If You Only Knew (And Then Came Love Book 1) (14 page)

“See? If the stuff works let us test it out.” Vince flipped his hands over.

“It works on me. It helps take the edge off both sets of symptoms. But Donovan’s tried it and doesn’t get the same reaction. I may have only tried it on two people. I don’t like the odds.”

“But we could try it on others and you may have better results.” Vince shrugged. “Come on, Julian.”

“Only two test subjects? And those genetically related? That does not make for inclusive results.” Dr. Muller shook his head, his pen resting against his chin.

“It works for me, Vince. This is formulated for what I need it for. I’m still working the bugs out. I won’t release it until I feel better about it.”

“A clinical trial at a facility such as this could provide us the data necessary to insure the medication is sage and effective.”

“And what if half of them flip out? I’ll be responsible for that. I won’t release something this early in its infancy. I refuse to let anything not up to quality leave the lab. It’s not going to happen.” Julian shook his head and drew a line with his hands.

“At least for a drug dealer we know he has ethics.” Ethan teased.

Dr. Muller blinked and looked first at Ethan and then at Julian. “I beg your pardon?”

“Excuse him,” Julian said to Dr. Muller. He shot Ethan a glare, but had a hard time keeping a straight face. “You’re an ass.”

“I’m your best friend.”

Julian laughed and he turned to look through the two way mirror to observe the clients in the room. “The only way I’d consider it would be on a very small group at first. And it’s going to take a lot of convincing.”

Petur mumbled something to Vince he couldn’t hear.

Julian shook his head.
Nope, not releasing it.
“How’s this trial going?”

Petur flipped through his notes. “So far our results have been solid. We have had no adverse reactions. Some neutral reactions have been reported, but that’s to be expected.”

“Good.” Julian nodded as he watched the participants interact with each other. “Can I see the notes?”

“I will provide you with a complete report at the end of these trials, Dr. Vitalli, but I cannot show you my notes due to doctor/patient confidentiality concerns. I am sorry,” Petur informed him.

“Dr. Muller?”

Julian stiffened at the sound of Trina’s voice. He continued to look through the two-way mirror, as he decided how he wanted to deal with her.

“Have you met the representatives from Steele Pharmaceuticals?” Petur said.

“I haven’t had the pleasure.” Trina kept her voice calm and professional. “I’m Trina Harding, Clinical Director of our Counseling Center.”

“This,” he gestured toward Vince with his clipboard. “Is Dr. Vincent Steele, the company CEO and his son Ethan Steele, CFO.” Petur moved over to stand beside Julian. “And this man—” the excitement in his voice returned. “— is the creator of the drug we are testing today. May I present, Dr. Julian Vitalli.”

Julian turned at his name and smirked as he saw the surprise on Trina’s face. “I believe we’ve met.”

Trina’s eyes narrowed. “
Dr
. Vitalli.”

“Guess I may have more to do with this company than
just
being a donor.” Julian folded his arms over his chest. “How’s Liza’s schedule these days?”

“It’s pretty hectic at the moment, we had a case manager quit last week and she’s been picking up the slack.”

“Quit?” Julian chuckled. “I wonder why? You treat your employees so pleasant. I couldn’t imagine the long hours, low pay, or constant threats of write-up being a reason to quit.”

Vince looked over at Julian and raised his eyebrow.

Julian smiled at Trina, before directing his attention to Vince. “When I went to the Counseling Center to pick Liza up the other day, she was about to get punched by one of the clients?”

“Dr. Vitalli, I think Liza’s schedule may have opened up this afternoon.” Trina sent him a glare, before addressing Petur. “I have a client you need to see.”

“Trina, is this true?” Petur followed Trina from the room.

Julian smirked.
Take that, bitch.

“What was that about?” Vince cocked his head in Julian’s direction.

“Liza works from nine in the morning to nine at night most days and eats on the fly. I thought I’d get her time to sit down and eat.” Julian shrugged.

Ethan chuckled. “She’s going to kill you if she finds out.”

“You don’t even know her.” Julian tugged at his tie. He hated wearing them.

“She won’t like you throwing your weight around.” Ethan stood and smoothed his pants. He glanced at his watch. “I have an appointment in an hour, you ready to go, Dad?”

“I guess it is getting to be that time.” He faced Julian. “Let me know when you decide to release your stash.”

“
If
I do.” Julian patted Vince on the back as he headed out of the room and to the lobby.

*****

Liza ground her teeth as she fumbled with the keys in the lock. After she managed to get the door open, she marched into the kitchen. He wasn’t there. “Julian?” She headed into the living room and saw him coming down the stairs.

“Hey, sexy.” He met her at the bottom of the steps and leaned in for a kiss.

She sidestepped away from. “Exactly why did my clients cancel today?”

“How would I know?” He tweaked his eyebrow.

“Oh so you have nothing to do with the reason my clients cancelled?”

He reached for her again, but she shook her finger at him and moved toward the couch. “What’s wrong?”

She paced the living room. “I called my clients tonight to find out if they wanted to reschedule and they told me they were meeting with my boss tomorrow. Kate called them to ask if they’d reschedule.”

“How does that have anything to do with me?”

“Come off it, Julian. Don’t lie to me. When Trina told me they cancelled, I knew something was up. But it didn’t hit me until I called my clients. What did you say to Trina to convince her to give me time off?”

“Liza, I—”

She cut him off. “Stop right there. Kate reamed me a new one for your interference. I was trying to get you to admit it yourself.” She jabbed a finger in his direction. “So if you lie to me, so help me—”

He held up his hands. “I asked about your schedule. I may have brought up your client trying to punch you, in front of Dr. Muller, Vince, and Ethan. She was the one who said your schedule opened up.”

“You used your influence to get me out of something that had nothing to do with you. I appreciate you trying to help, but damn it, Julian, I could lose my job over this.”

“You’re not going to lose your job.”

“I’m not even mad about the job. I’m mad because you think you can walk all over everyone else to get what you want. Life doesn’t always work that way.” She continued her pacing. Why couldn’t he see what he was doing? “You’re being a bully and I won’t stand for that.”

“Liza.”

“Don’t Liza me. I can’t be with someone who bullies other people.”

“But I have to stand by and watch her bully you?” Julian held his hands out to the side. “You work sixty hours a week, you barely have time for lunch. I know you’re making your numbers, you’ve told me that. There’s no reason for you to be forced to work those hours if you’re doing more than your share of the work.”

“Just because my boss bullies me, doesn’t mean you get to bully her on my behalf. Do you want to be on the same plane as she is? I despise the bitch . . . is that how you want me to feel about you, too? All you’re doing is employing the same tactics to get what you want. I may not be a Doctor, but it’s my job, not yours. People are counting on me.” Liza rubbed her forehead. She hated fighting. She didn’t want to do it.

Julian rested his hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry. I thought you needed a little time off.”

She looked into his eyes. “No, you did it for you. Yeah, my job sucks, but I need it.”

“Why?”

“Because in my world, money doesn’t grow on trees. I still have bills to pay and expenses. I need my job.”

“What about us?”

“What
about
us?”

“I can help you out.”

“And what if it gets to the point where there is no ‘us’ then what?  I’m screwed.” Liza dropped her hands and turned away.

Julian wrapped his arms around her waist. “Is that what you want? For there to be no us?”

Her heart beat faster and despite being mad at him, she held onto his arms. “No . . . but my job is not your decision.”

He turned her to face him. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to lose you, Liza. I’ve grown rather fond of you in the short time we’ve known each other.”

“I feel the same way.” She wrapped his hands in her own. “I think it’d be best if you avoid Trina.”

“I can do that. No reason for me to see her anyway.”

“Good.” Liza nodded. “I guess I should find something to eat, before we go to bed.”

“There’s food out there. I made you something.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to.” Julian rested his hand on the small of her back and led her to the kitchen.

Chapter Eight

April 4
th

Julian’s eyes snapped open. His head pounded and his whole body ached. A sharp shooting pain pulsed from the front of his head to his neck. He pressed his fingers against his temples, but it intensified the pain. Light bothered his eyes and had for the last day – noise bothered him as well.

“Shit,” he whispered. He was already in a depressive state and to add the extra anxiety of the mania would push him over the edge. It began the night before.

When Liza made it to his place from work, he was in bed. She woke him up, but he was too far out of it to do much more than grunt in response.

Pushing off the covers, Julian rose from the bed. It had been a long time since his headaches got this bad. He groaned as he made his way down the stairs, trying to remember if he took his pills the day before. He was bad at remembering them, even with the alarm set on his phone, but half the time he would shut it off forgetting what the alarm was for. Damn, his pills were in the basement. He’d have to search the medicine cabinet to see if he could find extras.

He sat in the living room, all the lights off, curtains drawn . . . as little light in the room as possible.

Liza flipped the lights on.

He clamped his eyes closed. “Turn that off.” His came out more abrupt than he meant it. “Sorry.”

The room darkened and he felt her sink on the couch next to him.

She ran her hand over his back in a circular pattern. “Are you okay?”

“Headache.”

“Can I get you anything?”

She moved and then her delicate fingers were on his head. She rubbed his temples and along the side of his head. “That feels wonderful.”

“I’m leaving for the bank in a little bit, is there anything I can get you?”

“No. Go.”

Liza came around, helped him to lay on the couch, put a throw pillow under his head, and then covered him with a blanket. The warmth of her hug relaxed him. The kiss she pressed to his brow was the release he needed, as his world went black.

*****

When Julian awoke an hour later, Liza was gone. His headache subsided enough he made it to the basement to take his pills. So far they weren’t helping. Half an hour later, Liza still wasn’t back.

He paced the floor. His thoughts were racing. Where was she? What was she doing? Who was she doing? He gnashed his teeth at the last thought. ”Stop it.” He grabbed his head, to stop the racing images of Liza fucking his ex-wives men. It wasn’t Liza’s fault. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he forced himself to sit down. His headache dissipated, but his thoughts continued to haunt him.

He heard the door to the garage open. He stormed through the kitchen and turned the corner to see her coming through the doorway, grocery bags in hand. “Where the hell have you been?” He cringed at his comment, but it was out before he could stop it.

Liza rushed into the room, arms full, and out of breath. She unpacked the first bag. “You missed me huh . . . good. I always heard it’s good to keep’em guessing.” She pulled the eggs out of the bag and put them away, along with the rest of the perishables.

Her flippant response set him off. “Where the fuck were you?”

“I told you this morning. It’s payday. I went to the bank then to picked up a few groceries. You were running low on food.” When the second bag was empty, she folded the bag, looked around, and tweaked her eyebrow at him. Opening the cupboard under the sink she put the bags there. She turned around a radiant smile on her face as if she’d finished a race and came in first.

“I think I’d remember.” Damn it. He needed to get control of his tongue or he was going to say something he didn’t mean. He racked his brain . . . couldn’t remember a word from this morning, but with his headache as bad as it was he couldn’t be sure what he missed. He rubbed the back of his neck.

“Why don’t you go sit down? Let me get you something to drink. Afterwards, I’ll massage your neck and shoulders see if it helps any?” She opened the refrigerator, grabbed a carton of orange juice and set it on the counter. She turned to face him.

“Who else have you been massaging today?” He slammed his fist into the wall. God, he hated these days, when his mouth ran amok and he couldn’t contain it.

Liza’s eyes widened and she took a step back holding onto the counter. “Excuse me.” She stood there, her hands fisted in front of her.

“Liza, I’m—”

She held her hand up. “Don’t.”

He clamped his lips together, turned on his heels, and left the room not wanting to say anything else out of line. Heading into the living room, he flopped onto the couch, dropped his head, and closed his eyes. “Fuck me.”

It was a short time later when Liza’s hands massaged his shoulders. She started out gentle at first, but rubbed a little harder when she found his tension spots.

“Woman, you’re too good to me.”

“Woman?” She continued her massage up his neck and he groaned.

“Well you are and I’ve kind of grown fond of thinking of you as
my
woman.”

She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his ear. “A little possessive aren’t we? I could let you get away with that, occasionally.”

He held onto her hands and rested his head against her arms. “I’m sorry.”

“Do you still have a headache? Is that why you’re such a grump?”

He could feel her breath on his ear. He smiled.
I love you.
The words echoed through his brain. Funny, before his thoughts came out without hesitation, but that one just kept bouncing around in his head. He turned his head to say something, when he caught a whiff of cologne. Not his. “Who have you been with?” Thoughts rushed through his head faster than he knew possible. He was on a downward spiral.

“No one, why?”

“I smell men’s cologne.”

Liza released him as she came around the couch and plopped down next to him. “I ran into an old friend at the grocery store. He hugged me on the way out.” She lifted her shirt to her nose and smelled.

Her tone was so casual. To her it was no big deal. “And when were you going to tell me about this old friend?” He folded his hands in his lap, interlocking his fingers.

She shrugged. “I don’t get the big deal, it wasn’t anything important.”

The shrug set him off. He shoved himself off the couch and began pacing in front of her. “It was important enough for you to hug him. What the hell, Liza?”

“Calm down.” She held her hands up. “It was just a hug.”

“Just a hug . . . just a fucking hug?” As his pacing increased so did his heartbeat. An image of her kissing someone flashed in his mind. He ended up behind the couch. His fists came down on the back of it.

Liza flinched, but she didn’t move and she didn’t say anything. She didn’t even look at him.

“What’s next?” Another flash, her naked. Liza in the arms of another man, faceless. His hands touched her body, much the way he had the night before. The fire built inside until it was out of control. He came around the couch so he was looking at her again.

Her jaw tightened and her eyes narrowed.

“What’s next? Just a kiss? Or just fucking sex? Is that what took so long?” He rested his hand against his head and closed his eyes. Every image, every vision, every thought revolved around her and some other guy. Images so vile and explicit he forced his eyes open so, not to see them. His hands trembled. He fought for control over his mind.

Liza stood. “Okay, I get it. I know what’s going on here. I refuse to talk to you like this. I’m going home.” When she turned away, she wiped a tear from her eye before heading to the door.

The tear did it, the fire was gone. God he was an idiot. “Liza.”

He heard the door shut. “Shit.” What had he done? Had his jealousy and insecurity cost him the best relationship he’d ever had?  He wasn’t used to people walking out on him. Both his ex-wives fought with him when he was like this. It was a yelling and screaming match until he calmed down or walked away. Liza was so calm. Nothing thrown, nothing broken. A simple tear and out the door she went.

He grabbed the joint from the ashtray and lit up. It would help take the edge off his mood. He closed his eyes as he took the first hit. The images were still there. If he went after her now, he’d only prove what an ass he was. His headache was back. Time to take a break-through anxiety pill and see if he could get a least a little control of his rapid cycling highs and lows.  

*****

Liza called Audrey on the way to her apartment. She’d thought about calling Kaitlyn or Shana, but didn’t want to have to deal with Monica’s shit.

“Hey, Liza.”

“Are you busy?”

“Jackie’s trying to drag me to a planning meeting for a charity event and I would love to get out of.” Audrey said.

“Good, come see me.”

“Gladly, be there in ten.”

Liza hung up the phone and checked the time. Ten minutes. That would have them arriving about the same time. She made a quick stop at the grocery store to pick up snacks and drinks.

*****

Sure enough, Audrey pulled into the parking lot after Liza did. Liza waited for her to get out of the car and then they both headed toward the building.

“Thank you. You’re a lifesaver.” Audrey shook her head as they were getting in the elevator. “I love Jackie, but whenever she thinks I’m bored or lonely, she drags me to her charity meetings.”

“That doesn’t sound fun at all.” Liza pressed the button for the third floor.

“I don’t mind helping out with the actual events or even planning meetings aren’t bad at times, but most of the time, it’s a bunch of catty shit I can’t deal with.” Audrey stepped out of the elevator followed by Liza. “So how come you’re not working?”

“Wednesdays and Sundays are my days off.” She unlocked her apartment door and let Audrey head in first.

Audrey smiled then headed over to the couch. “I’m going to take a wild guess and say, Julian’s being an ass today?”

“You could say that.” Liza sunk onto the other end of the couch. “I realize it has to do with his bipolar, but damn he can flip the switch so fast I can’t keep up. I’ve been staying with him for about a week and a half. Everything was fine until this morning. Do his headaches always affect him like that?”

“I’ve seen him have some rough episodes. He blew up at his ex once. It was pretty tough to watch, but I get it. Jake can be like that as well.” Audrey chuckled. “And before today? Was everything all right?”

“He’s been attentive and sweet. Some nights, I don’t get home until nine or nine-thirty and he always has a meal waiting for me. He sends me text messages throughout the day. I call him on my lunch break. And there’s even been a couple times he’s met me in Madison for lunch. I’ve never had a man pay this much attention to me.”

Audrey smiled. “Jake was like that.  I think I got flowers every day for the first year we were married. It was only the month before he left he stopped being attentive. I mean we had our problems, but I always knew he loved me.”

“See and I don’t know if Julian’s even thought about telling me he loves me. I think it every day, but I’ve been holding off afraid it will scare him away.”

“I’ve seen you two together, there’s no doubt in my mind the two of you are in love.” Audrey touched Liza’s arm. “What happened today?”

“He had this horrific headache this morning. He snapped at me when I flipped on the lights in the living room. I told him I needed to go the bank, he said fine.” Liza shook her head.

“Let me guess, by the time you got back he didn’t remember?” Audrey nodded, as if she’d been through this all before.

“Yeah, he was all pissed off and it’s ‘where the hell have you been.’ It didn’t take him long to calm down, but not before accusing me of cheating on him.”

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but his brother Donovan was married for twenty years and he still had moments like that.”

“That doesn’t sound promising.” Liza let out a heavy breath. Would she make it for the next thirty years having her loyalty questioned? “He did it again later. Because an old friend of mine hugged me at the grocery store and he could smell his cologne on me. It was a hug.”

“Jake used to get jealous, oh my God would he get jealous.” Audrey looked down at her hands, she twirled the wedding ring still on her finger.  “There was one time before Jake left. My car had broken down, I needed a ride and couldn’t get a hold of Jake. Julian works at home and has the most freedom in his job, so I called him and he came to pick me up.”

“I can imagine how Julian would react if I did something like that? He’d accuse me of screwing someone as payment.” Liza rubbed a hand over her face. She loved him, she was sure of it, but she needed to make sure she could handle all the ups and downs before she said anything to him.

“Yeah, Jake got home and was all pissed. He accused me of having sex with his brother, to the point of calling me a slut. I left the room. I always knew when he got in one of his moods it was best to give him his space.” Audrey patted Liza’s shoulder. “Maybe Julian needs space to help him through this?”

“Is Jake bipolar?” Liza cocked her head to the side. Everything Audrey said matched up with the symptoms Julian had.