I'll Be Seeing You (5 page)

“I understand, sir,” Eugene says, puffing out his uniformed chest.

After stepping off the elevator and heading toward my office, I stop by Krista's desk to pick up my messages.

"Emma was just downstairs looking for me." Krista gasps at hearing this bit of disturbing news.

"What the hell does she want?" she asks angrily.

"I don't know, but she threatened to return tomorrow. I'm in surgery all day, so if you get the opportunity, will you please take care of it? I don't want her to step one foot on this floor. In this building for that matter," I say turning toward my office.

"Oh, don't you worry about that, Matthew. I’ll take care of it," she says, picking up her phone and dialing as she speaks, determination written all over her face.

As I read my messages, Jessie comes bounding down the hall toward me. I quickly make it to my office and slam the door before he reaches it, laughing aloud when he curses me from the other side.

"Fuck you, Matthew," he bellows opening the door, slamming it behind him. "So, did you ask her out?" he asks as he drops his body onto my leather couch.

"I did."

"And?"

"She said yes."

"And?"

"We’re going to Maddie's barbeque on Saturday," I answer. "And so are you."

"What?" he blurts out, sitting up straight. “Why do we need to go?”

"Well, it's kind of a long story. Laura is Joy's best friend and you are mine, best friend that is. Maddie is ‘in like’, or whatever, with Brian. Brian is Laura's brother. We all have a connection and Maddie wants us all there when she makes her move on Brian. Got all that?" I ask, reading my emails.

"Ah hell, Matt, I had a different set of plans for Laura for Saturday night. A romantic dinner at my place, wine, sex, music, more wine, more sex, then more sex," Jessie says, sitting back and closing his eyes, visualizing.

"Jess, listen, I made a deal with Joy that she won't say anything to Laura about your lack of monogamy if you treat her friend right, but if all you want is a fresh fuck, then she will steer Laura away from you. Apparently, Laura is a good girl. In the past, men have treated her badly, and Joy won't see that happening again if she can help it. So, what I'm saying is, don't do it, man. Don't use her. Call her and cancel the date."

He just sits there and glares at me. We are in the throes of a stare down. I know he’s contemplating what I’ve said, and he sits up, placing his elbows on his knees, twisting his hands.

"Okay," he says getting up to leave.

"Okay, what?" I ask before he reaches the door.

"Okay, I heard you." He slams the door behind him.

Having no clue what that means, I shrug and know there is no way I want to get involved in his sex life. Seeing Joy hurt because my friend used her friend, is not something I want either.

Spending the rest of the afternoon reviewing my patient's file, I’ve planned the surgery and gone over the details with a fine-tooth comb, outlining the procedure step by step. Intending on inviting three interns to observe, I give Krista the names to send out the notice. Then my stomach growls at me.

I realize I haven't eaten anything but half a muffin, which, of course, brings my mind back to Joy. Krista walks into my office and finds me daydreaming.

"Honeysuckle girl?" she asks, placing a stack of files on my desk.

Looking down at them then back to her, I faintly nod my head, noting her smile as she walks out the door.

With that, I decide now’s the time to go home because I'm tired and hungry and need to rest up for surgery in the morning.

After carefully pulling my Jag into the garage, I enter the house through the door adjoining the kitchen, noticing the silence — the loneliness. I dislike this part of the day the most. There’s no one waiting to greet me or to ask how my day went. No one is here to just sit with me and enjoy the quiet evening. Walking over to the stereo, I turn it on just for background noise.

Despite my hunger, I decide to go to the basement and work out to shake this feeling of loneliness instead.

Even after eight miles of running, still all I can do is think of her. Exasperated that a few rounds with the boxing bag doesn’t get her off my mind, I run upstairs to take a long, hot shower then see about dinner.

Pulling a large pan of lasagna that my housekeeper left in the warmer, I inhale the luscious aroma and smile because it’s still warm. Thank you, Rebecca! Dishing up a plate, along with salad that she left she left in the refrigerator, I sit down at the breakfast bar and devour it all.

Bored, I dish another helping of lasagna and pull out my cell to look at my texts and emails. Seeing a text from Jessie, I read it first.

I like her, all right. ~ Jessie

Okay, good. Just don't fuck this up. ~ Matthew

I won't. Do you have time for a beer? ~Jessie

Not tonight. Surgery in the morning. Going to crash soon. ~ Matthew

OK. See you in the a.m. ~Jessie

Yep. ~ Matthew

Finishing my second helping of lasagna, I rinse my plate and put my dishes in the dishwasher, deciding to call Joy before I call it a night.

"Hello," she answers on the third ring.

"Hi, Joy. It's Matthew."

"Matthew," she says in a whisper.

"How was the rest of your day?" I ask, fishing for something to talk about.

"It was good. I'm nearly finished with the book I started on Monday. So that's good. How about yourself?"

"Uneventful. I reviewed case files all day. That's one of the reasons for this call. I wanted to let you know I won't be at the café tomorrow because this surgery is scheduled early and will take all morning." I wait for her to say something, but there is complete silence, and I begin to wonder if she has hung up.

"Joy? Are you there?" I ask.

"Yes, I'm here. I was thinking about the wonderful things that you do. What you do with your hands? With your eyes? It's truly a wonderful gift you share and I'm honored to even know you.”

"What a kind thing to say. Thank you," I say, astonished at her thoughtful encomium.

"Hey, I have news for you. I spoke with Jessie today. I let him have it regarding Laura and told him that if he was only out for sex, I wanted him to cancel his date."

"Oh, Matthew, thank you. I appreciate it."

"I received a text from him a little bit ago that said he wasn't canceling because he actually likes her."

"That's wonderful because she really likes him, too. I didn't want to tell you that, fearing you would relay that back to him. From here on out, though, I'm staying out of it," she vows.

"I agree. I have enough on my plate to be worrying about his love life." Again, I notice the deafening silence on the other end.

"Joy?"

"I want to say this before Saturday, Matthew. I'm a communicator. I don't hide things, and I like to talk about things that are on my mind. Does that bother you?" she asks cautiously.

"No, actually it's rather refreshing and saves a lot of time. Do you have something you’d like to say now?" I ask, grinning at her sweet confession.

"I don't do casual sex. In fact, I don't do sex at all. It’s not that I don't want to but it’s just that men aren't attracted to me in that way. If you just want to see me for a casual sex relationship, I need to tell you right now … don't. I've never been with a man, intimately. So … that's it." She ends her rant with a deep cleansing breath.

"Joy, I will have to argue your point that men don't find you attractive. I've watched how they look at you. Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't so. Trust me when I say, they want you … that way. Unfortunately, most men don't know how to approach a beautiful woman. I just took the coward's way out and approached Conrad.”

Once again, there's silence on the other end.

"Has no one ever told you how beautiful you are?" I ask cautiously.

"Yes. Laura did, yesterday,” she answers quietly.

"I mean a man, silly. A grown man. Have you never been held or cherished?" I ask her.

"I remember my dad holding me when I was a little girl, but the older I get, the more distant that memory becomes. So, no, I've never had a man touch me, really." she confesses sadly.

I have no idea what to say, I’m speechless. This girl has never had someone love her.

How do you tell someone that has never had the experience of love that you want to be her first? I want to be the one to show her what it feels like to have someone hold her, protect her and make her feel safe.

"I can't imagine what that is like, Joy," I say, thinking what my life would have been like without my parents and sister. "But I'd like to be the one to show you."

After Matthew and I hang up, I pick my phone back up. I need to talk to Laura and quick.

"Hey, Joy. What's up?" Laura answers.

"Hi. I was wondering if you could come over for a little while tonight. I need a girl talk."

"Sure, babe. I'll be there in fifteen minutes. Ice cream?"

"I think so. It’s about sex," I answer, hearing the trembling in my own voice.

"Uh oh. Mint Chocolate Chip?"

"Yep."

"Oh, no. I'll be there in ten." After we hang up, I sit frozen in place waiting to hear her key in the door, but instead I hear the buzzer.

"Laura, why don't you ever use your stupid key?" I mutter to myself unlocking the security door downstairs. When I hear her getting close, I unlock it and let her in.

"Um … because I lost it, okay?" She blurts out before I can say a word. "I can't find it anywhere, and I didn't know how to tell you."

Damn, that's her third one.

"Okay, I'm changing my locks and sending you the bill," I say, sounding crankier than I should.

“I'm sorry, Laura. I don't mean to be a shrew. I just need someone to talk to and help me sort some stuff out." I say, feeling completely confused.

"What's going on, babe?" Laura asks from the kitchen while dishing up the ice cream.

"Well, Matthew called me a little bit ago, and while we were talking, I mentioned that I have never been with a man." Laura suddenly stops banging around and when it gets quiet, I realize how odd it must sound that this subject would even come up in conversation. "He asked me if I've ever been loved, and when I told him no, he said he wanted to be the one to show me," I explain, wringing my hands on my lap. "What does that mean, Laura?"

"It means he really likes you," she answers matter-of-factly, as if I should know this already.

"Joy, I know you haven't had a significant man in your life other than your father, but do you know anything about sex or intimacy?" she asks, touching my hand with a cold bowl of ice cream. I reach out and take it from her, stabbing my spoon into the creamy goodness and stuffing a spoonful into my mouth. Pausing to contemplate my answer and enjoy the mint flavor of the ice cream, I realize there is nothing to think about; I don’t know anything about sex or intimacy.

I'm screwed.

"You know my history. You know about Mike. He wasn't very nice about it at all and even with him, it was limited to just kissing," I remind her.

“I'm in trouble, aren't I?" I ask.

"Well, what about all that reading you do, you must have read something about sex?" she asks, talking through a mouth full of ice cream.

"No, not really. I mean, I've read the romance novels; how the women are all desirous of the hero in the books, and the men are all muscular and well endowed. What does that even mean?” I ask, feeling extremely naïve. "I mean, I know what the word means, and I think I know, but … the women are always virgins and they have to learn about sex from their new husbands.”

Our question and answer session goes on well into the night, and by the time the night is over, Laura has fallen asleep on my couch. She has given me a newfound knowledge of love and sex. I now know what to watch for when I feel I want to become physical with Matthew. First, though, I need to see what he looks like.

Friday was going by quickly; I finish the first book and start the second in the same series. Knowing I won’t be meeting Matthew at the café this morning, I stay home all day to get these books narrated. It seemed a perfect opportunity to make the day go faster.

Having tossed and turned all night in anticipation of my date with Matthew, I wake up early on Saturday morning and mull over everything Laura and I discussed. It’s unbelievable that someone of my age is clueless to the world of love, sex, and men in general. I have really kept myself in seclusion, that's for certain.

Since Laura promised to come over this afternoon to help me get ready for my first real date, I try to keep my already high emotions tempered by taking Conrad out to the courtyard behind the building. When I bought this apartment, I solicited the tenants of the building to turn the small private courtyard into a dog park of sorts, promising to supply the service to keep the area clean of dog debris. Considering most of the tenants were seniors and pet owners, it didn't take much convincing.

Once Conrad had finished his morning ritual, I start making the pie that I promised Matthew. I make two, one for the party and one for him to take home. After I set them out to cool and clean up my mess, I get to work. Part of my work routine starts by printing the transcript to Braille. Then, after reading the chapter first, I narrate it to audio. As soon as the first three chapters are finished, I find my mind drifting again, to what Laura and I had discussed. Sex 101 she called it. Everything I believe my mother would have talked to me about, Laura told me, and then some.

When she asked me if I had ever touched myself and experienced an orgasm, I told her I believed that I had. She said that if I were to have sex with Matthew, those orgasms would be ten-fold. The thought of Matthew intimately touching me raised my anxiety levels. It's something I want, yet fear at the same time.

Laying my head against the back of my chair, I ponder about what it would feel like to have Matthew touch me … kiss me. I’ve only had one boy's kiss, which wasn't all that exciting. Unexpectedly, I feel something stir in the pit of my stomach. Is this what Laura was trying to tell me last night? Is this desire I’m feeling? I grin, hoping that if it is, it never goes away.

My watch says three o’clock and Laura will be here soon, so I quickly straighten up my desk, then make my way to the kitchen to get us something to drink. As predicted, Laura, who is very rarely late, knocks on my door. Knowing who it is, Conrad doesn't even lift his head.

"You found your key, I see," I say when I open the door.

"I did. It was hiding in the pocket of this bag that I switched over to this morning," she replies happily, as she walks through the door.

"Jessie’s picking me up at four thirty, which gives us half an hour to get you ready before I need to leave to get ready myself, so let's get to work," Laura says, as she takes the brush to my hair. "Let's do your hair in an up-do ... something messy and sexy. You have such a beautiful, long neck; you might as well show it off."

It's funny that after she painstakingly brushes my hair, she takes her hands and deliberately messes it up again before securing it on the top of my head. My hair is long, reaching past the middle of my back, and how she got all of it to stay put is a mystery to me. Laura’s an artist when it comes to this kind of thing.

After she finishes my hair, she applies make-up to my clean face, and then hurriedly picks out my outfit.

"I’ve placed your royal blue V-neck knit top, black Capri's, and underwear on the end of your bed. After you take your bath, it's all there … starting on the left. I've chosen the blue sweater that's just sheer enough and faintly see-through. The blue lace bra that will barely show through is sexy, but still discreet. Your black ballet slip-ons are on floor next to the bed."

"Laura, you are the best. Every girl should have a friend like you. Thanks for all this," I say, reaching for her hand. She places hers in mine, and I pull her in for a deep but brief hug. "Now go. Go make yourself beautiful for Jessie. I know he's excited. Matthew told me. See you later, okay?"

"Okay, sweetie. You look really pretty. Matthew is going to be staring at you all night," she says before leaving to get ready herself.

Checking the time, I still have an hour, so I opt to take a nice, long bath. I want to make sure my legs are silky smooth, and Laura says my girly bits need paying attention to now Matthew is in the picture. Insisting I wax down there, she’s going to make us appointments at her spa next week. Blushing at the thought of anyone touching me there, I nearly cover my face in embarrassment with my wet hands. Stopping mid-air, I remember my make-up. I almost ruined it! After finishing my bath, I apply my favorite scented body lotion then count the steps to my bed. Feeling my toe touch the shoes that are waiting for me, I begin to dress.

Just as Laura promised, my clothes are lying neatly on the bed and I begin with a pair of lacy thong panties. I visualizing Matthew touching them. Wait. What if these are the ones Laura dropped on the sidewalk? It would be so like her to do that to me. I moan at the thought and quickly finish dressing. After slipping into my shoes, I make sure everything is in place before picking out my jewelry.

Matthew is due any minute, so I take Conrad out again and spend a little time with him. I don’t know who loves to play catch more, but he will play until he rolls over if I let him. When he places the wet ball into my hand, I immediately drop it. It’s so full of slobber and just too nasty to hold anymore. "Gross, Conrad." I cry. "Time to go in," I say and he takes his place at my side.

At four-thirty exactly, Matthew buzzes in downstairs, and once he’s at my door, Conrad is right there with me. He knows who it is because I can feel his tail swinging a mile a minute as it hits against my leg. I think he’s more excited to see Matthew than me.

"Hello, come in.” I’m feeling really nervous and pray it's not obvious. "Conrad, lay down," I command, and he happily does as he's told. "I think he's excited to see you."

"Wow, you look beautiful," he says, touching my arm, leaning in and placing a brief kiss on my cheek before greeting Conrad.

"Thank you, so do you," I reply, giggling. "Would you like something to drink or should we leave right away?"

"No, we have a few minutes. I brought a bottle of wine if you'd like a glass," he offers. I take advantage of him standing in front of me by taking a deep breath and inhaling his scent. I grin when he chuckles at me.

"Do you like the way I smell, Joy?" he asks, his voice deep and low, coming directly from above me.

"Yes," I say, shyly. "You wear it nearly every day, that’s how I recognize you when you walk in the café." I feel the heat rise in my cheeks at my blatant admission. Yep, I recognize this sensation now. Laura explained it very well.

"Where are your wine glasses?" he asks in the same sultry tone, still standing close to me.

"They're in the k … kitchen, in the cupboard to the left of the sink," I stutter. Rather than going to get the glasses, he takes my chin and lifts my face up to his.

"Joy?" he says my name close to my ear. "I’m going to kiss you now."

"Um …" I manage to say before my knees start to tremble.

All I can do is nod my head, and then my senses take over. I feel the warmth of his smooth cheek next to mine. I smell the minty sweetness of his breath and my head spins when warm lips touch mine. I cling to him for support as if I could faint at any moment. He must sense it too, because his arm quickly goes around my waist, pulling me close, holding me tightly against him. My body goes into sensory overload, and I could cry from the sheer pleasure of that one, single, extraordinary kiss. I push away from him to get my bearings. My head is spinning, my heart is racing, and I swear I could float to the ceiling.

"Oh, god," I whisper, taking a step back and touching my lips in quiet surprise. It feels as if they are on fire, swollen and wanting more. Laura could never have explained this to me.

"Joy?" he says my name, making it sound soft and light, like air. "Joy, are you all right?" I can hear the concern in his voice.

"Yes," I respond, still mesmerized by his kiss. “Did … did I say that I’ve been kissed before?” My body, trembling, responds to him again when he bends down to kiss my cheek.

"Matthew, I need a few minutes. I … I'll be right back," I say before turning toward my room. My mind is floating in a hazy fog and I feel ashamedly disoriented. "Conrad," I call out, my voice shaking, and within seconds, he’s at my side. "Bedroom," I whisper. He immediately guides me to my room where I shut the door, closing Matthew out until I can regroup and wrap my mind around what just happened, more specifically, my reaction to what just happened.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, rocking back and forth, I relive that moment as my fingers trace my lips. I can still feel the sensation of having him touch me there. Did I actually float three feet above the ground during that kiss? I giggle at that thought because that's certainly what it felt like. I can undoubtedly say that that was my first kiss, and I'm glad it was with Matthew.

"Joy?" I can hear concern in his voice.

"Come in." I straighten up, hoping I look more composed than I feel.

"Are you all right?" he asks in a rush.

"Yes, I’m fine," I reassure him, fiddling with my fingers. I’m so embarrassed. "I guess you could say that was my first real kiss and I don't think I handled it very well. I was a little overwhelmed," I confess. Taking my hand, he softly strokes along my fingers.

"I think you handled it beautifully, and I'm honored that I was your first," he says quietly. His brow touches the side of my head, as he runs his finger across my jaw, down to my chin. He tugs my face toward him again and gives me a chaste kiss, not as intense as the first one, but just as sweet.

"How about that glass of wine and then we'll leave for Maddie's," he suggests, as he softly strokes my bottom lip. He’s so close to my face, I can feel his warm breath against my cheek.