Illumine (12 page)

bed but I could stil see a peek of the crimson quilted comforter

she would wash every morning to have it clean before bed. The

brass vanity in the corner probably stil held bottles of perfume far

past their dates. Even the bookcase had been covered to protect

each volume she had bound in some of the most expensive leather

she could afford pre-children.

I walked over to her closet and opened the shutters,

I walked over to her closet and opened the shutters,

spotting colections of boxes upon boxes of shoes, photos, her

personal journals and more. I kept my eyes peeled until I spotted it

in the far top right just a hairsbreadth away. A smal ornate music

box filed with everything she had for me. I gave a short little leap

and latched onto the box, faling to the ground with it pressed

tightly to my chest. Mission completed.

Sitting down on the spotless white rug beside her bed I ran

my fingers over the lid of my prize. Jewels of varying sizes

decorated the top of the box and created a shimmering effect

under the thin bars of sunlight that arched through the curtains.

Inside was the same stuff from the last time I'd seen it- a birth

certificate, two smal newborn socks, and one letter folded in half.

Taking the parchment from the box and tucking it safely in my

pocket, I had al I needed for my trip to see Mommy-dearest for

the first time in twelve years.

I took one step through the back door to the house and

stopped dead. Snow stood as high as my hips, maybe even higher.

Typicaly I'd turn around and lock myself inside until it turned to

July but first there was something I had to see for myself.

Flexing my fingers experimentaly I relaxed and let the fire

course through my veins, rushing to my fingertips in seconds.

Pointing directly at the snow I watched a single jet of fire slice right

through it, steam rising.

Excelent.

Hovering my palms just over the snow I let the fire race off

of my skin and melt a perfect path straight to my car. Then for

good measure I cleaned up the rest of the driveway. Driving down

good measure I cleaned up the rest of the driveway. Driving down

and turning onto the highway I kept the folded piece of paper

tightly pressed against my chest.

The two hour drive led me into Portland, the biggest city

within several hours. While it wasn't any New York City it stil had

everything I could expect it to have, like Starbucks and mals and

cramped apartments. I gazed at them pensively, replaying the night

of Chase's betrayal and death with a holow feeling in my chest.

Portland's sanitarium looked nothing like the kind I had

seen in movies for years. A lush and neatly kept landscape roled

around the smal property, the building made of brick instead of

pure white waling. I folowed the signs and parked in one of their

smal side lots to go inside.

Inside it smeled like someone had washed the wals head

to toe in sanitizer, definitely how I had imagined it. The main white

halway past the reception desk seemed to stretch on forever,

doors on either side opening in curiosity to see the stranger walking

in their territory.

I took a seat towards the window in the visiting hal. Smal

tables held scattered checkers and chess pieces and even a few

potted plants sat on the windowsils, desperate for sunlight. The far

wal with no windows held a colage of paintings done by the

patients, al in watercolors. I had started to stand up and see if I

could pick out which one my mother could have done when the

doors across from me opened and a figure shuffled inside.

At first glance she looked nothing like the mother who used

to spend her nights searching the house, desperate to beat the devil

to spend her nights searching the house, desperate to beat the devil

out of her own child. She looked frail and brittle, her skin stretched

thin over her jutting bones. Deep circles creased under her eyes

and blemishes rippled across her skin. But her eyes stil held the

same crisp stare to them as they had al those years ago.

"You won't find anything of mine on their wals," she spoke

in clipped tones and glanced over at the wal. "They find mine too

vulgar
. Might upset the other loonies, you see."

"Good to see you too Mother," I sighed and took my seat

again. She sat two seats away, arms crossed reflexively across her

chest. Almost every picture of my childhood she had her arms in

that pose, but then I never understood why.

She gave me a once-over, her eyes narrowing to slits.

"Good to see the demon has stil kept you alive. Then again, I

doubt you'd do him much good dead."

"No demon is keeping me alive," I bit my cheek to keep

my tone reigned in. The heat in my arms raced up and down, ready

for any sign of uncontrolable emotion. "Or maybe there is, I don't

know. But you're going to explain this to me first." I puled the

letter from my coat pocket and pushed it down the table.

Her eyes locked onto the paper like it was a bug ready to

be squished. "You went into my personal belongings?"

"Don't play vulnerable now, Mother. It doesn't suit you," I

snapped. "I want you to read that and tel me just who the hel is

Michael."

She lifted her head to stare at me with a gaze strong

enough to pierce through my heart. "Michael," she breathed. "Is a

worthless, ungrateful, disgusting boil of a man." A shaking breath

worthless, ungrateful, disgusting boil of a man." A shaking breath

escaped her lips as I watched the stare melt into sorrow. Her bony

arms wrapped around her frame as tight as they would go as she

fought to keep herself together. "And I loved him dearly."

"Jayson said our father's name was Harry."

"Harry." Now it was her turn to sigh. "Harry was a loyal

man and he loved his son very much. But he never loved you.

You're the permanent proof that I fel in love with a fool who left

me once his task was complete."

I shook my head and tried to add two and two together. "I

don't understand. So Michael is my father but he left you knowing

you had a baby on the way?"

"Your father," she said with a hysterical laugh. "Let me tel

you about your father. Imagine you're in the middle of a crisis and

no one can help you. No one but this beautiful man who just

happens to lure you home and tel you that together we could have

an eternity of love and happiness. That was Michael.

"He said he was here for a mission, which I chalked up to

the local church, sily me. I should have put it al together when a

month passed and he stil hadn't left. But I didn't want to think of

that. For the first time in almost two years a man had told me he

loved me, that he had wanted me. You wouldn't know what that's

like, to have your husband not want to touch you but some

handsome mystery man who wil.

"After two months of never-ending passion I found out I

was pregnant. I knew right from the beginning it wasn't Harry's. So

I told Michael, thinking it would promote him to ask my hand, take

Jayson and I and make a perfect family. Instead he sat me down,

Jayson and I and make a perfect family. Instead he sat me down,

promised me to always love the child inside of me, and left."

I sat there, stunned. What did you say to something like

that? What could you say knowing that you were the product of a

failed marriage, a broken home? I tried to swalow and found my

throat raw and dry like I'd screamed for hours on end.

"Come on," I heard her say, my head immediately snapping

up to see her spiteful stare back in place as if she were wiling me

to wither away. "Did you realy think anything different before you

came here with that paper?"

My head shook mechanicaly. "I didn't...not like this. He

left you, Mom, who does that?"

"An angel creating his army." She said it so simply, the rol

of her shoulders practicaly sending me into a violent rage. "He said

one day he'd be back for you, back for us. I first thought it meant

after your birth. But time passed and before I knew it five years

had come and gone and stil my lovely angel never came back. The

only good that ever came from your birth was that you were an

afternoon baby. Everything else has only been of loss and

heartache and betrayal of your father."

"Good to know I was such a burden. Did he say anything

else?" I pressed past her childish jibes.

She started to shake her head but stopped. "Oh, yes, he

did." Her hands reached up around her neck and fumbled for

something just under her turtleneck. A long silver chain with a

delicate wire wrapped white glass heart was pushed across the

table towards me. Her lips curled into a catty sneer as she spoke.

table towards me. Her lips curled into a catty sneer as she spoke.

"He said when you'd see me to give this to you. It was the only

thing your father left me that was pure."

I nodded a numb thanks to her and rose from my seat,

clutching the pendant in my hand. Without looking up I said,

"Guess you were right after al. I guess I realy am monster." She

stayed silent as I brushed past her and left but it wasn't until I was

somewhere on the highway that I could shake off the feeling that

she had been staring at me with a malicious gleefulness. Maybe she

was finaly happy to know I had accepted my own fate.

E L E V E N

"You're not putting in enough effort. Come on, Essalie,

you can do better than this."

I stood in front of Kayden, panting as if I had run the

longest marathon of my life at ful speed. Not even two days had

passed since I had ventured out to see my Mother that Kayden

had started harping on me about controling my abilities. We stood

outside in my backyard amidst snow-soaked branches, the barren

clay earth beneath my feet a welcoming reminder that life wasn't

always filed with the frozen white stuff.

"So what? I don't need to prove anything to you," I

wheezed out between gasps for air. My lungs burned as a sharp

acidic taste lapped against the back of my throat. Roling down

onto the ground I winced and yanked up my sleeves to see fresh

new bruises forming just as the old ones were starting to die off.

Kayden had said it was because I wasn't using my gift more

effectively, or as he put it, 'on a constant basis.' I had told him

some days I just didn't feel like setting things on fire and wondering

if I was going to accidentaly reduce my brother to ashes.

I saw his faint shadow on the ground shake it's head while

he muttered something low in a language I didn't understand. "I'm

trying to help you and this is the thanks I get? Someone's not

getting their World's Favorite Nephilim coffee cup this year."

"You wouldn't know help if it bit you in the-" I stopped and

let out a frustrated sigh. "Nevermind. I'm not in the mood for your

let out a frustrated sigh. "Nevermind. I'm not in the mood for your

games today, Kayden."

He stood a few feet away, running his hand through his hair

with a bored expression. "Ah, yes, because preparing for the

eventual is a game. Sily me. Let's try a new game. How about

Monopoly?"

I kicked at the dirt and walked past him towards the

house. "Screw your Monopoly."

"What's the matter? Didn't have a good time with Mommy

the other day?"

I knew it was a ruse specificaly meant to set me off. I

shouldn't have reacted, but something within me snapped and

ripped at the seams to welcome every venomous thought front and

center. A raw scream escaped my throat before I realized it, red

coloring everything before me. Something inside of me whispered

in a wild tone and I responded without thought, my arms snaking

out to release two streams of fire that wrapped around Kayden

and sealed him in a constricting grasp. Closing my hands into fists

the bands wrapped tighter, his clothes and skin burning wherever

the fire touched.

Hands locked I brought them to a cross over my chest, the

bands of flame carrying Kayden's dragging frame to stand in front

of me. "Who are you," I spat out, "to say anything to me? You only

want me to figure this out so you can kil me and move on in your

existence as a slimy little leech roaming the plains."

Kayden didn't struggle against the fire; if anything he was

grinning, enjoying my display of unbridled power. "You don't

understand, you haven't been around as long as I have." A new coil