Igniting Ash (26 page)

“I haven’t finished.”

“I don’t think I want to hear the rest.”

He looked up at her, his brown eyes making her heart melt. “You will. I can see you’re tired, Em. Sit down, please?”

Using her arms to brace her, she lowered herself back down onto the couch. “Before you start, I have to say this. I love you, but I’m not going to keep up with this. We’re either together or not. You can’t keep running away when it gets difficult.”

“But I like running, angel,” he said through a crooked grin.

“Well, I’m in no shape to do the chasing. Or to clean up that hot chocolate mess.”

“Forget the fucking hot chocolate. I want to tell you I’m sorry for being a fuck up. I want to be so much better for you. I
should
be because you deserve someone better.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Because I want it to be true.” He stroked her bruised cheek.

“So make it true. Stop running away and be the man you want me to have. Just so you know, I only want you. Not some imaginary bloke.”

His brows furrowed. “How can you say that after what I did?”

“Asher. Get over it. I know what you did was overkill and it was wrong, but you had your reasons, and your reason was me. You have to start dealing with your past and how that affected you.”

He moved to sit next to her, placing his arm around her shoulder. He exhaled when she rested her head against him. “I sort of have. I spoke to my mum. Lost it with her and finally said what I had to.”

“And did you feel better afterward?” she muttered.

“Yes. And I’ll feel better finally saying the words I need to.”

“Huh?” she asked, looking up at him.

“I kind of said it before but you missed it. Now I’m saying it properly. Emma Carnes, I love you. I’m sorry I’m fucked up but as you don’t seem to mind, I guess that’s okay. I know you’re my one. No one else would put up with this crap.”

“You haven’t ever tried to let anyone.”

Asher shook his head. “No. They didn’t try like you have, and that’s how I know you’re it for me. You outshine anyone I’ve ever met. You bring me to my knees.”

Emma shifted in her seat, hissing and grabbing her side.

“I think I should take you to bed.”

“I’m not in any shape for that, Ash.”

“To rest.” He smirked. “To rest and talk more. I want us to lie down and be together. You can help me work through this. You know how.”

He helped her up and began taking small, slow steps to the bedroom. “I should call my dad. He really is outside.”

Asher pulled his phone from his back pocket. “We should do that now. I wouldn’t want to upset my in-law.”

His response had her laughing. “In-law? You’re getting ahead of yourself, aren’t you?”

“Maybe,” he replied growing serious. “Maybe not.”

Chapter 27

Asher

Asher lay next to Emma, left to think while she slept. He wanted to believe everything would be perfect now, and all the darkness was gone. But with the threat of conviction hanging over him he couldn’t quite relax. He wouldn’t allow her to wait around for him while he served his time, but then he refused to give her up. It was incredibly selfish and reminded him far too much of his mother’s situation.

He’d meant to stay away from Emma; told himself that it was for the best, and that he really was no good for her. As usual, Emma had other ideas and as soon as he looked at her his will crumbled. It hadn’t been her injuries that had caused his pause, though they certainly stopped him in his tracks. It was her. Just her, and the fact that she was hurting but could only think of him and how he was doing. That was the moment he’d been willing to accept and acknowledge his feelings for her. Before that instant he’d buried it all.

Alone, he thought about how much she’d changed his life. She’d shoehorned herself into so many aspects of it and he’d done nothing to stop her except offering a weak argument. One she would trample all over.

He grinned, looking down at her. For someone so slight she could sure bulldoze her way into any situation. And right now, staring down at her bruised face, ‘bulldoze’ was all he could think of. William Dearing had hurt her, and from this moment on he would make certain she was safe. Ben would help if he wasn’t around, and Gabe too. He wouldn’t need to worry about William Dearing seeking revenge, he’d already been arrested for his abuse to his brother.

Asher had still to reconcile what any of it meant for the future. Up until Emma he hadn’t given any of it much thought. He’d been happy with his shop, running along the canal and the odd beer with Ben.

He’d been stupid.

“Ouch! How can waking up hurt?”

Asher snorted. “I think that’s going to happen when you’ve been through what you have. I expect every movement you make today is going to hurt. Not just waking up.” He placed his arm around her waist, pulling her gently closer to him. He tried not to grimace when he saw the colours that marred her jaw and eye, but failed miserably.

“That bad, huh?”

He feathered his fingers along the side of her face. “I’d stay away from mirrors today. However, I will let you know that you have a serious case of technicolour going on around your eye.”

“I’ll just hide away here until its better. Is that okay?”

Asher smiled. “Can’t have you scaring my customers away.”

“You don’t have any. The shop’s closed until the police have finished and you’ve cleaned it up.”

“Oh, yes. I knew I was forgetting something. I’m jobless.”

Emma giggled and pushed at his shoulder. “Hardly jobless. You
own
the place. And the police will be done soon. I can help you tidy up.”

Growing serious, he exhaled deeply before kissing her forehead. “I’m growing tired of cleaning the shop up every few days. It’s getting to be a bit of a habit.”

“But we know who caused it all, so stop feeling sorry for yourself, Asher Harris.”

“This place was mine. All mine. It was my…” He swallowed hard before Emma finished the sentence for him.

“Safety? Your haven? It still is. Don’t allow someone else to tarnish that.”

“How can you be like this?” he asked, astounded by the way she’d dealt with the entire experience. “How can you just carry on? He hurt you.”

Emma shivered.

When he closed his eyes he saw William’s face, saw the way it contorted with anger and disgust. His throat started to burn, and he could see her eyes were glistening. She was recalling the same memories as he was. He’d known she couldn’t run from her emotions forever. He was also aware that all it would take was a little comfort and trust before her emotions spilled free. His touch, his concern, and his own upset mirrored hers as lay in bed both hurting.

“I don’t want to think about what happened,” she finally admitted.

“Ah, learned from me, huh? Bury it all and then you don’t have to address it. Can I tell you that particular plan doesn’t work for long.” He smiled and stroked his fingertips down her cheek. “Someone once told me that we all need someone to talk to, someone who will hold our hand when life’s a bit shitty.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Who the hell would tell you something as silly as that?”

“You. So take some of your own advice and talk to me.”

Bringing his lips to hers, he kissed her, tentatively at first but as she angled her head, he deepened it. His tongue stroked against hers while his hands cupped her face. He loved her. Every bloody bruised part of her.

But he couldn’t have her. Making Emma wait for him was wrong. He’d fucked up and it was going to cost him.

Pulling away, he rested his forehead against hers. “I thought love was supposed to be easy.”

“It is if you let it, and love has got nothing to do with what happened with in the shop.”

“It does.” Exhaling loudly, he shifted to sit on the edge of the bed. Once again, his back was to her. She hated that. “It won’t be long before the police return and take me away for good. I can’t love you from inside a prison cell.”

“Why not?”

He heard her struggle to get up, a hiss filling the awkward silence.

“Asher, why can’t I love you?”

“Forget it,” he said, attempting to defuse the situation. “Are you hungry? I could go and get us breakfast.”

Emma wasn’t buying it. She gripped his chin with her fingers and turned his head to face her. “Talk to me.”

The sense of foreboding thickened the air between them.

“I won’t let you feel the way I do whenever my mother calls. I won’t be a voice at the end of the line who you speak to every couple of weeks, instead of coming home to every night. I can’t be the one who demands that of you.”

“You’re not
demanding
. I want to be here for you. I want to be the one that waits.” She wafted her hand in the air. “Anyway, that’s not going to happen because it’s all going to be fine. My dad is—”

Asher scowled. “You’ve said that, but you don’t know that any more than I do. We should be practical about this.”

“You mean we should hide? Or kick everyone away who means anything to us?” She gripped his chin tighter, her eyes flashing with annoyance. “You’re willing to push me away even when you have no clue what the outcome is going to be? I love you.”

His throat burned. “That’s the reason I can’t let you wait. It’s selfish.”

“Oh please!” Emma shot back, rolling her eyes to the ceiling. She crawled off the bed to stand in front of him. Every pained movement contorting her face. “So now you’re making decisions for me so that you’re not being selfish? Hypocritical and you know it.” She placed her hands on her hips and stared at him. “Tell me what you want. Don’t lie. Don’t hide. Just open your mouth and tell me what you want right now.”

His palms itched to touch her. She was so close. He was tired. Exhausted from fighting with himself. “You,” he rasped. “I want you.”

Emma wove her fingers into his hair and he pressed his cheek against her abdomen. He inhaled her scent, taking it deep into his lungs and praying he would never have to breathe her out. Holding her close, he focused on her caress and zoned everything else out.

“I’ve told you so many times that I’m here for you. When will you start believing it?” Her fingers continued their smooth journey through his hair.

“I already do,” he said softly. “But that doesn’t negate the situation I’m in.”

Emma gripped his hair and tilted his head up so that they made eye contact. “I’m not listening to your bullshit anymore, Asher Harris. Loving me doesn’t mean you can make my decisions. I’ve been led by people for so long that being with you, making my own choices, was freeing. I won’t go back to feeling guilty because my decision isn’t right by someone else. Well, I chose you.”

His heart threatened to burst with emotion.

“I chose you whether you like it or not, and regardless of whether you get punished for what you did to William.”

She was offering him a future, just as Ike had done. He could almost hear the old man screaming at him to grasp it with both hands. He struggled to speak. He was his own worst enemy.

“I’ve laid myself bare to you. Please say something. Tell me I’m not going to have to leave here. Please.”

Silence stretched as he searched for the right thing to say.

“You’re going to have to leave at some point,” he said, finally speaking. “You don’t have any clothes here.”

A small bubble of laughter burst free from her lips as a tear fell from her eye. Asher tugged on her torso until she lowered herself onto his lap, her brows drawing together because the movement caused her pain.

“I could buy new clothes. Or ask my dad to bring some. If you tell me to go I won’t.” Another tear trickled down her cheek. “I can’t leave you to go through this alone. It was because of me.”

“Tell me that’s not the only reason you’re staying.”

Emma rolled her eyes again. “Jesus, you’re hard work. I need your help dealing with this. You’re the only one who understands what I’m going through—what I’m feeling. But I told you how I felt about you before the shit hit the fan. I was all in long ago, Ash. I was waiting for you to accept that and be on board too.”

He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, allowing his fingertips to dance along the side of her face and jaw. “None of this should be this way. We should have met up again and then just fell in love. No drama, no ugliness, no violence and no prison time dangling over our heads.”

“You’re right.” She kissed his forehead. “But that’s not how it happened. I hate what happened to us, but this is our story, and I won’t have it ending with me being forced to leave while you sit alone in a cell.”

The image hit him hard. So forcefully it almost took his breath away, and finally he saw what she was trying to show him. “I don’t want that either. Angel, I love you so fucking much. I’m no better than I was when you first met me. I have a million issues and I can’t tell you how I’m going to overcome them. I know you deserve better.”

“You’re wrong. I’m telling you that you’re wrong. Do you trust me?”

His answer was instant. “With my life. Every horrid part of it.”

“Then trust that I’m telling you the truth, and that I’m making the right decisions. You are that decision.”

Asher smirked. “When you bust out an argument like that how am I supposed to refute it?”

“I take after my dad.”

“He’d be proud. And he’d probably say you picked the wrong career.”

Emma reached behind her and linked her fingers with his. “I can’t work through what happened that night without you. And to have any kind of future I have to do that.”

“But by coming here each day you’ll be relieving it when you enter the shop.” He paused, pondering whether he wanted to say what had been swirling in his head for hours. Eventually, he gave in. “And won’t you be risking getting hurt all over again because of the work you do? I can’t see you in that much pain again, angel.”

“So, not only are you wanting to remove yourself from my life, but you’re also saying my job is dangerous? Ash, it was an isolated incident. And you do know why you’re not thinking clearly, don’t you?”

Asher could only stare at her.

“Because letting someone into your life—into your heart, opens you up to feelings you’ve kept buried. You’ve already told me you love me; you’ve taken that leap, so why don’t we walk the path together? It would be a waste for us to carry on miserable and alone. At some point you’re going to have to trust me on this, or just wing it.” She grinned.

The conversation felt far too intense to smile, and he decided to say what he was thinking, rather than bury it. “Will you stay here? When I’ve gone, I mean. Will you move in and take care of my…
world
…and Gabe? He’ll need you again.”

Her bottom lip trembled. “Asher. Oh god, Asher.” She hugged him fiercely, never wanting to let him go, and as her tears slipped free they mingled with his own.