I’ll Meet You There (32 page)

Suddenly, more than anything in the world, I wanted to go to the creek. I had to go.
Had to be as close to him as possible. We’d scattered his ashes there, and now Mom
and I were both ditching him. How could we do that? Maybe, if I went there, I could
figure out—whoops! sat up too fast—I could figure out why everything felt wrong.

JoshJoshJosh.
I shook my head.

Fuck. Him.

I stood, swaying a little, clutching the bottle in one hand and digging in my pocket
for my car keys with the other. The creek. The creek. That was where the answers were.

I left the bottle on the table and stumbled to the back gate. Stubbed my toe on a
rock.

“Ouch!”

Damn. That really hurt.

It took me a minute to fit my key into the lock once I’d gotten to my car—duh, wrong
key. I started giggling and got inside quick and shut the door before Amy could hear
me.

I turned on the car, and it was like a sign from God when the radio started playing
this song that Maverick aka Tom Cruise listens to in
Top Gun
with the blond chick he’s into. “Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay.” In the movie, they’re
on this porch swing, and he tells her it was a song his dad had listened to a lot,
and I’d always loved it because my dad had liked it too. He used to sing it to me
at night, like a lullaby, and he’d taught me to whistle by having me practice the
whistling part of the song. I turned it up as I backed out and headed toward the highway.

It took me a second to realize my headlights weren’t on, but I noticed before I got
on the road. The Paradise sign blazed, and the neon angel winked at me. I waved to
her, half tempted to flip her off, but I didn’t know why. The Paradise had been good
to me, even if it had brought Josh into my life. I got on the 99, and somebody honked,
and I
did
flip them off, which felt dangerous, like throwing beer bottles at a boarded-up gas
station.

I turned the radio up and sang at the top of my lungs. I didn’t realize I was crying
until I pulled onto the dirt road that led to the creek. When the song ended, I shut
off the radio and took a big breath, trying to concentrate on the road in front of
me, which was sort of hazy and rolling, like I was driving on water. Empty fields
were on either side of me, and there wasn’t any moon, so it was pitch-black except
for my two yellowish headlights that were zigzagging all over the road.

My cell started to ring, and I grabbed it out of the ashtray I never used, where it
was lying on top of change and gum wrappers.

The caller ID said
Josh.

“What the hell?”

I stared at the phone, my insides turning to jelly, my hand shaking. What did it mean
that he was calling me tonight, right now, when everything in me ached to be with
him, but
NO
,
no way
was I going to answer.

“Fuck you, Josh. Fuck you!” I yelled at the phone. It kept ringing, and just when
I was about to throw it onto the seat next to me, the car suddenly lurched, then dived
off the road. I screamed, the phone flying, my hands gripping the wheel. My teeth
slammed together, and my forehead hit the steering wheel. The air bag didn’t open,
but it didn’t matter because the car suddenly stopped, the engine making a horrible,
grating sound. I looked around me, at the headlights pointing into a wall of earth.

A ditch.

I’d driven into a deep ditch on the side of the road. Everything was close, too close,
and I couldn’t breathe, and Dad, this was what Dad must have felt like, right when
the big rig—

I unbuckled my seat belt and tried to open the door, but it wouldn’t budge. I started
panicking, feeling like the car was underwater and I was sinking. I had to get out,
had to get out before the car blew up or the walls of earth caved in and buried me
alive.

I rolled down the window and turned off the ignition, leaving the headlights on. My
body shaking, my head pounding, my stomach clenching.

I felt something on my foot and reached down—my cell phone. I shoved it into my pocket.

Spinning. Spinning.
Oh, God, what’s happening?

I gave up hope of ever opening the door and hoisted myself out the window, then reached
up to brace my body against the side of the ditch. There was just enough space for
me to crawl out. When I got onto the road and looked down, the tears came. There wasn’t
a house around for miles, and unless there were some couples hooking up by the creek,
there wasn’t anyone around who could help me. How the hell had I—

Josh
.

I whipped the phone out of my pocket and nearly fell over from the effort. I swayed
in the middle of the deserted road, looking down at my car. I’d been fine, almost
to the creek, about to get some answers from the universe or God or my dad when
he
had to push his way back into my life, calling in the middle of the night. I went
to my recent calls and pressed the number on top.

I started screaming into the phone as soon as I heard his hopeful “Sky?”

“You fucking asshole, why the fuck are you calling me? Now my car’s in a goddamn
ditch
—”

“Sky, slow down,” Josh said, his voice instantly commanding.

“No, I
will not
slow down. Fuck you. You don’t get to tell me what to do—”

“
Sky
. Are you hurt?”

“I’m not some soldier you can just order around to do whatever, and I’m not Jenna
Swenson who’s just gonna suck your—”

“
SKY
. What do you mean your car’s in a ditch?” He was yelling over me, his voice frantic.

“Oh, like you care. I’m guessing you’re only calling me at one
A.M.
for one of two reasons: either you’re as drunk as I am or—”

“You’re
drunk
?”

Now he was really shouting and the whole world was spinning and I had to sit down,
only when I tried to sit down, I ended up falling onto my back, which was hilarious
and kind of painful.

I started laughing and crying at the same time, and I could hear him start his truck
in the background and then there was his voice, his voice I’d been missing so much
for days and days and days, pleading with me, begging me, and
SCREW HIM
.

“Where are you? I’m coming. Where are you?”

“I don’t need your help. You’ve done enough, can’t you see that?
God!
”

“Okay. I know you’re mad, but can you just—”

“If you hadn’t called me, I’d already be at the creek with Dad, I mean not
with
Dad, but—”

“The creek? You’re at the creek?”

“Yes. I mean … no. I don’t know, I’m … It’s none of your business where I am!”

“
You
called
me
! I’m just trying to help. Please—tell me where you are.”

“I don’t know, I’m … it’s a ditch. I can’t describe a fucking ditch, Josh.”

I heard him grunt in frustration, and I hated that my alcohol-poisoned brain thought
that was cute. I could imagine the look on his face, how pissed he was, though why
he suddenly cared I didn’t know.

“Are you hurt? Is anything broken? Are you bleeding? I’m calling 9-1-1—”

“No!” I yelled. “I’m not hurt. I’m pissed. Do you know how much money this is going
to cost me? Why did you have to fucking call me—”

“Sky.
Please
. Just stay where you are. I’m close. Are you on the highway or—”

“Don’t ever call me again.”

I threw the phone at my car, smiling at the satisfying
thunk
of it hitting the roof. I struggled to stand up, then dusted myself off. A wicked
rush of vertigo made me lean over, hands on my knees. I closed my eyes, took a breath,
and managed to stand. Belatedly, I realized it was a very bad idea to throw my phone
into a pitch-black ditch with only my headlights to help me find it.

I looked over the side, surveying the mess I’d made. The car didn’t look banged up
so much as stuck.

“Dammit.”

The tears started again, and I couldn’t stop them, and I wanted my dad and Chris,
and
fuck
, I’d been driving drunk, I could have killed someone, and what had I said to Josh?
I couldn’t remember, just him yelling and me freaking out on him.

“Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God,” I whispered, hugging my arms.

I heard a roar behind me and jumped as Josh’s truck gunned down the dirt road. When
he was about six feet from me, he screeched to a halt and jumped down from his truck—faster
than I’d ever seen him—and literally
ran
over to me.

“You can run?” I asked, dazed and squinting at his bright headlights.

“Tell me what hurts,” he demanded.

His hands roamed over my face and touched the back of my head. It didn’t matter how
drunk I was—everywhere he touched made me shiver. My skin was a traitor.

He looked into my eyes and held up three fingers. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Screw you.”

“Dammit, Sky, come on. How many?”

“Three.”

“Okay,” he said to himself. “Okay, good.”

He gently ran his hands along my arms, his fingers pushing into the bones. “Does this
hurt?”

I shook my head—bad idea. “Whoa,” I said, tilting to the side.

He reached out for me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I remembered the feel
of his bare chest and how he’d shivered a little when I’d undone the buttons of his
shirt. I looked at him now, wearing a faded Marines T-shirt and a pair of basketball
shorts. It looked like he hadn’t shaved in days, and my fingers reached up, without
my permission, to stroke the hair on his cheek. He closed his eyes and swallowed.

“Why did you call me?” I whispered.

His pretty pretty pretty Mitchell eyes opened, then looked away from mine before he
said, “I needed … I mean, I thought—” He stopped and ran his finger over my forehead,
frowning. I winced.

“You’ve got a big bump here,” he said.

“I hit the steering wheel when I went over.”

“We’ve gotta get you to a doctor. You might have a concussion.”

I pushed him off me. “Can’t. I don’t have insurance. I’m fine, it’s just a—”

“I have money. I’ll pay the—”

“
No,
” I said. “I don’t want your money. I don’t want—” I clutched at my stomach and shoved
my other hand over my mouth. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

I limped-ran over to the ditch and slammed to my knees. Josh was right behind me,
and I put out a hand, waving him off.

“Go away, Josh,” I said through clenched teeth. I was getting that feeling in the
back of my throat, and I knew I was seconds away from throwing up all that whiskey.

I felt his fingers in my hair, gathering it up, and I couldn’t wait any longer, couldn’t
yell at him again. I opened my mouth and retched.

It felt like everything I’d ever consumed in my entire life was coming out of my stomach.
I could hear Josh’s murmurs, but I didn’t know what he was saying. I felt like I was
going to die. I couldn’t remember ever having been that sick. When it was over, he
pulled me to my feet and led me over to the truck. His arm was around my shoulders
again, and as he held me to him, I kept stumbling; once I stepped on his fake foot.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, over and over.

“
Shhh
, it’s okay,” he said.

He gave me some Subway napkins, which made me sad because we’d gone there together.
Then he handed me a bottle of water and turned away to call someone while I tried
to clean up.

I was leaning against his truck, my eyes closed, when I heard him walk up to me.

“Blake’s gonna come out with the tow truck and get the car. I’ll take you to Marge
and then come back and help him, okay?”

I opened my eyes. “Why’d you call me?” I said again.

He hadn’t answered the first time. I didn’t know whether it was the alcohol or if
I had finally given up lying to myself, but seeing him, being near enough to smell
his Old Spice—I loved him. I didn’t want to. Had to stop. But I loved him.

“Doesn’t matter,” he said. He reached past me and opened the door. “Let’s get you
home.”

He picked me up before I could protest, and I grasped at his shoulders, the world
spinning wildly.
Please don’t let me throw up on him. Please, God, please.

“I’ve got you,” he said. “Don’t worry.”

I’ve got you.

For a second we were cheek to cheek, and I thought of dancing at Leo’s and lying in
the bed of his truck and how he’d kissed me by the creek.

“Josh,” I whispered.

I had to tell him we were like a collage. Pieces that could be put back together in
a new way, a better way. If I didn’t say it now, I never would.

“Yeah?” His voice was low, rough.

Then I blacked out.

JOSH

Hannah called me. Your Hannah. Said she got my number from one of the guys in the
unit. She started crying right away and it made me think of how you said she always
cried whenever you guys talked on Skype. And how you’d spend half the time trying
to convince her you weren’t going to die. You were everything,
everything
to someone, so why the fuck am I still here? Don’t even know why I wanted to check
around the corner of that fucking hut—did I hear a noise or was I bored? Maybe I wanted
to take a piss, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t fucking know. And your Hannah.
She wanted to know. All of it. Details. And I cried too and she was telling me, telling
ME, it was okay and that you loved me and she was so happy we were together when it
happened because she said she couldn’t have handled the thought of you being alone
or with some of the guys that got under your skin. And when I told her … when I told
her how you’d gotten her a ring she just fucking lost it. Said your mom had seen it
in … in the stuff the Marines gave her. Your personal effects. And it was so hard,
man, it was so hard but I told her your plan and how you were gonna ask her and she
got really quiet and it was like, it felt like you were there. In that moment. Were
you? Three weeks. Three goddamn weeks and you would have been able to put that ring
on her finger. I hung up with Hannah and I didn’t even think, just started dialing
Sky’s number. I needed to hear her voice because everything was getting dark in me
and she’s the only light I’ve found since all this shit happened. I just thought,
if she would answer, if she would answer, maybe I could, I don’t know, just tell her
in the right way why I was so messed up. But me calling nearly got her killed and
it’s like God’s saying,
Stay the fuck away from her, Josh.
And I have this, all this stuff inside me—what happened and now Hannah’s voice and
the dreams and how I hurt Skylar so bad she got drunk and I can’t do it anymore. I
can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I—