Illusions Complete Series (96 page)

Ryan looked at me, and took my hands. “Things are going to change now. We need to figure out our future. It’s not just finding a new home, but I also need to figure out if I want to continue on at the bank or quit there and spend my time establishing a foundation.” Then he paused. “And Nick. I don’t really know what’s going to happen with that. I haven’t had the chance to really talk to him since that night.”

“Yes,” I said. “Nick. He hasn’t been on my mind, either, lately. For obvious reasons.”

I found myself thinking about how our lives would be changing from then on. We would soon be living in a different house, and Nick would no longer be a part of our everyday lives. I had mixed emotions about that, to be perfectly honest. On the one hand, it would be a relief to get some distance from Nick. Ryan and I needed that distance, because Ryan and I had to move forward with our lives together. We had a child to raise, and a future to figure out. And, as much fun as the other night was, it couldn’t happen again. I knew that, and I really didn’t want it.

I also wondered if Ryan would feel emotional devastation again. After all, even though Benjamin wasn’t the best father in the world (what an understatement!), he was still Ryan’s father. And they had made their peace with one another in Rhode Island. Ryan forgave him, and even kind of understood him and found a way to love his father again.

But he seemed very serene about everything. “I don’t have any regrets,” he said. “And, as much as I found that I had loved him towards the end, this was something that I was prepared for. My father was lucky to have the extra year or so that he got. I thought for sure he was a goner when I went to see him at his Newport home. But he recovered and was able to have some more time. So, that was a gift for him.”

He paused some. “I guess what I’m saying is that I did my grieving about this already. And I’m going to be okay. As long as you and Dalilah are with me, I’m going to be okay.”

Nick was another story.

“I’m sorry, Iris. I thought that I could get you out of my system. But it didn’t seem to work. I’m more in love with you than ever,” he said, when we finally got a chance to talk to him alone.

Oh, boy.
“Nick, you’re going to be okay,” I said. “These past few weeks have been intense, but, soon, Ryan and I aren’t going to be here every day, and you can get on with your life. Maybe this was all a sign that you’re supposed to look past the superficial and find the woman inside. I mean, I’m not a supermodel by any stretch of the imagination. Yet, you had feelings for me. That means that maybe you can look for somebody who isn’t as beautiful, but is nice, and will love you for your wonderful qualities.”

“Don’t kid yourself. You
are
beautiful,” he said. “I didn’t think that at first, but I completely think that now. Your beauty is in your strength and your vulnerability. It’s in your complete guilelessness. It’s in your loyalty and devotion. It’s in everything about you.”

Ryan was actually in the room with us while all this was going on. “I really don’t know what to say,” he said. “This is like the first time that you haven’t lost interest in a woman that you had slept with. My luck, the first woman is my wife.”

So I guessed that there might continue to be some kind of strain on Ryan and Nick’s friendship, and my friendship with Nick as well. But that seemed to be a small problem, considering that my future with Ryan was appearing to be smooth sailing from there on out. There wasn’t any kind of threats on the horizon. Andrew was dead. Rochelle was still out there, which sucked, but I somehow didn’t think that she would continue to be a problem. I had recovered from my traumas, and Ryan seemed to be on the mend for his emotional issues as well. Dalilah was going to be a handful, I knew, but I knew that she had the potential to be amazing. Ryan and I had to look for ways to nurture her talents and intelligence so that she would end up reaching the potential that she was given at her birth. If Ryan and I could only have some uninterrupted time where we could just move forward, we would be unstoppable.

Absolutely unstoppable.

So, Ryan and I made plans for our new home, and made plans for our future. I didn’t know what the future would hold at that time. I only knew that, for the first time, there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

I could breathe for the first time in I don’t know how long.

There was one thing that I learned, really learned, in my relationship with Ryan. And that was that I no longer thought that people had it made, while others struggled. I realized that everybody struggled with the same types of issues. Alexis struggled with mental illness and loneliness. Maggie did as well. Nick also struggled with loneliness, and he also had the added pressure of being extraordinarily handsome and rich, which, ironically, lured the exactly wrong type of woman into his life. Ryan struggled with his demons and his past. Natalie struggled with insecurities. I did as well. It was remarkable how much we were all the same, and I felt, perhaps for the first time, that I really did belong in Ryan’s world. Yes, I wasn’t as beautiful as them, nor as rich. But that was all superficial stuff that really doesn’t matter in the end.

In the end, it really only mattered who you were inside. I know that’s a cliché, but things are cliché for a reason – clichés are generally true. I always was under the illusion that beauty and wealth equals a great life, and now I know that’s not true. That doesn’t mean that wealthy and beautiful people can’t have a great life, though. It just means that it’s not guaranteed.

So, even though Ryan and I were catapulted into the pantheon of the super-rich in one fell swoop, I hoped that nothing would really change. I hoped that I wouldn’t change, and I prayed that Ryan wouldn’t change either. And I really hoped that Dalilah wouldn’t grow up spoiled and bratty. I hoped that we could just find happiness, the same as people around the world find it – through their relationships, friendships, family and work. There no longer was the illusion that simply being wealthy would mean that we would be happy. We had to make our own happiness, whether we had $13 billion dollars in the bank, or $13 in the bank.

I suddenly realized that it was the end of illusions.

Epilogue

Iris

Five Years Later

“Hey, Sammy, how’re you doing?” I said. “I was wondering where you are with our suppliers?” There was a shipment of vaccines that were due any day now, and there were 100 dogs that were in desperate need of them.

“They should be in tomorrow around 5 PM,” Sammy said. “I know how important it is that we get those in as soon as possible, so I put a rush order on them.”

“Thanks,” I said. There was so much to do. Running an animal sanctuary was hard work, much harder than I ever could have imagined. It was stressful and heart-breaking. It was also the most rewarding thing that I had ever done in my life. Bar none. It was a beautiful thing to have the money to really fund something like this properly. You could get so much done with the right cash flow, I was finding.

We had started out, five years ago, small. Ryan and I got all the necessary permits to open up an animal shelter that took in dogs and cats. Neither of us had much experience in this sort of thing. I mean, I did pit bull rescues when Ryan and I had met, and continued to do this, periodically, for years. But that was my extent of knowing about how to run an animal shelter. Ryan had no experience at all in that sort of thing. So, there was a steep learning curve, I was finding. But it helped that we had the money to hire the best talent there was. We were able to find an executive director with 30 years experience. Our fund-raisers were second to none. Our veterinarians were also top-notch. Most importantly, we were able to find people who had on- the-ground experience running a shelter.

And our dogs and cats were in the lap of luxury. No cement pens and small cages for them. With help from a socialization expert, we were able to group animals in large rooms that were outfitted with toys, blankets and cushions. These dogs had each other, and that was important. Dogs are pack animals, and we acknowledged that. We also were able to give each of these dogs love and exercise – we did it, we found volunteers to do this, and were also able to hire quite a few full-time employees who were dedicated to giving the dogs the proper care and love that they deserved.

After about a year of running the shelter full-time, we decided to branch out into a sanctuary that would take in all kinds of different animals. We bought several acres of land, and we took in everything from llamas and goats to horses and cows. We also took in wild animals. Whenever there was a case of horses that were neglected and starving, we were one of the first people who were contacted. If there was an injured deer, she was brought to us. If there was a pit bull ring that was busted, the dogs were brought to us. We were busy making sure that as many animals as possible were rehabilitated and either returned to the wild or given a loving home. Some just became full-time residents, for whatever reason – perhaps they were too old for most people, or perhaps they were in need of socialization.

And, as promised by Ryan, all those years ago, Polly the horse came to live at our sanctuary full-time. She was just as beautiful as ever, and she seemed to remember me. Ryan bought himself a horse as well, and Dalilah got her own pony. Horseback riding became something that we enjoyed doing as a family, and we tried to go out on trails at least once a week.

Life was wonderful. We were running the sanctuary full-time, and Ryan decided that there was a need to branch out. After all, there were animals all over the world that were neglected and abused, and they needed our help. We had the money to make a difference. Not many people could say that. So, Ryan developed an international foundation that was dedicated to helping animals around the world. Part of the foundation was devoted to lobbying efforts on behalf of factory farm animals. This part of the foundation was dedicated to trying to influence legislation that affected animals. Part of the foundation was dedicated to research that would alleviate the pressures that farmers had, so that there would be a possibility that food could be raised in a much more ethical manner, while still affording a profit to the farmers who raised the food. Part of the foundation was simply supplying grant funding to organizations that were geared towards helping animals. And part of the foundation was focused upon pushing for international treaties that would require that animals have more protections in other countries. And another part of the foundation was strictly PR. That part of the foundation was focused upon getting the word out about the plight of research animals, factory farm livestock and the like.

Of course, our lives were not completely focused around animals. It was just a passion that we were able to develop, because we had a never-ending spigot of money that would help us really make a difference in the world.

And, of course, we had to walk the walk, so we became vegans and gave up any kind of animal products around the home. That was challenging at first, but I found a great vegan chef who was able to teach us how to get proper nutrition and make everything taste great. I learned from her enough that I became a pretty good vegan cook myself, so myself, Ryan and Dalilah always had delicious and nutritious food on the table.

But our passions were not just for our animals – all of our animals – but also for each other. I was right five years ago – Ryan and I had gone through fire. Through some of the worst things that could possibly happen to anybody. And it didn’t break us, although I often thought, while I was in the thick of it, that it would. Actually, looking back, I realized that all of our trials strengthened us. We knew that we could get through the worst things that life could throw at us, come what may. Because of this, little problems that cropped up were just that – little problems. We had our everyday quarrels and disagreements, then would realize that if everything that happened to us didn’t break us, nothing would.

And it also helped us, because it made us realize that life was so very fleeting. Ryan almost died, and so did I. If the bullet had landed a millimeter to the left or the right, then he probably wouldn’t be here. And, if he was here, he would be permanently in a wheelchair. But he was alive and he was perfectly healthy, so he was eternally grateful, and so was I. But, because we were faced with the ephemeral nature of life, we knew that we had to savor every single moment with each other, because we knew, probably more than most people, that every moment with each other could be our last.

So, we savored every moment with each other. Our passion for each other never dimmed even one iota. We had been together for over seven years at this point, and we loved each other more today than we did yesterday, and would love each other even more tomorrow. It was kind of crazy that we were able to find one another and stay together despite the odds, but we were both so glad that we did.

And Dalilah was living up to her potential so far. She took after her father – she was just under six years old, and she already had read several books that were at a college level. She wasn’t quite reading Proust, but she was reading Dickens and even Tolstoy. Even so, some of her favorite books were
Harry Potter
and
Twilight.
And her artwork was amazingly sophisticated. She really was a prodigy in that area. Her work had a sophistication well beyond her years. Ryan was able to teach her the art fundamentals and techniques, and she took to them like a Golden Retriever to lake water. She had studied some of the genres, and was able to come with a fusion that was distinctively hers. A little bit cubism, a little bit impressionism, and a lot surrealism. I couldn’t believe my eyes when she created her little masterpieces. A future Van Gogh, I thought.

And she was just as strong-willed as I thought she would be. There was no telling her what to do. She had a mind of her own, and she had her own thoughts. I found myself wishing that she was just a normal child – learning to read, making friends in school, having sleepovers and generally being a kid. Dalilah didn’t have too much trouble fitting in at school, though. She was in a very exclusive private school that was extremely rigorous, so she was stimulated as much as possible. The teachers had suggested that she skip some grades, but Dalilah refused to even consider it.