I'm Not Dead... Yet! (56 page)

You mean there’s—fake time...?

Time…

We were falling in love with Massachusetts—and it didn’t hurt that ‘the best man at our wedding’ was now also a realtor. The life of being a Broadway conductor, pianist and chamber musician is a really tough one. I think Dan realized he wanted to try another life and found his adventure on Cape Cod. He is a brilliant, exceptionally gifted musician; a remarkable pianist. Aside from his moral fiber, Dan’s Juilliard-trained musicianship is mesmerizing; he can write computer software; and he is a real estate agent who cares about the lives of the renters and buyers. He… tries!

Karla and I asked Dan and his terrific partner Julia MacLeod Ruffino if it were possible to look at some houses. The very first house we found was a perfect fit for our family. We couldn’t believe it. We would be downsizing, but it was so lovely and homey. And best of all for me: Karla liked it and she would have the proverbial and literal ‘roof over her head.’ I could keep my promise while still a mortal being.

We get old(er):

The inevitable:
Age.
Father Time. Err, Mother Time. He/She catches up with all of us, eventually. That sounds like a generalization, but we are the only species on the planet (that we know of) to understand and contemplate our own death. This could be a very profound chapter, but I’d like to stay on the comic side of the ‘waiting line.’ I am now in my late 50’s and for me, this is the timeline where I need my contact lenses to find my glasses. And I need my contact lenses with my glasses to find my drugstore reading glasses. For me, multi-tasking successfully means showering and peeing at the same time. To shower and brush my teeth is an accomplishment. Not because I can do both—because I remembered to bring the toothpaste. I think this is the time in life where many of us (especially me) should have a blinking sign on our foreheads that reads: “EXPECT DELAYS.”

I’m very appreciative of road signs that I can identify with, like “BLIND DRIVE AHEAD.”

‘Oh, how nice..

There are others out here driving who are just like me.’

Being a product of Hollywood, I am proud to age gracefully, and I like my wrinkles and gray hair. But there are a few things that are truly frustrating. When I began to buy anything with the words: Prep (or) ration (or) H—without embarrassment—I realized I had hit a new plateau in my life. One day in the check-out line, as we were discussing which best over-the-counter medicine we should buy for acid-reflux, a very nice elderly man asked me for my autograph. His daughter wasn’t sure which film she knew me from but her daughter knew me from
Beauty and the Beast
and told me where to get the hemorrhoid cream. Great. All demographics in his family now know…
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