The Corcoran Group's first million dollar listing in 1980. He was the first person we lost to the AIDS epidemic and his style and fun-loving spirit are still missed.

ik ... Charlie s Boat?

Charlie, the old Swede, took down the old shed in 1961, towed his sailboat to the Edgewater Marina, and sailed away.

* ...The Donald?

After his failed bid for President of the United States, the Donald and his puffed blond helmet have moved on to a new career in television and movies.

ik ... Carrie Chiang?

Selling more than $100 million in real estate every year, Carrie holds her title as New York City's top condominium broker. Carrie still calls me "Baa-bwa."

* ... Chicky Dayock?

The elegant Mrs. Dayock resides in Edgewater and directs its young citizens as the elementary school's crossing guard. Her daughter is married to the chief of police.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE BIG BREASTS 245

7^ ... Richard Seltzer. Esq. ?

After Richard whipped The Donald and collected our commission, he was promoted to senior partner at New York's Kave Scholer LLP law firm. Richard is still beating bullies as the city's top litigator.

* ... #418 Undercliff Avenue?

The Corcoran House was sold in 1978 and is again occupied by three families. The retaining wall is still there. Marty's pool is gone, and the rocks are no longer white.

Credits

Barbara's Heroic Mom

Florence Corcoran Barbara's Loving Dad

Edwin Corcoran Barbara's Leading Man

Bill Higgins Barbara s Business Partner

Esther Kaplan Barbara's Literary Agent

Stuart Krichevsky Bruce's Co-Star

Scott Stewart Bruce's Guardian Angel

Raymond Papa Littlefield B race's Literary Agent

Mitchell Waters Inspirational Teachers

Carolyn Randolph

Sandra Salinas

David Wertz

Key Players

Scott Durkin Tresa Hall Lori Levin Sheryl Martinelli Anita Perrone Bob Sauer Rebecca Wood

Secret Counsel Sylvia Alpert Ellen Carlson Mary Cleary Jennifer Mitchell Imogene Mullin Sy Presten Joanne Rooney RonDeena Ross Liz Garland Sauer Jennifer Stewart Karen Williams

»AA. ^sa. »AA. •7V "7p> "7V«

President, Penguin Putnam

Susan Petersen Kennedy Publisher and Editor. Portfolio

Adrian Zackheim Director of Marketing, Portfolio

Will Weisser Art Director

Joseph Perez Publicist

Southerlyn Reisig Associate Publicist, Portfolio

Allison Sweet

Illustrator

John Segal Special Editor

Hilary Hinzmann Special Art Director

Domenick Lorelli Audio Director

Alisa Weberman Production Editor

Kate Griggs Editorial Assistant

Mark Ippoliti

Credits

And thank you to the incredible people of The Corcoran Group:

Guy Abernathy Abdulraheem Abdul-

muid Jessica-Wind Abolafia Robin Abramovitz Melody Acevedo Douglas Adams Joan Adams Karen Adler Randy Aivazis Douglas Albert Griselle Aldarondo John Alexopoulos Mercedes Alvarez Anthony Amato Vera Amaya Denise Andereya Shavon Anderson Franklin Angeles Frederick Angeles Haruno Arai Jesse Archer Tania Arias David Arnold Amy J. Arpadi Ann Arthur Ellen Arthur Donald Artig Antonio Astacio Nicholas Athanail Alisson Attwood Beth Avery Robert Aviles Brian Babst Brett Baccus Wanda Bailey Andrew Balaschak Victoria Banks Iona Baratz Roseann Barber Caryl Barnes Pamela Bumes-Moses

Jeff Barnett Enma Baron Bo Bartlett Lindsay Barton Debbie Baum Elissa Baum Mark Baum Sharon Baum Michele Beaulieu Henry R. Beck Dee Dee Beckhorn Gabriel Bedoya Bill Begert David Behin Alexandra Bellak Arthur Bellucci Pamela Belsky Joanne Benedict Jeremy Bennett Michael Bennett Lara Berdine Alan Berger Carolyn Berger Marjory Berkowitz Adrienne Berman Elise Berman Cindy Bernat Richard Bernstein Antonella Bertello Dolores Betsill Froso Beys Isabel Biderman Ruth Bienstock Joan Billick Billy Billitzer Anita Black Sean Black Marissa Blair Patrick Blakslee Cathy Blau Shelly Bleier Sage Blinderman

Arlyne Blitz

Kenny Blumstein

Meris Blumstein

Juanita Bobbitt

Kay Boecker

Alexis Bogen

Erin Boisson Aries

Kari Bolam

Julianne Bond

Sarah Bond

Joseph Bongiovanni

Andrew Booth

Suzanne Borowicz

Ruthann Bowers

Deanna Bowman

Eva Marie Bozsik

Jim Brawders

Cindy Breedy

Karesa Bridges

Elizabeth Bright

Jesus Brillembourg

Laura Brillembourg-Osio

Barbara Brine

Barton Brooks

Christina Brooks-Terrell

Marcia Browin-Irvin

Alysande Brown

Brad Brown

Caroline Brown

Garret Brown

Juliana Brown

Katie Brown

Lynne Brown

Robbie Brown

Tony Brown

Elizabeth Brownback

Irena Brownstein

Jay Brownstein

Gary Brynes

Fern Budow

Credit;

249

Anuria Buglisi Karen Burden Frances Burgarella Laura Burkell Sharon Burroughs -

Clarke Paul Burton Paula Busch Anne Butler Marianne Bve-

Miller Sofiya Cabalquinto Judy Cacase Julia Cahill Susan Caldwell Tatiana Carries Lisa Camilieri Camille Campbell Barry Campmier Tonya Canady Leighton Candler Diane Cane Nancy Capasso Patricia Carbon Enid Card Fabio Carli Loy Carlos Cathleen Carmody Barbara Casey Karen Casey Leslie Casey Danielle Cash Denise Castagna Eric Castaldo Anthony Castellano Denise Cataudella Benjamin Caushaj Jennifer Cella Rosemarie Ceraso Catherine Certa Suzanna Chan Barbara Chase Ella Chavers Marisa Chaves

Tracy Chazin

Linda Chen Debra Cheren Carrie Chiang Linda Chipurnoi Eun Choi Matthew Chook Suan Chow Sonia Christian Eun Young Chung Eric Ciambra Jane Cibener Lenny Cicio Steve Cid Victor Cino Mark Ciolli Peri Clark Wendy Clark Amanda Clarke Tyrone Clerk Patricia Cliff Warburg Carol Cohen Ingrid Cohen Steven Cohen Kelly Cole Tricia Cole Michael Coleman Sharon Collington Sheri Collins Susanne Columbia Peter Comitini Lawrence Comroe Carmen Cook Jenifer Cook Jody Cooney Susan Cooper Keith Copley Daniel Cordeiro James Cornell Donald Correia Antonio Cosentino William Costigan Mary Anne Cotter Celine Coudert

Treadwell Covington Debby Craker Roger Creer Joann Creighton Victoria Crompton Peter Cronin Bill Cunningham Syndi Cunto Alain Da Sylveira Andrea Damico David Daniels Luke Danziger Eric David Brooke Davida Penny Davidson Eric Davis Frances Davis Ken Davis Mona Davis Nina De Rovira Jodi De Vita Elaine Dean Heide Dechter Brenda Decoursey David Del Monte Elena Del Valle Paulette Demers Alanna Dempewolff-

Barrett Allan Dennis Linda Derector Nancy Derene-Seltzer Mimi Derti

Thomas Di Domenico Marisa Dichne Carlos Diez Kathleen Dillon Connie Dingle David Disiek Max Dobens Jeffrey Doder Janet Doerrer Dennis Dolphin Michael Dominick

Credits

Judah Domke Jerry Dong Jennifer Dorfmann Coco Dorneanu Roxana Dorneanu Jackie Douek Daniel Douglas Joanne Douglas Jonathan Douglas Margaretta Douglas Dee Downing Ann Doyle Judi Drogin Elizabeth Duchardt Siobhan Duffy Patricia Dugan Leslie Dumont Karen Duncan Stephen Dunn Diane C. Dunne Scott Durkin Joseph Dwyer Chisa Edwards John Edwards Dana Eggert Tina Eichenholz William Eichman Amir El Moody Adrian Ellias Dare Elliott Ingrid Ellis Terrell Ellis Eleanor Ellix Viviane El-Yachar David Enloe Diane Erickson Mary Ellen Erikson Terry Erpenbach Amanda Espinosa Luke Evans Mady Faber Theresa Falgares Andrew Farber Edna Fast

Beverly Feingold Dennis Feldman Peter Feldman Marcy Feltman Amalia Ferrante Angela Ferrante Beth Ferrante Amie Fields Bruce Fields Samarrah Fine Jayne Firtell Louise Fitting Thomas Fitzpatrick Sheila Flatley Betsy Flynn Linda Fonseca Karen Fontana Jacqueline Fopiano Frank Ford Brett Forman Renee Forman Sheba Forrest Mary Fortuna Joan Fox Eileen Foy Carmen Franco Simone Franco Steve Frank Robyn Frank-Pedersen Barbara Freehill Ellen Freeman Patrice Freeman Inna Frenkel Lorraine Friedberg Marianna Friedman Steve Friedman Martha Friedricks Charles Fritschler Stacey Froelich Alexandre Froes Wigder Frota Caroline Fuchs Cathy Fuerth Stephanie Gaasterland