If You Only Knew (And Then Came Love Book 1) (15 page)

“Nope.”

“Are you sure? How long did it take him to come out of his rage?”

“I took Cora to visit Jackie. Julian showed up there hours later and said he was calm when he left and he could see the change in him. I didn’t see him again until later on that night. He disappeared for a few hours after his fight.”

“I’m telling you, Audrey, he sounds like bipolar to me.”

“If he is, he’s never said a word, and we’ve been married for thirteen years.”

“Were there other instances like that?” Liza couldn’t see a logical reason for Jake to act that way.

“Oh yeah – they didn’t happen that often . . . maybe every six or seven months?” Audrey shrugged. “During the beginning of our marriage they were more common, but then they became few and far between. Until that last month that is. He was out of control most of that month.”

“Sounds an awful lot like bipolar.”

“Maybe I’ll ask Jackie,” Audrey said. “Although I don’t know why he’d hide it from me. I know all about Julian and Donovan.”

Liza shrugged. “No clue.”

A knock sounded at the door.

Audrey glanced at her watch. “Wanna bet who that is? I have to pick up Cora in an hour, so why don’t you two talk.”

“No. I invited you over and I hate to have you leave after talking about this.”

“You got me out of a boring as charity meeting. You did me the favor.” Audrey said as she stood up.

Liza headed to the door. She opened it. Julian stood on the other side.

“Can I come in?” His hands shoved in his pockets. He wouldn’t meet her eyes.

Liza blocked his entrance. “Have you calmed down?”

“Yes.”

“Fine.” Liza motioned for him to come inside.

He saw Audrey and gestured toward the door. “I’ll come back later, let you girls have your time.”

“I’m on my way out.” Audrey gave Liza quick hug and headed toward the door. She hugged Julian and whispered something to him.

“I’m trying.” He waved to Audrey. “Bye, sis.”

Liza wasn’t quite sure she wanted to be alone with him but Audrey left no alternative. Julian rubbed the back of his neck. “Still having problems with the headache?”

“It’s gotten better, but it’s still there.” He dropped his hands.

“What did Audrey say to you?” She sat down in the middle of the couch.

“She told me to stop being an asshole.” He gave a quick smile, but faded as fast as it came. “I’m sorry. My thoughts started racing. I had mental images flashing through my mind, I wasn’t anywhere near prepared to face.”

“It’s no excuse for speaking to me like that. What did you see?”

“Images for you with other men. Hugging, kissing, and even further still. I saw the situations I witnessed with my exes.”

“Didn’t you hug, Audrey? You don’t see me flipping out about it. It was a hug.”

Julian opened his mouth, but then closed it.

Liza patted the couch next to her and waited until he plopped down beside her. She turned to face him, folding one leg underneath her. “I have a lot of experience with bipolar people. I used to work at the residential campus at the Yarrow Center. I’d say over half of the kids I dealt with were bipolar to some degree. Their symptoms were so bad they ended up in the system. I saw kids struggle every day fighting with the images and the thoughts racing through their heads.”

Julian looked down at his lap.

Liza placed her hands on his cheeks and he peeked at her. “Did you ever think maybe, with all the research I’ve done over the years for my job, I might be able to recognize the symptoms?”

Julian tugged her into his lap and rested his head against hers. “I don’t deserve you.”

“I know.” Liza laughed. “And even though I have feelings for you, I’m still hurt by what you said. I recognized it for what it was and gave you the space you needed. Next time ask.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He wrapped his arms around her. “If you had seen the pictures going through my head—”

She pressed a finger to his lips. “I understand. We’re okay.”

“I don’t want to
just
be okay.”

Liza chuckled.

He reached in his pocket. “I got you something.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m sorry.” He handed her a rectangular velvet box.

She looked down at the box, handed it to him, and stood up. “You don’t get it, do you?”

“What?” He frowned and held up the box. “I bought you a gift to say I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to spend money on me every time we have a fight or a problem. I knew what was going on when it started this morning.” She paced the living room. “Besides, I can’t be bought.”

“Liza it’s a gift and I want you to have it.”

She was still pacing when he stopped her by resting his hands on her shoulders. She turned around to look at him.

“Would it help if I told you it wasn’t an expensive gift?” He held the box out to her.

“It’s in a jewelry box.” She smiled but took the box shaking her head.

“It didn’t come with one. I may have paid a little extra.”

She laughed. “You’re a goofball.”

“But I’m your goofball. I cares an awful lot about you. I hate the fact I hurt you.”

Liza opened the box to see a silver anklet with a small shamrock hanging from it. “You shouldn’t have. It’s beautiful.”

Julian motioned toward the couch. “Let me put it on for you?”

She kicked her shoes off and sat down.

Julian straddled the edge of the coffee table and brought both feet into his lap. He rubbed her foot and she moaned. “Forgive me?”

“All you had to do was ask. Yes, you’re forgiven.” She leaned her head back against the couch and closed her eyes.

He continued to rub her feet before he put the anklet on her.  His fingers moved up her leg under her jeans.

“You’re only going to get so high that way, they get a little tight once you get up passed the calf.” She opened one eye to peek at him.

He moved over to the couch. “Come here?”

She hesitated, but then straddled him.

He lifted his hips against her as his fingers found the button for her jeans. “I want you.”

“Well I guess you’re in luck.” She pressed a kiss to his lips. “Because I want you, too.”

*****

Liza put her arm around Julian’s waist when he draped his over her shoulder as they walked out of the restaurant later. He’d managed to convince her to go out for dinner. He opened the car door for her. “Your place or mine?” He brushed a kiss against her lips.

“Both.”

“What?” He leaned back and looked her in the eye.

“You can drop me off at mine and then you can go to yours.”

“But I thought we were okay?” He raised his eyebrow.

“We are. I still think you need some time.” She cupped his cheek. “We’ve practically lived with each other for the last week. It happened rather quick and I think it may be best if we took a step back.”

“I don’t need to take a step back, Liza. I want to be with you.”

“Me too.” She pressed a kiss to his lips. “But I also don’t want this to end because we moved too fast.”

He blew out a breath. “I don’t like it, but you’re right.”

“I have some paperwork I need to finish up over the next couple days, so I’ll stop by on Saturday night after work?”

“That long?” He traced his fingers down her cheek looking like a boy, begging for another cookie.

“We can call and send text messages. We’ll still talk to each other. Maybe I’ll even stick my head in for a minute or two tomorrow night.”

He hesitated. “All right.” He blew out a heavy breath, helped her into the car, shut the door, and headed over to his own side. “Will you stay Saturday night and come to breakfast at my parents’ on Sunday?”

“Yes and yes.” She smiled. “We’re not breaking up and we’re not taking a break, but slowing down.”

“I guess I’ll take you home then.”

*****

April 6
th

Julian’s mood went south fast over the next two nights. By Friday afternoon, every negative thought he could have was floating around his head. They’d talked on the phone Thursday night and texted throughout the day, but it hadn’t helped the mood. He felt her pulling away. He was going to ruin her. He recognized hurting her the was the beginning of the end for them. It was nearing her lunchtime, maybe if they could meet, his thoughts would stop rushing in every direction.

Her phone rang three times. He was about to hang up when her voice came over the line. “Can I call you back in a few minutes?”

“Sure.”

He shoved his phone in his pocket and headed down to the lab.

He realized his mistake when he was decked out in full protective gear as to make sure nothing could contaminate or cross-pollinate his plants when his phone rang.

By the time, he’d removed his gear and was in the main lab, he’d missed her first call, but she rang again.

“Sorry.” He said as he answered his phone.

“Are you all right?”

“I’m down in the lab. Had my full set of protective gear on when you called.”

“Your plants require you to wear a protective suit?”

He could hear the humor in her voice and it made him smile. “They’re all in the witness protection program. I’m not supposed to know who they are.”

Liza laughed. “That was great. But seriously, a protective suit?”

“There’s contaminants on your clothes and your skin that can cause cross-pollination and change the effect I’m trying to get.”

“I never knew that much went into growing marijuana.”

“You’re lost aren’t you?”

“You went over my head with protective gear.” She laughed again.

“Thank you.”

“For what? Showing how ignorant I am of your job?” Her car started in the background.

“For laughing and making me laugh.” His thoughts weren’t racing any more. “Do you have time for lunch? It’s been a bit of a rough day.”

“I wish I did. I have back to back appointments.” She paused. “What’s up?”

“I’ve been in and out of it. Nothing serious, but the anxiety level’s a little high.”

“Let me see what I can do. I can’t promise anything, but I’ll call you back if I can come up with anything.”

“Sounds good to me. Miss you.”

“Miss you more.”

He clicked his phone off and pocketed it. There was no way he was getting back in his gear to get interrupted by another phone call. He headed over to the computer and set about checking on everything the technological way.

*****

An hour and a half later the perimeter alarm went off. He scanned through his security system to see Liza entering the hallway from the garage. She must have noticed the camera, because she waved at him.

He smiled, took the steps two at a time, pulled her into his arms, and spun her around as she squealed. “What happened to the appointments?”

“I may have fibbed to my boss. I told her I was coming down with something and the only time the doctor could see me was today. She said she’d rather cover one two hour visit than have to cover a whole day of my schedule.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here. Did you eat already?”

She picked up the bag off the floor. “I brought lunch.”

“You didn’t have to do that. How much do I owe you?”

“Nothing, I brought you lunch. It’s no big deal. Come on let’s eat.”

They ate lunch in the living room. “How long before you have to be back?” He cleaned up their trash and tossed it in the can across the room.

“Nice shot.” She smiled as she looked at her watch. “I have exactly an hour and a half before I have to leave here.”

“Interested in following me upstairs?” He stood and held his hand out to her.

“What’s upstairs?” She teased as she took his hand.

He pressed a kiss to her lips and smiled. “Follow me and find out.”

*****

April 7
th

Liza was exhausted by the time Saturday night rolled around. She went home after work the night before so she could finish her paperwork. Julian hadn’t been thrilled about it, but she had to finish.

She pulled into the garage and headed into his house, calling out his name as she did. There was no answer. She fished her phone out of her pocket and sent him a text.

Lab
.

She put her stuff on the floor and kicked her shoes off before heading to the basement door. She’d never been to his lab. The door was heavy and it took some strength to open it. She wasn’t a weakling by any sense of the word.

She came around the corner to see Julian sitting at a computer desk, his head down, and a half empty bottle of whiskey next to him.

“I didn’t know you drank.”

He shrugged. “I don’t.” His speech was slurred.