Igniting Ash (8 page)

Emma froze, her thoughts halting as she finally found who she was searching for. Her body sluicing icy cold, her insides knotting at the sight of Gabe, pale and sedated in the hospital bed.

Pushing open the door, she walked quietly around the bed and took a precarious seat in the blue chair. She took hold of his hand, not liking the coolness that met her. She rubbed at the flesh, trying to warm him up—hoping to warm herself up because the chill she felt was now bone deep.

The machine beside him beeped to the rhythm of Gabe’s heartbeat, the little line bobbing up and down on the screen. It was steady, easing her concern for him a bit. The grey tinge to his skin increased it though, and when she noticed the large dressing on his arm she gasped. It would probably scar; something he would never be able to get rid of. It would always be there as a reminder to him.

No matter how much therapy he had.

Gabe would have to deal with pieces of his past every day when he looked in the mirror.

“Oh, Gabe,” she said softly, sympathy dripping from her words. “You’ll be okay. I’m here for you.”

Her body trembled, and she clutched his hand tighter. The beeps of the machine sped up as if responding to her, and at that moment she made a silent vow to herself. She would do everything in her power to rescue him from whatever he was dealing with. She’d helped Asher. He’d said as much only moments ago, so she would do it again.

Emma was going to save Gabe.

Chapter 8

Asher

“How was he?” Asher questioned as Emma took a seat in the passenger side of his car. Her hand trembled as she smoothed a few of her blond curls behind her ear, revealing her tear-stained cheek to him.

“Oh, Emma,” he said softly, stretching his arm across the space to take her hand. “Was he that bad?”

Shaking her head, she took a deep breath before speaking. “No. He was sleeping. His face was a mess but not so much now that the blood has been washed off. He just looked so young and innocent laying there in the bed.”

Asher hummed in agreement, allowing her time to explain what was going on. He doubted he could manage to speak anyway. Imagining the young boy, alone in a strange room was too much. Too personal.

It caused his memories to burst free. Ones where he wore the hospital gowns, and doctors prodded his bleeding flesh while asking a multitude of questions he couldn’t answer. The memories made him shudder, lowering his body temperature but bringing him out in a sweat at the same time.

Blinking rapidly, Asher pushed the thoughts away. He wasn’t prepared to revisit those times. He’d moved on. “I should take you home. You’re too stressed to drive your own car home. We’ll come and collect it later. When you’ve calmed down a bit.”

Emma didn’t protest.

“Sometimes it feels like the job I do is utterly futile,” she said, oblivious to Asher’s mental anguish. “We try to help them but we hit so many roadblocks. The doctors usually understand but they have rules they have to adhere to. It makes me feel useless.”

“You’re not. You know you’re not.” She finally turned her head to make eye contact with him. “And I’m not saying I agree. Not at all, but I guess it’s all there to protect the kid.”

“How does it? I’m here for him—to help him. I can’t do anything for him though, can I? I’m not allowed. I have to wait for his social worker. Or for him to run back to it all.”

“Without question, visiting him helps and knowing that you are actually there for him. From what you’ve told me he has no one else.”

“He has someone.” She sneered. “Someone he keeps going back to. Someone that uses him for target practice!”

Asher hung his head and muttered his response. “Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love them.”

Her gasp didn’t surprise him. He couldn’t explain why anyone would care for the very person who hurt them. And he’d lived it. So how was Emma going to understand? In her world there were good and bad people; she was helping the ones who had suffered. To him, life was way more complicated.

Slowly, he raised his head, noting the way her eyes had grown wide. Her mouth was open, and her shock was evident in her features. He wished he’d kept his dumb mouth shut. By commenting, even that small amount, he revealed far too much to her about his past.

Panic had nausea rising in his gullet. He needed to defuse her oncoming questions because once she started to ask about his past, he knew she wouldn’t stop. Asher couldn’t lie to her. Something about her got to him. Something about her made him want to tell her everything and have her say that he’d be okay now.

Confused by his feelings, Asher tore his hand away from hers and started the engine. He could hear her spluttering, clearly trying to work out what had just occurred and what he’d said. Asher fixed his gaze on the windscreen and drove, unable to look at her.

They remained silent—eerily so. Every sound the engine made appeared to be far louder than it should, and the bustle from outside was as clear as it would be if he had the window lowered. He was aware of every move Emma made, each time she shuffled, combed her fingers through her hair or sighed. Her little noises were driving him insane, leaving him gritting his teeth so tightly it made his jaw ache.

He didn’t like this reaction. Not one bit.

“Um, thanks again for coming to help me. I should have really called my dad, but my fingers just pressed away and then I was talking to you. Guess my subconscious knew you were the best person to talk to.”

“Maybe,” he said curtly, gripping the steering wheel that bit tighter.

“Meagan would have been useless. That’s if she’d arrived at all.”

Asher scowled, quickly diverting his gaze toward her for a second. Anger laced his next question. “Why are you friends with her? She sounds so shitty.”

Emma’s brows rose, taken aback by his abruptness. He hadn’t meant to be so rude, but his body’s reaction to her was irritating him so he snapped. There was no doubt he wanted to be friends with her. However that would be where it had to end. He was not a good bet. Not at all.

She blushed, reaching up to toy with the key pendant on her necklace. Her brow furrowed, creases forming in the usually smooth skin, and her eyes boring into his until he couldn’t take it anymore. He looked away. Either that or crash the damn car.

The voice inside of his head told him to apologize. It wasn’t fair to react the way he had done, or for him to label her friend as shitty when he was the one being horrid.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, turning the car to the left far too late. He received a chorus of horns from other road users. Still irritated he flipped them off and let rip a curse or two.

“Jesus, Asher, what’s wrong?”

“Not a goddamn thing.” He pulled to a halt at a set of lights.

His blood started to boil, his knuckles turning white from the strangle hold he had on the wheel. It was all his fault. Right now, he was just winding himself up further, the other road users only fuelling his fire of aggression. Nevertheless, he couldn’t back down. He spiralled, the more he thought about how he reacted to Emma the more irritated he got, leading him to think about the way he’d shouted at her. That reaction just had him hating himself further.

Christ, he was an emotional mess and not used to the sensations that swirled within him at all. All of it could have stopped because there had been no huge cause. He had wound himself up to this level.

Maybe he was more like his family than he’d ever imagined.

Asher’s heart virtually stopped beating at that thought. The cold sweat he’d experienced earlier now bursting out again across his heated flesh. He took long, slow breaths, focusing on keeping each one steady. He needed to calm himself down and make things right with Emma.

As soon as the traffic lights changed he pulled away, searching for somewhere safe to stop. He couldn’t let this carry on. He was probably scaring the life out of her.

Finding a side street, Asher slowed the car and stopped. He fumbled, unbuckling his seatbelt and eventually turned to face her. She still toyed with her necklace and her eyes shot all over the car, refusing to meet his.

“Em,” he croaked out, feeling like the biggest bastard ever. “I’m sorry. So fucking sorry. I got angry and lost it.”

“I don’t understand. We were okay—you came to the hospital for me, and then I blinked, opening my eyes to this.” She gestured toward him. “What the hell happened?”

Asher screwed his eyes shut; hating the horrified look she was shooting him. It didn’t matter though. He could still see it, as if it was burned into his retinas, reminding him what an idiot he’d been. A ridiculous amount of self-hate had oozed just because he didn’t want to like her. The emotions had been futile.

He did like her. And what he was feeling was something far more than friendship.

Forcing himself to open his eyes, Asher swallowed the huge ball of guilt that had lodged in his throat. “I can’t really explain it.”

“Try.”

“My head got a bit messed up.”

“That’s not an explanation, Asher.”

He tried to grasp her hands but she pulled away. Her withdrawal sliced at his heart, leaving him doubting what she had started to mean to him.

“It will sound ridiculous and rather childish.”

“What will? Look, you’re confusing me. Just spit it out!” she demanded, raising her voice.

Reacting quickly to her raised pitch, he blurted out, “I like you, okay? I really like you.”

She stilled as his heart began to crash frantically against his chest. It didn’t even register with him completely what he’d declared until her eyes began to soften and a smile slowly swept across her lips.

“Do you want to have sex with me, Asher?” When he snorted at her joke, she continued. “I like you too, though your actions tell me that isn’t a good thing.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Enjoy it?”

“How? Emma, I don’t date. I don’t even have friends. I should be left alone.”

“We’ve covered the
friends
thing.” She stroked her hand down his forearm, tilting her head so that he couldn’t divert his eyes from hers. “Ben is your friend, and I bet you had others in that house at the party. You don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re a nice guy, Ash.”

“You call my little outburst just then
nice
?”

“I don’t mean that, but you should really explain what that was all about. That was one hell of a mood swing. One minute you were with me, the next you were driving the car like someone hell-bent on destruction.”

He shrugged. “I snapped. No biggie.”

“You think I’m buying that blasé attitude? Truthfully, it only pisses me off that bit more.”

Asher couldn’t stop the smile that formed in response to her cursing. It was so out of character. Like a small child repeating the big words she’d heard her mummy say.

“What’s so funny?” Her spine pulling rigid.

Without analysing, he lifted his hand to cup her face. He took a moment, enjoying the soft texture of her skin and revelling in his body’s reaction. One simple touch had his skin tingling and his pulse skipping into overdrive. He wanted and hated the reaction in equal measures. She turned him upside down so much he didn’t know what to think or to do next.

“Nothing.”

Pulling her head from his hand she glared at him, her pupils dilating. She blinked once before letting her irritation loose on him.

“Nothing?” Her pitch was somewhat hysterical. “Nothing? Are you serious? Asher, I don’t know what’s going on with you, or for that matter what you’ve taken, but whatever it is you tell me now.”

“Huh? Taken? I—”

“Don’t give me that. I called you for help and was so thankful when you came. You supported me when I thought I might fall, offered me a hand to steady me but as soon as we get into the car you change. You flip out, yelling at me and every other road user out there. What I don’t get is why. I honestly thought we were doing okay, so you can understand my confusion.” He opened his mouth to speak but it appeared Emma wasn’t ready to let him have his say. She continued, “You were fine at the hospital. In fact, your tantrum only appeared after we left. That’s why I wonder what you took, because you changed one eighty in the space of about twenty minutes. So are you going to tell me?”

“You think I’m on drugs?” he asked, disbelief causing him to smirk.

“Maybe,” she responded, this time not as confident.

“And what caused that assumption? My past? Those little facts that you know about me? Or maybe it’s just that I warned you off me. I warned you to stay away so that means I’m using? Really?”

“In my head, it was a way of rationalising your actions. You turned into someone aggressive and scary within seconds. I don’t understand it.”

Something lodged in his throat in response to her words. It became difficult to speak, and he swallowed repeatedly, trying to shift it. “You’re
scared
of me?”

Emma shook her head, her hand moving up to touch her key pendant. “No! I didn’t mean that. I said you
were
scary, not that you scared me. Asher, this is out of control. Can we both take a breath and calm down?”

Asher twisted in his seat, facing forward as he restarted the engine.

“What are you doing?” she asked, buckling herself back up.

“Driving you home.”

He was being an arsehole, he knew it. There was no need to be so abrupt with her. He had the problem, not her. It wasn’t Emma fault.

“I called you because I thought you’d understand. I thought you’d help me.” She spoke so low he could barely hear her over the sound of the engine and his angry blood roaring through his pulsing veins.

“I
do
understand.” He sighed heavily, giving in to temptation as he placed his hand on her knee but kept his eyes on the road ahead. “The situation with Gabe? It’s a bit much for me—too close to home.”

Asher felt her body slump. “I’m sorry. It was selfish of me asking you to help. I wasn’t thinking straight. All I could focus on was Gabe and the blood.”

Nodding, he turned the corner. He wished he could tell her the truth, not that his explanation had been a lie because it wasn’t. It was a half-truth and it would have to suffice. He was in no rush to bear his soul to her, no matter how she made him feel.